Renfaire Fantasy: Harem Life pt 4

/// I've been hesitant to post this one since I feel like I'm gonna get backlash, but readers—let me cook.

    Stephanie burst into tears again for the second time that day, hurrying over to sit heavily on the bed of her dorm room. She wiped her eyes and felt mucus from her nose smear but the sobs just kept on coming, until all she could do was fold over herself and cry and cry and cry.

    Partway through testing out the linen undertunic she was sewing together for the upcoming Renfaire… Stephanie discovered that they did not fit. The measurements were wrong. No, the dimensions of the tunic were correct, it was Stephanie’s measurements that were wrong.

    She had gained a lot of weight.

    Stress eating and binging food throughout the day somehow crept up on her before she even properly realized what was happening. Acknowledged the problem was easy; she missed everyone terribly. Loneliness hollowed her out until she found herself going through the days on campus completely numb, and Stephanie didn’t realize she was attempting to fill the void with overeating until it was too late. Perhaps six or so pounds put on in the first month right after AnimeCon, though just that much hadn’t been too noticeable back then when Brian had woken up and they’d taken that trip to Tionetta.

    But, now a month after that she was a little over twenty pounds heavier than she had been back during AnimeCon, and it was apparent. Pants that had just been pinching before no longer fit at all, she couldn’t button them closed. She felt pudgy and different, she was finally realizing her face looked different in the mirror, fuller. Stephanie wasn’t too tall and had possessed a slender, petite figure not too long ago, so a twenty-pound difference somehow sneaking up on her felt like a disastrous change.

    The blazing bonfire of confidence within her had dwindled down to a pathetic little pink smolder.

    I know Brian loves me! Stephanie told herself again and again. They all do. I know that. But… but what if this is TOO MUCH? What if he looks at me and is just… DISAPPOINTED? I’m not as attractive as I was. Can the magic thing fix this? I’m just… absolutely MORTIFIED at the idea that they’re going to see me, and immediately notice how different I look. Terrified that their attraction will just… start to subside. Or that they’ll judge me, think I’m just a—I don’t even know what they might think. I know they’ll still love me, I know they’re not shallow or superficial or anything, just—just, I hate this, I HATE IT, I HATE IT!

    What was worse was that she knew how easy it was for this to happen.

    This had already happened before, after all—her first time back home visiting from college, her mother had noticed her putting on ‘the freshman fifteen.’ So, Stephanie had worked her ass off, cutting out snacking and sugars and starting to bicycle everywhere. The results had been pretty good, and by the time her and Megan went to AnimeCon, her brief body issues had been more or less put to rest.

    But then—then I fell in love, Stephanie sniffled. And I, I miss them all, SO MUCH. I… I haven’t even stepped foot on those bicycle pedals since I bought the Yamazaki. I… and I haven’t been careful about what I eat, AT ALL. I keep falling back into the attitude that it’s okay! That, because I’m feeling so down and miserable and miss everyone so much, that I can treat myself just a little bit today, and then diet tomorrow. Except, that tomorrow diet never comes! I just snack and snack and snack and my habits have gotten worse and worse—and now I look like… THIS!

    Stephanie gave into despair for another few sobs, then took a deep breath, wiped her face, and forced herself to stand up in front of her dorm room mirror again.

    Maybe I’m, um, maybe I’m overthinking it! Stephanie tried to tell herself. It’s maybe not as bad as it looks. Like, okay it’s bad, but maybe it’s not THE END OF THE WORLD.

    She turned to one side and then pulled up her shirt, examining the profile of her figure in the reflection.

    Stephanie’s face immediately fell, and she couldn’t stop herself from tearing up again—she was a little fat. The tiny bit of tummy she used to have now looked more like a bit too much pale belly. She could suck it in, a bit—but, she couldn’t suck it in forever, and it would inevitably have to drop back out again in a way her lovers would surely not find flattered her look at all. Turning a bit and glaring at her image in the mirror with wet eyes, Stephanie confirmed that quite a bit of the weight had settled in her butt and her thighs—they weren’t shapely in the way that they used to be, and Stephanie didn’t like the new shape they were in at all.

    UgGgghh!! Stephanie threw her shirt hem back down over herself and stomped a foot. She imagined that doing so made parts of her jiggle, and that did not help things at all.

    Stephanie was altogether terrified of Brian and the others discovering that she’d let herself go. She was already ashamed of the inch of blonde that had crept back into her roots—the pink starting to go away felt like a loss of purity, somehow. Like she had betrayed them, in more than just the sense of simply trying out practicing magic when she wasn’t supposed to.

    Seeing herself made her feel despondent, feeling so down gave her pangs and cravings, and the binge-eating made her gain weight which made her feel worse! Acknowledging and understanding the vicious cycle she was caught up in didn’t help her escape it. Prior to AnimeCon, Stephanie hadn’t put enough thought into her looks to worry much, and somehow back then just hopping on the bike all the time had been easy. Crippling social anxiety had been leveraged into a strange sort of focus, whereas now loneliness and depression sapped the strength of will to stick with a diet or start exercising again right out of her.

    I feel like, I feel like I can do it, once I’m back with them! Stephanie felt herself start to get worked up all over again. But—okay yes, I can accomplish anything once I’m back with them, but for that to happen THEY’LL STILL SEE HOW FAT I’VE GOTTEN in the meantime!

    “H-how,” Stephanie sniffed again as she regarded her image in the mirror in disbelief. “How did this happen?!”

    As if in response her dorm room door thumped and shuddered with a series of banging knocks. Stephanie flinched back in surprise, and then came to her senses and hurried to find her comfy pajama pants and pull them on. The door shook again as someone’s fist persisted, and with one last tug and then flipping her shirt hem back down over her pajamas, Stephanie rushed forward and swung the door open.

    “Whew, thank God, thought you stepped out for a bit or somethin’,” Megan said, holding up a large pair of paper fast food bags, grease stains darkening the bottom and side in splotches. “I was ‘bout to start piggin’ out on these all by myself. You okay?”

    “Megan…” Stephanie’s face fell. “I’m… I-I’m getting fat.”

    “Oh, please,” Megan scoffed, bustling past Stephanie. “Would you stop it with that?! I just finally was able to get ya to where you’re not just stick figure skin and bones, and now that makes you fat?! Then, what does that make me?!”

    “N-no, I mean—what I mean, is—” Stephanie winced. “Um. It’s just that… that, when I did the measurements, from when I started the undertunic project—”

    “It’s fabric, it probably shrunk,” Megan insisted, dropping the bags upon Stephanie’s desk. “We’re on, what? Where were we? Haru Haru Haruki season three, episode—I forget? Nine? Ten? Your player’ll remember, right?”

    The tantalizing smell of fresh french fries spread up through the air when Megan opened the bag, and the crispy golden stalks all but tumbled out of their cardboard carton, it was so overstuffed.

    “No!” Stephanie covered her eyes. “Megan—I prewashed the fabric. B-before I measured it. It’s the same measurements! Just, ah, just my measurements aren’t the same. I’ve put on too much weight.”

    “Steph you look gorgeous,” Megan assured her. “Look, I didn’t even grab us sodas this time! Since you said they’re all sugar. I did get us extra fries though, ‘cause I’m your bestie, and I mean—can you smell these? They smell amazing.”

    “I—I appreciate that you um, that you were thinking of me!” Stephanie protested. “But, I can’t! I can’t! No more, please—no more fried food, no sugars, no snacking while we watch episodes! Megan I’m fat!”

    “Steph,” Megan gave her a pitying look as she popped a fry into her mouth. “Mm. You look amazing! You’re a cutie pie! Curves are a good thing—my mother would flip out on me if she saw I was letting my bestie start to look all anorexic. she’d be forcing you to come over every meal, sending you off with more in tupperware! Besides, Brian and them? They’re gonna love you havin’ a bit more somethin’ somethin’ to grab onto, you know? A little bit of cushion.”

    “But, but—” Stephanie sniffled. “What if they don’t? What if I don’t?!”

    “I specifically didn’t get sodas this time!” Megan let out a laugh of exasperation. “That’s like, c’mon that’s a great compromise. A sacrifice! I didn’t even get a milkshake or nothin’ either, which was tough, ‘cause the girl in front of me did and it looked so good. We’re doing fine! Guys like girls with a little extra. Anime episodes and junk food—perfect afternoon, I say. What, are we gonna just starve while we watch? Have nothing to nibble on?!”

    “I, I don’t know!” Stephanie sighed. “I just—”

    “If you want, you can just have some fries now, and put the rest in your mini fridge for later,” Megan suggested. “That’s uh, that’s all moderation, and stuff. Right? I mean, they won’t be as good heated up later, though…”

    “Next time, just get food for yourself,” Stephanie pleaded, dropping down onto the edge of the bed. “Please. I, I mean it! I don’t want to gain any more weight.”

    “But, I was gonna do pizza tomorrow,” Megan protested. “You can’t let me eat a whole pizza by myself! You have to help me!”

    “Megan!” Stephanie threw her hands up. “You’re the worst friend!”

    “I am not, I got us extra fries,” Megan said, pushing one of the cartons towards Stephanie. “Steph. You love fries.”

    “I do love fries!” Stephanie groaned, reluctantly taking the order of fries. “Wh-which is why, why you’re the worst!”

    “No, you’re the worst!” Megan teased. “We could be having some fizzy sodas to go with these, but nOoOoOo—! All of the sudden, jus’ a little thirty-two ounce cup of something sweet is the end of the world!”

/// Looking back on my friends, it's hard to say if they were the worst or the best. Probably a little of both? Or damn, maybe I'm just really craving fries. Weight gain might be a touchy one with readers who don't want their petite waifu from the previous books getting a little thicc, but it's a very realistic anxiety to come about from an equally plausible coping mechanism for her in her situation! And thankfully, one that I somewhat set up way, way back in the beginning when I first introduced her character!

Realistically, Steph probably isn't even as chubby as she fears she is, but emotionally this kind of thing is going to hit her like a truck, because she has been stripped away from the magic empathy validation of knowing exactly how the group feels about her. Suddenly, every week that goes by without that starts to feel like a bad haircut week where the hairdresser butchered your bangs, and she's getting too deep into her own head about how everyone might perceive her. Megan absolutely isn't helping. Or, is she? No, probably not.