Deleted Scenes 1

This is the scrapped extended opening from ‘Caution: D.O.G.’ that I felt encroached on too much religious offense, even if it was a fully fictional take on how Yahweh created the universe and why Naruto - as a character - exists within it.

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(Then: Void)

Nothingness. Darkness. Emptiness. This was the entirety of the Void. Believed to be and consist of an absolute absence of anything. Until He came across it.

“Yep, this spot should do nicely. Got a nice extra lot to the left. Some pretty particles on the right. And the best part? Vishnu can’t claim I ripped him off! Now...how to start?” Four eyes narrowed as a four-fingered hand cupped a...Well, what would eventually be called a chin. The fingers snapped. “Bungo!”

Light and stars exploded into existence. Many galaxies sprung into being, some spiraled, some spackled, a few conjoined and infinite others continued to add new and larger discoveries. Debris and rocks of matter hurtled across space, projected by various cataclysms across the now yet to-be-known universe.

“Alright...Now I just have to pick the perfect–”

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“Shnarks, how did I mess that up?” He wondered, frowning as He watched the end of time approach this version of reality. A world burned as its time and inhabitants came to a close. All because of some uppity little mortals that thought they were gods and could eat the energies He infused all of His Life with. The millennia that He’d spent on the creation and care of one planet, Ibonihs, wasted due to an invasive species’ hubris.

He’d have to give Umashiashikabihikoji a piece of His mind later. That jerk’s pet project was infecting everyone else’s work, and He worked really hard on Ibonihs.

Ugh, this was just the worst. So annoying. And His favorite soul had worked so hard to fix everything! Then that little ungrateful brat of his came along and got infected with that stupid disease...well, at least Kurama survived. Er, kind of.

He checked His satchel of souls – yeah, yeah, it’s not a perfect system yet, He’s working on it; and some other things He thought up in class – and flicked a finger through each multi-pocket. Where was His-? Aha, bungo! The Messiah’s soul schematic was still there. He pulled it out and His four eyes beheld it, the pure golden light, the entity of goodness incarnate, the perfect inheritor for His creations.

“Don’t worry, Messiah. I’m gonna get you and your people a world to figure out the answer to our Final Question.”

Hm, what’s this? There was a bit of sentience still evident in this model. It seemed a little annoyed, too! How delightfully unprecedented!

“Ooh, a True Reincarnation?! On my first Messiah! Ha, suck a fat one, Bor!”

He grinned and admired the feisty little heroic soul in His hand. The grin faltered a bit when the soul jumped. It almost drifted away before He caught it again.

“Easy now, better be careful. Don’t want to lose you to the natural Evil in this place. We, well I really, have to figure out a solution first, then you can take a crack at it.” He chided the soul. He blanched when it bounced again and was hit by a passing comet. He blinked all four eyes, very slowly, and then lost track of the comet.

“Well, glarbgus.”

He was never going to get a passing grade if it got out he lost his Messiah schematic. That was the guaranteed solution-solving soul! Or at least a good chunk of the grade was based on it.

“Okay, okay, I can fix this. I’ll just make another one, yeah. A better Messiah soul! One that’s got part of Me in it..I mean, I’m pretty good at this. I think. I mean, I really just need to point out Lizardland! That’ll get me passing marks for sure!”

He turned on the ball of what might be called a foot and knocked a large meteor out of its gravitational pull around another planet. The meteor tumbled through the air and struck true on the bright blue ball He assigned to the great terrible lizards He’d based off the works of akshf and SJDHUKT. Every creature on the surface of the world, and in a good portion of the oceans, died.

“..Oh ructimus! Please please please please–Relief!” He cried with a smile as He spotted small mammals emerge a few millennia later. He kept watching it as it spun and cycled its star. His four eyes widened.

“I can use this..I can make a new world. But first, I need help watching it so that doesn’t happen again.”

And so, back to work He went, so diligent and focused that He didn’t remember what happened to the first Messiah.

There was also a discovery of wine that Deus had made that played its part in his lapse of memory. And His infamous Old Testament temper. Such a simple and amazing drink, He’d have to make sure His Messiah, His Son, could make it.

Why did He think He heard someone curse him? Hm, must’ve been Umashiashikabihikoji. The false-fart bag he planted in his corner of the workspace must have finally got him.

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