Chapter 234: Men Talks

I came back with my drink and sat down.

“So, what are you guys talking about?” I asked.

“About my daughter dating Jake,” Robby muttered, a bit frustrated.

Alan and Charlie glanced at me at the same moment.

“Not me!” I protested indignantly. “I already told you I never had anything with Miley. Besides, I’m with Scarlett now.”

“Well, force of habit,” Uncle Charlie shrugged.

“That is very ironic coming from you, Uncle Charlie,” I snorted.

“Well, at least with Celeste I don’t have much to complain about,” Jerome added.

“Not everyone is like Jake, able to joke with someone two meters tall and nicknamed Mad Dog,” Alan pointed out while sipping his appletini.

He was safe from any jokes since Jerome was also having an appletini

“Boy, remember when we first started dating?” Uncle Charlie recalled with a grin.

“Yup. Eighth grade, Louise Miller,” Jerome answered.

“Oh, ninth grade, Maxine Chernakoff,” Dad chimed in.

“Seventh grade, Alexia Morone,” Robby continued.

“Sixth grade, Mrs. Terapotta,” Charlie smirked.

We all stared at him.

“It wasn’t actually a date,” he tried to explain. “Nowadays, she’d probably go to jail.” He finished and took another sip of whiskey.

“Your teacher would go to jail back then too, Uncle Charlie,” I remarked dryly.

“So, what about you, Herb?” Alan asked.

“What about me, what?”

“Your first date. Junior high? High school?” Alan elaborated further.

“Oh, college, freshman year. I was kind of a geek in high school,”

“Hard to believe,” Uncle Charlie murmured.

“No, really. They called me Big Bird.”

“So, what happened in college?” Jerome asked, puffing on his cigar.

“I stopped wearing yellow shirts and lowered my standards.”

After Herb finished, everyone looked at me.

“Technically, I never dated. Or I never really made it official...” I confessed. “But the closest was with Laura, ninth grade.”

“But your first kiss was with that girl in NY, right?” Uncle Charlie smirked at me.

“Yep,” I confirmed, “Rory. When I was 12.”

“Wow,” Herb exclaimed, impressed.

“That makes me remember her mother, what was her name again?” Charlie wondered aloud.

“Lorelai Gilmore,” I answered.

He chuckled. “You even remember the mother’s name.”

“They have the same name, Uncle Charlie. Rory is just a nickname,” I clarified.

“So you two got mother and daughter?” Herb asked curiously.

“More than once,” Uncle Charlie said proudly. “There were also Milly and Amanda, and we can almost say Lindsay and Heidi.”

“Heidi would be angry with you, Uncle Charlie, if she heard that,” I warned, raising an eyebrow.

“Heidi, like Heidi Klum?” Jerome asked.

“Yep,” I cut in for my uncle. “Heidi Klum, the beautiful supermodel. Out of all the women I’ve seen around here (and there were a lot), I think she was one of the most impressive—and not just because I set it up.”

“You got Heidi for your uncle?” Robby jumped into the conversation.

I nodded. “I was seeing her protégé, a future model. So, the four of us went out together.”

“Wait, you guys had two mother-and-daughter pairs, and an almost one?” Alan groaned, frustrated and a bit envious.

“Well, Alan, you’re behind. Even Judith already had a mother-and-daughter,” Charlie laughed, turning to the others.

“Wait, what?” Robby exclaimed, a bit confused.

“Judith is Alan’s ex, and Jake’s mother. And she’s a lesbian. She hooked up with a woman at a wedding we went to. 

That woman happened to be the mother of two daughters Jake was with,” Charlie explained.

"You got two at the same time?" Herb’s eyes were wide open, "How come you are Alan's son?" 

"Hey!!" Alan shouted angrily.

"I sometimes keep asking myself that," Charlie muttered out loud.

Now Alan was glaring at him

I ignored it and replied, "They were great sisters, who knew how to share."

"Boy, I think I need to ban you from my house," Robby murmured, receiving a nod from Jerome.

Then Alan’s phone rang. "It’s Sal again..." and he hung up.

“Sal?” Jerome asked.

“It’s a woman I set up for my dad,” I explained. Dad only had a few nights with Cynthia.

“You basically threw her at me,” Alan rolled his eyes.

I explained to everyone, "Sal is one of Uncle Charlie’s one-night-stand women. She showed up in the middle of the night with the urges, but Uncle Charlie was already occupied...

...so I offered her the second-best option in the house, since with me it would be pretty much illegal." 

"That’s an example of a filial son," Charlie laughed, patting me on the back. "He brought a hottie blondie straight into Alan’s room without needing to do anything else."

"Seen from that point of view," Alan chuckled too, "and she was, woow," he added with an excited expression.

"And even so, you hung up?" Jerome asked, intrigued.

"Besides the night activity, there’s nothing else we have in common," Alan replied exasperatedly.

Well, she's the epitome of a bimbo

And kind of a rival to Mom. Ironically, Mom was fighting with a woman for the love of a gay couple

"Huh, if you don’t want her, I’m available," Herb commented.

"You really are a buch of degenerates" Robby joked

"Come on, Robby," Uncle Charlie urged. "You were a very famous country singer. Don’t tell me you didn’t get laid all the time?"

"Nah, I got married way too early," Robby denied.

This time it was my phone that rang. I read the message and told Charlie and Dad.

“Grandma is calling for dinner on Saturday, looks like she’s inviting Jay and company,” I commented.

“Well, I see I need a little more whiskey,” Charlie said, already pouring more into his glass.