Lockdown Preview (Surprise!)

Yes, the DoF was strange - still haven't gotten the hang of it really, its much more difficult to work with than Poser imo. The building was a hologram yep :). And those were like their targeted locations - I might do some more postwork like put floating names 'Team 1' and so on just to denote that a bit better. For the exposition - I have more characterization outlined later on - they'll be in the tower for a bit before...things don't go so well :).

Technical: - Sets look great! As do characters and Sindicate tactical uniforms. - The usage of camera depth of field is uneven (e.g. sequence on pages 2-6, also page 20, frames 1 and 2 versus the rest) where sometimes the background is blurred and sometimes not. - Is the building model intended to be a hologram and thus see through? - On page 21, those red dots are kind of floating in space, is that intentional? Story/character impressions: - A classic setup, one last dangerous job and they can leave this life behind! Well, shoot, that pretty much dooms the mission. - Hansen isn't pushed very hard before her hands start flaming (page 15). If she and Mella fight every meeting, as Hartmann says, it seems like an overreaction. A little bit later (page 18) we get a taste of her metahuman powers in the flashback image. - I agree with DollMistress' feedback, so far, Hansen isn't the most likable. - Kiana (page 16) and Taylor (page 17) dump a ton of exposition. I'd suggest breaking it up with someone asking a question or two with a few close-ups of the other characters. Likewise when Kiana is talking about the data center locations, if feasible, get some close-ups of the building model. - I'm not getting a sense of how the characters of Kiana, Taylor, and Hartmann are different so far. - Heh, "S.I.N.D.I.C.A.T.E." how long has that backronym been kicking around? ;-) Sorry if this sounds overly critical, it's only an opinion. Yes, I definitely want to see more!

It's pique, not "peak". Don't let Tabico see you making errors like that whilst adapting her stories XD. Looks good so far. Only advice would be to perhaps use the briefing scene to lay down a bit more characterisation across the supporting characters. Each of them could have said a little more and/or delivered their lines in certain ways, revealing more about what sort of people they are. Also, you were skating quite close to making the main character the most unlikeable person in the room - the people calling her out were totally correct and her casual/insulting responses will make her unpopular with readers. Of course - that's not neccessarily a bad thing in horror/fetish stories. Character flaws and unlikeability can often be an asset for the author, when the monsters come. :D

Dollmistress