Scrapped Chapter
Added 2021-10-17 00:33:58 +0000 UTCWhen they were finally summoned by the noble, the room they were taken to was set up similar to a courtroom. There were two tables set up in front of a raised area with a desk that Noble Tennyson was sitting at. It was clear that the noble wanted to still be able to look down at people but remain seated while doing so. The tables were located six feet away from the desk with a four-foot walkway between them. The only chair located in the room was the one that the noble was sitting on.
Upon entering the room, the servant announced “The Tidwell family has arrived and the Everson family is present to give witness.”
“Was I not clear that I only wanted the child?” was the first thing out of the noble’s mouth. He had not even bothered to look up from whatever he was pretending to read on his desk.
“Very well, you will share in her punishment.” Looking at the Everson’s he said “Repeat what you reported to me.”
Ardon stammered out “Ye yes my Lord.” He cleared his throat a few times and then began his tale. “A few days ago, my daughter informed me that Violet Tidwell could read the ancient language and was keeping it a secret. Once Violet was out of quarantine, we that is” he cleared his throat again. “The Dumonts, Judy and I, and the Tidwells confronted her about this knowledge. Before we could even start asking questions, she opened a secret door in the wall.” Ardon’s hands were shaking quite badly at this point.
Before the tale could continue, the noble interrupted with a question. “Why was she in quarantine?”
“She was ill with a rash, my Lord. The doctors followed their normal procedure for rash cases and quarantined her to avoid the possibility of spreading.” Her father answered.
The noble grunted and then looked at Ardon and said “continue.”
“My Lord, we did not spend much time in the new area, but it was quite large spanning multiple floors with quite a few living areas. Violet demonstrated how she was the only one who was able to open the secret doors but we were able to open the normal doors once inside. We made sure to come directly here this morning to report this.”
“How long have you known about these secret doors child?”
As Violet was about to answer, her mother put a hand on her shoulder to stop her from speaking. “My Lord, she is a child and did not realize that nobody else could open the door. She has seen us opening doors all over the ancient structure and thought nothing of it.”
“I did not ask you, woman! If you cannot keep quiet then you will be removed and punished. Do not try my patience!”
“Answer the question child. Do not make me repeat myself again.”
“About a month my Lord.”
“So you have been exploring possibly dangerous areas on your own. How have you been so unsupervised? Clearly, you found some illness in this area that could have potentially killed everyone!”
“My Lord, please! My daughter was not the first to come down with the illness. There was another little girl who came down with a rash before she did.” My father protested.
“GUARD! Arrest them until I decide what to do with them.” The noble said pointing at Violet’s parents. “Not the child you idiots! Just take them and go.”
After her parents were taken away, the noble looked at the Eversons and said, “You did well. If this amounts to anything I will sign the papers to allow you to return to the capital with your daughter. Now leave.”
Once Ardon and Judy had vacated the premises, the only people remaining in the room were a few servants along the walls, Violet, and Noble Tennyson. At this point, Violet’s world was crashing down around her. The betrayal stung, she had grown up with Ardon and Judy being a constant fixture in her life. She was worried about her parents and willing to do whatever it took to save them.
Right now she was extremely thankful she had never told Jade about her magic. It was only due to selfishness that she told Jade about the secret area in the first place. Jade was like a leech that would not leave Sky and her alone. She wanted to explore the secret areas with Sky and the only way to do that was to let Jade come too.
Her thoughts were interrupted when the noble began to speak again. “Well, child can you do what they claim?”
She nodded numbly not trusting her voice at the moment.
“You will of course need to prove it. I will let you decide how this will go. We can do this the easy way with you cooperating, or we can do this the hard way and your parents will pay for your rebellion. In the end, I will still get what I want. Come then, don't waste my time.”
The noble walked toward the door and Violet was herded out behind him by the servants. She had still not said a word but it did not seem that the noble cared. As they passed a trio of guards, the noble ordered them to follow and keep an eye on her. Apparently, their version of keeping an eye on her meant two of them having a hand around her upper arms, one on each side. Their grip was firm but not painful. The third guard followed behind them ready to catch her if she decided to run.
The pace the noble set was extremely slow. It was like he was out for a Sunday stroll instead of getting to the bottom of a new mystery. She guessed the reason for this was because the noble was clearly out of shape. He did not want to sweat and cause his makeup to run or his perfectly glued hair to move out of place.
When they made it to the top of the largest structure, he led them to the closest door that they had not been able to open and ordered her to open it. Unfortunately, the door he led them to was the water door. She in all of her stupid wisdom had given herself privileges to open all of the areas in that section.
“Open it.”
She considered touching the wrong symbol and not opening the door. The only thing that stopped her from doing that is they were met by one of the older researchers when they had entered the building. The noble may not know the difference, but the researcher did. After a moment of hesitation, she opened the door.
After the door had closed, the noble had the researcher attempt to open the door as well. It did not open for him because Violet didn’t give anyone but Sky privileges to enter this area. She hoped it never came out that Sky could also open the water doors.
The group then walked to the next door. She was forced to attempt to open the nature door. When the door did not open, the researcher was called forward to verify that no funny business was taking place and she was trying the correct symbol.
Once it was verified that the door would not open and she was touching the correct symbol, the noble deemed to speak to her once again. “Why won’t it open child?”
Swallowing all of the sarcastic responses she wanted to say, she ended up with a partial lie instead. “I don't know why some doors open and others don't my Lord. It must be a glitch in the system or something.”
“Well my little glitch, I will have to assign someone to be your keeper and report on all of the doors that you can open. Until then, lead me to these so-called well-furnished dwellings.”
She learned a few new things over the next couple of hours. The most useful thing that she wished she had known was that while she was the only one who could open the secret doors from the outside, anyone could open them from the inside. One of the servants was assigned the job of doorkeeper while they explored further into the dwelling area.
The other thing she learned, though she probably could have already guessed this, was that the dear Noble Cadmael Tennyson had a hard time making up his mind when presented with so many options for a dwelling. They had nearly inspected every floor and every dwelling before he had finally decided on one on the fourth floor. She was shocked to learn that there was a dwelling on this floor. When she was exploring she only found official-looking offices.
There was a hallway not far from the Master of Illusion’s office that lead to a large and very well-appointed dwelling. Off of the master bedroom, there were several smaller rooms for servants to be close at hand if their master had any needs. It was close to dinner by the time that this residence was found and decided upon.
“This dwelling will do. Go get my things and move them here. Someone bring me dinner. Where is that stupid herald that ended up staying here? I don't care, go get her.” The noble started spewing commands that had everybody jumping.
After the servants had all left to carry out the noble’s commands, the only ones who remained in the room were the trio of guards, Violet, and the noble. The guards had allowed her to walk without them holding on to her once they had entered the building but they had never left her side.
“Go away, guard the door or something.” He made a shooing motion with his hand. “Not you glitch.” He said when Violet moved to follow them.
Taking a seat at the desk in the room, the noble addressed her. “Have you made up your mind then? Which will it be, the easy way or the hard way?”
In a quiet voice, Violet started to respond only to be interrupted.
“For heaven’s sake speak up child!”
Clearing her throat, she began to speak again. “Sir, I would prefer the easy way if you will be kind to my parents.”
“You have no bargaining power here! There are no strings, you will behave and you will do as you are told is that clear?”
She nodded her head making sure to keep her eyes down.
“Your parents will answer for their behavior. The only thing you can do for them is make it worse. You will not leave my sight or the sight of the idiot woman I called for. The only time you will be alone is at night and we will make sure there are no secret doors in that room.” He was pointing to one of the servant’s rooms attached to his room.
She was allowed to eat with the servants when dinner arrived for the noble. He was true to his word, she was not allowed to leave his sight. She was getting worried about asking about a toilet when a lady in a black maxi dress arrived.
Her new keeper’s name was Wendy Nightwind but she was only allowed to address her as Miss Nightwind. The noble called her a herald, which to Violet meant someone who spread propaganda and catered to nobles. Based on the way Miss Nightwind treated Noble Tennyson, Violet was surprised she didn’t have a permanently brown nose.
They all did a thorough inspection of the room and found completely unadorned smooth walls. There would be no way for Violet to slip out at night. Wendy was informed that her new room would be the one next to Violet’s. If she had a problem with that then she was very good at hiding it.
Comments
My thoughts are just suggestions or things I’d do if I was writing this book. You should make this YOUR story and write it how YOU want to write it not how some reader would. So you do you!! You also don’t need to necessarily rewrite this at all. Just some ideas off the top of my head. You can have her go on the run and come across another country with more ruins. Or go on the run and find that there are actual rebels in her country and the nobles just try to suppress the knowledge (this could also work with her & her family being sort of off the grid for the past several years). Or something else entirely.
SpaceGoddess76
2021-10-17 04:32:45 +0000 UTCYou both have valid points. I'm going to sleep on it and then map out where this may go with her on the run. I have ideas I planned on using later in the story but she is old enough to initiate them now. I don't want to rewrite the whole story but I can at least put it in a better direction going forward.
EmmaLeia
2021-10-17 03:16:09 +0000 UTCThis society just doesn’t seem like it should work and I feel like as the book continues, this society is going to be held together with plot armor to make this society out to be evil. I get the feeling you are trying to make this society evil so as she grows up she can be the savior. However you can make her into a Hero even if she is raised in a peaceful and “Light side” civilization. She can still be the Ancient One to save them.
SpaceGoddess76
2021-10-17 03:07:59 +0000 UTCI have a few things I’m noticed that are starting to bother me too. 1) I’m really shocked she didn’t just kill the Noble and the guards and have her and her parents run away. Honestly I would have run away the very next morning not even giving anyone a chance to rat them out. I mean the parents have grown up in this society and they actually know what punishments are. Even if they didn’t run away then why still allow the noble to take your parents away for “punishment” and do everything the Noble says in this type of civilization? She has Magic and the nobles don’t know that yet. 2) I was always confused why she told Jade about the complex but I was also confused why she told Sky. I mean I understand they fell down that hole but she could have acted like it happens occasionally “searched” around for awhile and played it off to the parents too. Instead she instantly spills her guts to the young child and later when another young child who is know to be a gossip asks she still tells her stuff. She is an adult from Earth who I’m guessing had learned History and should know the awful things people did to commoners throughout history. Yet she spills her guts to children yet not even her parents? 3) How has this society not collapsed already? Just looking throughout Earth’s history most societies like this collapse or rebel or get attacked or any number of things. They don’t work. 4) How is there only 1 noble at this place? With the type of society you keep talking about there should be several nobles with their own people competing to one up each other. You make it sound like these nobles are a tight-knit group yet you also make it sound like every noble is competing against each other. Without Royalty noble societies are usually always trying to one up each other and even with Royalty they tend to do the same thing but they actually have someone who keeps them in check. I mean this is your book and you do you, these are just my thoughts.
SpaceGoddess76
2021-10-17 03:05:40 +0000 UTCCan you explain what doesn’t work for you?
EmmaLeia
2021-10-17 01:05:15 +0000 UTCFirst? The level of character stupidity is reaching immersion-breaking proportions here.
Mr. Bigglesworth
2021-10-17 00:55:37 +0000 UTC