I Turned My Life Into A Chuunige VN 12

“So, what’s the plan?” Now that the summoning had been done with, Shirou headed straight to business.

Something which Shinsuke appreciated. This was serious business, after all. “Well, to be honest my plan for today was dealing with you, but now we are allies, so…” He put a hand on his chin. “I guess I do have another target in mind, though it’s one I think I can recruit as well.” Eventually he would need to confront Rider.

Although he would prefer to do it by himself. Archer would probably follow his commands, but that wasn’t the case for Saber just yet. She might decide that taking Rider down was the right thing to do.

And as if to confirm that, Saber interjected. “Another ally? To make an alliance during the Holy Grail War is already a bold maneuver, to make two…” To the knight, it sounded foolish.

Shinsuke tried to think of something to tell her, but before he could, Archer sneered. “Well, my Master is a bold man. Different from your neutered one.” Of course the Demon King couldn’t resist taking potshots whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Saber had missed the discussion between Archer and Shirou Emiya however, and while she had been feeling some hostility from Archer since she had first appeared, she assumed it was simply the Servant being aware that one day they would be enemies. So least to say, this sudden insult came as a shock.

It also made her angry, of course. “Excuse you?” She did not yet know Shirou Emiya for long enough to decide if she liked him or not, but it was only natural to defend her Master.

Shirou sighed. “Leave it be, Saber. Yamaguchi’s Servant is just that type of person.”

Archer summoned a gun to her hand. “Hey shithead, even think of trying to show the other cheek and I’m shooting.” Oda Nobunaga was a woman who loved rackets, so she saw his display as a bigger insult than an actual insult.

Shinsuke pinched his nose. “Nobody is shooting nobody. Seriously, poor Matou is trembling.” It was like this discussion had come just to show him to his face that his ideals of making a big team were impossible.

His small team was already cracking in half, and mostly because Archer decided that she did not like her allied Master. How worse could things get if another Servant was added to the mix? Shinsuke would certainly find out eventually, because he would not be giving up so easily.

Sakura, who had indeed been trembling, nodded. “Yes, let’s please not fight…”

Saber took a deep breath. “I shall not unsheathe my blade due to common insults.” She had dealt with far worse on the Round Table. Really, this was kind of nostalgic really.

Archer sent Sakura a thumbs up. “I’m only gonna shoot the brat after my Master extracted all he can from his Servant.” She sure was honest.

“Speaking of that…” Shinsuke crossed his arms. “I guess we can go after Tohsaka. Or go to the Ryuudou Temple, I just know something has to be up with that place.” It was the place where he first met the supernatural, after all. 

He wasn’t super suspicious of it or anything, but it was probably worth checking on it after they had exhausted all their leads. 

Shirou’s eyes widened. “Tohsaka? She’s involved in this war?” Much like pretty much every boy in Homurahara, the Fake Janitor had a thing for the school’s idol. To hear she was a magus was insane. 

“Yeah, we even fought in the past.” Though back then she didn’t have a Servant, by this point that had surely changed however.

And Shinsuke had no intention of letting whoever she summoned live. He was already getting stretched to the limit just by having to somehow come out from this war with Archer, Rider, and now Saber alive. It was reaching a point where even Archer might start saying he was getting too greedy if she knew of his secrets.

Shirou looked down, avoiding Shinsuke’s eyes. “I see… I guess she’s an enemy then.” Not that he would actually hurt Rin, of course.

Sakura smiled. “So the next target is Tohsaka-Senpai?” That made her strangely happy. Maybe because if her sister got knocked out from the war early, her Senpai would definitely be okay for the rest of it.

Shinsuke hesitantly nodded. “I guess she so—”

But he was cut off by Illya, who had stayed eerily silent until now. “I don’t care who we go after.” Her true enemy was Shirou Emiya after all. “But for now Emiya should probably go to sleep.” She glared at him. “You look like you’re about to pass out.” And she kind of wished he did.

Shirou, now having that pointed out to him, suddenly felt his vision become blurry. “I’m feeling okay, actually. So let’s keep going.” The sooner this war ended, the better.

Saber interjected. “That is nonsense, Master. Summoning a Servant is a tiring process, to ignore the effects on your body may cause problems later.”

Shinsuke made sure to agree with her. “Yeah. I pretty much passed out soon after I summoned Archer, so this is normal, dude.” Shinsuke tilted his head. “Before I peace out to give you some time to recover though, can you tell me Saber’s name? Her true name, that is?”

He had coined her without even learning something so basic, though he did the same thing to Rider. So for all he knew Rider and Saber were actually Castor and Pollux. He couldn’t discard any possibility when Archer was Oda Nobunaga of all people.

Saber scowled. “That is a jest, right Master of Archer?” She sounded angry, even angrier than when her Master had been insulted.

That was only natural of course. The true name of a Servant revealed their greatest weaknesses. Shinsuke Yamaguchi might as well have looked Saber’s Master in the eye and asked what the best way to kill Saber was.

Archer, seeing Saber’s rage, began laughing. “Kyahahaha! Calm down there! It’s not a big deal.”

“Seriously…” For once Shirou agreed with Archer, grumbling to himself.

The truth is that as soon as Saber had been summoned, he had asked for her name… and gotten nothing in return. Apparently Saber thought it could be dangerous with him being a third-rate magus, since someone competent could potentially read his mind, or hypnotize him into telling the truth.

One of Saber’s eyes twitched in frustration, but she kept herself composed. “Then reveal your own name, Archer.” It was a simple provocation.

One could say Archer fell for it. The truth is that she simply did not care. “My name is Oda Nobunaga. I would tell you to not forget it, but I’m just naturally hard to forget anyways.” 

At her casual reveal, Saber let a silent gasp of shock. At first she tried seeing any sign of deceit in Archer’s face, using her experience as a king to do so, but after a while she just had to accept it. Archer truly was Japan’s most famous warlord, and apparently she was foolish enough to confess that.

Archer snorted at her reaction. “What’s the problem? You’re gonna pussy out now, Saber?”

Saber narrowed her eyes. “Just because a fool jumps out into the dragon’s mouth, it does not mean I must do the same.” She did not feel compelled to reveal her true name just because her ally was a moron.

In fact, the fact that this moron was her ally, made her even more unwilling to reveal her true name. Archer seemed like the type who would go babbling around everywhere without a care in the world.

“She’s King Arthur. Yes, that King Arthur.” Illya had been struggling to not laugh this whole time. She could not hold it back any longer.

When she had first laid eyes upon Saber, she had come to the decision of telling Shinsuke her true name in private, so that he could use it as a future trump card against her nemesis. This situation was just too golden to waste however.

Saber sputtered. “Illyasviel, why would you reveal my true name? Do you wish for Shirou’s death!?” She was confused. When she had been summoned by an Einzbern and an Emiya, she had assumed something similar to the previous war had happened. Clearly she was wrong about that.

Illyasviel shrugged. “Yes. Shinsuke is my true ally here.” This was strange though. Saber didn’t seem surprised that Illya knew her name, just that she revealed it.

Interesting.

Shirou winced. “I guess I deserve that.” In his mind, Illyasviel must hate him for his previous hesitance to enter the Holy Grail War. “That aside, how do you even know Saber’s true name?” King Arthur… That was pretty crazy.

Considering his whole soul had just been shaken by Archer’s reveal though, Shirou had reached his limit of being surprised. Probably.

Shinsuke interjected. “I’m actually pretty curious about that too…” First Illya had shown some special interest in Shirou, now she knew his Servant’s secret name?

King Arthur huh… In this in a chuunige such an identity might have granted Shirou a guaranteed win, but Shinsuke’s Oda Nobunaga wasn’t too far behind in that department. Besides, he had coined Saber. Here he was a Netori protagonist destined to defeat the Fake Janitor. Hopefully.

Once again, Illya shrugged. “There are records of her in the previous wars. She was summoned in the last one.” The homunculus wasn’t quite ready to reveal her secrets. It was surprising that Shirou didn’t know, however.

Then again, he hadn’t even known about the Holy Grail War in the first place. Kiritsugu must have been slacking.

“...” Saber could only stand there in silence, wondering what kind of narrative Illyasviel Von Einzbern was trying to weave.

The truth of course, is that even Illyasviel did not know what narrative she was trying to weave. Things had gotten a lot more complicated once Berserker died, and once again they had gotten more complicated with Shirou Emiya supposedly becoming an ally. It was to the point where she almost missed the simple goal of attaining the Holy Grail and then dying soon afterwards.

Shinsuke cleared his throat. “I see, I hadn’t even thought about past wars…” That was something he had to look into. “For now I’m just gonna leave though, I’ve already been enough of a bother.” He hadn’t expected his questioning of Saber’s name to go so far.

“A-actually…” Sakura shyly stopped him. “Maybe you should…” She didn’t really have the courage to say what she wanted, especially because this wasn’t really her house, even if Senpai had given her the keys to it.

Shinsuke didn’t mind waiting for her of course, just silently smiling.

That allowed Sakura to finish. “Maybe you should stay here for the night? It’s better for you and Senpai to stay close, right?” More accurately, it was better for Shirou Emiya to stay near him.

Right now, in the eyes of Sakura Matou, Shinsuke Yamaguchi was invincible. And so, he was the shield that would keep Shirou Emiya safe through this war no matter what. In some ways, he was even more important than Saber for this job.

Shirou interjected. “That’s actually not a bad idea. I could cook for everyone, it would be nice.” Had he forgotten he was supposed to be resting?

Archer snarled. “If you’re cooking, I ain’t eating.”

Shirou snarled right back. “Don’t eat, then.” He would accept no challenges towards his cooking skills.

Shinsuke sighed. “Well, I guess I wouldn’t mind…” It was true that making moves when his ally was healthy was probably the smart idea, but he didn’t know how to feel about this whole thing nonetheless. Staying still in a Holy Grail War just didn’t feel right. “But you have enough rooms for everyone, Emiya?”

Shirou nodded. “Yeah, the house is pretty big.” Way too big even. “Besides, we can share a room, while the girls share another.” His comment immediately sparked an argument.

First, Saber frowned. “Master, don’t be foolish enough to share a room with a potential enemy.” She put a hand on her chest. “Besides, you should sleep with me by your side. So that I may be able to protect you from any threat.”

Archer for once agreed with the knight. “Yep, otherwise I’ll shoot you.” She looked at her Master. “And we should share a room too. I gotta protect you in case something unexpected shows up.” Assassin was literally a class.

Shirou narrowed his eyes, as a blush spread across his face. “Sharing a room with a girl just isn’t right!”

Shinsuke sent him a thumbs up. “Yeah, I mean what if Shirou and I became beasts and attacked our Servants!?” He didn’t actually agree with the Fake Janitor, but he would take his side.

Why? Because the Fake Janitor already had too many affection points with Sakura, Shinsuke wouldn’t let him sleep with Saber as well. This was a war! One more important than the Holy Grail War!

Shirou sputtered. “Nobody is becoming a beast and attacking anybody! A-and Shinsuke, don’t talk about things like that in front of Illya!” 

Shinsuke raised an eyebrow towards the homunculus in response, it screamed: Does he know? 

Her smirk told all he needed to know. He does not know.

Archer spread her arms. “Well, I wouldn’t blame my Master for becoming a beast and attacking me, since I am a pretty beautiful beauty.” And she was also basically a poet! “But Master, your decision is so stupid even I gotta put my foot down here. Don’t worry, if you attempt to grab my tits you will fail.”

“I know, there isn’t anything to grab, after all.” Rider she was not. “B-but I’m actually like… um… Girls should sleep with girls, boys should sleep with boys. Platonically.”

Archer hummed. “I’m gonna assume you have a secret game plan here. Well, just remember that if that plan is secretly invading the girl’s room at night… I’ll overlook anything done to Saber.” Oda Nobunaga had just given her Master some invaluable information.

Sakura seemed just as embarrassed as Shirou. “Why did the conversation take such a dirty turn!?” She had not expected this from Yamaguchi! And why was Archer taking it so lightly!?

“Indeed.” Saber’s voice was filled with cold anger. “This is a serious subject that should be treated as one.” Yes, this situation was definitely reminding her of a few of her knights. “Master, do not even think of me as a woman. Instead, think of me as a sword.” That should put his mind in the right place.

Shirou recomposed himself. “Well, that’s…” Not something he could accept. Archer, for as much as he disliked her, had put the idea on his mind that Servants were alive too, in a weird way.

“That’s stupid.” Archer was sending a disappointed look towards Saber. “It doesn’t matter if you’re a sword, a woman, or a damn dragon. What matters is that you’re cute.” Pretty much. Shinsuke would appreciate it if she was a woman though!

“I find myself without energy to argue against you, warlord.” Saber threw the towel. “Do as you wish, Master.” And so it was decided.

The boys would not be sleeping with the girls. Shirou would not be sleeping with Saber.

Today, Shinsuke was a winner.



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Shinsuke didn’t feel like a winner.

Probably because instead of waking up on a moderately comfortable mattress, he had woken up in a cold temple, while having his entire body restricted by what felt like wires. One thing was for sure though, this was something magical in-nature.

And there was one more important thing about this predicament. “Emiya! Wake-up, Emiya!” He wasn’t alone. To his side stood the Fake Janitor, also captured. Shinsuke could barely see him by straining his neck against the wires.

Shirou slowly opened his eyes. “What…?” The cold air that hit his face was immediately enough to fully wake him up. “What the hell is this!? Where the hell are we!?”

Shinsuke scowled. “I think we are at the Ryuudou Temple.” He knew the place well enough after his many girlfriend-wishing trips. “As for what this is, we clearly have been captured.” Most likely by an enemy Master.

“Well, well… You’ve managed to keep your cool. Has your encounter with Heracles steeled your nerves?” Suddenly, a woman appeared in front of Shinsuke.

Even with the hood that covered her face he could tell she was attractive, and that was not even mentioning her shapely body. It wasn’t surprising that she was hot however, because so far, everyone Shinsuke had met in the Holy Grail War was some form of attractive in one way or another.

But this wasn’t the time to admire his enemy, he tempered his scowl into a frown. “I guess so.” It had actually been his encounter with Shinji. That had been the first time he had been helpless like this. “So, are you a Servant or a Master?” She was definitely one of those.

She was also a creepy stalker. If she knew about his encounter with Berserker, she must have been watching him for a while. 

The hooded woman giggled. “Servant…” Actually both. “I’m sure it’s quite obvious, but I’m Caster. I have been waiting for you two to wake-up.”

Shirou started struggling against his bindings, though he didn’t have much success. “What the hell do you want!?” 

Shinsuke was actually curious about that too. After all, if she just wanted Saber and Archer gone, shouldn’t she have just killed the both of them before they even woke-up? Nonetheless, he stayed silent. He would have to play this smart, presumably much smarter than he had played with the Shinji situation.

Speaking of the Shinji situation, should he coin Caster? It could shift the tides into his favor. Though at that point he would have coined four Servants out of seven. There was no way he could get a wish that way.

Caster slowly traced one of her fingers across Shinsuke’s arm. “What do I want? The two Servants you decided were better off in another room...” 

Welp, that explained how she had captured them. “Ugh! I can’t believe this, Emiya! Your stupid outdated sexism cost us the war!” There went his wish to save Illyasviel. Very fucking cool.

“Why are you blaming me!? You agreed with me back then, even!” Seriously, the Fake Janitor didn’t know where this had come from!

“Of course I agreed! You left me no choice!” How was he supposed to let Shirou sleep with his future king wife!? Shinsuke was no cuck!

“Boys, boys… Is this really the situation to start a fight between yourselves?” She sighed. “Men are always so emotional.”

Shirou snapped at her. “Whatever! How are you even going to steal our Servants anyways?”

“It is very simple. By stealing your Command Seals of course.” Suddenly, she began holding Shinsuke’s arm with almost enough force to break it. “I will admit though, I did think of turning your friend over here into a wand.”

Shinsuke raised an eyebrow. “Turning me into a wand? What does that mean?”

She tilted her head. “Isn't it obvious? I would use your body as a tool. One made out of meat, not dead, but definitely not truly alive. I’m quite curious about what the demons of this country can do after all. However, since you finished off Berserker for me, all I will do is take your precious little Command Seals. Although you will lose an arm.”

“...” This woman was way too scary! He didn’t want to coin her!

But he had no choice. He summoned a coin to the hand she was not messing with, and silently prayed to capture her. His coin then disappeared.

It was time to act. “Hey, Caster…” Even if his body was shivering.

“What? Got any more questions, boy?”

Shinsuke cleared his throat. “Has anyone ever told you that you are super cute?”

Shirou snapped. “Shinsuke!?” This was not the time for this!

Especially since his comment didn’t do much other than make Caster angry. “Yes. I have been told that quite a few times. Sometimes even by men in your position.” She was a princess, after all. “Do you know what I did to those men, boy?”

Shinsuke would not back down. “Got married to them and lived a happy life? Because that’s what’s gonna happen between you and me.” He might sound better if his voice was not filled with desperation. “Get ready Caster, life between us is gonna be sweet!”

“...” She gritted her teeth. “I am glad I decided to not turn you into a wand. Those with demonic blood truly are incorrigible.”

That wasn’t fair. His Oni Blood was too thin to affect his thought process. This was 100% the actions of Shinsuke Yamaguchi.

Caster continued. “Although, perhaps instead of just ruining your arm, I should ruin something else as well…”

Shinsuke flinched. “I mean, it has never even seen any action. So I might not even miss it.” At the cusp of despair, humans truly were unafraid to admit some insane things. “No, I’ll definitely miss it, but it’s not like I necessarily need it to get a girlfriend.” He was looking for more than just sex, so this was acceptable.

“...” Caster was once again driven to silence, before she recomposed herself. “I’ll make it excruciatingly painful. I promise you that.” Her hand began glowing.

Shirou desperately tried to escape. “Damn it, hold on Shinsuke!” He didn’t care if the guy was a secret weirdo, he didn’t deserve this! No man deserved this!

Shinsuke Yamaguchi, however, just closed his eyes. He accepted his fate.

Caster suddenly winced. “Assassin…?” She turned around, looking away from the two boys. “Y-you, stop there or I’ll turn these brats into minced meat!” She was assuming the new arrival was either Artoria Pendragon, or Oda Nobunaga.

The answer was neither. With slow steps, an unknown man arrived. “I care not what you do to the red haired freak, but I kill the other one without my permission, and consequences will occur, witch.”

Golden hair, red eyes. In a way he reminded Shinsuke of a fusion between Saber and Archer, especially since the aura he radiated contained both the elegance of the former and the demonic energy of the latter. His normal clothing did nothing to undermine it. Without a doubt, this man was a Servant.

One that Shinsuke didn’t know. “Eh? Me? Why?” This guy had come to save him…? Could he be Rin’s Servant?

“Because no common death is punishment enough for you. I have come to put you on trial for the crime of stealing my prize, demon mongrel.” The unknown Servant sounded enraged.

Well, Rin Servant or not, one thing was clear… This man was not an ally.



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AN:Caster has finally been coined! And with her, pretty much all of the big girl players of the war, outside of Okitan, have been coined. And she almost took Shinsuke’s precious excalibur away… Well, that is one way to ruin her image on any future popularity pools!

Thankfully, Heromesh showed up to save the day!