Valentine's Day - Lorcan

Lorcan picks out another yellow jelly bean and hands it to you. He makes that face again. You add it to the pile you have on your lap atop a napkin.

He shoves handfuls of candy into his mouth. You don’t even know if he chews them. Still, in your eyes he looks adorable.

A couple walk hand in hand in front you two and their judgmental faces zero in on Lorcan’s peculiar eating habits. He hands you the bucket of candy and gets up.

“You got somethin’ you wanna fucking say to me?” he challenges. You grab his sleeve and try to sit him back down.

“Lorcan-”

“Come say it to my fucking face!” he yells as the couple look back with puzzled expressions. They pick up their pace.

“Lorcan!” you chastise and pull him back down. You take a handful of candy and hand him the bucket back.

“They think they’re so much better than everyone else cause they’re in love and need to rub it in our faces,” he grimaces.

You snorts, “I thought you would be less crazy today knowing that you have a Valentine.”

He looks at you and his annoyance softens. He takes your hand raises it. He almost brings it to his lips but then a moment of conflict on his face makes him release your hand.

“It’s not about that. I just think this whole fucking day is corny as shit. Like people really like showing off they have money they get the chocolate, the flowers and hearts and all that bullcrap,” he says bitterly.

You smile, plopping a gummy heart into your mouth. “So you hate the commericalization of Valentine’s Day?”

He scowls and hands you the bucket, crossing his arms.

You eye him and he refuses to look at you. “Or do you hate the fact that you can’t afford all the ‘bullcrap?’”

He glances at you quickly and looks away, seemingly sliding lower into the bench.

You roll your eyes. “Lorcan, you know I don’t care about those things.”

He shakes his head. “Your boyfriend can only get you some candy from the dollar store to show you how much he loves you and that’s cool to you?”

You scoff, “because I’m rolling in money, aren’t I?”

“Your family wasn’t always so poor. Your name is important in this town. I just...” he trails off.

You put a hand on his shoulder. “What?” you ask gently.

He sighs and looks down. “I just want you to be proud that I’m your boyfriend,” he mumbles.

You let out an incredulous laugh. “You think I’m not proud of you?”

“I just know I’m not good enough-”

You put a hand on his mouth. He looks up at you and you lean in so close your noses are touching. “Listen to me, dummy. I’m with you because I want to be. If I thought you weren’t good enough you really think I would spend my Valentine’s Day here with you?”

He says something muffled.

You lean in even closer, a soft smile tugging at your lips as you look into his eyes. "I’m here because I want to be with you. You don't need to prove anything to me, Lorcan."

He shifts uncomfortably, clearly still battling his insecurities. You take a deep breath and gently lift your hand from his mouth, your fingers grazing his chin. You thought as time went on they would lessen but it’s like prying moss off of a window.

“You are good enough,” you add, your voice firm. “In fact, you’re more than enough.”

His eyes soften for a brief moment, there's a flicker of vulnerability there. Then he shakes his head slightly, looking away again.

“Why do you always do that?” you ask. “Why can’t you just accept that you’re exactly what I want?”

He huffs, but there’s a reluctant smile tugging at his lips now. A mix of irritation and something warmer.

“Because you deserve more than... whatever the fuck this is,” he gestures vaguely to the cheap candy and the half-empty bucket. “Than... me.”

You raise an eyebrow, “I think I can decide that for myself.”

Lorcan looks back at you, the defensive walls he's built up over the past few minutes slowly starting to crumble. His gaze lingers on your face, a mix of tenderness and uncertainty in his eyes.

"You really mean that?" he asks softly.

You give a small nod, your hand brushing against his. "I do. Now, are we gonna finish off this candy or what?"

Lorcan's gaze shifts down to the candy between you two, but it’s clear his mind is elsewhere. He shifts a bit and leans back against the bench. A little more at ease now, though still trying to fight the softness of the passing moments.

He reaches for another handful of jelly beans. But his movements are slower, less frantic.

“You know," he begins, voice quieter than before. “I never really thought someone would like... want to stick around, ya know? Like, actually want to be with me.”

You feel a pang in your chest, hearing the uncertainty in his words. You give his hand a gentle squeeze. "Lorcan, you’re not just someone to me. You’re you.”

He looks at you again, a hint of disbelief creeping into his expression, as if your words are too good to be true.

For a long moment, neither of you speak. The sounds of the street fade into the background, and the two of you are just there sitting together and surrounded by the mess of half-eaten candy, and garbage strewn along the sidewalk.

“You’re a lot better than you give yourself credit for,” you add, your voice soft but firm.

Lorcan exhales a heavy breath that’s part relief and maybe part frustration. He finally looks at you, really looks at you and there’s a vulnerability there. Raw and unguarded. He doesn’t look away this time.

“Maybe I just need to get used to it.”

You laugh lightly, nudging his shoulder with yours. “You will. I’m not going anywhere.”

He finally smiles. “Happy Valentine’s Day, babe.”

He kisses your cheek. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Guess I’m lucky, huh?” he murmurs.

You give him a friendly shove. “I could say the same about you.”

He pulls back slightly, glancing at you with a smirk. “You better. I’m pretty fucking great.”

You laugh, reaching for another gummy heart. You throw it at him and he catches it in his mouth. You smile and he throws his arm around your shoulders.

You manage to finish the bucket and even though he moans about how much it’ll suck, he leads you home to watch what he terms, “boring crying bad corny rom-coms.”