Jasmin/The Alien's Liar part 13

JASMIN

I am devastated. My guilt weighs me down, and Aldrek refuses to let me release it. He wants to keep living in this false sense of peace, but I will never be at peace so long as I keep the truth to myself.

I came to him because I wanted to grow as a person; to be seen in the world and be useful. I have failed at that, but that’s fine as long as I don’t hurt him. The longer we keep pretending everything is fine, the deeper we fall and the more painful the truth will be.

I wonder what Myra would do if she was on my shoes. She would probably know how to navigate this better than me.

I stop myself. I can’t keep comparing myself to my friends. It’s not healthy.

“Are you hungry?” He breaks the silence.

“Not really.”

This cabin is small, having only a bathroom and a bedroom, but right now, it feels like a fishbowl. I feel so out of place.

I pick up the book he gifted me, and flip through the pages to read more about the powerful gods of Le’vris. My eyes occasionally shift over to Aldrek, who belongs in these pages. He’s as built and powerful as any male in the book.

He goes into the bedroom and returns with a block of wood and a knife. As I read, he carves into the wood. His forearms flex with every press. He’s truly a magnificent artist.

Once he catches my eye, he gestures for me to come.

“I will teach you.“

Intrigued, I slide beside him on the ground.

“You must follow the wood, not fight against it. That is how you carve.”

His hands are scratched and rough, but so strong that he makes it look like he’s cutting into butter. I’m not sure what he’s making yet, but he has backed away chunks to begin a circular frame.

“Make a line here.” He hands me the knife and holds the wood as I make the incision. When I don’t use enough pressure, he puts a palm over my hand to guide me. The warmth engulfs me, and the inescapable affection I have for him roars.

I don’t stress myself out thinking about my inappropriate feelings. For now, all I want is to enjoy the moment. For hours, we carve. He lets me make simple lines but does most of the work. Every time our hands touch puts my heart in overdrive.

“What is this, Aldrek?” I ask when he finalizes the shape of the orb.

“We are carving your home planet. So that even when you are away, you have a piece of home.”

That makes me smile. I’ve never had such a thoughtful gift.

For the next two days, there is peace. There is friendship. We work on the sculpture until we have a complete globe. I don’t remember many of the details of what Earth’s land and oceans look like, so I didn’t do a great job of scraping them into the wood, but that’s fine. In my heart, I know what this is.

Aldrek’s birds bring new friends over. They chirp in the rain, and the agitated dragon stomps, huffs, and grunts, but he absolutely builds them a second birdhouse.

I tease him the entire day, and although he glares, I know it’s just a cover. He would never hurt me.

During dinner, we experiment with spices. He typically only tossed his meat on fire and ate it, but we tested some seasonings and changed both of our lives. Aldrek insists that “we” are great cooks, and I don’t bring up the fact that I had to secretly rinse the meat because he enthusiastically covered it with two handfuls of season. If he wants to think he’s good in the kitchen, I’ll let him.

The storm outside has been calming. Today, I woke to eery silence, and I realize it’s because the rain has stopped.

Aldrek is gone. I slide off the bed and step out in search of him, trying to pat down my hair as I go.

“Aldrek?”

I find him by the door, holding a letter. A falcon-like bird takes off, and I watch it disappear in the sky.

“A messenger bird,” he says as he crumbles the letter and tosses it to the ground.

He’s agitated.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine. There’s just a neighbor that won’t leave me alone.”

That must be Crux writing to him.

I fist my hands as I ask, “what did he write?”

“I did not read it. I will keep ignoring him until he leaves me the fires alone.”

This is it. Although we escaped reality for two days, it will always catch up with us. Aldrek doesn’t want to hear it, but I have to reveal my truth.

“He’s writing about the matching program.”

Aldrek’s head snaps up. “What?”

“He and his wife, Myra, have been trying to contact you about the portal. It’s unstable and needs to be opened from your land.”

His expression becomes ferocious. I feel like I’m standing an inch away from the sun.

So much for not wanting to hear the truth. Now that I’ve hinted about my deception, he wants to know it all.

“How do you know this?”

“I… I’m friends Myra. I came here to convince you to help us. I’m sorry that you just want to be alone and everyone keeps chasing after you. I wanted to be useful for myself and for the world, but it shouldn’t have been while using you.”

His face is still expressionless as he asks, “it was an act, then?”

“No!”

“What about that first day when you were all over me like a sex worker? You mean to tell me that was genuine?” He shakes his head. “You tried to seduce me, but your disgust must have knocked you into your senses.”

“I wasn’t disgusted! I was drugged. It wasn’t like that.”

He sneers, and I realize that making it sound like I drugged myself doesn’t help my case.

He pulls his gaze away and, in a cool voice, orders, “Pack your things.”

I thought he would yell, stomp, and glare, but this reaction is worse. He’s shutting me out. After all the intimate looks and touches, he is treating me like a stranger from the market. I was expecting this, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“It wasn’t pretend. l…”

“Pack your things,” he repeats.

“Aldrek, please…”

My heart feels pruned. I’m being kicked out all over again. I didn’t belong in the matching program, in my mother’s home, and now, I don’t belong beside him.

He hides a hand behind his back, like it hurts. Worried, I step closer to him.

“Stay away!”

I flinch when I see fire appear behind him.

“Now you see it?” he asks, revealing his hand that’s engulfed in flames and quickly deteriorating his clothes. “My fucking curse. The fire that I can’t control.”

Why is this happening to him? Dragons are only supposed to summon fire when they shift to their greater form!

“I thought I could fight it to be with you. But now I see that this curse is the only thing I can trust because it’s stable while people are unpredictable. Just like you, Jasmin. So go. Return to Crux.”

Fuck. I want to touch him. To prove him wrong, but I can see through my teary eyes that the fire is roaring all over his body and spreading to the floor.

“The cabin!” I yell. “It will burn!

“Go,” he repeats, sounding exhausted, like this is nothing new.

I run into the bedroom to retrieve my bag, and then I run outside. I pant as I watch the front door catch flames.

“Aldrek!” I call for him.

The birds fly away from their small homes.

“Aldrek, please!”

My feet shift as I consider running inside after him.

He arises from the cabin, now naked, as the fire continues to destroy everything in his wake. He stands there, his expression dead, as his small world deteriorates.

I fall to my knees, feeling more lost than ever. What have I done?

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