Health Update

I know I've been quiet about this for a while other than a few vague "heal issue" things posted here and there and it's really been on my mind so I thought I would talk about it a bit more now that answers seem to be coming.  And about my experiences.  This is a long one so TL;DNR I have stomach problems and it's been confirmed.

For most of my life I have struggled with heartburn and Gerd like symptoms like many people have.  I thought nothing of it, popping tums like candy to get through the nights like most of my family did.  Then a few years ago I started having it more and more, it seemed connected with Wheat given anytime I ate past or bread I would start feeling terrible an hour or so afterwards and the pain would last for hours on from there.  the reaction started to get more intense (I'll spare you the details)  So when the Tums stopped helping I started cutting things out of my diet, wheat being the first to go.  A lot of experimentation and frustration until the beginning of last year when I was having this reaction no matter what I ate.  Time to drag myself to my doctor.

We started small, acid suppressors for 3 months to heal any ulcers that I may have.  What a relief, I could eat anything I wanted without pain (though I had other side effects from the meds) and I was still getting some of the reactions I was having but it didn't hurt so I figured, all good for now right?  Wrong.  Once the 3 months was up the reactions came back with a vengeance.  3 weeks I endured hoping it would go away until I was eating a cup of watered down oatmeal for meals and still that was making me react.  I went to the drugstore, got some OTC acid reducers and called my doctor.  

Back to my doctor she set up a referral for a GI specialist with someone who is supposed to be one of the best in my area, meanwhile a bunch of tests yielded that no I didn't have celiac, I am allergic to eggs and shrimp (interesting but I don't eat those anyway) and some other unhelpful info.  I waited, and then finally got a call from the specialist, only to have to delay as my wife changed jobs and we lost our health insurance.  I set up new self paid insurance and waited for January to roll around so I could be seen, all the while fretting and trying not to research my symptoms TOO much while I waited.   

Another call.  "We have to delay your appointment, your doctor is on vacation." Okay fine...Then the day arrives and I go in.  We talk about my symptoms, I'm told their uncommon but it sounds like GERD. Given some unhelpful tips and that I should stay on the acid reducers.  I told him I didn't want to stay on the acid reducers, they have long term side-effects like Brittle Bones.  He blinked at me and reluctantly agreed to set up an Endoscopy, his tone was... condescending.  Like I'm a vapid person in here wasting his time on a common problem that everyone has, why can't I take my meds and go home.  I was told to stop taking the acid reducers, tough out the pain for a week and I'll have an endoscopy.  I left questioning myself.  Was it worth going to all this expense? Am I wasting everyones time on me?  I have to be able to eat...right?

A week goes by and I show up the morning of the procedure and I'm scared.  My wife can't go in with me, there's covid everywhere so I sit down in the waiting room.  Soon I'm called into the paperwork office and I fill out my consent forms and get a hospital bracelet put on.  The nice woman asked me if anyone had talked to me about how much this procedure was going to cost me out of pocket.  I told her no, no one had.  She gave me a number and I struggled not to cry.  She also told me if I could somehow manage to pay that off today I would get a 15% discount.  No I'm sorry, I don't have what is roughly 8 months worth of mortgage payments just on me, must have left it in my other jeans.  She nodded in sympathy and told me that billing would set up a payment plan for me, thought I would have to fight them on it a little, but they would work with me.  I went back to the waiting room and tried not to think.

A shirt while later I was taken to a hallways full of cubicles separated by cloth curtains asked a bunch of questions, told what was going to happen, what to expect and was directed by a very nice Nurse named Mary t to get into a hospital gown and booties.  I laid on the bed, knowing the part that I'd been dreading was coming.  They were going to place na IV and it was going in my hand.  I remember from a surgery I had before how much I hated having it in my hand, how it pinched and hurt and felt like a needle under my skin the whole time it was there.  I bit my lip, tried to breath normally and waited.  

My nurse came back with her supplies and I turned my eyes to the bag of fluids waiting up by my head.  She did her best to get the needle into my hand but it wouldn't go, she kept wiggling it under my skin but it wouldn't take and I tried so hard to breath but it HURT.  Then she tried again, up on my forearm, pinch, in, wiggle wiggle wiggle, no go.  I bit my lip and Mary apologized, and asked another Nurse to come and try, this nice lady came in and decided to try my left forearm, asking me questions to distract me as I tried to hold still. Same problem, she gave up after struggling and finally got one to take in my left elbow, Mary taped everything in place and made sure all the other poke wounds were covered and taped and I thanked them, feeling sore but at least the worst was over right?  The IV was in. 

I lay there, listening to the questions and answers being spoken around me.  Seems I was one of the youngest there, everyone was talking about grandkids and surviving cancer.  What was I doing here, I didn't have cancer...Was it all in my head?  Am I risking bankruptcy over stomach pain when I should shut up go home and just take meds?  I fantasied about getting up, asking for my cloths back, apologizing for wasting everyone's time and going home, back to my safe space.  Then Tyler showed up, explained to me that he's on the anesthesia team and what I was going to have done, could I please sign this waver?  I thanked him.  By now I was feeling very cold and I wanted another blanket but I didn't use the call button.  The Nurses are busy I didn't want to bother them, inwardly cursing myself for feeling like I CAN'T bother people for my own comfort.  I waited, hoping someone would check in on me and I could ask then, have an excuse not to be a bother.

An hour passed, I waited, trying not to let me anxiety get any higher than it was.  And suddenly the Doctor shows up.  She had been delayed due to car trouble.  She asked me about my symptoms, my medications.  I told her what I'd been experiencing, that I needed to know what was wrong.  She looked over everything and in a very clipped tone told me it sounded like I had GERD, that I was likely going to be sent home, put on the same meds I had been on.  That she didn't know why I was here, it's a very common problem.  That I shouldn't have stopped eating wheat without a confirmed test that I was Gluten Intolerant but we'll do the test anyway, please sign this waver.

I signed the waver, I was....struggling to stay in that bed, to wait and have the procedure done.  And then I got angry.  Why was this doctor treating me like I was wasting her precious time?  Why had the specialist acted like I didn't know something is wrong with me?  Why am I being talked down to, your getting paid to do these tests on me, so just do them please.  I already feel like a burden enough as it is!  I began to feel extremely grateful for my GP doctor.  She's a 3 1/2 hour drive from where I live now but I can't bear to give her up because she LISTENS to me.  She accepts something hurts and she does what she can to help without ever making me feel bad about it.  

Finally, Nurse Mary, Tyler and a new face, Jessie, show up raise the bed rails and we're off.  Jessie can see the panic in my eyes and starts asking me questions to distract me.  It helps.  I'm rigged up to monitors, set up on my side given a mouthguard and an oxygen mask and then a first dose of knock out drugs.  My eyes get heavy and my hearing feels tunneled, I can hear them talking in the room but I can't understand the words.  I keep my eyes open by force, terrified they might think I'm already asleep and not give me the rest of the dose.  Jessie comes over, tells me loudly they are giving me the rest of the drugs as the Doctor comes in and I'm out.

I dream, can't tell you what cuz I can't remember but it seemed nice. Fuzzy and white and blue.  

I woke up heavy feeling, my left eye has fuzzy vision and they gave me some water.  The doctor came in.  Her tone is gentler now, more sympathetic.  They found I have a Hiatal Hernia and a significant amount of bile washing up into my stomach and esophagus.  Options will be discussed with my specialist in a week but mostly consist of drugs to bind the bile or bile diversion surgery, then she left without another word.  Nurse Mary returned and asked if I was ready to get up.  I didn't feel ready but I didn't want to occupy the bed when they need it for someone else so I did my best to change and wobbled my way escorted downstairs out to the car where my wife was waiting.

So now I'm here, waiting for my follow up with the specialist, trying not to feel guilty of the expensive procedure and what more expenses are going to come up from this and vindicated that yes something is wrong and yes I was right to pursue it.  I do not feel well, but I am getting along as best I can, it's been a rough week here and boy do my arms hurt.  Still I'm grateful for some answers and maybe a way to be able to eat again without pain is on the horizon. 

So if you read that overly long TMI experience, thanks for being here, for supporting me and for being you.  You mean the world to me.