MH3 - Chapter 9: Hero Hoedown

“Bruno, run!” Dolli shouted, then cast Gravity Well.

The slowed heroes looked at Dolli with confusion.

“Can’t PvP in towns!” The lead hero said in exaggerated slow words. He pulled his sword from its sheath and fiery embers filled the room in a torrent whirlwind. The spell slapped against Dolli and seared her tender human flesh.

Rufus grabbed Dolli by the back of her robes and pulled her over the bar into a crouch. The flaming spell smashed against the wall and shattered the empty beer mugs. Somewhere in the room, Bruno cursed.

Dolli jumped up, Starfire ready to unleash, but stopped when she saw the most peculiar thing. The tables and chairs had become sentient, and pliable. They wrapped their legs around the heroes and pulled them to the ground.

Bruno swung his paddle-like bat and smashed the lead hero across the jaw, sending teeth fragments skittering across the ground toward the bar. One of the heroes had gotten free from the tables’ grasp and converged on the other side of Bruno. Dolli couldn’t risk hitting the bartender with a lance and did the only other thing she could.

She opened a fold between the advancing hero and Bruno, then the second fold behind the heroes’ back. The hero stabbed her glowing daggers at Bruno’s kidney, but the blades disappeared before touching the bartender, and imbedded in the hero’s spine.

The woman howled in pain, then disappeared in a puff of black smoke. She reemerged at the door, limping and holding her back.

“Get her,” Dolli pointed at the escaping hero.

Rufus vaulted over the bar, slamming his feet against the opening door. The dagger-spined hero staggered away, holding her dagger out defensively with one arm as the other pulled a health potion from her inventory. She downed the drink and stood upright.

“Let’s dance,” she invited Rufus with a smirk.

Dolli cast Zeal on Rufus, who swelled to double his size, his skin sparkling with red magic. Rufus stomped an oversized foot on the hero, pinning her to the ground.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Rufus said, tapping his feet in a little jig all over the hero’s chest. She cried out, stabbing her blades into Rufus’ feet and ankles, but the strikes hardly hit him—aside from the disease damage Dolli could see turning his health bar a putrid yellow.

The tables and chairs continued to bash their legs into the heroes’ shins and feet, making a sound like trampling hooves. Bruno batted the lead hero again and the cocky bastard dropped to the floor, unconscious.

Dolli preferred her heroes off for respawn, not just knocked out. She fired lances into the heroes back until his health bar emptied, and he gave a final breath. The last hero screamed and ran for the back wall, toward the open windows.

Bruno’s broom fell over the man’s path, tripping him and sending him cascading over a table. The hero rolled to a stop next to one of the mash kettles.

“Get’em,” Bruno said to the kettle. It lifted itself off the ground with its clawed feet and pitched forward, pouring burning brew all over the hero. The man writhed and screamed, his health dropping in one big swath, then slowly chipping away with burn damage.

Bruno gave the downed hero a hard slap to the face. “Try it again, I dare ya!”

Rufus grabbed the man in his oversized hands and squeezed. The man’s cries were muffled by Rufus’ tight grip, until there was a snap, and then everything was silent. Rufus rooted through the dead hero’s inventory, then dropped the corpse to the floor. It dissolved in golden sparkles and drifted through the window.

Dolli pulled all she could from the lead hero’s inventory, then handed it over to Bruno. “Your due payment, sir.”

“Ya didn’t hafta do that,” Bruno said, accepting the gold. It wasn’t a lot, likely not even enough to fix his bar, but it was something.

“Can I ask, did Tris enchant your bar furniture?” Dolli asked, searching them over for runes. They all seemed perfectly still now.

Bruno barked a single laugh. “Couldn’t get ‘er to enchant my coffin if I’d asked. Woman hates me… loves this town though. I’m the Regnant you see, and the bar is my seat of power. The fire spell set off the defenses.”

Dolli nodded. “It’s good to meet you then, Regnant Bruno. Forgive our informalities.”

Bruno laughed heartily. “No need for those. I haven’t been Regnant for long anyway.”

“What do you mean?” Rufus asked.

“Well, last Regnant decided he didn’t want to get turned into a dungeon like Little Crossroads, so he abandoned the throne and took a caravan to the city. Heard he turned into purple Spark as he crossed the border of our territory. Then next thing I know, I get a notification that I’m Regnant.

“We’re just a merchant town, barely makin’ it, just as you had been before yer change. We ‘spect to be joinin’ you here in the next few months if things don’t pick up.”

Bruno dropped the paddle-bat behind the bar and poured three more brews in the only undamaged mugs. They cheersed and drank the bubbly beer. Rufus and Bruno both finished theirs in one go, but Dolli set hers aside.

“I’m sorry about your situation. I hope this hasn’t changed your mind about the malted barley,” Dolli said.

Bruno tsked. “Why would a little skirmish change my mind ‘bout a sale? Your coin’s still good here. Might be needin’ a bit more for the damages,” Bruno said, frowning as he surveyed the tavern. Several of the chairs had their legs cut off, tables were turned over, boiling beer on the floor, and more than a few dents from Rufus’ tap-dance.

Dolli pulled the rest of the gold from her inventory; eighty, ten gold coins. “This is all we have on us, but if you allow us to come back in a few days’ time, we can pay more. We’re on a tight schedule.”

Bruno grunted. “On some quest to collect an ultimate weapon, ammirite? I’ve heard the chatter from heroes comin’ an’ goin’.”

Dolli nodded. “Your discretion would be greatly appreciated. We’re being pursued, and it’s putting some of our monsters—villagers at risk.”

“I reckon raids put all your people at risk, but I understand. This barely pretty important to ya, huh?” He asked.

“It is,” Dolli said.

Bruno nodded. “C’mon then.”

He moved toward a side hall, motioning for Dolli and Rufus to follow. Bruno led them to a dark storeroom that smelled like earth. He emerged from the darkness with a twenty-pound burlap sack and handed it over to Rufus.

“This oughta be enough, in case things go wrong with yer mash, you’ll have enough to do another go.”

“We can’t thank you enough,” Dolli said, reaching out for his hand.

Bruno took it and gave her hand a strong shake. “We’re just doin business here. Hey, speakin’ of, maybe you’d like to do business again sometime, take care of hero problems ever-so-often?”

Dolli gave a gentle bow, remembering her Regnant formalities. “I’m hoping heroes won’t be a problem anymore in a few days, but yes, we’d be more than happy to come back and do business with you.”

Bruno grunted. “Lemme see if I can connect with ya. I’ve got one more Vital Line left.”

Dolli remembered Vital Lines, a Regnant power. It would allow the Regnants of nearby villages to communicate with one another swiftly through various means. Dolli had a strong Vital Line to the fourth kingdom TK_NAME back in the days of glory… that was how she’d spread the message of the plague so quickly. They truly were vital lines that day.

“Here we go, see if you got that notification,” Bruno said.

Dolli opened the Hero Quest menu, the last remnant of her Regnant powers. Sure enough, another bookmark blinked at the bottom of her view next to “Hero Quest.”

[Vital Lines]

You have the power to talk to bitches_TK

-----

“Wonderful. Thank you for this connection. We’ll be in touch soon,” Dolli said with another bow.

Bruno dipped his head. “Best’a luck, Overlord.”

With just five minutes left on their Transmogriffic! potion, Dolli and Rufus retreated into the forest. A few minutes later, the rest of the group met up, their illusions fading.

“Got everything?” Dolli asked.

Greg shook his head. “Only managed to get ten potatoes instead’a the fifty you asked for. But got some pumpkin seeds,” he said excitedly. “I know theys weren’t on the list, but I remember you bringin’ them to town every year. Thought we might like some.”

Dolli smiled, surprised he remembered. “Thank you, Greg. That’ll do.”

They ran back to Haven and got back underway to the next objective: The Druidic Staff of Sherkahn. Dolli knew from lore that the staff would be well guarded by giant creatures of unfathomable strength, and they’d need all of theirs to be successful. She only hoped they wouldn’t run out of time.