RE: Trailer Trash Part 1: Cleaning Up and Clearing Out
Added 2018-08-13 21:50:05 +0000 UTC“You’re kidding me,” Ms. Tabitha Mo
Comments
Hmm... Looking over this again, the montage-ing is even better than I remember. Decompression might be nice, but it's hardly necessary. That said, I still think it's the parkour that breaks suspension of disbelief, but some more foreshadowing ought to fix that. Contemporary sources wouldn't really be a viable way to learn that sort of thing, they just didn't exist back then- but show her as at least a moderate aficionado of parkour videos on FutureTube, throw in a short scene of her trying and failing (possibly scraping herself up) on something like the tree-kick, show her trying again and succeeding, and then the finish scene with her casually excelling feels like a culmination of effort rather than a surprise superpower.
Zhilbar
2018-09-07 18:26:47 +0000 UTCWell, it also may frustrate readers who are more interested in reading about overpowered main characters going back in time to make big waves.
FortySixtyFour
2018-08-31 12:22:58 +0000 UTCI honestly really like this, kind of reminds me of a few Webnovels here the same things happen, except they usually end up in some virtual reality based world. So for me this is a really refreshing kind of take on the same theme, but one thing that I truly enjoy is that she doesn’t have any kind of crazy skills from the future that make her some unbeatable character. Sure she was a yellow belt but it’s not like she’s a master, and she’s never actually been in a fight before. Even her family circumstances aren’t going to help her and in fact hold her back. I hope you try writing more for this, because I think it’s going to be great.
Lucas Fonseca
2018-08-27 14:16:47 +0000 UTC
