What Could Go Wrong

One of my first purchases on my own was for a product called The Perfect Pancake, an As Seen on TV product that failed to produce a pancake in my family's house even once. The gap between the two surfaces was wide enough to allow the batter and fat to pour out while flipping the device, provided I used enough fat to allow it to move at all. This so-called nonstick pan from at least a decade ago would usually adhere batter to one side, never releasing it onto the cold unheated surface on the other side.

I remember this experience so vividly because it was the first time I had saved money and spent it all on my own, with no adult help, from an ad I kept seeing on TV. I don't think it's hard to see how that memory presents itself in me, the ad hater who's constantly coming up with reasons not to pay for something. After The Perfect Pancake, I would watch TV ads with the express purpose of ideating ways in which one critical flaw could outweigh each potential benefit being advertised. Guessing what could go wrong became a fun way to pass time in between chunks of cartoons. I even grew to apply this to my work. When talking to a subject matter expert, I always ask them a question on behalf of the dissenters. I might ask the safety representative "Do you really have to wear safety glasses, even if you're just walking through the worksite to get back to the trailer?" or "What would you say to those who think this effort is misplaced" to someone announcing new company policies. The cooking videos that I make usually stem from some sense of "what is someone most likely to mess up while cooking this?" or "how much of what I've heard regarding this topic is just noise?"

I don't think you should read this and adopt a pessimistic worldview. The side effects of being defensive, cynical, and skeptical all make life at least a little bit less enjoyable. Having a wildly optimistic wife lends a lot of balance, and I think age will help even my keel over time (even though my pessimistic ass thinks it's most likely gonna be from finally experiencing actual tragedy, thus altering my baseline for misery oh no here I go making it worse). My psychologist sister suggests that this evident of what they in the biz call "a scarcity mindset", and that would definitely fit in with my compulsive saving and fanatical quest for self-reliance. If there's any point to explaining my bias without endorsing it, it might be the grain-of-salt-sized lens through which you can view my work. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.