04.26.2015
Added 2015-04-27 03:38:42 +0000 UTCive been really looking through my past and upon realizing a lot of behavior from others that i could define as abusive, i'm also seeing it in my past behavior. i've truly hurt people in very sincere ways. part of me wants to post this publicly, but i think it'll invite too much from the peanut gallery. this makes me super nervous, but i promised myself i would use patreon as a place to be a little more vulnerable than usual, so here it goes. i am very sorry to everyone i've ever hurt. i didn't mean to, and that doesn't excuse my words or actions, in the past or future. it's easy to paint people as "abusers" and then write them off, and some folks really need to be treated with that in mind, but also that distinction is why i've denied my own bad behavior for so long. seeing people on tumblr talk about these things more often has made me feel like i can start to heal from not only what i've experienced, but what i've made others experience. there are no answers here, i have been shitty to people and deserve dislike or even hate from them, i'm sure of it.
Comments
I don't make a point of looking up drama about myself, but the most recent experience I had made me sad for so many reasons. The biggest one was someone saying that there are people who call themselves my friend that are afraid of me. I really hope that there aren't people who are afraid of me. I hope that I show myself to be a kind person. I think I have been scarier in the past, I used to be quick to tell people they were hurtful and wrong without looking for their point of view first or having empathy. I do my best to not be that anymore and call out bad behavior, not bad people, if that makes sense. I can only live a better life, I can't change the past.
Doe
2015-05-02 03:54:59 +0000 UTCI've been unpacking the pieces of my life that I just took at face value for the past 7 years, and yeah, I have hurt some people and not fessed up. All of them have written me off, so it's hard to know exactly what to do there...but I think when I have the energy I will reach out one last time to apologize. I've been spending more time In The Real World and its been hard to not tumblr-ify everything I see how...It's been putting some good stuff into perspective :)
Doe
2015-05-02 03:52:23 +0000 UTCPeople keep being people... we hurt each other, and sometimes it could be avoided if just people were thinking before acting. don't do anything that you wouldn't want to be done to you - that's a good way of thinking, but it isn't enough. you will, without fault, at some point harm someone, probably unwillingly. that happens... what counts is what is done afterwards. Appologies aren't always necessary. what counts more than most is to accept who you are. if you do not like it, taking time out on yourself and thinking about how to change will be the best. It is great to seek redemption, better to act. but different people will likely handle that differently. It takes wisdom and experience to know when to speak or not, which unfortunately means it takes understanding the pain caused to avoid causing more. That to say, tumblr is not a reference. handle that part of the internet with distance.
Selth Blackwings
2015-04-27 13:37:45 +0000 UTCThere are times when people hurt one another. It's very unfortunate, but it does happen. The best thing to do is to try and make your intentions clear, and to seek forgiveness and keep an open mind. It's very good to realize that you have hurt people, and it's especially important to apologize, but I don't think you deserve hate. The fact that you can make a sincere post like this, where you admit faults and a desire to improve, means that you are not a good person, but a great person. You just need to keep moving forward and act on these intentions. I realize that I, too, have hurt people, and when I make these realizations, I try to apologize immediately, and seek a better path. Even so, I can't realize all of the pain that I have inflicted, because of everyone who is too stunned to speak. I mean, I'm pretty sure I devastated one of the most important people in my life, and I lost them because of it. I feel that you are on a good path Sigil. If you are able to personally apologize to people you have hurt specifically, then consider that option. It might do some good.
Loonie Lummox
2015-04-27 03:50:13 +0000 UTC
