Something to note - the Road Forward.

Greetings all and salutations.

I want you all to know that I'm doing better. Not well, but better. I have  resisted the urge to record twelve thousand hours of things, stream dozens of hours of things, and in between swear that sleep is an unnecessary luxury. I'm putting things slowly back into balance. I'm slowly putting things back into order. I'm slowly paying off a massive Psychiatric bill because my health insurance provider says that mental health is important and provides literally zero coverage until after I pay 2,500 bucks out of pocket. Glory.

That being said, its not the end of the world and everything is slowly getting better. I don't want to talk about what finally made me break, nor the events leading directly up to it. Stress, zero sleep, and too much time spent cranking a long like a mad machine was unhealthy if productive. Keep in mind, one of the things that kept me so inclined to work at the pace I did was I hated, and still despise many other youtube channels that expect you to pay them a salary and then maybe drop you off a video every other month - and then on top of it stream and take cash there. I think that's crap. I think that's bad practice and I will never do that.

With you guys though, I have to admit, making 4-5 episodes a week of things, your ss13 on friday (sometimes 2-3 episodes between Friday and saturday), your dwarf fortress, your arcanum, and battletech, tex talks battletech, multiple streams, and other games all simultaneously around a 60 hour work-week is a bit . . . . stressful.

That I managed to do it for so long is really indicative that I had a tendency to overwork myself, but also to try to measure up to your guys expectations. Also I had a tendency to hate other creators who would say "Yeah, gimme 50 bucks and . . . . you may get a 5 minute thing every other month". That stuff drives me bonkers, and the fact they get away with it is a sin.

Maintaining positivism here, or trying, I think you guys are good folks who have decided to fund this small channel that has more subs than it has ANY right to. I'm very thankful you've thrown in with the legion despite its flaws, issues, rants, madness, and crazy. You are a more loyal fanbase than any youtuber has ever known. Also, on the average you're a damn lot smarter than most. Hell, most comments on youtube channels are "I love yo u" or "Lol its so funny that omg, xd" . You guys tend to have huge, well-written, well thought out, or well researched comments. Again, humbling.

So: Going forward here's the tentative plan.

I'm going to try to stick to a spaceman a week. I play a lot of spacemans. I love space station 13. These days I play on Goon or /vg/ station, mostly. I haven't been to many others in a long time for various reasons. CM seems a bit long for me, at least the average round requiring me to dedicate an entire afternoon for no particular reward. Not saying there aren't good-times to be had, but its rough going if the round gets boring - which it easily can. /tg/ is /tg/ and I'm not interested in playing there at current. Burned out and badly so for many reasons. Hell, I played there for more than 8 years. Straight.

As for other things, I hope to get you guys an arcanum a month, battletech when I can, dwarf fortress when I can. Again, this is a guess. Not a commitment at this point. I'm not trying to lay out work and say "Here's what I'll do" because thats counter-productive to me getting better. I also intend to pick up streaming a bit because that's easy for me to do. Anyone who says streaming is hard is joking or doesn't know what a real job is. Streaming is just hanging out and playing games, and its games I want to play - not games I'm being paid to play, or games I think are popular. Just shit I like with my fanbase, and again, that depends on my mood. If I do stream it'll probably just be once a week. At most. Again, I have no idea if I want to commit to it. There's a lot in the air at current.

For the  meat and potatoes, Tex Talks Battletech. Yes, this is what I've received the most worry over. People hope I'm okay but they really fuckin' like Tex Talks Battletech. In addition, they're eagerly funding this channel for explicitly that purpose, and to be accountable to them for that purpose I need to be forthright and honest about the production of these.

1. I love battletech

2. I think a lot of 'lore' channels do shit jobs, or just glance over the basics without knowing anything. Reading directly from a wiki shows contempt for an audience that loves something. If I read with text to speech from Hamlet I would not be able to pass myself off as a literary  critic. It's a crap approach, and again, insulting.

3. I love the battletech community. They've been shit on a lot. I've been shit on a lot. Underdogs gotta represent. 

4. Writing, and creative writing for me is therapudic as fuck

5. My editor loves working on this shit.

6. One thing I've learned on youtube is eventually if you do something well, and regularly, someone will come along and steal your schtick. It's happened to me quite a few times. This is media in general. However, that's just shitting on me and I'm used to it. Knowing full well people may shit on battletech, that's too goddamn much. I need to show people why this setting isn't just 'stompy robots'. I need to show them it's goddamn brilliant. I want to show them its true value to the best of my abilities. I want to show them why it's held my interest from my youth to my adulthood and  middle age. I aint doin this for me. I'm doing this for us. 

So, yeah, I intend to make a tex talks battletech a month. Some of the shorter ones, easily I can do 2. Possibly. Maybe. We'll see. 

Remember, you guys and I . . we're in this shit together. Again,  as always, this is a reminder that if you hate this or what I do - please feel free to unsub, stop supporting, and reinvest your money where you please. I will  NOT beg you to fund a damn thing. Capitalism!