Rider King part 10

“And the test?” Dramon asks and runs a hand down his exhausted face.

“It was negative. The change in water must have upset my stomach.”

He looks at me blankly, and I’m left wondering what his expression would’ve been if the test had been positive.

There’s a hole between us, full of silence and distance. There’s a hole in my chest full of pain. There’s a hole in my womb full of emptiness.

“Rest today,” he stands tall. “I will tend to my men.”

I watch as he washes his face and throws his vest off to lather his arms in a quick scrub. He’s exhausted. I know that he’s five years older than me at twenty-nine cycles, and I wonder if this life is starting to get to him. He’s killed too much and buried too many. How badly does he want a woman and child to brighten that darkness?

When he leaves, I stare at the seed in my hand. It’s flowerless as I am.

I go outside and kneel on the moist ground. With my bare hands, I dig a hole and I place the seed in it. By the time I’m done planting, I realize that people have seen me. They must have connected the dots and realized that the test came back negative.

The rest of the day is gloomy as the clan realizes there will be no baby. I walk around to help but find nothing to do.

I can tell where Salina is staying. Two women go in and out of her tent, and three men are outside to step in if she threatens to harm herself.

I don’t know how Dramon plans on helping her. He has a responsibility to keep everyone— including Salina safe, but he can’t spend all day beside her.

Although I know it’s not wise, I step up to one of the women that walked out of the tent. She holds a bowl of water, and she’s around my age. My presence seems to startle her, and a few drops fall from the bowl.

“How is Salina?”

“Umm… she is better now, my Queen.”

I wonder if she got better because she heard the news of the pregnancy scare. Is she even being genuine, or is she’s sick enough to plot her distress to get Dramon’s attention?

As draining as it’s getting, I’ll have to deal with this privately again. I can’t accuse the woman without proof, but I can’t let Dramon blur the line that he set between them.

I go home and wait for Dramon like the good little wife that I am. This isn’t me. The old Venus didn’t waste hours away, or sit around for any male to go to her, or take disrespect. In my quest to become a Queen for the Clan, I’m becoming an enemy of myself.

Dramon arrives to lead me to dinner as he always does. He’s clean now. He’s shirtless, but his expression is blanketed.

When he offers me a hand, I take it and let him help me up.

“Salina…” I begin.

His hand tightens and the veins in his bicep flex.

“Will you go to her tonight?”

He doesn’t have to answer. Someone calls his name from outside. It’s her. Salina is looking for him.

Dramon rushes outside— leaving me in the dust again to go to her.

I watch from the entrance with my arms crossed over my stomach. I’m pregnant with pain.

Salina stands with a blanket over her shoulders and wet cheeks. Her hair is in a messy bun atop her head with some strands falling free.

“You can’t be here,” Dramon tells her while keeping his back to me. “I told you that you must talk with the other women to heal, Salina.”

“But they don’t know what I’ve been through,” she cries. She doesn’t hide her agony like I do. She’s weaker.

“I need you, Dramon.”

So do I. I deserve happiness, too.

“Please.”

But I don’t beg. Not like her. I never will. If Dramon chooses her, I wouldn’t chase after him even if my limp disappeared.

“I cannot help you." Dramon leaves, and Salina falls in a heap of cries.

I pity her and resent her all at once. It’s a disturbing combination that has me walking away.

Dramon and I eat and go to bed in an awkward silence. He wakes me up early when he shifts off the bed.

“I will go to check on her,” he admits.

“You shouldn’t. She has the help she needs now.”

“I know,” he admits as he pulls a boot on. “But she is pitiful.”

I rub my forehead. “You’re enabling her behavior. Every time you go to heal her, I hurt more. How many injuries will I have to sustain until you start taking this marriage seriously?”

He’s done with the conversation; with me, so he leaves. For the next four days, he checks on Salina at odd times. He stops whatever he’s working on to go to her. I’ve heard that Salina has been trying to get him to spend the night again. It’s only a matter of time before Dramon caves in.

I'm at a breaking point.

That afternoon, after I’m done checking my hunting traps, I go to Salina. She’s outside, talking with one of her friends.

“Salina.”

She turns to face me, and her friend awkwardly excuses herself.

“Venus,” she says flatly.

I get right down to business. “I wish you the best, but you will not find it here. Dramon is not the healer you need. You’re distracting him from tending to the Clan. If you care for your people, then you’ll listen to me when I tell you to move to The Capital.”

She gasps. “You would turn your back on a Clan member because of jealousy? You are no Queen.”

“Maybe. Maybe I’m no Queen, but I’m a fires of a woman for letting this go on for as long as it has.”

I don’t care about who heard me. I’ve danced around this drama for too long. I leave Salina crying, and it doesn’t take long for our exchange to reach the ears of everyone.

Clan members start looking at me sourly. I see it on my way to dinner, on my way to check traps, on my way to fish. They whisper names about me. They call me a bully for belittling Salina. I'm the witch for letting my husband warm another woman for days; the bitch for denying the clan a baby; the cripple that is jealous of the beautiful woman.

How is this fair? I’ve bit my tongue. I’ve fought my warrior nature. I’ve put them all before me.

I’m not sure if Dramon has heard the rumors yet, but he continues to check in on Salina daily instead of setting his boundaries. His choice has been made, and so has mine.

There’s no place for me here. The seed I’ve planted has been de-rooted.

That night, I reject Dramon’s offer to go to dinner and I study him one last time. He’s as breathtaking as usual. He looks tired, but his body is sturdy. He’s a great male. He’ll be great for Salina.

When he leaves, I go to Treysa. I pet her, and she nudges her nose against my empty belly. Although it kills me, I try to lift myself onto her back. It doesn’t help that she lowered herself to make it easier for me. My knee screams, but I keep trying until a sweat breaks out on my brow.

Somehow, after half an hour, I swing onto her back. I pull my hoodie over my head and look at the camp. A fire burns in the distance as the Clan eats. They’re happy, undisturbed that I’m not among them.

I look away and push Treysa onto a fast run. The chatter of the clan is eaten by the darkness with every gallop. I don’t know where I’m headed. This is the second Clan I walk away from.

By the third hour of travel, my knee hurts so badly that I’m not sure I’ll ever walk again. I push on, though. I’ll keep riding until I slide off Treysa’s back.

I’ll ride on and on to where the horizon ends. Where that flatline of peace lies. Where heavens become earth.

Where Dramon can’t reach me.