"There's a Chance You Might Be Bi"

Hey everybody!

Another musical episode, another song by Dr. Samuel Bultch...hang on. This one's NOT written by Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S.? Is that...? Is that allowed???

Okay, well.

Here's A.J.'s message for his 14 year old self that might have saved him a WHOLE lot of time.

-Cool Voltaire

“There’s a Chance You Might Be Bi”

Music by Stephen Sondheim
Lyrics by A.J. Ditty

A.J.:

THERE’S A CHANCE YOU MIGHT BE BI
THERE’S A NOT IMPROBABLE CHANCE
YOU MIGHT BE BI

WHEN YOU’RE REALLY SHY
BUT YOU’RE JUST BRO
DOING THEATER PLAYS
THAT WILL HELP YOU GROW
LITTLE MORE THAN A GLANCE
IS ENOUGH TO SHOW THEM
JUST HOW STRAIGHT YOU ARE!

WHEN YOU’RE REALLY SHY
BUT YOU’RE HONRT AS HELL
AND THE BAKER’S WIFE
MAKES YOU FEEL SWELL
AND THE WITCH
HAS CAST HER SPELL AS WELL   

YOU’D LOVE  
TO FRENCH
ON THEIR FORBIDDEN TRENCH
EXPLORING THINGS YOU ALWAYS SOUGHT
BUT THEN THAT THOUGHT
GETS SUDDENLY FRAUGHT:

THE PRINCE, THE WITCH, AND THE BAKER
IN YOUR BED
THE PRINCE, THE WITCH AND THE HORNY BAKER
GIVING YOU HEAD

CAUSE THEY GOT THOSE BUTTS
AND THEY GOT THOSE BREASTS
AND THEY LET YOU SPOON
IN THEIR WELL-TONED CHESTS
AND YOU THINK THINGS NOW THAT YOU NEVER
THOUGHT BEFORE
MAYBE YOU’RE BI?

ONLY NO YOU THINK
THAT CAN’T BE RIGHT
IT’S GIRLS THAT MAKE
MY HEART TAKE FLIGHT
BUT THE PRINCE STROLLS IN
WITH THOSE NAUGHTY TIGHTS
THAT MAKE YOUR CARGO’S BUNCH!

AND YOUR HEART IS AIR
AND YOUR DICK IS STONE
AND YOU’VE NEVER BEEN 
MORE DOWN TO BONE

AND IT’S THEN THAT YOU REAP
ALL THE SEED YOU’VE SEWN
AS YOU LET OUT A SIGH
AND A BREATHY MOAN

THE FUN’S BEGUN
YOU STEAL SOME TISSUES
THEN RUN

AND YOU MAKE IT HOME
AND YOU LOOK BELOW
AS THE DICK YOU KNOW
BEGINS TO GROW

THE CHAIR, THE SOCK, AND THE LOTION
LOCK THE DOOR
THE CHAIR, THE SOCK AND THE THOUGHTS
YOU NEVER THOUGHT TO EXPLORE.

AND YOU THINK OF ALL OF THE MEN
YOU’VE SEEN
AND YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE SOMEWHERE
IN BETWEEN
AND YOU’RE SOFT AGAIN
ONLY DIFFERENT
THAN BEFORE
PROBABLY BI

THERE’S A CHANCE YOU MIGHT BE BI
THERE’S A NOT IMPROBABLE
AWESOME
VEINY
FABULOUS CHANCE THAT
YOU ARE BI!!!