Preg-Not part 42

“Maksim…” she exhaled.

His fingers dipped into her thighs as his forehead remained against her knee. His lips said nothing, and she couldn’t see his eyes, but his hold demanded that she stayed.

Even when a tear fell from her chin and into his hair, he didn’t shift.

She touched his shoulders and squeezed. “It’s for the best. I won’t…” she looked around the room. “I won’t survive here.”

How could she, when the reminder of what she lost was on this city, on this home, on the face of this man?

Maksim released her and rose to sit beside her. Next thing she knew, she was on his lap and getting crushed by his embrace.

“Do you remember the ribbon?” he whispered.

“What?”

“You told me I could ask for anything.”

She tipped her head back to meet his eyes and blinked hard to clear her vision.

The ribbon… the promise. Would he use it to ask her to stay?

“I remember.”

Maksim unwrapped an arm he had around her and pulled his sleeve up to reveal a pink ribbon tied right below his watch.

She hadn’t realized that he still wore it.

He untied it and protected it in his fist.

“Will you…”

Her heart rate sped up.

“Will you kiss me one last time?”

His eyes were sad, but they had been that way for a long time now. His brow was furrowed, and crowning those brown eyes that weren’t dark enough to hide that sadness.

For the last time. 

She leaned in to connect their foreheads, and covered his hand. Although she knew that a kiss would stamp the ending of what they had, although it hurt, she would keep her promise.

“Yes.”

Maksim kissed her before she finished breathing the word. He surged in– tongue and all, and tried to memorize her. This was no chaste kiss. It was passionate and angry, as if he wanted to both love and punish her.

He branded her a murderer and a lover all at once.

They pulled back with a gasp, and Raelynn realized that she was dangling in the air as he sat on the edge of the bed and held her.

Slowly, he pulled her, so she was sitting upright.

They stared at each other as they tried to catch their breath. It amazed them both how hot their flame still burned, even after so much guilt, regrets, and darkness.

Raelynn looked down when she felt him grasp her wrist. She watched him tie the pink ribbon around her wrist.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he rasped, moving her palm to his raging heart. “I love you.”

She dug her fingers into his chest, feeling his pulse.

“I– I lov–”

“Don’t,” he interjected. “Don’t say it, or I’ll never let you go. I’m trying to do the good thing here.” He tossed his head back to stare at the ceiling. “Damn it.”

With a deep exhale, he said, “I got so caught up in my pride that I forgot who you are. I should have never lost sight of your light. You deserve to be happy. If that is not with me…”

His accent was getting thicker as his emotions went haywire. “If that is not with me, then so be it. I made you suffer long enough. I’m sorry, Raelynn. I should have been more. I should have been bigger than this.”

“I’m sorry too,” she whispered. “I’m sorry that I let my assumptions and fears eat away at me. I stole months with the babies from you. We… we will never have them back, but you would have had those memories. I’m sorry.”

She could only wonder how things would have been if everything worked out. She would cherish the daydream.

“Where?” he asked.

Where are you going? What place on the map should I stare at as I fight the temptation to go after you? 

She knew that's what he was asking, because she would be thinking the same.

“Back to Arizona. Back to my roots.”

His arms tightened around her, as if he was silently arguing that he was strong enough to hold her sturdy forever.

“When?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” he rasped. “That is too soon.”

She wanted to agree, but staying for longer would only make things harder.

He searched her eyes with desperation. “Will I ever see you again?”

She had no idea.

Minutes passed before he helped her off his lap and onto the edge of the bed.

“I have to go.”

Afraid that she hurt him more, she asked, “Did I say something wrong?”

“No. I just need to go before I change my mind. I’m teetering on an edge.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, but he decided against it. The door clicked shut behind him, and she was finally alone.

This time, she was truly alone.

– • –

Daniel– well, Demyan, had texted her many times through the past three months. He apologized for the deception and begged her to talk to him, but she wasn’t ready.

She felt used by him.

In the bathroom, she rinsed her face. It was a foolish effort, because fresh tears replaced them.

She was a sniffling mess as packed a bag and wondered why it seemed like every friend ended up walking out in some way. Was she really that horrible? Was losing everyone, including her babies, a divine punishment?

Her bag didn’t contain much. It only had an envelope with copies of her sonograms, a poorly glued together piggy bank, and a few change of clothes.

She slid the suitcase under her bed and tried to get some rest. As usual, it didn’t come.

– • –

The next morning, she got out of bed and had breakfast with Maksim in the living room. Sharing a meal was rare between them, so she wasn’t surprised when he stared at the side of her face.

When she was done eating, he reached for his computer.

“I want to send you some funds.”

“No, thank you. I have some savings from working at the company, and you already covered my debt.” She shook her head. “I’ll be fine.”

She couldn’t believe they were having this conversation, and based on the grip Maksim had on his laptop, neither could he.

She looked forward. A huge television the length of the wall was in front of them, but it was off.

“I have to know that you’re taken care of.”

She looked back at him. “Thank you for being this way.” An exhausted, shy smile crossed her face. “I’ll be okay.”

He gritted his jaw, clearly distressed by her choice, but stopped pushing the matter. His hand reached for her, but he reluctantly dropped it on his knee.

“I should get going,” she said, rising with her plate in her hands.

Maksim stood as well.

“Is this really the end?”

She stared at the beautiful, dangerous man that changed her life forever.

“The end.”

…

I THINK THE FUCK NOT. We still have some jealousy, fights, cute babies, revenge, hot sex, and character development to go through!!!!

The First Flame gets updated tomorrow!