Ni'ev part 11

I shove past sweaty, tall, shirtless men with my desperate hands. The typical shy and uneasy version of me would pass out at the thought of standing in this sea of men, but my motherly instincts made me dive head-first.

I’d face anything to make sure Ni’ev is safe. My fear of losing him is fiercer than anything on Ezron or Earth. For Ni’ev, I would re-live my middle school humiliation, spend a decade living in the vents, spend hours critiquing my body in the mirror.

I’m a mother. I give love to babies to protect them from the bullies that live in the world, and within ourselves. I teach them kindness and patience, and I’m there to kiss every boo-boo.

I’ve spent so much time caring for children that I know bones are sensitive and to avoid scarring or infection, I need to act fast.

“It’s going to be okay, baby,” I blurt. “Let me see.”

“Rosa,” Ni’ev calls my name.

I’m on my knees beside him, fussing over his cut and cooing at him as if he’s a child. I realize my a mistake. Ni’ev wasn’t born yesterday. He’s an alien warlord who can survive a dive into a volcano. This guy doesn’t need anyone to kiss his boo-boos.

In a swift move, Ni’ev stands and lifts me by the hips. I open my mouth to protest, but only a squawk of horror comes out when I see him flick his arm to dust the blood off.

“It is not a serious injury. I have had worse,” he says as he examines the six-inch cut.

That declaration would sound arrogant coming from anyone else, but this is Ni’ev. Cool, collected, unworried Ni’ev.

A husky chuckle comes from behind me. “I would get injured more often if it gets me the attention of a pretty female.”

I prune with the embarrassment of being in the spotlight, and shuffle closer to Ni’ev.

I feel different. I no longer feel like hiding in a hole. While I’m still unnerved to be surrounded by so many men, there is no more debilitating intimidation that makes me a stuttering wreck.

This is a tremendous step toward progress.

Ni’ev looks at the crowd with irritation and secures an arm around me.

“Disperse, all of you.”

The men recede, and breathing comes easier to me.

“Rosa,” Ni’ev sighs.

He had been working hard to stay out of my way, but here I am, barreling back into his life. I’m a train wreck. I push him one minute and pull him the next. I’m fully aware of how contradicting and destructive my polarity is, but I promised myself I would get myself to a stable state of peace before I approached Ni’ev.

I’m afraid, though. Afraid of time and of being passive.

“Why…” Ni’ev pauses.

“Yes?” I encourage him.

“What is going on between us? I am a simple male. I do not understand if you want me or not.”

Of course I do! I just don’t want myself, and that’s the problem! I hate this body and brain. How can I love him if I’m infatuated with my insecurities?

“I do want you.”

He looks crushed, as if I reduce him to misery. “Then am I doing anything wrong?”

“Fuck,” I sob, and wrap my arms around him. I rest my face on his sweaty chest and breathe him in, hoping his scent will suffocate the itch in my belly to cry.

“I messed up again. I made you cry.”

I shake my head. “No. It’s not your fault. I want to be with you, Ni’ev, but I don’t feel worthy yet.”

His chest rumbles, and I realize it’s because he’s laughing at me. I look up with pain swimming in my teary eyes.

“I have the same fear of not being worthy of you. How interesting that although we try to keep ourselves worlds apart, we are natives on the same planet of uncertainty.”

He rubs my back. “Let me put an end to this. Let me take care of you. We will take it one day at a time. You take care of the small ones, and I will come get you every afternoon after work. We will spend time together under the evening sun, and eventually, if you will have me, under the stars.”

Oh, wow. Ni’ev just asked me out. He asked to date me and fuck me all in one poetic, sophisticated proposition.

“Okay.”

“Yes?” he smiles down at me, and it feels like the sun has returned after a long, cruel winter.

“Yes, Ni’ev.”

His face becomes larger, and I realize it’s because he’s leaning down. He’s sweeping in for a kiss.

My ovaries are doing backflips. I don’t dare to look away from the behemoth of a man that’s coming for my heart.

Our kiss is a breeze. Soft and gentle like a first love; a taste of the passion cooking in our bellies. Ni’ev doesn’t close his eyes. I don’t either. We look like juveniles exchanging their first kiss, but I feel like a grandma about to go into cardiac arrest.

“Was that good?” Ni’ev asks, pulling back. “Did I hurt you?”

“Um… no. That was good.” I grin at him, fighting the urge to lick my lips. “You did great.”

He did. I know he has never kissed another woman before, but he’s a quick learner. Soon, he’ll be kissing my cli—

He blows a breath. “I must tell you a story. There is something that happened with Nebula and I long ago.”

My smile falls. Oh, fuck. Is he admitting that he had a thing with Nebula in the past? How awkward! Nebula is my friend, and Ni’ev… well, he’s the man that holds my heart. I don’t want to know about their past romance, especially when ours just began.

“Please don’t,” I interject. “Please don’t tell me.”

Don’t tell me that I’m your backup plan because Nebula settled down with Jaxxon instead of you.

Please don’t tell me you chose me because all the other pretty, thin, social women were taken.

Ni’ev looks confused. “I must tell you. It is important that you know what happened between us.”

I smile thinly. A whisper of a lie.

My stomach turns. Just seconds ago, we were kissing, and I was on cloud nine. I’ve fallen off and landed in a pit in hell.

“Tell me next time. We need to clean your cut.”

He looks ready to argue, but I walk away, headed for the infirmary. He can come if he wants to, because I won’t stay behind and listen to his story of his failed romance with my friend. I appreciate that he’s being honest about it, but today is not the day to wrestle with jealousy. Enough has happened.

We make it to the infirmary, where Ni’ev disinfects the cut with a blue paste Vrox provided. He wraps a bandage around his arm, muttering about how unnecessary all of this is. He continues, only to put me at ease.

There’s no doubt in my mind that this man likes me. It’s just a shame that he has no other options. I’m a consolation prize.

“All done.” He smiles. “Would you like me to walk you to your room? It has been a stressful day for you.”

When I nod, he surprises me by taking my hand and leading the way. We walk past Lamara, who does a double-take. Surely, Lamar will share what she saw, and rumors will circulate throughout the women by the end of the night.

The rumors will reach all ears. Even Nebula’s.

a/n: I’m reviewing every story that is uploaded to my website, Lutionary.com :) if you’re a writer and would like my feedback, please post it!