PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Women Who Are Scared Of Commitment

I don’t think is lifestyle, usually is trauma deep down there.

I wouldn't say that modern women fear commitment but I would say that the majority of single modern women live lifestyles so incongruent with commitment that it is never going to happen for them. There are a lot of women dating who want commitment and are unaware that their own actions are the number one thing preventing them from it. This is the price of romanticizing expedient lifestyle as we have done in the social media age. People whose value systems are built around prioritizing interesting that are incapable of being bored cannot and do not find healthy relationships. They get stuck in casual dating hell. Men who know what is good for themselves walk away from these women and the ones who do not inevitably get the "I'm not looking for serious" or "It's not you, it's me" talk.

This girl is avoidant, but she also pretty clearly has no idea what she wants. She is going by what feels right in the moment and then questioning her decisions later. Every man she dates is going to experience that hot and cold rollercoaster until she figures it out. None of that is your responsibility so don't take it personally. She may be attractive but she's definitely not ready to date beyond casually. Unfortunately women like this have a tendency to string men like you who do know what they want along. It's becoming increasingly common as the expedient lifestyle becomes more and more socially acceptable. After you go through this you get pretty good at spotting it on first/second dates. Can this girl hold a commitment? What does she do for fun? What kind of lifestyle does her social media reflect? Is she out in random bars on Wednesday nights? I highly recommend cutting people like this off early because it will save you a lot of time, pain, and heartbreak. Also, yeah, actions are so much more important than words when you are dealing with women. I once had a girl I had known for 8 years move into my city 5 minutes down the road from me. She had always been "the one that got away" for me. She went out and lived hot girl summer for 10 months straight and posted it very publicly online. New bar and new guy every week. Every few months while she was doing this, she would reach out and tell me how she missed me and wanted to see me. Any time I'd try to make something actually happen, she would send me some long apology with increasingly creative excuses. When I finally got tired of the charade and was just honest about how I wanted to date her at the end of the 10 months: She rejected me to continue "exploring herself" and then proceeded to tell me how valued, important, and appreciated I am in her life. I learned a lot from this experience. You really cannot make this stuff up.

I'm not crazy experienced with dating but I wanted to share my experience a bit. I dated a girl for a few months who was scared of commitment. She expressed that she's closed off and guarded because she has had a rough past and wanted to take things slow accordingly. She played crazy hot and cold and when I expressed any feelings, she backed off (basically just telling her I liked her after a few hangouts and some really great dates). There were flakey periods where she dodged a few dates in a row then tried to make it up to me by rescheduling and acting all lovey dovey. She backs off for a few days then texts me that she misses me and assured me the flakiness was unintended. Intimacy was confusing because she's a reformed Christian and verbally expressed/insinuated boundaries, then told me I'm timid and I could touch her more (All we did was kiss a few times). The whole thing was confusing for me, especially since she was the first girl I kissed. The 2 month "relationship" finally ended when I mentioned some kind of commitment/exclusivity. She went from elaborating over text of how amazing I am and how she loves spending time with me to ghosting me for a few days then breaking it off. She texted a paragraph explaining that she thinks we should be friends and gave a half-ass reason. I narrowed her distrust and fears to someone who is emotionally unavailable and has an avoidant attachment style. That style seems typically adopted by men so I'm glad you addressed this. This experience taught me a lesson to look at actions more than words and that my attachment style is more on the anxious side. This means for me to be less emotionally invested in someone so early, especially when their actions don't reflect their words.

Now that's completely new level of simping. Though it kinda sad that your mother had to make drastic choices at 21, specially affecting her children.

Ignas

After my mom's divorce from my dad at age 21, she was an admitted commitment-phobe. She always said it was to protect us kids but when I became an adult I realized she just enjoyed not having a man judge her lifestyle choices, and didn't trust men anymore to keep their promises anyway. Over the course of her life, she had a couple men try to get her to commit to them. But she'd never go any further than to be a regular girlfriend who also lets you sleep over at her house watch her tv sometimes. She's old now, in poor health and still takes advantage of the one man who is perpetually trying to get her to commit to him.  For the last 40 years!  Why does she need to marry him or live with him or be nice to him when she's already been on his bank account as an approved user for 30 years and is the main beneficiary in his will? 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free' doesn't just apply to men getting sex.

Jennifer Coopman

I think assessment that only top men are "scared of the commitment" is a bit off. Pool of the commitment and the expectations are not static during the lifetime, so not necessarily only top men are doing this. For example "baby rabies" aged women will find harder time to match the commitment need (everyone either already committed or do not want) and do constantly complain about commitment phobia among their peers.

Ignas

Oh yeah, this is a far bigger thing on the women's side. We dress it up with sayings like "it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind" or "he was suffocating" and such. And women don't realize that when they complain about men's lack of commitment they're only talking about the top tier of men. The rest are invisible. I've seen lots of women averse to commitment.

Todd McDaniels

I'm not scared. I just prefer being single and celibate at the moment. I just don't want to deal with anyone right now. It's too stressful. Those "endless options" aren't always all they're cut out to be lol most single 30 year olds are walking/talking giant red flags and it sucks.

I only know a few women who are afraid of commitment: 1 falls into category 4 (she had an abusive drug-addicted dad), 1 in category 2 (she struggles expressing emotion), and 1 in the first category. For the cat 1 girl, she was beautiful, super intelligent, and accomplished in a lot of ways. But, she never wanted to commit and hooked up intentionally with guys she knew she’d never have a future with - including college professors. She saved herself by joining the marines after graduating college - a couple of tours in Afghanistan and that party girl persona was demolished. She married a fellow marine and has 2 kids now. But it took something that extreme to snap her out of her initial mindset.