2020 End of the Year Rant

So, here we are. Christmas time. Admittedly I tend to be the kind of person who isn't really into holiday tradition and typical festivities. I never could figure out why. I've always dragged my feet through the schmaltz while also milking the time off from work, school, etc. for what it's worth. I suppose if I had to pinpoint a cause, it's because I have always had trouble with authority of any sort. And a holiday telling me I should wrap presents for my loved ones in front of a tree, or a holiday telling me I should grill hot dogs and watch fireworks rather than doing so on my own terms is something I naturally resist. I certainly still celebrate with family and friends, but I tend to prefer things to happen organically most of the time. In most areas of life. But, this year I honestly am thankful for so many things in a way that feels unusual for me. 

I truly feel lucky even if things have been rough for everyone to varying degrees. I am so sick of people blaming 2020 as a cursed year. If a problem occurs, let's blame it on 2020 amirite? Ugh. No, 2020 is not to blame. A year from now, two years from now, you will miss a lot of things about 2020. Based on the way things are going, I do not see things looking up in the near future. The civil unrest, the amount of lost jobs, evictions, desperation. The aftermath of so much that has occurred will be rough in ways I think few are prepared for. So please, spare us the 2020 negativity and perhaps try to find ways of looking at it in a different way. If anything I think 2020 has given us all the gift of learning to appreciate what we have, because it can all be gone at any point. 

For me financially, 2020 has taken a huge toll. I started the year waiting tables at a Korean karaoke bar that was sketchy as fuck, but scrappy, and refreshing to finally do good honest work that had somehow eluded me thus far in terms of my adult jobs. But then came the pandemic, and that was the end of that job. I spent a lot of time weighing my options and figuring out what to do next to earn some sort of steady income. However during this period of uncertainty, I chose to work towards a better version of me. If I have no control over the outside world, I can at least use this time to do the things I've always wanted to do for self-fulfillment and self-improvement. I got in even better physical shape, I started my website, began my art business, I really focused more on growing the youtube channel, and of course I added Patreon. These were all things that at the beginning of the year, I was extremely reluctant to pursue. But here I am at the end of the year, accomplishing all the things I had been putting off for years. Who knew that in the same year I would begin my art business, but also file for unemployment? XD Who knew that this year I'd go through yet another romantic breakup and yet for the first time ever, I did not spiral into self-destructive behavior because of it? The pain of loss and the need to survive can light a fire under your ass and bring out instincts in you that you didn't know you had. So for that I am grateful. I am grateful that I finally found the confidence to start making something of Youtube, and of my talents more than ever before. And I have to thank all of you for making it possible. 

One of the main reasons I never joined patreon was because I never thought anyone would contribute. I never began an art business because I didn't think anyone would be interested in what I produce. Of course a lot of that still remains to be seen, but as far as patreon goes, you guys have been amazing. You have given me confidence to keep striving no matter how bad the world gets or personal circumstances can get. Because why not? Who cares? Just live your fucking life and live it in the way that makes you happy for as long as you can. There will be great periods. There will be terrible periods. But accept it all as part of this beautiful dark twisted thing called consciousness. And if you have nothing at all to show for it, there is still beauty in that pain. 

So really, I just wanted to thank each and every one of you for your support, your contributions, your kindness. Through patreon I've learned a lot of you all by name and it is nice to connect beyond Youtube, which feels far less intimate as a platform. I hope that no matter what has gone on in your life this year, whether you lost a job, lost loved ones to covid-19, lost your homes, whatever the case, that you have somehow found inner peace and freedom of thought while laying in the debris. I hope it has made you better, stronger, a survivor, and a tough badass bitch. I am so glad to still be alive, when there were many times in the past where I have tested those boundaries. I am so glad to have you all here with me celebrating art and passion. I hope to continue to do more and more in the future with your suggestions, participation, questions, and generosity. So again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I try not to be too sentimental but...can't help it right now. Hahaha . Merry Christmas and here's to getting high and letting go of the material world. Love you. 

DFL