Personal (Important) Note

I have to admit that I'm not going to finish everything to things posted tonight (Saturday).

I also want to note that I am very, very sorry that I haven't put out more content this month. I always want to do what I can to be worth your time and money--I want to do right by the people who are helping support these creative endeavors.

As some of you who have been patrons since last fall may know, I was unemployed for a year, and faced homelessness by February/March of this year if I wasn't able to find employment. I'd been actively job hunting even before the pandemic, after leaving a very toxic office position (the kind where your boss literally and flat out demands that you be available to reach 24/7 no matter what, despite that being a flagrant violation of labor laws, after chastising you for not answering your texts when you had a minor case of food poisoning). I tried my best to find work before I left that job, but it quickly became clear that it was a choice between my mental health and employment. Three months later, in February/March of 2020, while I was actively doing job interviews, the pandemic reached the state of Tennessee. However, I eventually found employment essentially on the year anniversary of leaving my last job, and have been in training since. This week was my first week out of training, and it's been... a lot, but in a very good way. This new chapter in my life is, however, forcing me to confront some very old baggage--self worth, habits ingrained in me from childhood, focusing on self care and self improvement--and I am, of course, seeing a therapist weekly to deal with the mess dredged up by changing circumstances.  I'm happy that things are different, I'm just... in flux.

I've found myself having to look in a mirror and confront feelings of being an imposter, heightened moods of hopelessness, and the impending creeping dread of waiting for the other metaphorical shoe to drop. The fear of rejection, of reaching out only to be thrown aside. Still, there's good news: The grooves impressed in us in our childhood are deep, but they aren't permanent. I have grown and become a better person, slowly but surely,  during the last year. And you, whether you have subscribed as a patron or not, have helped to that end. Especially during a time when even my introverted ass is starved for positive human connection.

I don't say this to beg for sympathy, or to manipulate anyone into staying as my patrons. I simply want to let you all know the truth, that I am in a time of adjustment in my life, and have certainly not taken your support for granted. 

I'm honestly very sorry my output just hasn't been that high this month. I've been working with Peebs to get the Gorgeous Georgians CAS stuff done, and most of it will actually go out Sunday, 1/31, as will the Gorgeous Georgians Add-ons set. Next weekend the other half of the set will come out, and then it's time for the final home stretch of working on finishing the GG Build part. 

I think I'm going to set up some polls to see how y'all want content to be issued from now on, whether in monthly batches or as it becomes available, so keep your eyes peeled for that. I also need to spend some time thinking about taking better care of myself, about not putting myself under high stakes pressure--at work, I've found myself stressing so much to the point that it's caused muscle spasms in my back (related to a spinal injury I had five years ago that caused permanent damage). And I've even found myself stressing about not doing right by y'all. And at the end of the day, not even the job that pays my rent and bills is worth that level of stress. So. I just want to arrange things so that I can still do something I enjoy, while still doing right by the people who choose to show support (monetary and otherwise) for that effort.

Finally, I'm going to overhaul the Patreon page at some point with pretty graphics and of course, the following stipulation: 

If you decide, for any reason at all, to unsubscribe, please send me a message here on Patreon. You do NOT have to tell me why you've unsubscribed! I don't need to know. Frankly, it isn't my business. But messaging me will help me keep track of you so that I can send you any CC I upload for the next month.

I know this may seem counter-intuitive in terms of patron rewards and making money, but...... I'm not here for the money (though it has certainly helped me get back on my feet financially). It is a gesture to prove that I want to do right by my subscribers and by the community as a whole. I wouldn't be here, doing this, if it weren't for the community itself and the lovely people in it. I also want to communicate that I do not harbor any ill will toward people who don't subscribe to this Patreon page, or to those who choose to leave it, or have to leave it for financial reasons.

Thank you, again, all of you--subscribers, onlookers, friends, strangers.

As ever, your feedback is extremely important to me, so don't be afraid to shoot me a message here on Patreon or on Tumblr.

Take care of yourselves, and look forward to downloads tomorrow and next weekend.

x x x