My (SFW) art journey

Hello again.

I think I’ll start using this space like a tiny journal or blog to talk about something creative or related to femdom and kink, it’s a fun way to talk about life experiences and things I like.

This time, you’ll find out how I worked creating content for a kid’s YouTube channel and ended up drawing niche porn.

2009 - 2013

My mom said I started drawing when I was still a toddler, and I already knew from the beginning that I’d make art as a job. Kid me thought there were only 3 ways to work as an artist: by being an art teacher, a painter or a fashion designer, so, I decided I’d draw clothes for a living (and now I barely draw them, uh).

I don’t have my old art anymore, only some doodles from around 2009.

2014 - 2016

The fashion designer thing was just a phase, since little me had a very limited knowledge about art career paths, but I found out I really liked the idea of creating Original Characters.

As soon as I got more confident about my digital art, I started posting my art on tumblr, where I shared sports anime fanart, and twitter, where I shared personal works and made commissions. There, I got the attention of a kinda famous animation YouTuber, and then I started working on animations in 2016.

Until this day, I think about the fact my username (I’ve always used @ammakis) is mentioned on every video I ever animated for that channel, and I’m afraid a kid would search up my name and find my recent work.

2017 - 2020

My whole life revolved around how much I loved art and how much I wanted to be able to create, but I was creating so many things in so many different areas, and I still felt like something was missing.

The incessant search for satisfaction for my work allowed me to create a lot of art styles, to navigate different themes and develop some skills in the creative field. I've studied character design, concept art, motion graphics, frame to frame animation, and the list goes on (this doesn't mean I am good at those things).

Commissions were still my first source of income, but I decided to delete all my socials and vanished from the internet because of a burnout. I made a fresh start in 2018, and my art started to look more aesthetic in an attempt to bring back my childhood interest in fashion to see if this is what was missing. That didn't work, so I came back to the stylized fun cartoon and tried again.

2021 - 2022

Finally, the porn. After spending a lot of time going insane, I decided to take a break and look at other people's art. Femdom webtoons, mangas and nsfw anime fanart of game characters awakened something in me, just like a 12yo discovering hentai.

I already knew about those things, but this time was different: I realized those artists created the most unconventional things, and they were happy about their work. I wanted to feel like that, drawing whatever I wanted.

My excitement about nsfw art was back (my previous post was about this!), I created tons of files filled with femdom art and did in less than 6 months what I haven’t done in years, and then I came back to my social medias…

… to share sfw art again.

I wanted to use my creative battery fulled by porn as a way to draw other things, because working with nsfw was never an option for me. Everyone I know IRL knows my work, and I DID NOT want them to see the stuff I was into.

Eventually, I gave up trying to follow the sfw art path, as I realized two things:

1. I've never been so happy with my work as when I am drawing nsfw.
2. Fortunately, none of the people that knows me cares enough about my work to find out I draw men being fucked in the ass as a job.

Now

After almost 10 years, I realized I spent a lot of time creating what I THOUGHT people wanted to see me drawing, and not what I really wanted to do. I really love and consume different artists and medias, but I didn’t know that what I like to see ≠ what I like to create. Or maybe I was unconsciously avoiding doing nsfw art because of judgment and shame. Or both.

I tried on so many styles, studied so many things, made funny and silly and cute and aesthetic art, constantly searched for fulfillment, when all I had to do was draw some dudes getting wrecked.

That’s it.

Thank you for being part of this.

♡