TM003 - Do you want to do "that" with Rissa ?
Added 2025-02-25 15:00:30 +0000 UTCToday is the 25th of Feb so as promised I have some content for you to enjoy while waiting for the update of the proper set.
To be honest, this is my first impression when looking at her new outfit.. her forehead lol This thing took a whole day to finish but since it's a part of monthly service so I will try my best. But I really should make it less clean and more sketchy. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it.
For the progress of Calli's set. I have already finished sketching and I am doing line work for her. It will require me another 3-4 days to finish the color work so please be patient until then.
By the way, I will ask for another day to upload all my previous work to the patreon shop. If the notification annoyed you, please pardon me.
There are quite a lot of packs, so I will need another day to upload everything.
See you in the next few days. I am back to my work !
- Hanada Yanochi
Comments
Just finished uploading them.. Now I can rest a bit and prepare for tomorrow's work. Please don't mind and just write whatever you think. I will read it all. Analysing is one of the subjects back in college so I am used to it haha.
花田やのち - Yanochi Hanada
2025-02-26 16:59:37 +0000 UTCHappy to help! It reminds me of class too haha, I honestly enjoyed it so I didn't mind the time I put in but I don't want to make it too long and cumbersome either so I'll keep that in mind, especially for the longer pieces that have much more dialogue. I personally remember how to do things better if I understand "why" so I will try to include at least some sort of short explanation when I can. The best feeling with chores is when they're done! It'll be satisfying to see everything up in one place again.
Toastywafflz
2025-02-26 07:40:19 +0000 UTCThank you, I bet you will like this one haha.
花田やのち - Yanochi Hanada
2025-02-26 00:54:29 +0000 UTCThank you for taking time to write this much to explain it to me. I already fixed it. This reminds me back to the day when I was in school that I always missed perfect scores just because of those minor flaws in my test like this haha. One time I even got an average score in the test although I did everything right. It's just because I didn't put a dot in every answer lol It's so memorable. Anyway, since I asked you to do a grammar check, I really appreciate it. Next time you could make it shorter so that It won't take you too much time. I am uploading all past rewards now. I will be back to work when all these chores are done.
花田やのち - Yanochi Hanada
2025-02-26 00:53:58 +0000 UTCBeautiful! You continue to render super expressive faces, and I love the focus on the face for both the art and the dialogue in this piece. The forehead is indeed Ina approved. Nerissa herself looks gorgeous. I really like the little details like the shadows, the definition of her collar bone, and all the wrinkles and creases on her top. Speaking of her top, I want to unbutton it and do "that". Maybe she'll forgive us? :P Regarding the dialogue itself: mechanically very good! The only things I would recommend in terms of grammar and such would be: "After 1.5 year" is an interesting case because it's technically plural so you'd want to write "After 1.5 years" but if you write it out you'd probably say "After a year and a half" because then you've split it into a single year and a single half year. For the line "Do you want to try 'that' to test how rich the expressions I have?" I would add the word "are" to the end, otherwise it feels unfinished. "Do you want to try 'that' to test how rich the expressions I have are?" Alternatively, you could rewrite it like "Do you want to try 'that' to test how rich my new expressions are?" which I think is slightly smoother but gets you the same result. I'm thinking about the reason why you need another word after "have" here, but not when you write something like "Want to see the things I have?" or "This all I have", and I think it's because of the word how. If you wrote "Do you want to try 'that' to test the expressions I have" then it would be fine on its own, but the phrase "how rich" needs the "are" at the end because how is describing the expression itself. An easy way to remember it is to write it as a statement, as if you're answering her: "Your expressions are very rich". If you wanted to describe not the expressions themselves, but their impact on other things, you could write "Do you want to try 'that' to test how the expressions I have make you feel?" Just to give an example of a slightly different usage of the word "how" that doesn't need "are". It's kinda weird to think about but I think the more you write it out the more you get a feel for it. I think the way most people understand and use language tends to be intuitive so I have to really think about it to even try to explain why one thing is right or feels better compared to another thing. Also fun fact if you're quoting something that has quotes in it then you'll use a single quote inside the double quotes, you might already know that but I'm just pointing that out in case you read the last paragraph and wonder about your own quotation marks, you used them completely correctly. I think "that" is great. And if I quote myself, "I think 'that' is great." For contractions (Don't for do not) and possessives (Ina's forehead) you need an apostrophe ('). For possessives, pretty much always before the s and for contractions it kinda depends, like can't (can not) has it at the end but y'know (you know?) has it at the beginning. But more usually towards the end. That's it for like grammar type stuff, and it's mostly minor stuff, overall it reads really well and error free. As for the dialogue itself, I love it. I love how flirty and seductive Rissa sounds in the first panel and when her expression changes I can hear how annoyed she is in the second one. It's a cute scenario and it makes me smile, and I think you're good at making dialogue that feels conversational. Like in the other Rissa piece from the last set, she was super cheeky with Liz and you could feel the differences in personality and mood/temperament between the two. She really makes you want to tease her more here! You don't need to worry, your notifications never annoy me haha. It'll be nice to have everything up on the Patreon shop so just take whatever time you need with that, it sounds like a tedious task. Super excited for the Calli set! You've got this. Thanks as always for your hard work! Also, I don't know how the notifications work when I post comments, so if you get like a double notification or something, sorry about that, I hit enter too early before I finished typing everything LOL.
Toastywafflz
2025-02-25 19:18:23 +0000 UTCLooks great! Very cute and humorous. Very excited about that Calli set! Can't wait to see it. Have fun and stay safe!
Ultra
2025-02-25 17:27:53 +0000 UTC
