Thoughts on chapters 56 and 57?
Added 2024-09-29 17:42:33 +0000 UTCSPOILERS AHEAD!
If you haven't read these chapters yet, (tuhli, Masters,) then please skip this post. (It's easier for me to leave this accessible to all tiers than to edit it later.)
Now then, Vincent finally came face to face with the villain. I've been building up to it throughout the whole book.
But I'm not quite pleased with how it turned out. I don't know if it's the initial dialogue Vincent has with it or whether the encounter is too brief. I just went back and polished up the first few exchanges to make them feel more natural.
I think the biggest challenge I'm facing is that I don't exactly know how Vincent would react to such an entity. He's there for answers, but he's also terrified and in shock. So, he flusters and his line of questioning is unnatural. (I just tweaked and rearranged a few lines to improve this.)
I'm also struggling with the entity's dialogue. It feels too familiar. And the answers it gives, I'm worried readers won't find them satisfying. There's a lot of lore behind this villain, but I don't want to reveal it yet, so I kept it rather ambiguous, it's motives, what it is, etc. Yet there's something missing from its interactions. I don't know what.
I'd be very curious to hear your thoughts, because sometimes a reader's perspective is invaluable to me. I'll know there's a problem with something, but it won't be until I get an outside voice telling me what. Then it will click. So if you have any thoughts on these chapters, feel free to share them! I'm wondering if you're on the same page as me.
Comments
Very good feedback. So I did update the chapter to improve the flow in the beginning. I haven't touched the final confrontation yet, but I will take a loo at it. I will also be very curious to hear your thoughts after you read the last two chapters.
Abraham Carson
2024-09-30 00:22:11 +0000 UTCSo the fight at the end of chapter 57 felt too short. I remember thinking that almost immediately upon reading it the last 2-3 paragraphs I mentally thought "wait hold up". I ended up having to reread and chew on them a little bit to figure out how it looked in my mind. Given that part of the fight is where Vincent feels a shift, it's important enough to be edited for length to give us more time to feel this shift with him. Even it is only moments in the story. Overall, the revealing that happen in the conversation was great; totally workable to build a path that only our hero can lead us down. As for Vincent's reactions often we don't get to react to emotions the way we wish we could. So it gives you time for him to reflect in later chapters and make choices. Especially for a flaw as heavy as childhood trauma. Overall I think this marks an important point for Vincent. Much of the story has been him going along with his "illness". I think this is the first time he has chosen to accept this new reality and act on it without suggestion. This I believe is the proper "point of no return" of the story, as the world he lives in is no longer the one he can ignore. They will hate him, love him, praise him, and terrify them. My only sadness is that the conclusion of this villain will mean the immediate release of all the tension that the story was building without a continuation to these bigger evils. We don't know why they are "evil" yet, only that our villain admires them, and Vincent has been trapped by one. I have enjoyed the story immensely.
AnAbsoluteVillain
2024-09-29 23:35:22 +0000 UTCYeah I hit enter to early by accident.
SilverBoy
2024-09-29 19:08:38 +0000 UTCI'm not sure if your comment got cut short or not. But to have the villain get irritated by him would feel out of character.
Abraham Carson
2024-09-29 19:00:59 +0000 UTCMaybe have Vincent interrupt some of the villain's dialogue. Make the villain feel a little annoyed by his bitching. Maybe give Vincent more reason to care about their world since I don't think our world (Earth) is at stake.
SilverBoy
2024-09-29 18:56:26 +0000 UTC
