I Turned My Life Into A Chuunige VN 08

"Master, stay behind me." Nobunaga raised a hand. "Something dangerous is approaching."

How scary. It made him want to cheer though! "R-right." He had been correct! There was a Master staying on the forest! This hadn't been just an embarrassing waste of time! What a relief!

From the dark of the forest... emerged a very expected Illyasviel. "Oh my... what do we have here—"

Archer cut her off, a big smile on her face. "A enemy Servant and Master pair."

Illya's eye twitched. "I can see that, I was just trying to be— Forget it." She glared at Shinsuke. "I must say, I didn't know you were a mage. What a unexpected turn of events..."

Shinsuke glared right back. "And I didn't know yoy were a Master." But now there was no denying it. "Illyasviel... please quit the Holy Grail War." He came out with it with no hesitation.

The Holy Grail War was no place for little girls. Well, it was no place for teenagers either. But it was especially bad for little girls! What was Illya even thinking, risking her life like that!? The Chuuni must have gotten to her head!

Illya's glare didn't diminish at all. "You have a lot of nerve asking me to quit when you have such a weak Servant. No thank you, I will be killing you and that pathetic woman instead, Mister Shinsuke."

Archer grinned. "Pathetic, huh...?" So her enemy wasn't taking her seriously... Great. Oda Nobunaga loved when that happened.

"Indeed." Illyasviel bowed. "But I suppose anyone would be pathetic when compared to [I]my[/I] Berserker." As if on cue, her Servant finally showed itself.

It was a monster. That was the only way Shinsuke could decribe it. No, he couldn't describe anything anymore, his brain had stopped working, wanting to escape the sheer bloodlust that that thing exuded just by existing.

If this fear kept up, then— then— then— then his body would really shut down. His heart would be the first, and then the rest of his organs would soon follow. He would die without that thing even doing anything.

"Calm down, Master." Nobunaga put a hand on bis shoulder. "Haven't you heard? The bigger they are, the deader they die!"

"That's not the saying at all, though!?" It was only after he shouted that he realized Archer had calmed him down with ease.

It shouldn't come off as surprising knowing her identity, but she really had an amazing, inspiring charisma. When she wanted to show off, she could even stave off Berserker's presence.

Nobunaga started laughing. "I said, so now it is!"

Illya rolled her eyes. "Adorable." She was not impressed by Shinsuke's show of resolve, nor was she impressed by how his Servant had saved him. "But being cute won't help you two."

Illya smiled. "I will say however, I'm thankful you two came to meet me head on. Rats that show themselves are foolish, but admittedly convenient."

She slowly raised a finger, and pointed at Shinsuke. "[I]Heracles[/I] bring me that rat's tail—!"

Nobunaga summoned a gun before she could finish, and shot at the little girl with no hesitation.

Not that it did much besides scare Illyasviel. The Servant she had just revealed to be Heracles jumped to her defense, and like a unbreakable shield, completely blocked Archer's bullet.

Which proceed to ricochet towards Shinsuke, who could only widen his eyes and pray for his life like a dumbass.

There was no need to pray to a god when he was being protected by a demon however. Nobunaga deflected the bullet away with a summoned sword, doing it as easily as breathing.

She squinted her eyes. "Tough skin... Well, you really are lucky, Master. We won this fight already." Oda Nobunaga knew one should carefully hide their cards, but...

Right now she was grinning from ear to ear. Her enemy was the mighty Heracles!? The most famous hero of Greece!? If that little girl wasn't lying, then Archer felt as happy as a newly wed! And just as lucky as one too!

Illya raised an eyebrow. "Quite arrogant, for a Servant that uses a gun!" That is to say, a modern Servant. A weak Servant.

Yes, there was no reason for Illyasviel to be afraid. Even so, for a second she had been scared. Even if the boy's Servant couldn't do anything to her, being a Servant's target was still enough to make anyone shiver in fright.

Archer chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, let's just rock already!" From behind her, enough guns to equip dozens of men were summoned. "Those who cherish their life should get away from here right now!"

A thunderstorm of bullets was fired, but Heracles ran through it, protecting his Master and suffering no damage. This opponent was not a threat. He could recognize that even as a mad man

No threat. "This place will soon become hell on Earth!" And yet, as she continued chanting, he raised his guard.

Was it out of instict? Something that his maddened self still had? "The deities of the three realms shall all be nothing but ash!" It didn't matter.

Heracles knew he had to end this early, so he rushed to attack the girl. Easier said than done, Nobunaga jumped back and stepped on top of her own summoned weapons. The weapon acting like the broom of a witch.

If that was the case, maybe he should shift his attack target and aim for the Master instead. Alas, while the greatest hero of Greece may have kept his instincts, he did not keep his intellect. All he knew was that Archer was his enemy, and so he kept trying to reach her.

"I am—" And like that, it was decided. "The Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, Oda Nobunaga!"

Oda Nobunaga became naked.

And then her and Berserker disappeared.

"Hah?" Shinsuke Yamaguchi, naturally had no idea what had happened. All he understood was that his ears really hurt from all the guns firing. Another wound to add to the list.

He felt like a Dragon Ball Z character who was too weak to keep with the action, and he supposed that really was what he was anyways. Still, why did Archer suddenly get naked!? And why had she gone away!? Was she gonna seduce Berserker or something!?

He wanted to cry about NTR, but it's not like he had coined anyone.

Speaking of the coin... "A Reality Marble..." Illyasviel was staring at where Archer had disappeared. All she could see was something similar to a bounded field.

Oda Nobunaga... that was the Servant's identity. Illyasviel doubted Japan's most famous conqueror was secretly some super magus, so this Noble Phantasm must be associated with her legend.

Illyasviel pointed at Shinsuke. "How did you cheat and summon a Japanese Servant?" But she was more curious about that than some weak Noble Phantasm.

That's right, she wasn't worried about her own Servant at all. Sure, Oda Nobunaga should gain some advantage in Japan, but... he— she was still a modern Servant. Not something that could stand up to the legendary Heracles.

It was like giving a puppy a knife, and then sending that puppy to fight a grizzly bear. The puppy may have had more tools than normal, but the outcome wouldn't change.

Shinsuke looked away. "The question you should be asking is how I cheated and summoned a Servant at all." He was just a normal guy after all.

It was advantageous for him if his enemy assumed otherwise however, so he would not correct Illya.

"..." The girl stayed silent. "I suppose it doesn't matter." She opened her arms, as if asking for a hug. "Soon Berserker will cut that woman down, then he will do the same to you."

She was confident. Confident enough that she wouldn't even take this opportunity to fight Shinsuke herself. At least she wouldn't even if he didn't attack her.

Shinsuke had no intention of attacking a little girl, of course. "I... don't think that will happen." He trusted Archer.

Heracles was a scary name to face, but Oda Nobunaga was the peak of Chuuni. There was no way she would lose... offscreen at least. Honestly, he would have been more worried if she fought in front of him.

That aside. "And Illyasviel... I meant when I said you should quit the war. It's dangerous, not something a kid should be messing with. So if you won't follow my advice, I'll force you too."

He only had to put down Heracles to win, Illya would go unharmed. He spared Rin, so there was no way he wouldn't spare a kid.

"I'm nineteen." Illyasviel was tired.

"That's very cool, Illya." He didn't buy it. "But lying about your age doesn't make you a grown up. I don't know what kind of bullshit— what kind of stuff people have been putting on your head, but—"

"I'm nineteen." Illyasviel didn't know if she was angry at his idiocy, or slightly happy that he wouldn't kill her. Not that he ever had a chance of killing her of course, but it was the thought that counted.

The very dumb thought.

She continued. "I'm an adult woman. I'm older than you. So stop calling me a child." Her tone was controlled, but even the most idiotic man in the world could see that she was angry.

"But—" He stopped himself.

It sounded insane, but... this was a world of mages. "For real?"

"Yes. This is reality."

Shinsuke looked down. "I guess I'm not a pedophile. One thousand year old dragons lolis sure are scary." He should have expected it from such a Chuuni world.

"One thousand year old—" Illya suddenly realized something. "Wait, you like me?"

Oops. He let that slip. This definitely didn't look good. "I..." He looked away and scratched his cheek. "I think you're cute, but you're definitely way too young for me. Or at least that's what was I used to think."

But that wouldn't be a problem with the coin! One day they would get together! Or at least that was the plan before he decided to escape this terrifyingly chuuni reality he had found himself in.

Speaking of that reality though, what the hell was happening here...? Wasn't it strange that he was kind of having a casual conversation with Illyasviel!? Their Servants were fighting literally right now!

Well... while that was true, Shinsuke himself had no reason to attack Illya. He didn't know why Illya wasn't attacking him however... Maybe she just wasn't a fighter?

The girl looked away, a small blush on her face. "I see... You are a creep." No mercy! "I have no interest in you, however. Know your place." Seriously, no mercy!

But he wasn't completely clueless, if she was blushing, then this was probably a good thing. Honestly, it made him feel kind of happy seeing it. Tsunderes were a gift to humanity.

Illyasviel faked a cough. "But... I suppose I am flattered. Somewhat. So once Berserker tears that woman apart, I might just spare your life."

"You're that easy!?"

Illyasviel Von Einzbern was indeed that easy. It's not like a guy had ever been interested on her before, and Shinsuke Yamaguchi was ugly, so her heart might have sped up just a little bit.

Something which she would normally easily ignore, being as high on her Berserked-Brand power trip as she usually was, but right now Berserker wasn't here. And due to the mood that had been accident built, she wasn't feeling particularly sadistic.

The perfect conditions to romance Illyasviel Von Einzbern in the middle of a battlefield were being set-up without anyone realizing.

That said, if Shinsuke didn't control himself, no mystical coin could save him. "Excuse you? I am not easy." Of course she felt offended with his comment.

Shinsuke backed away with the speed of a bullet. "Um. Yeah. Sorry. I was just surprised." He looked at the place where Nobunaga had disappeared. "This is what I was hoping for, but it still surprises me that we are being pretty friendly, all things considered."

It was kind of amazing, especially since his last encounters with Masters had been super scary... Illyasviel must have a gentle soul, thought Shinsuke Yamaguchi.

Illyasviel squinted her eyes. "It is indeed surprising." She must have a gentle soul, thought Illyasviel Von Einzbern... Ignoring all the torture methods she had been thinking about a few moments ago.

She smirked. "It shows the pedigrees of our families, I suppose. Other Masters would have been acting like savages right now." She began approaching him with no care in the world.

And Shinsuke Yamaguchi did nothing to stop her. He was sensing no threat from her, so it should be fine... Except it's not like he had some amazing Spider-Sense, and he should know that. The truth is that he was just being drawn by her charms.

Illyasviel tilted her head. "Speaking of that, what does your family do exactly, Shin?"

"S-Shin...?" He grasped his heart. "S-strong...!"

A wish to cut his connection to Illya? Why would he ever do that? Wasn't she the most precious thing in the entire world!? N-no! He must not be seduced! He was the one doing her route! The master of his destiny!

Illya put a finger on her lips. "Is there something wrong with calling you that?"

"N-no..." He didn't want that to be taken away from him. "It's just that I never got a nickname from a girl before...!" Normally he would be able to wave off such an event saying it did count if it came from a little girl, but...

Illyasviel was not a little girl.

She giggled. "You call me Illya sometimes, so it's only fair." Strange.

Illyasviel Von Einzbern found this whole thing strange. Everything about this was strange. Her heart really was speeding up more and more. Why was she... why was she talking to an enemy like this...?

It would be one thing to just be merciful, but this was definitely crossing a line. And yet... and yet she didn't care about that right now. If she was being honest, she almost wanted to invite Shinsuke to her castle so the two could have lunch—

Something was wrong with Berserker—

Shinsuke crossed his arms and nodded to himself. "That's because that nickname is just way too natural. It's amazing how Illyasviel is a name that can so easily shift between classy and beautiful, to cute and adorable." Her parents had a great naming sense.

Who cared about Berserker!? "I-I see...!" Now Illyasviel was the one holding her heart.

Men were scary! As a young, prestigious lady, she was not ready for a beast that flirted on the battlefield! Love truly was war!

She calmed herself down. "B-but back to the talk about o-our families..." Or at least that's what she told herself. The truth is that she was melting. "I-I have never heard of the Y-Yamaguchi's! A-are they famous in Japan?"

Maybe if they were she could marry him and join their houses!

Ah! Dangerous! Men were dangerous! And why was she even thinking of marriage!? Her body was definitely not gonna last until their first year anniversary, that was for sure!

"Well..." Shinsuke suddenly felt a bit embarrassed. "The truth is that my family is completely normal. I just stumbled on the Holy Grail War by accident." He said what he shouldn't have said!

But he couldn't just lie in front of Illya right now. His heart wouldn't take it!

Her face became filled with shock. "Truly? That's..." Not impossible, but very unlikely. And therefore, very impressive. "I have to say, for someone like that, you are doing great."

Great enough that his Servant was holding back Heracles of all people—

Reality crackled. The air roared. The ground trembled.

Nobunaga reappeared, very much clothed, but also very much wounded. "A total victory for me!" But she didn't seem worried about that, instead her face was filled with joy.

The reason for it was clear. She had returned, Heracles had not.

She sent a thumbs-up up to her Master. "Great work, buddy!" Her lucky Master had done great.

Oda Nobunaga was the killer of mystery and divinity, the perfect counter to someone like Heracles, but there was always the danger of Heracles Master's using a Command Seal to save him. Thankfully, Shinsuke had done something to distract Berserker's Master. Oda Nobunaga didn't know what, but she was definitely impressed!

"T-thanks...?" Shinsuke stole a glance at Illyasviel after accepting Archer's praise.

She didn't look broken with sadness, she didn't look like hatred incarnate, nor did she look apathetic or strangely happy. She looked... embarrassed.

Illyasviel covered her face, avoiding the world.

She knew exactly what had happened. She lost Berserker, her protector... because she had been fooling around with a boy. A feeling akin to what a girl experienced when forced to drop college because she accidentally got pregnant spread around Illyasviel.

And then she felt relief. Berserker was gone... but there was a certain ecstasy in officially quitting the war. She didn't understand why, but that feeling was certainly real.

Oda Nobunaga ignored her wounds, and walked towards her Master, touching him with her shoulder. "So... should I shoot the kid?"

"Please don't." His Servant sure was amazing. "Thanks for the hard work though." He began patting her head. Maybe because his body actually wanted to pat Illya.

Oda Nobunaga graciously accepted. "Woah, I feel like a pet right now."

Illyasviel pouted. "That's because you are one." She felt justifiably angry towards the Servant. "Congratulations, Shinsuke Yamaguchi. You have... bested me."

"Um... I didn't really do anything though—"

"You have bested me." The girl blushed. "Which means it's now up to you to take responsibility, and protect me." She was trying to be smart about this.

As the vessel for the Grail, she had to try and keep herself safe. Now that Berseker was gone, her best bet was allying herself to a Master. And since Shinsuke Yamaguchi had defeated her, surely he was the strongest Master in the war.

Oda Nobunaga could not let such choice of words go unnoticed. "Responsibility? The hell were you two doing while I was fighting?" She faked a frown. "And Master, isn't she too young?"

Shinsuke began stuttering in response. "W-we didn't do anything!" They were just having a nice chat! And giving each other nicknames! Ah. "A-and Illya is nineteen, so—"

"Shin..." Illya suddenly seemed very shy. "You're not gonna call that nothing, right...? Even though I gave you something very special..." A nickname! "And nineteen? What are you talking about?"

"...I understand. I'll take responsibility and protect you." She was definitely lying to make him look bad. But he could do nothing about it.

He would be stuck with Illyasviel Von Einzbern until he could wish her route away.



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AN: Heracles fought so his Master could flirt, and then died so his Master could keep flirting... What a cruel fate. Well, now that he's gone Illyasviel can show her gremlin side more.

Nobu is such a MVP that she offscreened Herc...! Although the coin was definitely the secret super MVP. Honestly, the deck was insanely stacked against poor Illya.

Also, to tell the truth, there was once the idea of making the fight with Herc something completely serious, but this is a comedy series. So instead I decided to make Shinsuke and Illya bond while Herc is getting burned to ash without Illya even noticing.