LP:MoM Earworm Number 5

Gotta write ‘em all!

Here’s the obligatory Pokémon blurb…Variant 1

—

“Ughh…” Thalia groaned and blinked. The escape from Count Dumbo had led into yet another jump across time and space. Thankfully, she seemed to have hit the ground without dealing with falling. Also, survived the fall. Bonus.

Downside? Her whole body ached. Everywhere. From her head to her ears to her short stubby tail-hold on, wait a minute.

Her eyes shot open and she started to look over herself. Yep. Four paws instead of hands and feet. Spiky yellow fur. Ears she could just barely see out of the corner of her eye. She ran to the nearby large body of water and peered into it.

A Pokémon stared back at her, alien black eyes started to spark with golden energy.

“Uh-huh. Yeah. I’m killing whoever thinks this is funny.” Thalia decided. She realized that, along with her body, she was missing something important. “Whiskers?!?”

“Please. Just-just five more minutes...” Thalia whipped her head over to the—Ohh, gods no! Her badass boyfriend was not turned into a puppy! A golden furred puppy with a large underbite…

“Whiskers?” Thalia awkwardly stumbled over to him — bipeds should NOT become quadrupeds — and nudged his side.

“Mm, wha?” Whiskers’ eyes blinked open — Thalia was slightly less going to murder whoever was behind this; they seemed to know that she liked her boyfriend’s blue eyes — before they scrunched shut and he opened his mouth to yawn. The squeaky “yeana” that capped the yawn had her staring at him intently.

“…Holy shit, that was the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”

“…Huh. A Jolteon. Neat.” Yeah, sure, of course Whiskers knew what she was. He managed to grow up with a semi-normal childhood. Acts of vigilantism notwithstanding. It was when he tried to stand up that he realized something was wrong.

Do not coo at your boyfriend, so not coo at your boyfriend, DO NOT COO AT YOUR BOYFRIEND! Thalia chanted as he fumbled and failed to get to his feet and growled oh so adorably as his frustration mounted.

“Having fun, Whiskers?” Thalia asked as he failed once more to get up.

“…Thalia?”

“Yeah.”

“…You’re a Pokémon.”

“So are you.”

“What kind?”

“How the fuck should I know? You’re not a pikachu, if that helps.”

“Mm. That would be slightly more tolerable. That’s capable of bipedal walking.” Whiskers grumbled as he shakily straightened his legs up. “Tch, what do I look like?”

“A golden puppy.”

“…I have no idea what that is. A growlithe? Hm, wouldn’t mind fire breath…” Whiskers mused and looked at his legs. “No stripes…not a growlithe then.”

“How do you even-?”

“Tree Girl, who is my uncle?”

Okay, point. A crack of a twig had both of them look up to see a couple of nondescript children looking at them with all sorts of camping gear on their backpacks.

“Whoa! A shiny Poochyena! Quick let’s catch it!”

“…The fluff is a poochyena?” Naruto frowned. He blinked as the rest of the words registered for him. “Wait, wh–Sheez!”

Thalia shot off for the treeline while the kids continued to pelt balls at her boyfriend. Where did they keep getting them from? How were they carrying them? These were things she wondered, but ultimately, once she realized they were ignoring her entirely – a burst of sparks shattered a ball that flew at her face. She glared at the perpetrator and they decided to aim at Whiskers – she decided to sit back and enjoy the show.

—000–

“You dodged those balls like a pro, Whiskers.” Thalia teased from her seat in the treeline when her panting, puppy-ified boyfriend collapsed beside her. He glared sourly up at her.

“Tree Girl, regardless of my feelings for you, I will Bite you.”

—000–

“Okay, I’ve triangulated their energy signatures to somewhere in this quadrant of the multiverse.” Minato explained as he and his group of volunteers/students arrived in another dimension.

“Uh, Mr. Namikaze-?”

“You can just call me Minato, Percy. I don’t mind.”

“…Nope, you’re my mom’s history tutor. It’s all too weird.” The son of Poseidon shook his head. He pointed at something nearby. “I was just wondering, is that real?”

“Hm?” Minato looked at the small group of yellow rodents with red cheeks that were staring at them, ears erect and nose twitching. “Possibly, the genetic differences between our reality and this one—“

“Those are Pikachu.” Annabeth gasped.

“Gesundheit, Annabeth.” Minato nodded at the young blonde intellect he was told to bring along. She was a bright girl and had a very impressive goal set for herself. And most importantly, she had a healthy hunger for knowledge, never hesitating to ask him how things worked. A great conversationalist all around and an ideal student…if only she wasn’t so blatantly fishing for more information on behalf of her mother.

He was wary of gods, especially those of Wisdom.

“No, professor, they’re fictional creatures part of a world famous game series. That’s the mascot.” Annabeth froze and grabbed Percy’s arm. “Percy–?”

“I am not bringing a fire breathing, untrained puppy back to my house, Annabeth. My mom will kill me.”

“But you’d have type advantage!”

“Wise Girl. Fire. Breathing. Untrained. Puppy.”

“What if I train it?!”

“We’re here to find Porcupine Face and Naruto, Wise Girl.”

“So?!”

“C’mon, kids, we can talk about souvenirs later,” Minato said with a chuckle. Ah, young love, no wonder Jiraiya always teased him about Kushina, watching a young couple together was extremely entertaining.

—000–

“Wait, I know that smell. It smells like—Oh no.” Whiskers’ groan turned into a whine. “Tree Girl—“

“Why does your mate call you a Grass type?” The annoyance that was an igglybuff, one of the several ‘baby’ Pokémon that they were sitting for their mothers asked.

“Because he thinks he’s funny.” Thalia deadpanned. “What, Whiskers?”

Before he could answer, several more humans broke through the bushels.

“Ahh! Humons! Scatter!!” The children cried before they fled.

“Coo over the infants later. According to the kunai, Naruto should be right…here…”

At the push of a branch, Thalia stared up at Minato, who stared at her and then looked at the whining form of her boyfriend. She let off some static with her growl and Minato deadpanned.

“Found them.”

“That’s a poochyena, right?” Kelp Head asked.

“…He’s so cute…” Annie cooed.

“I’m Biting her.” Whiskers deadpanned. Thalia snorted.

—000–

“Do we have to change him back?” Annabeth frowned. Naruto growled at her and she held him up to glare at him. “No. Nooo. Bad boy, Naruto. Bad!”

“Please do not try to train our friend, Wise Girl.” Percy deadpanned.

—000–

“Ha-ha! Suck it, losers! I have evolved!” Whiskers cackled as he glared down at his defeated opponents from his larger form.

“Whiskers, I hate to tell you this, but…you’re basically just floofier.” Thalia snorted. He strode over and sat, smirking down at her.

“..and taller.”

“I will shock you.”

“Like that would change anything.” Whiskers huffed before he licked her on the nose and pranced away. Thalia blinked as a nearby bird with pink combed back feathers chuckled.

“Ah, yes. Evolution high.”

—000–

“Have you located my son and Thalia Grace?” Artemis asked through the I.M. Portal.

“Er,” Percy hesitated. “Yes and no.”

“Naruto get back here and let me pet you!” Annabeth shouted as she ran past, chasing the now evolved and floofy Mightyena that was Naruto.

“…I will require an explanation. Where is…Namikaze?”

Percy pursed his lips and looked at a paralyzed man trying feebly to inch away from a vindictive Jolteon.

Nearby was the split remains of several pokeballs they purchased in an effort to ‘protect’ the two.

“Ow! Ow! Stop shocking me, Thalia! I said I was sorry! I was just thinking about your safety!” Minato whimpered.

“Do, uh, do you guys need help with your Pokémon?” A black haired boy with a blue jacket and a Pikachu on his shoulder asked. His companions nearby were dealing with their own squabble.

“No. I do need help corralling my girlfriend and…teacher…Mister Namikaze! Where’s Annabeth?” Percy asked, dreading the answer.

“She asked for some cash and went to get something.” Minato, now somehow tied up and being dragged away by several oddish, mused. Thalia the Jolteon sat atop him, looking far too proud of herself. “I think Naruto is with her, but don’t quote me on that.”

—000–

“See? This isn’t so bad, Naruto.” Annabeth smiled as she ran a brush through the Mightyena’s shiny coat.

“Miiightyena…” Naruto yawned, eyes half lidded and utterly content with his place in life. The sweet scent of the herbs Annabeth threw in his face also helped.

—000–

“Percy Jackson. I will ask you this one time: Where is my son?” Artemis, accompanied by her hunters, glared at the hero of Olympus.

“I want it known that we had no idea he was turned into a Pokémon—“

“A what?” Bianca frowned.

“A fictional animal created in Japan and quite popular around the world and on Olympus.” Artemis explained. She stared at Percy intently. “He is what?”

“Well, both him and Thalia are Pokémon. Thalia’s a Jolteon—“

“Run, Pikachu! She’s too strong!” A ten year old boy ran by with a mouse at his heels. Behind them, a charging two foot tall canid encased in lightning was hot on their tails.

“Thalia Grace, you leave that poor child alone! I will tell Leto about this!” Minato Namikaze shouted as he followed the antics.

“Uh-huh…” Artemis frowned. She shook the oddity off and glared at Percy Jackson. “My son?”

“…Please don’t turn me into a jackalope, but I was bribed to distract you.”

“Elaborate and I will consider your plea.”

“Annabeth drugged him and…apparently his fur is really soft?”

“..What?”

—000–

“Naruto, how do you keep getting into these messes?” Artemis sighed as she scratched her son’s jaw. Naruto somehow gave her a flat stare while also leaning into her affection. She nodded. “I concur. Somehow, this is your uncle's fault. I can feel it in my Ichor.”

—000–

“He was a what?” Apollo asked. He shifted the phone on his shoulder. “A Pisces? Well no wonder it didn’t work for you, Denny. You’re a Taurus. Bad month for romance. Oop, hang on bud. Daddy’s got another call on the line. It’s your aunt, I gotta take this.” A boop of a button and he was on the second call. “Sup, Lil Sis?”

“Why had my son been turned into a Pocket Monster?!”

“…I need context,” Apollo sighed as he rubbed his face and struggled to hold back any reaction that would make his twin want to shoot him. “Like, so much context.”

—000–

“Well, as usual, Apollo was no help whatsoever.” Artemis deadpanned. “All he said was to avoid fighting dojos and he wanted me to keep an eye out for eggs?”

“What does that mean?” Annabeth asked.

“Has anyone seen Thalia and Naruto?” Bianca asked.

“Bianca, were you not watching them?” Artemis blinked. “And why are you carrying that…What is that?”

“He’s a Houndour! Look at his paw pads!” Bianca gushed as she got some happy licks from the Dark/Fire Type before she blushed and looked away. “I’m sorry Lady Artemis, I was but mortal once, only slightly less now. I shall endeavor to be better.”

“Indeed. I take it that the other girls are also seeking companions?”

“Phoebe wanted to find a flock of Sparrow for some reason. Something about making a boy rethink his life choices…”

—000–

Elsewhere… Our heroes Ash and Pikachu had shivers of dread go down their spines.

—000–

“Right, but where’s—“

“Eeeeooooonnnn!” Lightning crashed down on a cluster of bushes nearby.

“Ten bucks says they’re that way.” Percy muttered.

“No bet, Seaweed Brain.” Annabeth snorted. The group sought the area out and found the two slumped together, Naruto curled around Thalia and Thalia curled around…

“Oh no.” Annabeth blanched.

“An egg.”

“They had poke sex!”

“Percy!”

—

“I’m not going to do that.” Minato deadpanned. He looked from Artemis to Thalia and back. “You try and take the egg from her.”

Thalia growled, as lightning danced up and down her many spiky bunches of fur.

“…Perhaps we shall let it be.” Artemis wasn’t afraid, she just didn’t feel keen on being electrocuted. Plus this wasn’t her world and the god that granted her permission to be here was stern on rules.

Side note, Arceus was a lovely conversationalist and while very laid back, Xe wasn’t above putting Xis hoof down.

“Figured you’d say that.”

—

“It’s not going anywhere, Tree Girl. It’s an egg.”

“My egg.”

“Thalia—“ Whiskers side and settled beside her. He nuzzled her head and she leaned into it, all while still keeping her egg between her forelegs.

“Technically, it’s OUR egg.”

Thalia almost growled, before the connotations hit her and she grinned.

“Told you those reports on doggy style weren’t blown out of proportion.”

“…You ruined it. You ruined it with your libido.”

“You love it.” Thalia teased. Whiskers huffed and looked away, his ears betrayed him.