DIRECTOR'S CUT: Movie Couple Therapy: THE NOTEBOOK
Added 2022-10-31 16:30:02 +0000 UTCJust because there's chemistry and someone's pretty, does that make it love? NO!
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright talk about a couple that would have desperately needed therapy to make their relationship last in the way it seems to in this movie... Noah and Allie in the Notebook! Seriously, how did they go from fighting all the time, and being so manipulative and awful, to a sweet, loving old couple? It very much feels like the stories of two separate couples -- and not just because the old couple isn't played by Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. Jonathan talks about the difference between love and attraction and the horribly problematic aspects of their relationship, Alan talks about some of his problems and questions with the filmmaking (why are there sooooo many geese??), but they both agree that the leads have great chemistry.
Comments
The one thing I will say as someone who grew up seeing a very unhealthy power dynamic between a husband and a wife being modeled (Like a husband could be super critical of his wife and daughters but if the wife were to say something to him she was insanely disrespectful) the idea of you tell me when I'm being an SOB and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass is actually a quote I've used. Or the concept anyway lol! Still not a fan of the movie though
Kate Larson
2024-11-29 17:49:54 +0000 UTCPLOT TWIST! Duke is a completely different person that we don't see her meeting at all because it happens between movies lol
Hannah
2024-01-24 20:21:31 +0000 UTCI just wanted to say that Gandalf at the end is so pure and innocent
shruikan165
2023-06-29 18:00:43 +0000 UTCOh no!
Cinema Therapy
2023-05-06 01:52:47 +0000 UTCI can attest to the fact that geese REALLY ARE THE WORST! (Insert childhood trauma from being attacked by a goose as a toddler because my dad thought that they would make great pets.)
KimberKimbo
2023-05-05 17:52:35 +0000 UTCYou know, my abusive highschool boyfriend was like "you know we should have kids young," and I'm like "Uh! No! Actually there's so much I want to do with my life before that even becomes a variable in the equation!!" And he tries to push back with "oh come on kids don't get in the way that much, and besides, having kids later in life can be a big risk and I won't let you take that risk!!" And I was like 😳. "Uhh! Well sorry dude but you have absolutely no say over what I do with my body, and I'm going to college soooo....!!" (And it turned out moving out of state for college away from him was the best thing I ever could have done and actually gave me the courage and perspective to end things with him after he did more cruel nasty things to me, and I've been all the better for not ending up with that guy!!") So literally GO FOR THE HEALTHY GUY THAT DOESN'T FIGHT YOU ON EVERYTHING, DOESN'T THREATEN SUICIDE, IS SECURE ENOUGH TO LET YOU PURSUE YOUR INTERESTS EVEN IF THAT MEANS HAVING SPACE AND TIME APART!!! Or you know, if your guy is abusive and fights you on your decisions, maybe just leave him and have time to figure yourself out! Sometimes no one at all is far better than the S.S. Toxicity! Your worth it! And I'm grateful I had enough sense to not make permanent life decisions that would have shackled with a hot mess toxic abuser for the rest of my life. And before I had time to learn and grow and figures myself out! Phew! Dodged a bullet there!
Kellie Bridges
2023-04-25 20:37:04 +0000 UTCPoor Gandalf lol at the end
ReneParfait
2023-04-18 20:19:40 +0000 UTCYou're so welcome!
Cinema Therapy
2023-01-13 14:40:03 +0000 UTCThe geese part in this episode messed me up. I was dying laughing. Thank you both so much. I needed that laughter in my life. ❤️
Hannah Rose 🥀
2023-01-13 00:55:36 +0000 UTCLol. You're welcome.
Cinema Therapy
2023-01-04 15:29:41 +0000 UTCI just came to the comments to announce that for the foreseeable future I will refer to The Horizontal Mambo as "Testing The Foundations". Thank you.
Sara Brannon
2023-01-03 18:30:16 +0000 UTCI loved this movie when it first came out, then I worked in a dementia unit and learned what a healthy relationship was. Thank you for reacting to this movie to validate my feelings for this now. The part where they died together, very disappointed that you missed that. Even though I do not like this movie anymore, I'll still cry to that.
Holly✌️
2022-11-07 21:20:48 +0000 UTCYES!! PERFECT CHRISTMAS MOVIE! IM SO EXCITED NOW!
Emira Brightleaf
2022-11-02 19:27:56 +0000 UTCOh, have we got some good news for you... In about 6 weeks.
Alan Seawright
2022-11-02 18:44:48 +0000 UTCFair point. The implication is strong though.
Alan Seawright
2022-11-02 18:44:06 +0000 UTCI think Noah mainly refused because he knew that giving up the opportunity to go to school was the wrong choice for her, but also because he didn't want to leave the only home he'd ever known and his only surviving parent. This is completely understandable, but it also makes it so that - for me - the line "your mother is my home now" just doesn't really land as much. Perhaps it's meant to show some of the growth he's experienced (either as a result of losing her when they were teenagers or something else in the fifty years of marriage they had together), but it feels a bit inconsistent - unless you interpret it as part of his obsession with her and refusal to let go of loved ones until he absolutely has to, such as happened with his father.
Catherine Ginn
2022-11-02 18:02:17 +0000 UTCNever watched it, heard so many good things about it, still didn't feel drawn to it, and now I can finally feel at ease for not doing it because damn, if I had watched this when I was like 12, my life would have been tragic. Dealing with a lot of self issues and stuff, seeing pretty people having a hard time on screen sure doesn't help me much with my confidence and insecurities like? If Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams had problems despite being oh so charming and incredible, then why would I even try anyway?
Angus Walsh
2022-11-02 11:25:41 +0000 UTCOkay, so I just had to jump on the patreon just for this video. I've never liked the Notebook, and it makes me feel so much better to know why it always made me so uncomfortable. I just wanted to let you both know: if you want a good RomCom that's strong with relationships and a cinema masterpiece, please watch The Holiday, with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet. It will heal every wrong Twilight ever did to you guys!
Emira Brightleaf
2022-11-02 06:38:00 +0000 UTCI never watched or read this and I don’t plan to. Even before watching this episode I didn’t want to and now I can say why I was never drawn to it.
Angelina
2022-11-02 01:33:09 +0000 UTCSaying "You're bored" is not the same as saying "He's boring".
E Noonan
2022-11-01 23:27:00 +0000 UTCOof, I always wondered why people liked this movie. I could never stomach it but the acting always made it "worth" it, even if the lines were meh. One warm(?) thing I would like to add, my grandma had Alzheimers and it was.. not pretty at times. However, when her memory really started to go, my dad would find a joke that she laughed at, and whenever she would begin drift, he'd tell her again. Then, she'd forget and he'd do it again, over and over and over and she'd laugh every single time. I just thought that was so pure. It's tragic, yes, but you can *always* find moments of joy, even if you have to make them. But yeah, screw this movie. Love you guys as always!!!
Tif
2022-11-01 22:13:31 +0000 UTCNow now, we all know the greatest love story ever written is the Princess Bride
B
2022-11-01 19:24:17 +0000 UTCI fast forward through the young Allie/Noah scenes and only watch the ones when they are older- that's a full story/movie I'd loved to see. And while not the norm- I did see with my grandfather and my father-in-law those brief windows that this movie depicts- my grandfather with myself when he called me by an old nickname after not knowing who I was for over a year, and my father-in-law recognizing his wife after 6 months of never knowing her, and a year of doubting that she really was his wife.
Deb Kunkel
2022-11-01 18:23:14 +0000 UTCI think Alan and I have something in common; he feels for geese the same way I feel towards ostriches, they're evil murder birds.
Teah Durst
2022-11-01 16:01:05 +0000 UTCI remember going to see this movie in theaters with a bunch of girlfriends and by the end all of them were like weeping. Openly sobbing at how sad/beautiful the movie was. And I'm just sitting in this row of crying women like.... "I don't get it..." 😂 Thank you for making me feel better about not crying at this movie. 👏
Panko213
2022-11-01 15:41:23 +0000 UTC“They have poverty in New York.” Man, I spilled my popcorn! You guys are awesome 🤩
Morgan Briarwood
2022-11-01 07:46:57 +0000 UTCAhh. That whole thing of "I can be whatever you want me to be" desperately trying to sell yourself to someone is so relatable, and was exactly me from ages 16 through 20. I'm in my 30s now and I appreciate you guys pointing out that this happens to many teenagers. My biggest priority, biggest goal above everything else was to be in a relationship, and I just thought that once I found "the one", I would then get to know myself and develop interests/a personality 🙄 It really did not occur to me that I was trying to do things out of order and that I was screwing myself. I focused all of my time, hobbies/learning new things solely around what the guy was interested in, so that he would "see" that we were compatible (and see how engaged I was in the things he liked). I would go entire 2-3 month relationships without ever being asked about my favorite movies or music, but I memorized those things about him like they were gospel. It's insane what a teenage girl will do just to feel loved sometimes 😬 Also, the part at the beginning about the character saying he'll become whatever Allie wants and she won't be able to resist him is super reminiscent of imprinting in Twilight.
Julia & Daisy
2022-11-01 06:40:17 +0000 UTC(Wait. Have you never been pursued by someone who thinks if they can just get you into bed with them, you'll love them for ever and ever?) Gosling's character's was just one giant walking self-esteem disaster. If instead you directed the whole movie centered on a man with low self-esteem (with her character's story on the periphery instead of the other way around), it might have held together better: suicidal young man, young man whose identity isn't well formed, young man who puts up with a psycho gf.... young man who thinks all he can offer is his body, and finally the young man who gets his heart broken and is left alone. It might read as a tragedy, not a romance. --- RomCom-wise: What about that Richard Dreyfus / Marcia Mason movie? Neil Simon? Was it "Goodbye Girl"? My recollection was that the characters legitimately developed. Oh! And Cinderella Man, now that was a GREAT movie!! Loved that! Have you already done it? It might be nice to show what a healthy romance through crisis looks like?
Jessica Margolin
2022-11-01 03:20:39 +0000 UTCSo sorry about your dad. It's such a difficult thing to go through with a family member.
Cinema Therapy
2022-11-01 03:05:05 +0000 UTCA goose, probably.
Cinema Therapy
2022-11-01 03:02:43 +0000 UTCagreed!
Jessica Margolin
2022-11-01 03:02:21 +0000 UTCFrom what I remember, it's not as bad as this one. But it's been quite a few years...
Cinema Therapy
2022-11-01 03:02:14 +0000 UTCAlan, I'm so sorry about your grandparents. My dad died from Alzheimer's dementia and both my parents lived in the same facility that had a "Memory Care" side and an Assisted Living side, so the unimpaired spouse could see their life partner daily, even hang out together for a bit. My sister was the full-time "assisting child", whereas I was the "lives 3000 miles away" child, so maybe this is just my childish fantasy, but my father didn't seem to "forget" us until after he stopped speaking. It was like his brain didn't know who we were, but he didn't treat us, even me, like people he didn't know and love for quite a while. After he died and I came for the funeral, my mom took me to the Memory Care side to show me where my dad had lived. Or she tried. She was trembling as soon as we got through the door, and was shaking like a leaf by the time I stopped her. I told her it would be just a room to me, who he "was" had separated from his physicality a long time ago. Again, you have my sincere condolences. ((HUGS))
Deb
2022-10-31 23:07:28 +0000 UTCTHANK YOU FOR SAYING BOINK! I say it all the time! I get weird looks from some people when I say it 😂😂😂 This is amazing, though. I never understood the hype about The Notebook, nor Twilight. I don't think I've ever watched The Notebook all the way through? Also...was there even a Notebook in the movie? I haven't finished the video so I'm sure I'll find out but 😂
Mollie Justin
2022-10-31 20:32:21 +0000 UTCGandalf sensing conflict, favorite moment of any episode so far.
Anya
2022-10-31 20:09:49 +0000 UTCNot Gandalf coming in for the rescue in the end 🥺💜
Lara
2022-10-31 19:42:46 +0000 UTCWatching Alan & Jono tear into this movie was the best way to start Halloween How these movies were ever acclaimed and popular to begin with should be scary and this relationship is kind of a horror in of itself
Matt
2022-10-31 19:14:49 +0000 UTCI never knew I needed to see Alan losing his absolute mind over geese in my life until now! Who hurt you Alan? 😂😂😂
Fell Hawke
2022-10-31 18:42:01 +0000 UTCI used to read Nicolas Sparks’ books back in the day but it’s been over a decade since I’ve read one or watched one of the movies. I liked “A Walk to Remember” but I did like the book more than the movie. I don’t remember it that well so I can’t tell you if the relationship was toxic. I don’t think it was as bad as this one.
Lindlee Bullock
2022-10-31 17:45:03 +0000 UTCI watched this movie for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I finished it, and then commented to my mom that I don't get why everyone goes on about how romantic this movie is. I was rooting for the other guy over Ryan Gosling the whole time. 🤣
Tiana Horsey-Daydreamer
2022-10-31 16:39:24 +0000 UTC
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