From Ruins to Renewal

This has been one hell of a year to weather. Heck it's been insufferable weather as well. We thought 2020 was a tough year and then 2021 said "hold my beer". 

This year has absolutely pummeled our team with a veritable grapeshot of challenges. With the removal of Ic0n from the team, Pickysaurus having to step back from a lead role due to RMI (repetitive motion injury) concerns with constant keyboard and mouse usage for both work and the project, Sirjesto's current challenges that have taken him away from the norm to people's loss of family and pets, downturns in health, pressures at work, and more; it's amazing we are even still standing at this point.

I will admit that in between spurts of productivity I have felt pretty downtrodden in recent months. Some folks have stepped up to take on more responsibilities and help out to fill the void in various areas, but it's still quite disheartening to hit a stride and then immediately have to readjust expectations because a key person has had to step back and I have to pop into damage control or project management mode and leave my own development tasks undone while I re-attribute tasks and reassess priorities with the remaining team. Not to mention the time involved in teaching some folks certain tasks to bring them up to speed.

Earlier this year I gave the green light for our voice actor director to start casting, thinking that it would be the motivation we needed on the writing and implementation teams to finish quest writing, editing, and implementation, but then fate yanked the rug out from under us and gave us a set back on team involvement. Luckily the slow down has affected all areas evenly, even in voice direction, so luckily we still are more or less in line with our timetable, just an extended version of it instead.

I have always said to myself that "what I am doing here cannot ever feel like work, it has to be done as enjoyment and fulfillment, because as soon as it feels like work, it becomes a job, rather than a passion." I'll be honest, it's been very hard to not feel like this has become work at times, especially in recent months. I've tried pushing through to just get things done, since we're not in a creative development arc as much as a nuts and bolts 'slap it all together' mode, but that very quickly changes the status quo in how I feel about the project. Logistics are a killer to creativity and inspiration, and ultimately to my productivity. I often feel like I'm dragging and have too much to do both in real life and the project... 

But then something simple happens; a comment from a fan on how amazing they think Legacy is and how they just can't wait for Odyssey, or a small wave of inspiration hits that makes me think "wow, it would be amazing if we can take the story in that direction and do that." or just a few notes of the music we have for Odyssey starts to stir the vat of inspiration again and gets the creativity flowing once more, maybe a few fans asking questions or having a hypothetical discussion about what could be in store in Odyssey; all just rekindles that spark.

It is ultimately a challenge to keep pressing forward while the troops are falling down all around you. Some step up to support the walking wounded, or take up the fallen flag to continue pressing on, but it's an up hill battle to be certain. I often wrestle with the existential quandary of "Is my current state of mind the way it is because of the challenges presented by our overall team situation? Or have I simply been doing this for too long?" or "Should I just go back to my tower and do my own thing rather than managing a large team on a massive project?"

In the end, very little in life gives me quite the same giddy feeling as the prospect of creation in this world; the thought of the results of a finished product, the passing thought on some clever scene exchange between characters, a bit of inspiring music that brings to mind the motivations of the main antagonist, seeing active discussion between some team members who are producing results; all things that remind me that this is something good, and I am at the heart of it, not only beating onward to keep it alive, but also being fed by the very things I'm supporting.

Just like the towers of Nirn, some may fall but so long as there are others left behind, it won't completely crumble, and there are always those aspiring to create entirely new towers to reinforce the framework of the Aurbis so that creation can go on.