TOP THEE FINALISTS! FML DIY #5

 VOTE NOW FOR YOUR FAVORITE DIY EPISODE!!  If the results are tight, we will produce the top TWO episodes. Deadline is October 1st 2020   

Bare With Me by HunterVision  

Today, I came home from work.... to an empty house?? I found a note from my teenage son on the fridge that read “Going camping with Dad this weekend.” I was so excited to have the whole house to myself all weekend long! So, I decided it was the perfect time to try this nudist lifestyle I've been so curious about.  I did everything I could think of naked to see if it was better. Spoiler alert. IT IS! While dancing in the kitchen with a tall glass of wine, I turned around to find my SON and his friend... starring at me....HORRIFIED. “I thought you we're going camping this weekend?!” I shouted in my defense. He said. “That was last weekend! I wrote a note on the other side explaining I was bringing my friend over for dinner!” I did the best to cover up my shame...My son would argue it was not enough....FML   

Your Motherload by AssGass 

Today, while ramming down a Big N' Beefy at the Burrito Barn. My manager called for a mandatory virtual meeting on zoom at 1pm. So as I rushed home, my bowels decided to evict immediately! I clinched my cheeks and floored the gas to make it home before the eviction could take place. Once home, I ran to the toilet dropping my pants on the way. Right as I sat, but before satisfaction could take place, I realized my meeting started in five minutes!! Pinching it, I  wobbled to the bedroom to retrieve my laptop. Brought in into the bathroom with me, sat down on the toilet and....WAIT! I can't let them see me on the toilet! So I pulled back the shower curtain and sat over the tub and shat my forever loving burrito brains out while in a zoom meeting and no one was ever the wiser... BOSS & EVERY EMPLOYEE: No, we can hear you.  BOSS: If you're gonna take a shit. Please turn your mic off.  ….Ohhhhh shit.....FML   

Camp Burrito Barn by Bruh Fish 

Today, my boyfriend of about a month took me on his annual camping trip where he goes to find peace and quiet. So, it was a big deal to be invited! While he set up, I decided to take a hike in the nearby woods. Truth is, the Burrito Barn we had for lunch was not willing to wait any longer to export out of my bowels, so I had to find someplace to relocate it, FAST! Oh look! The perfect spot! I ripped off my pants just in time, because that liquefied burrito POURED out of me. It burned so bad, I cried out loud. Suddenly, I heard him coming. He must have heard me or smelled it. So, I went to grab my pants, but I couldn't find them!! So I hid behind a bush until he passed me...Only to watch him slip in the mess I made...Twice....Nope three times....FML ENDING: She runs to his aide and helps him up. He's complaining about the shit he slipped in.  BECKY: That bear must have eaten something that didn't agree with him.  BOYFRIEND: God, it smells like Jalapeno and Ass.  He notices she isn't wearing any pants. BOYFRIEND: Are you not wearing any pants? BECKY: (laughs) you must have really hit your head. Lets get you to the hospital.