An Echo of Past Hurts by Emily Grace (Alexander's Partner)

The human brain and nervous system is endlessly fascinating. Our nervous system is the human body’s global communication conduit, and while is has not changed all that much since our primitive beginnings, it is an incredibly complex system with many impacting components. In order for us to understand our own individual, nuanced experiences of life, we must consider how all of the factors affecting our nervous system, including the plethora of our past experiences, have converged into impacting us in this moment.

Every individual on this earth has a unique experience of life. An individual’s subjective experience is influenced by many factors including how you were raised, who raised you, your attachment style, your caregivers’ attachment styles, your personality, your culture, your gender, your temperament, the goodness of fit between your own temperament and that of your caregivers, the environment in which you live, your home life, your parents’ relationship, their communication style, their conflict resolution strategies, their discipline style, their religion, their political leanings, their relationship to their own emotions, their relationship to yours…. As you can see, the list is somewhat endless. It can seem sometimes a tedious process to work out how all these factors might be influencing and impacting your present moment experience, but that’s where an individual therapist can be useful - to explore these factors together.

Regularly, difficulties in adult relationships, particularly romantic relationships, have at their root, a core challenge arising from our early relationships. Unfortunately, until we resolve some of the hurts and injustices, the difficulties and the traumas, we are likely to repeat them. It is the way our nervous system seeks resolution. Often people ignore these calls for resolution. We might recognise the patterns of relationship troubles or be aware that we seem to have an attraction to a specific type of person – maybe they are always unavailable? Maybe they are regularly abusive? though this is often not apparent in the early stages of dating. Perhaps you find that something just doesn’t feel quite right when it comes to your dating and romantic life, but you’ve not yet been able to put your finger on it.

If you have found your way to Alexander Grace’s channel, it is likely you have at some time, struggled to comprehend exactly what has been going on in your relationships. Why do the women you attract to your life always appear to be like this? Why does the same old pattern seem to play out in every new relationship? The answer could lie in the wisdom of your nervous system. Therapy is the process of diving deep into your present experiences to explore how the echoes of past hurts are keeping you stuck in these old patterns - by exploring and understanding how your wise, but primitive nervous system is attempting to resolve these experiences for you. So how can you harness your own innate drive to figure things out in a productive way, to find satisfaction in relationships, and start breaking these patterns? This is the question we ask in therapy, and it’s a process.

In my numerous years of self-work, both studying psychology and seeking my own therapy, I have come to recognize that insight alone into how our early experiences are impacting our present moment is not enough. Our nervous system is wise in this way. It seeks out new experiences, triggering the emotions and hurts from the past so we can FEEL the past hurt, with a fresh experience to be impacted by. Triggers can be ‘helpful’ in this way – to generate emotion which has its root in past hurts. Without the present moment experience, the old hurt is often all too easy to dismiss. But we don’t truly ‘move beyond’ our past without this piece of the puzzle. When trust is generated in the therapeutic relationship between client and therapist, clients can begin to feel the impact of their experiences with the therapist. In good therapy, the therapist will feel along with you – a mutual experience where two people impact each other in a shared moment of understanding and acceptance. This is the work of therapy. It is vulnerable. It is scary. It requires courage, and it takes time. But I tell you what, it’s worth it!

I currently offer zoom therapy sessions at a significantly reduced rate ($35 USD) while I am completing my internship, as I require these sessions to be recorded in the interest of my professional learning. Recordings will only ever be viewed by myself and my supervisor and will be deleted following viewing. All recordings are stored on a password protected computer and will never be shared via email or via any other platform. If you are interested in having a session with me, please book here:

https://calendly.com/emilyfaygrace/

I look forward to meeting you.

Emily Grace