The Nature of Predators - Something About Blue (3/4)

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Memory transcription subject: Rivlia, Gojid Exterminator

Date [standardized human time]: March 5, 2137

The last few days had been a slump of depression, where I’d been going through the motions at the office. Denna noticed that I was quiet and that I’d stopped talking about Blue, but the void that had opened up inside me was eating me alive. Several of my other colleagues noticed my aloof, down-in-the-dumps demeanor too; it was a miracle I’d dragged myself out of bed. Without our conversations occupying my spare time, I felt hollow and empty. I couldn’t understand how it had all been the phony machinations of a flesh-eating beast, even after seeing the proof with my own eyes.

The terrible face of the human still haunted my dreams, and I could picture that growling voice speaking the sweet words that had captivated my imagination. Looking back, it was fortunate we’d never met up; Blue had long-term plans to take me off the radar, and eat me where my remains would never be traced. Despite knowing that I was encouraging Giannis to seek out new, unsuspecting prey by ignoring him, I couldn’t muster up the willpower to answer his communications. The predator had sent me numerous messages since the fateful encounter in the park, some of which were long-winded walls of text; it was an excellent imitation of emotion, designed to elicit pity. I don’t know why I read each of them, when I didn’t plan to answer.

[*Curated numerical values for frame of reference]

Time: [*One hour, thirty-six minutes from the incident] Rivi, I’ve had a horrible day. I need to talk to you, I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t mean to stress you out, but I need you to be here. Please answer, for the sake of all that’s good in the universe. I can’t stop thinking, can’t stop playing it all over in my head…can’t stop wondering what I’ve done and why it happened to me. You seem to be the only one who sees me for who I am. Tell me you still see me.

Time: [*Three hours, two minutes after] I’m sure you’re busy with a perfectly legitimate thing, so I’m sorry if I’m spamming or burying you or whatever, but I need to get it off my chest. I’m going to burst if I don’t. I have no one else to talk to, and I’m honestly scared to even leave my apartment. There’s something very important you don’t know about me, but let’s just say people treat me like I’m literal dirt because of an inherent quality I have. It’s tough to comprehend why someone…just hates you, when you don’t hate them.

I don’t hate anyone. That’s what I thought anyway, but I’m angry. I’m scared. I’m losing my damn mind and I feel like I need to run far, far away from here. Maybe you can tell me if I should stay. If I should go. Any sort of guidance, being listened to and empathized with, heavens, anything would make me feel better.

Shit, I’m ranting. If I weren’t completely wrecked and panicked, I’d backspace this whole message and not worry you. I’m sorry. I’ll try to stay off this channel, and wait ‘til you’re available like a good friend.

That second message had almost been enough to encourage me to break my silence; if the predator wanted encouragement to leave this colony, I should prompt it to ship out. That was one monstrous burden we didn’t have trampling around Bithen Orchard, and prowling our digital space as well. It was darkly impressive how well a human could navigate online venues, passing as a normal sapient. However, my better judgment kicked in as I contemplated a reply. Giannis was floating the idea of leaving the planet as a way of manipulation, a dramatic statement to get me to answer with haste. It needed help plotting its next move; it was scared of receiving judgment from us for its cursed, brutal way of life.

Time: [*Five hours, seven minutes after]: You’ll read this eventually. You should know why I’m like this, because I know it’s not my normal. Maybe I’m scaring you, and shit, I’m sorry if I am. That’s not what I want. Gist of it is, I almost died while I was at the park today. I’ve been sick to my stomach ever since, and the way I felt in that moment, when I thought it was about to be my last, dying in one of the most painful ways possible… I noted to myself, as I was reading this message, that the filthy human finally understood how prey felt as its fingers coiled around their necks, squeezing the life from their windpipes. I realized that there’s so much I haven’t done yet. All I can do is think, and think, and think.

It puts it all in perspective, doesn’t it? I don’t think I’ll ever forget this, or feel safe walking around here again. But when I was seconds away from my painful demise, I regretted that I’d pulled away from you.

The truth is, I didn’t want to meet up because I was scared of rejection. I’m a sensitive person, and like I’ve told you, a lot of people have hurt me lately. There was only so much I could take, so I closed myself off to avoid being wounded. I wanted it not to matter what I am. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, but I’m ready to tell you everything. You see me for my true self, and I’m desperate to believe you still will. Life is so damn short; it can be taken away in an instant. Oh, Rivi, there’s so much needless suffering out there. It hurts my heart.

Well, my wall of text is already at liftoff, so I might as well just keep going—let it all out. I learned some disturbing things about the Great Protector. You know, I’d never wish for any living thing’s suffering, because it’s all interconnected. The way you talked about nature, that was the impression I got from you. Loving the beauty. Loving our place in that beauty. You wouldn’t justify cleansing living things like a plague, would you?

Life is a miracle. Each of us, the fact that our thoughts form patterns that let us etch these characters that convey complex meaning; it’s the biggest series of coincidences in the universe, and that it’s happened so many times…we’re all the product of random chance. It’s a gift that we exist at all to observe the wonders and the scale of the great unknown. I hope I haven’t distorted what you believe into something that’s what I believe. I hope you wouldn’t rejoice in the suffering of any living being.

Everywhere I go in Bithen Orchard, I am unwanted and unloved. It doesn’t matter what I do, how hard I try, or how few waves I make. In spite of all of this, the thought of your beliefs aligning with a sadistic, cookie-cutter category makes me want to pull my hair out. It haunts me just as much as the realization that I can be threatened and badgered, any place, any time, without cause or due process. Tell me that you care only for the splendor of the cosmos…and tell me it's all going to be okay. Please, Rivi.

Giannis had never slapped that many words together; if I didn’t know it was a soulless monstrosity, I would’ve thought it was having a mental breakdown. It would’ve been easier to gloss over its jumbled mess of thoughts, but something compelled me to try to understand its angle. Perhaps the human was traumatized, in the sense that even a non-sapient predator would shrivel away from something it knew would hurt it. That was the entire reason for the Protector’s gift of our bristles, after all. Blue must find it disconcerting that agents like me were dedicated to keeping it off our turf, rather than allowing it to roam on the hunt freely.

The sudden talk about leaving and wanting to meet up could mean that Giannis had escalated its timeframe to spring its trap, and could be planning to flee after it scored its meticulous kill. This was encouraging, if the beast felt some semblance of the terror prey lived with daily. Maybe I should accept its invite, and get the exterminators’ guild to spring a trap on it? They could finish what my sentimental weakness had prevented me from doing. However, the idea of facing Blue in person again sapped me of all energy; any mirth had been sucked from my bloodstream by harsh reality.

Time: [*Fourteen hours, fifty-nine minutes after] Just woke up. I barely slept. Had a horrid nightmare that I was burning alive and I couldn’t move. I don’t think I’m going to work.

Time: [*Twenty-two hours, five minutes after] I’m in crisis. I see you going on and offline, Rivi. You’ve never taken this long to answer before, and I would worry if you’re okay, if I didn’t see the blue dot. Blue for online. It’s my favorite color you know; ocean, sky on certain worlds, some of the most beautiful birds—I guess like the Krakotl. Their feathers are a lovely color, even if their hearts aren’t so lovely. Fuck, I want to talk to you. I know I’m being needy, but…you’re the only kind person in my life.

It's a beautiful universe, one I’d love to explore, but I feel like the gates are shut in my face. Tell me I’m not alone, unless that’s exactly what I am.

Time: [*One day, five hours, eleven minutes after] Going to bed. Another night of tossing and turning I’m sure. I miss you. I hope your life is going better than mine. I hope you’re happy, wherever you are.

Time: [*One day, fourteen hours, twenty-four minutes after] Now is the worst possible time for you to ghost me. Is that what you’re doing? I wish I knew why. What did I do?

Time: [*Two days, three minutes after] Hello????

Time: [*Two days, five hours, forty-eight minutes after] I shouldn’t have unloaded on you. I would’ve rather not lost what we had, or at least said goodbye on good terms. These chats mean something to me…sunshine.

That particular message stabbed at my heart, more than any of the predator’s other flurry of messages. Why was it so good at mimicking connections? Part of me felt sorry for a creature that’d call spurting blood a fountain, and that looked like it was birthed straight from a canyon of skeletons with sickly skin stretched over it. Humans existed for the purpose of killing, and their entire evolution, including this social understanding, was tailored to that. It was a mercy that Giannis had almost given up the pursuit of its prey, because my emotions were weak. It had sent only one message, in the past day.

Time: [*Two days, twenty hours, twenty-seven minutes after] Okay. I get the message. I won’t bother you anymore. Thanks for being there for me all those other times, Rivi. Take care of yourself.

When the messages from Blue stopped coming, that was when my life felt truly empty. There was the distinctive feeling that something important was missing, compounded by a gnawing sense of loss. The world was neither bright nor entertaining without the predator’s commentary. I resented it even more for how I couldn’t function without it to talk to; perhaps its goal had been to make me dependent on it. Given that I spared its life after seeing its hideous face, there was no question it’d succeeded in making me care about it. The gravity of that realization made me ashamed of myself, so I tried harder to crush all of those feelings. The emptiness expanded its hold.

I miss the person I thought I knew so much. I wanted to spend my life with that thing…I was obsessed with it! It’s so hard to just turn those feelings off, even though I know it’s a bloodthirsty heathen now.

Denna waved her claws in front of my face. “Cheer up, Rivi! You can’t stay in this predator-induced trance forever. What’s Blue got to say?”

“We haven’t been talking,” I mumbled.

“I assume it didn’t work out. Oh, I’m sorry. Some people aren’t ready for commitment, and feelings are a funny thing. You’ll find another guy.”

“Yeah. You’re right.”

“You've got to pay some attention to your workspace though. Why are you keeping that predator’s card out on your desk? It’s not even sealed. You’re getting contaminants all over the surface!”

My gaze flitted over to Giannis’ ID, and I intercepted her paw as she went to grab it. “Leave it. It’s fine.”

“Okay. Should I steer clear of you, since you’re this grumpy?”

“Denna, I could care less what you or anyone else does. I’m miserable. I invested all my hopes in Blue, but it was never going to work. It was all in my head, and I can’t bear to talk about it, so please, stop asking—”

The door to the front office chimed, and that attracted my attention for a moment. The Bithen Orchard branch got very few walk-ins, since most of the populace had left and the remaining people preferred the portal for reports. My heart stopped in my chest, as I recognized the curly-black hair atop a predator’s head. Its mane looked much less greasy this time, and a visor over its insufferable eyes lessened the sensory assault of its appearance. If Giannis was allegedly terrified of exterminators, why would it wander into our workplace? Did it have a deathwish, or feel compelled to reassert its dominance in the natural hierarchy?

Denna chewed at her claws. “That thing. You’re the one who let it go, Rivi. You deal with it. It could want revenge on you; I’ll get my flamethrower and be ready to strike on your command.”

I stifled a groan, feeling nauseous at the thought of interacting with the beast. “Fine. I’ll chase it off.”

Giannis was filming on its holopad, and its posture did seem a little nervous. The color drained from its cheeks when I approached, making it look even creepier than before. It drew a shaky breath, and the binocular eyes hiding behind that metal strip seemed to be pointed at the floor. The predator wasn’t giving off the appearance of looking for a fight, though it was obvious to me now that humans could be quite deceitful about their intentions. Behind its veneer of fear, it emitted some sadness, with its shoulders slumped and its sluggish movements.

An act to appeal to prey sympathies. Focus.

“What are you doing here? I told you to go far away from here,” I hissed.

A knot passed down Giannis’ throat as it swallowed. “I am. B-by the way, I’m livestreaming this, so if you do anything to me, you’ll be going to jail. I am a person with rights, whether you think so or not.”

“What is it you want?” I repeated flatly, as my spines bristled.

“I’m leaving this colony. That’ll make you happy, I’m sure, but I need my ID to get off this rock. The tracking chip places it here, so I know you still have it. Please give it to me, and you’ll never have to see me again. One less human.”

I considered its offer, shifting my gaze toward the camera pointed at my face. Minister Kiri, a human sympathizer, would side with this creature if I refused its request. It was smart to know we couldn’t burn it without provocation, not if we wanted to keep our freedom and careers. Regardless, it had been my intention to encourage Blue to remove itself from my planet, when it was messaging me about leaving; this was excellent news. It’d come to that conclusion on its own, without any encouragement from me. I flicked my claws at Denna, and she scurried off to retrieve the card.

My partner passed the plastic to me. “Here, Rivi. Take it.”

I stiffened with alarm, realizing that the predator had overheard a name it knew. My claws snatched the card, all but shoving it into the beast’s free, spindly hand. Giannis froze, with its maw falling open; it was unresponsive for several seconds. The human struggled to find its voice, with its lips moving without sound. Its mouth curved downward, and its eyebrows slanted down just above its visor. Was it my imagination, or did it look deeply hurt? It wasn’t possible for a predator to care what prey thought of it. This had to be acting, just like everything else Blue had done.

Now, it knows who you are. It could out you to the whole office, or fly off the handle in a rage.

“Rivi?” The Terran’s voice quavered when it finally spoke, as it sniffled several times. A tear rolled down its face, and it slapped a hand over its agape maw in an attempt to hold itself together. “I…now I see why you didn’t answer.”

Denna wrinkled her nose in confusion, as the predator whipped around. Giannis stormed out of our office, the still-recording camera on its holopad lowering. There was no doubt that the human’s posture was utterly defeated, without a trace of the confidence it’d had strutting about at the park. Perhaps its pouting was mere disappointment that it lost a meal, but I felt a pang of guilt that it knew who I was. It hadn’t confronted me or said anything antagonistic. Whatever its reasons were, it had cared enough for its awful features to show visible distress.

There was still some treasonous part of me that didn’t want Blue to be upset on my behalf. To make matters worse, I now had an extermination partner who might’ve put the pieces together about who that ghastly creature was. It was tough to imagine how I could feel any more miserable than this, but with Giannis packing up its bags, at least this devastating series of events was over. With time, I could squash every treasonous feeling that had wormed its way into my heart.

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A/N - The penultimate part! Blue expresses to Rivi online how shaken up he is, and how he needs to speak with her; however, he eventually catches on that she isn't answering. Our exterminator is miserable after cutting ties with the human, but is forced to interact with him one last time when Giannis walks into her workplace to fetch his ID. How do you think Giannis is feeling, now that he's connected the dots between his friend and the cruel exterminator? What will Denna have to say, if she's realized Blue's identity?

As always, thank you for reading and supporting!