Therapy Deep Dive: Breaking Bad Habits
Added 2024-06-12 15:00:03 +0000 UTCLicensed therapist Jonathan Decker does a deep dive on how to break bad habits and evaluate how they affect ourselves and others. He explains the social, emotional, and psychological triggers that lead to bad habits and how to break out of that cycle.
Movie: Rope a Dope [short film]
Resources: Freedom From Smoking course (American Lung Association); Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg
Comments
I have been smoking since I was 18. I have tried to quit several times but that "last" cigarette was Always the sweetest, most tasty one and I Had To go get another pack. Then I tried to focus on how my body felt after a night of smoking and it was terrible. Every time I would I smoke, I would talk to myself about the nasty taste and the way my lungs felt, convincing myself that it was all terrible, but I still smoke. I tried forcing myself to take a break, which partially helped. I got to where I could not smoke for a month or more, but when I would finally feel like "Now I know I can quit", man oh man, was that "last" cigarette good. Eventually, I gave up trying to quit and just accepted that I will Always be a smoker. However, I kept taking breaks and those breaks kept getting longer. My last quarter of a cigarette was probably around 5 years ago now. My last puff of one was maybe a few months ago. They taste absolutely terrible and even just a puff makes me feel terrible physically and, for the most part, I stay away from them, as even the smell kind of grosses me out now. I am still a smoker and I am only taking a very, very, very long break. This is what I tell myself because I "know" the "last" cigarette will bring me back in. 😜 Edit: also, very oddly, I quit drinking because I had a dream, where I went into a convenience store, grabbed a pack of pencils, a notebook, some cookie dough, and a 6 pack. The cashier scanned the pencils and notebook and the cookie dough. Then he grabbed the 6 pack, looked me in the eyes, and as he started putting it behind the counter, he said "This no longer serves you!" Then I woke up. Now I can only drink about half a beer before it starts to taste absolutely terrible. It doesn't matter what it is and any kind of liquor is pretty much out of the question. That was about ....3-5 years ago. Anyone have thoughts on that? Still kinda trips me out.
Sirius Lee
2024-08-06 19:45:30 +0000 UTCI love the idea of making the change so small it is hard to not do that action. I have clients that want to increase their activity and we agree on walking, but sometimes that is too hard so our goal is to put on walking shoes. They don’t have to go for a walk, just put on the shoes. They can turn around and take the shoes off, but putting the shoes on is success. Sure enough, if they get the shoes on, they often go for at least a short walk. :)
Stacey Kirkpatrick
2024-07-14 03:20:21 +0000 UTCI love this video so much! I was in my group therapy course and it was devastating to hear everyone be so critical of themselves when it came to habit building/shifting. I apologized for refusing to say words like “bad” at the beginning, but it seemed like my refusal to attribute value judgments on survival mechanisms rubbed off on a few people over the course of the program so I’m not really sorry lol. A couple of years ago I went through a diagnosis shift and decided to try a more compassionate approach to building habits and routines, because constantly shaming myself wasn’t working and never would. I call the process of adding on a baby habit to an established one “daisy chaining”. I don’t know why but it makes it feel a lot less intimidating to me. I started with putting my contacts in, and next month I defend my dissertation proposal thanks to my new routine! Baby steps… really do work sometimes 😊
Jimmy Danielle
2024-06-29 17:28:24 +0000 UTCI'm glad to know that the decision I made in my early 20s was sound; I grew up with alcoholic parents and had been embarrassed in public too many times to count as a result of their addictions. I made a choice that I would NOT use a substance for stress relief; I would only partake in alcohol when I could make a fully conscious choice about it. It's probably why I haven't followed in their path - that along with the disdain I had for their lack of control of their actions and how they felt non-adult to me. I do carry a bit of shame when I've been similarly "out of control," and I'll have to reconcile that and forgive myself, but overall I think it's been a good life hack for me and I'll teach my kids a healthier version of it where hopefully they won't pick up the shame. I think my inner adult is a little too developed sometimes and my goal is to have my kids be balanced.
Angie
2024-06-17 17:21:01 +0000 UTCGonna try to finish reading a book. Always starting, never finishing. Only ever completed one book and it was, “The Life of Pi”. It took me an embarrassing long time but I did it but haven’t done it again since then. Thanks for the advice. I’m gonna start small.
Paradigm Dad
2024-06-14 15:06:25 +0000 UTCLoved this TDD ❤ I am working on creating some new good habits to assist with some life style changes I need to make as I age so it's an "old dog, new tricks" situation and the timing for this video is spot on! Thank you 😊
Wendy Darling
2024-06-13 15:30:15 +0000 UTCI am trying to exercise regularly, and 2 things are helping: - not going to the gym, but exercising at home (started during pandemics and it turned out to be very comfortable) - focusing on consistent repeating, not results and numbers. If I skip some days, I do not blame myself now, I just try to get back on track. Small repeated changes make larger difference, than we use to think
Olga Makarova
2024-06-12 20:41:39 +0000 UTCI like the 'Atomic habits' book, and the author also talks about how we overestimate the willpower and underestimate the environment.
Olga Makarova
2024-06-12 20:39:13 +0000 UTCYou got this!
Cinema Therapy
2024-06-12 16:18:01 +0000 UTC1. I'm impressed that you made it through this entire video without making a Linkin Park reference. It was the first thing that popped into my mind when I saw the title of this video. 2. As someone who used to be an alcoholic and severely addicted to caffeine, it's so true that stopping something makes you stop and look around. It was so hard to stop drinking alcohol, especially as someone who had a bunch of friends in the military. Drinking was the common thing to do at any event, sometimes even at work (but we don't talk about that). Coffee was something that I had since I was 13, and then continued to drink until I was literally carrying my own French press around at work, then going home and drinking multiple Nespresso shots at home. What made me finally stop drinking alcohol was when I had finished two bottles of wine to myself. That in itself wasn't an uncommon occurrence. However, I was talking to someone whom I was attracted to via Discord, and I remember waking up the next morning feeling so embarrassed for showing this person just how truly depressed I was. I hopped on Discord the next morning, extremely hungover, expecting him to blow me off. He didn't. That was the last time I drank. On a funnier note, the same person joked with me that I was only a morning person because of the coffee I always drank. I told him repeatedly that wasn't the case, but he didn't believe me. On a dare, I stopped drinking coffee. The withdrawals were rough for the first week, yes. After that, though, he noticed that I was even more chipper and annoying in the morning. I told him the coffee was actually hindering my natural morning personhood. We've been married for six years now 😊. I haven't gone back to either vice, but there have been times when I've been tempted. Adding a religious layer on top has helped, but not as much as some may think. It's mostly just me remembering how much I loathed the person I was on those substances that have kept me away from it all. Addictive personalities run in my family, so I also have to be extremely cautious and try to keep my addictions to a "healthy" or self-serving level. Thanks for making this video, and I apologize for the, admittedly abridged, essay 😅. I have lots of thoughts on this topic.
SaucyJTD
2024-06-12 15:28:23 +0000 UTCI love the pearl habit idea. Thank you for the tip. I struggle going to see my dad because he's a very negative person. He's getting up there in age and has been helping me the best he can. I just struggle to spend time with him because I know I'm going to leave feeling defeated. I'm going to start treating myself to something every time I go to see him
Holly✌️
2024-06-12 15:27:49 +0000 UTCI needed this. I've had personal issues I've wanted to work on. Losing weight at the fore front and this just reaffirmed in my head that I can do it. Thank you so much
zachary slatton
2024-06-12 15:15:42 +0000 UTCI was anticipating clips with Bryan Cranston, but the clips you shared instead were awesome, definitely going to look that up!
Lauren Frey
2024-06-12 15:10:49 +0000 UTC
