Nia - POV (Cafeteria scene)

The food she brought looked as unappetizing as the disgusting cafeteria slop that grunting lunch lady served. She had only ever ordered for food once in this school and it was the first day of ninth grade. She had seen it twitch and immediately throw it into the trash.

She brought her own lunch now. Always something healthy. Apart from the unhealthiness of the sugar, carbs and trans fat in the fries and burgers her peers eat, she always didn't really like the taste of junk food. Could no one taste the processed chemicals?

The only thing that she loved and hated how much she loved was white chocolate. Oh, how she loved those squares of pure health-inducing illness in a wrapper. On the most stressful days she found it harder to resist gorging herself on some until her stomach hurt and she could forget all her problems.

Like today. It wasn't as awful as the party at Croun manor. She had seen them. Interacted — a very loose use of that word and came out the other end no worse for wear. Once she had gotten back from the police station and laid under the covers of her soft blanket she had found she couldn't sleep a wink.

The image of their face had refused to leave her mind. The dead girl too. But the latter wasn't her problem and the former could be avoided. Birdie wasn't stupid. They knew Nia had no intentions of renewing their friendship.

They had passed by their lunch table and gone to a solitary one, hunched over their tray and had no looked up since. But Nia couldn't help herself. She finds her eyes constantly going in that direction. She scolds herself, chastises her weakness.

They always did have the ability to push things out of her that she didn't like. She stabbed at her food, rolled it around with her fork and had tried to bring it to her lips but then would let it fall back to her tupperware with a clang.

No one around her noticed her mood. They were all too business nearly trampling over the others to ask Imre questions, to show him how much they loved him to feed the never full monster that is Imre Duran's ego. Cindy 'ohs' and 'ahs' were louder than the others and Nia has a picture in her mind that shows her throwing her salad at that girl. Someone who wears heels to school does so to be noticed. And poor Cindy was being noticed far too much for Nia's worsening mood.

She feels Imre's eyes on her again. He had tried to talk to her about that night for days now and she had skived the questions. She knew he wouldn't go blabbing about her problems, he never has through all those years of friendship when her only solace was laying her head down on his shoulder after pouring out all that was troubling her.

But she knew that he wanted to know not only because he cared for her but because he wanted information. He talks about the dead girl as if it were a gift that fell to his lap. She's used to how emotionally cold he can be when it involves the lives of other's. No... cold isn't the right word.

It's more like he stops seeing people as people when their misery achieves a higher purpose for him. Her, on the other hand was a different story. She couldn't help but feel for the girl. For all the girls that had been dying. She might be bleeding heart for wanting to help people but she's fine with that, it's not like anyone would know.

She picks up her fork again and resumes her work of rolling her lettuce around and around. Her stomach squeezes as she realizes it almost looks like the atrocious shit Birdie had on their plate. A round of laughter came from far away. She sees Imre's gesticulating arms lower back to his plate. She leans back into her seat, crossing her arms. She watches the faces around her.

It all feels like it happens slow. Like when she was 8 and feel down the monkey-bars. She swears it felt like she was falling for thirty seconds. She sees Birdie get up. She doesn't try to look away, they're not looking there's no harm. They start walking back the same route they had taken. That meant they would walk past Imre. Would they look at her?

Does she want them to?

Nia doesn't see it. She would've noticed if she was on top of herself today. Cindy's voice was so loud. But she doesn't see what's happening until it's too late. This happens quickly, as if God turned the switch the other way and now the cafeteria is double the speed.

Cindy looks at Birdie, makes a move that Nia can't see from where she is and Birdie trips and falls forward. Their tray and body thumping on the linoleum floor. She doesn't think. Pure instinct makes her practically run to them. When her hands grip their shoulders her fingertips tingle. She knows she can't possibly feel their skin under their clothes but the heat from their body warms her palms.

She has no time for that. "Birdie, are you ok?" the voice she uses for the patients at the hospital comes out unbidden. It sounds artificial. She helps them get up and she tries to make eye contact but they're moving too much for that.

She expects them to glare or lunge at Cindy but she can barely keep them in her hands. They're jerking around wildly. Their eyes panicked. She thinks she says their name. Maybe that works because they look over their shoulder at her, as if finally noticing she's there.

When they do they move away from her. They leave her with her hands still open as they dangle by her sides. Standing, and out of place. The only one who came to help. The only one who exposed myself, she thinks. Before she even has time to properly regret it Birdie takes off. Bolts out of the cafeteria quicker than she has ever seen them run.

Before the double doors even close the laughter of so many students fill the silence. She doesn't even know if they are laughing because they really find it so funny or because they feel awkward. Almost bad and want to divert any bad emotions into positive ones at will. She could blame them but she wants to do the exact same thing.

She sits back down next to Imre, putting the lid on her tupperware. She feels as if she'll go walking around like a zombie all day. Lost in a sea of tormenting thoughts. He holds out his hand to her. All the other kids are already moving away, throwing out their food.

He smiles at her. The smile he gives solely to her. It says 'I understand, I can't make it go away but I understand.'

She inhales deeply and takes his hand.