100 Catfighters 04

"Prophesied hero?" Yanfei became quite confused at the way I suddenly started acting.

I know I shouldn't have shouted like that just now, but I couldn't help myself. I mean, I just learned that maybe I hadn't wasted my entire childhood. The road in front of me was a strange one, so strange that for a time I couldn't even see it, but there was a road.

Before I started talking of prophecy though, I needed to deal with this other mess. "I'll explain later, Yanfei, but for now…" I looked at Ganyu, and tried to find the right words.

I am not naive enough to think two girls will just accept sharing someone, but I will need to navigate this battlefield nonetheless. After all, if I am supposed to save the world from THEM, surely I can… charm two girls at the same time? Especially when most of the work had already been done for me?

Ganyu trembled at my gaze. "For now…?" But I still didn't know what to say. "Well, please follow me!" To my surprise, she suddenly got closer and grabbed my hands. "I know this is very sudden, but we have to discuss something very important!" Yep, there was no doubt she had been hit by the Soulmate bond too!

She was trying to do the same thing Yanfei had done, essentially. I wonder if I just silently followed she would take me right back to Madame Ping. That would certainly be one way to prank the poor older woman.

I wasn't alone though, and there was no way Yanfei was just gonna let me walk out with another woman. "Sorry, but why exactly do you need to drag my Sweetheart away…?"

Ganyu barely managed to explain, her voice so quiet I could barely hear it. "Because he's my…" And then her eyes widened, her voice's volume rising due to shock. "Wait, your sweetheart!?"

Yanfei nodded, and grabbed one of my arms. "Yes! In fact, he's the reason why I was forced into skipping work today!" Hey, I felt like the way she spoke, blame was falling upon me! "This is going to sound crazy, but he's my Soulmate, so please let him go!" She was pulling me.

But while Ganyu may have released one of my arms, she was still holding onto one of my hands. So basically, I was being fought over by two girls. I would say this was the type of thing you could only see in a story, but none of grandma's tales ever had something so beautiful.

I naturally became paralyzed. I know I should act, but I was too busy living the dream of being the end goal in a catfight.

Ganyu gasped. "Your soulmate? That can't be right, so please let him go! I'm already busy as it is, so I can't waste too much time!" She was thinking of work right now?

Yanfei narrowed her eyes. "Why can't it be right? I'm not messing around here, so if you want to talk with him, I'm going too!" How protective! How cute!

Ganyu, who before had just kind of holding one of my hands, began actively pulling me. "I-I'm sorry if he's your boyfriend, but I… My time— His time is far too limited, I can't just stand around waiting, so I'm going to once again ask you to let him go!" Um? Why did I suddenly feel chilly?

Meeting resistance, Yanfei began pulling me harder. "I am not letting him go, and you're acting way too weirdly Miss Ganyu! If you have some private matters to attend to with my boyfriend, then I insist I follow!" Um? Why did I suddenly feel hot?

"I need to talk with him about this in private!" Chilly!

"Why? Give me at least some context!" Hot!

This was getting dangerous, dangerous enough that I escaped from dreamland. "Wait you two, I know what's happening around here—! Ah, I might never walk again." I suddenly felt a strange pain. It was massive, but it lasted for so little time that I didn't even scream.

The weird cracking noise that my back made did not sound like something good though. As it turns out, being ripped apart by two Adepti was not good for someone, even if it may seem like it is at the moment. In that way, one could equate it to drugs.

Though funnily enough, it did cause them to stop fighting. Mostly because they were too worried to do so as I fell to the ground like I was a puppet who just had his strings cut.

"Sweetheart, are you okay!?" Yanfei immediately kneeled down to check on me.

And so did Ganyu. "Please be okay, please be okay…" She was muttering to herself in a voice that sounded kind of scary.

I pushed through the non-existent pain and reassured them. "It's alright, this is not enough to down a hero." I was downed though! "Anyways, I want to clarify something… Ganyu is my Soulmate. I know that for sure."

"...!" Oops, Yanfei looked heartbroken. I should have been better with my delivery, because she might think I'm looking for some excuse to dump her.

Ganyu, however, looked both surprised and happy. "You know of the Soulmate phenomenon!?" And just like that, she confirmed something for me.

When Yanfei had called me her Soulmate, Ganyu took it as just a figure of speech. After all, even if she had taken it seriously, she should have expected Yanfei to have already explained to me what it meant to be a Soulmate.

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, I know. I know because both you and Yanfei are my Soulmates. I felt that electricity for two people."

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My back had recovered incredibly quickly, and to be honest, I felt better than ever. It might be less that they broke something, and more that they fixed something! Soulmates were truly amazing!

And now we had both come to a small dining place to discuss our relationship. It was do or die!

Yanfei took a deep breath. "Okay, I am willing to accept that Miss Ganyu is also your Soulmate, Sweetheart. I choose to believe you wouldn't lie to me about something so big." She trusted me this much already…!

Ganyu put a hand on her chest. "And I also believe in my destined partner of course. We may have just met, but believing him to be a liar would be saying my soul gravitates towards liars. Not to mention that Miss Yanfei herself seemed to be an honest person." Was she!? She's a lawyer!

That aside, this was going great! Once everyone understood what was going on, animosity had died! "That makes me happy to hear! So, we are all going to enter into a big relationship now, right!?" Guah…! This was way too great!

Yanfei was already insanely beautiful, so adding Ganyu to the mix was the happiest blessing any man could receive in their entire lives.

Now, one could say dating two women was a lot of responsibility… And I was completely fine with that. Since I was young I have been prepared to be the one who shoulders the weight of the world, so I'm not too afraid. Besides, as my grandma used to say, with great responsibility, comes great power!

And Ganyu had great power in all the right places…! Yanfei was a little bit lacking, but that was charming in its own way. In fact, one could say that the two complimented each other— My Soulmates were the red and blue rivals!?

"No, I have no plans of sharing you." And just like that Yanfei immediately rained on my parade. "I trust you, but I don't trust Miss Ganyu at all. Didn't you realize? She may have not noticed what I meant by the word Soulmate, but she definitely realized you were my boyfriend, and yet she still tried to drag you away." Huh.

Now that she said it…

Ganyu began floundering. "No! No! No! I had no intention of ruining a relationship or anything of the sort! It's just that I… I was just going to tell him what happened and then—"

Yanfei crossed her arms. "Yes, you just wanted to tell him and nothing else. As if I believe that. I deal with people like you everyday you know? People who didn't mean anything wrong, they just accidentally did something wrong. As if that holds any weight."

"..." Ganyu frowned. "Well, believe what you want to believe. I have no intention of sharing my destined one with anybody either." She put a hand on her chest. "I know you're my senior here, but I'll prove myself and be the one he chooses."

I interjected. "Wait! What do you mean to be the one he chooses!?" I wasn't going to choose anyone. Or to be more accurate, I was going to choose both!

Ganyu blushed. "I mean that I will… seduce you, I suppose. I can't do anything if you pick Miss Yanfei…" She said that so softly… but the way she cracked the teacup she had been sipping from was not soft at all! "But I won't just stand and watch. I'm a woman of action."

Yanfei rolled her eyes. "Woah, you really are shameless, saying these types of things when you just said you didn't mean to steal anybody's boyfriend." The lawyer glared at her. "But fine, whatever. Though I'm sorry to say, there's no competition here to pick a winner, because I already won long ago." We met today.

Well, there was no denying that I liked Yanfei more, I mean I spent more time with her— Is what I would say if I was a weakling! I had fallen for both at first sight! Or at least that's what I needed to keep telling myself.

Still, much like Ganyu trusted me because she didn't think she would bond with a bad person, I knew she had to be amazing because Yanfei was amazing. There couldn't be a drop in quality when it came to this type of stuff, or at least I think so.

She continued. "Besides, even if this competition was real… Do you even have the time for it? From what I hear, you're a busy woman who does nothing but work and work some more. You think my Sweetheart deserves a woman who barely pays him any attention?"

Ganyu winced. "I won't deny having my own responsibilities, but… but…" Her eyes widened, as if she had just reached a genius conclusion. "I'll simply remove sleeping from my schedule. I always thought it was a waste of time anyways."

And suddenly I was somehow even more worried. "I think that's a bit too much, Ganyu!" She didn't even consider the possibility of working a bit less!?

For some ungodly reason, Yanfei began looking strangely smug. "Did you hear that, Miss Ganyu? He doesn't want to spend time with you." That's not what I said!

"Ah! He doesn't want to spend time with me!" Seriously, these two constructed that totally wrong!

I couldn't let this misunderstanding go on. "I definitely do want to spend time with Ganyu!" I grabbed her hand, and then soon after I grabbed the hand of my other Soulmate. "But I also don't want to be separated from you, Yanfei! There's no need for some sort of conquest, because my heart loves the both of you—"

"Rex Lapis will punish you from the grave, slimy fuckin' playboy!" A sudden voice that was clearly aimed at me, interrupted my heartfelt plea.

I immediately released the hands of my Soulmates, and turned around. "Um… s-sorry?" I couldn't see who shouted that, there were plenty of clients here, after all—

Oh no…! Why did we decide to have this conversation in a restaurant!? Why!? Why!? Couldn't we have chosen a place that wasn't in public!? Now I was totally coming off as some playboy without common sense! This was the worst! Gah…! Suddenly I feel like I just want to die and—

Yanfei pointed at Ganyu. "See what've you done? You made Sweetheart get embarrassed in public!" She turned to the crowd. "And however said that, that slander is going to cost you thousands of Mora! I promise!" No! No! No! Why was she involving the crowd into this!?

This was so embarrassing. Embarrassing enough that I was just kind of shutting down.

Now that I realized our conversation was not one shared by three people, but by who knows how many, I could not act anymore. Shame was gripping my heart with way too much strength.

Ganyu whimpered. "Stop trying to blame me for everything Miss Yanfei, please. And…" She clenched her fists. "Sorry my destined one, but I can't share you with another one. Our time together is already… will be already so short… to be honest, when I laid my eyes on you…"

She looked like she was about to cry. "I was so happy, but then I realized you are a normal human. One that will grow old and die in such a short time. And then I realized that no Adept should go through this curse, which is why I simply cannot let another woman have you—"

"Wow." Yanfei let out a thoroughly unimpressed snort. "Look at you, calling our Soulmate a curse. Amazing choice of words."

Ganyu flinched, and lost her calm for a moment. "That's not what I—!" But she quickly recomposed herself. "Don't twist my words, legal adviser. You know exactly what I was trying to say… Or maybe you did not. Someone as young as you could never—"

Yanfei scoffed. "Someone as young as me?" You know, this lawyer really never hesitates to interrupt her rival. "Are you really trying that card? That doesn't surprise me. I guess Madame Ping did warn me about it." She did?

Now that I think about it, Madame Ping did mutter something about how older Adepti would have received this relationship in a different way. Is this what she meant?

Yanfei continued. "But you know what? I may be young, but I am not stupid. I know one day Sweetheart will… pass away, long before I do. And the same thing applies to plenty of my friends, and even my human mother. However, I promise that I will never burden my loved ones with this cheap talk, as if trying to gather pity. Sweetheart's lifespan is indeed short, way too short to worry about problems he can't understand. Instead, I want him to be happy that he will get to date a young girl for all his life."

"...I… I wasn't trying to make him pity me… I was…" Ganyu was at a loss for words.

As it turns out, getting into an argument with Yanfei was a horrible idea. She may get sloppier once she was emotional, as she herself admitted, but she was still Liyue's most amazing legal adviser. Any slip-up Ganyu made would be abused to no end, and twisted to fit whatever Yanfei wanted to say.

I wanted to put a stop to it, I need to put a stop to it! This catfight had to end already— You know, back when I was all happy because they were both pulling me, how many people were looking at me and thinking I'm a big loser?

…I can't talk. I'm way too embarrassed to talk right now! Sorry!

Yanfei grinned. "And you know, for all your talk about how time matters because our Soulmate has so little of it, you sure seem to care more about work than Sweetheart. You didn't even consider the possibility of dropping just a bit of work to spend with him. Shows what you really care about." She was twisting the knife, trying to deliver a finishing blow.

"..." But she pushed too far, Ganyu was getting more angry than anything. "Shut up." For some reason, hearing her say that just felt wrong. "It's not like I'm working because I enjoy it. I'm just trying to make Liyue into a better place. A better place for my destined one, and for everyone else."

Ganyu got up from her chair. "This is called responsibility! And someone like you, who skipped work by lying, can clearly not understand that!" Ice began growing on the floor. This wasn't good! "But fine, I'll admit that I was being foolish. I've helped Liyue enough, so my responsibility now lies with my destined one!"

She slapped the table. "I quit my job! From now on, I'll dedicate myself to making my destined one happy! He will be as happy as any human man can be!"

Yanfei, seeing a threat, got up too, and more or less imitated Ganyu. "Well, I'll make him happier than that!" Fire was beginning to spread around her too— You know, fire is a lot more dangerous than ice in a place like this!

I need to put a stop to this. I needed to rise up through the clouds that faced my heart and pull through this.

So I got up and I—

Was saved by a hero. "You must not quit, Ganyu!" An unknown man interjected, and as soon as he did, both Ganyu and Yanfei's power disappeared, as if they were nothing. "Liyue is not yet ready for such a catastrophic event!"

"Who even are you!?" I shouted in surprise.

Yanfei quickly answered. "It's Mister Zhongli!" Wow! I don't know this guy.

Zhongli cleared his throat. "Yes, I… was dining here, and could not help but overhear this conversation." Just kill me already. "And I felt as if perhaps a… third party coming in to help mediate would be in everyone's best interests. My apologies if I sound like a busy body."

Ganyu was doing her best to not glare at him into oblivion. "Well, you are. I m-mean…" She blushed. "Sorry, but this is not something you should get involved in… I don't think you can even understand what's going on."

Zhongli shook his head. "I am familiar with the Soulmate phenomenon, though I am no expert of course." Was this guy another Adepti!?

Yanfei gasped. "Mister Zhongli really does know a little bit of everything…!"

"I only know a thing or two. For now though, can you three tell me your sides of the story?"

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Having a mediator was incredibly helpful. Zhongli had nothing but simply to listen to us, but he had such a tranquil presence that we had all calmed down. It was the kind of amazing skill that I needed to develop if I wished to fulfill the prophecy.

Zhongli hummed. "I believe I finally understand thoroughly what has occurred." He chuckled. "A boy bonding with two women in one day. Two Adepti women. To think I would see the day."

Yanfei awkwardly interjected. "S-so, Mister Zhongli, what do you think? Whose side are you on?"

Zhongli put a hand on his chin. "A side? I have no intention of picking any side when it comes to the two of you. Instead, I have one thing I would like to say… Aren't you two acting a bit too shamelessly for a legal adviser, and a secretary of the Liyue Qixing?" Hey, was he gonna just shittalk my Soulmates?

Because if so, I was totally willing to throw down.

"Shamelessly!?" Yanfei was totally caught by surprise.

And so was Ganyu of course. "I don't think I am the shameless one here!"

Zhongli glared at the two. "Is that so? And yet look at the two of you? I admit, I cannot understand how it feels to suddenly fall so deeply in love, but… Yanfei, you are a decorated woman, one whose intellect is unmatched, one who I believe to be capable. And yet, why is it that this lover's quarrel was getting physical while this Visionless boy sat and trembled in fear?" I-I was about to do something! I wasn't scared!

He then turned around to my other Soulmate. "And the same thing goes to you, Ganyu. I understand that perhaps you may not have much experience in the matters of love, but act your age. An age that is far higher than Yanfei and this boy's age combined." He called her a hag!?

He sighed. "You ask what side I'm on? If I must pick one, I choose the poor, way too young, adventurer who was brought between the fight of two Adepti. Battles like the one fought between such beings have been known to destroy mountains. Does this boy look like a mountain?"

Zhongli continued. "That is not to say I don't understand your sides as well, but do keep in mind that the man does not fall in love immediately. To his eyes, I believe you two must have come off as terrifying demons. And mortals rarely survive when stuck between two demons."

Yanfei looked terrified. "W-we weren't about to fight though."

Ganyu quickly nodded. "Yes! I wasn't going to hurt—"

Zhongli cut her off. "Untill my interference, the floor was getting frozen and burned at the same time. It was quite the show." He crossed his arms. "Please do not take this as me saying you three should not have your quarrel, such a thing is inevitable. But fight with words, not with fire and ice. Lest a heavy price be paid by those who do not hold such power."

He tilted his head and looked at me. "With that said, if I may give my advice as well… Why do you three not try all… sharing your love for a bit?" That's definitely what I wanted! "As Ganyu said, time is far too short. I'm sure you two would rather spend time being happy over time squabbling."

Yanfei's eye twitched. "You're asking me to share my Sweetheart just to see if I'm going to be fine with it? That's actually insane."

Ganyu nodded. "Yes, no offense Mister Zhongli, but you only need common sense to know that sharing isn't on the table. Harems aren't even legal on Liyue."

Zhongli narrowed his eyes. "Yes, but what part of common sense applies to this? Forgive me for saying this, but this is no normal relationship. I know this is unfair, and were we under normal circumstances, I would say that the man must simply grow courage and pick his one true beloved, but… this boy will fall in love eventually with the both of you."

The man continued. "And then what? Will he be miserable because he chose one, but not another? Miserable because he condemned a woman he loves to sadness? Or perhaps he shall attempt a solution where he picks neither, and all parties are miserable. All of these paths lead to sadness… So what is the harm in simply attempting to share?"

"..." Yanfei looked at me. "What do you think, Sweetheart? I'm willing to hear you out, at least."

Ganyu quickly agreed with her. "Yes, I will make my decision depending on what my destined one chooses." You know, I feel like that wasn't true minutes ago.

This Zhongli guy really was a god! Something about his words just made everyone want to listen to what he was saying![

And now that I had this opportunity, I only needed to say one thing. "I just want everyone to be happy!" And also, I want to have two girlfriends, because that just sounded nice. One small Yanfei titty on one hand, and then a big Ganyu titty on the other. Paradise.

"Well…" Yanfei sighed. "Ugh, fine. I guess I'm willing to try this crazy sharing idea."

Ganyu clasped her hands together. "Yes. I would never forgive myself if I made your life miserable, my destined one." So… So…!

So everything turned out alright. "That's great to hear! I'm super happy!" I feel like I had just conquered a great challenge. Though I understand I only did it because Mister Zhongli came to help.

Speaking of Mister Zhongli, he seemed strangely relieved. "Good, now that all has been solved, Ganyu does not need to quit her work…" That's what he cared about!?

"Um… I'm still going to quit though." She quickly corrected him. "I do think it's a good idea! I want to spend every precious moment by the side of my destined one from now on out. He's my new responsibility— Not that I see him like work, of course!" Yanfei's accusation of her calling me a curse had definitely traumatized her. How cute.

I hope she had enough money to sustain herself though. Because I'm broke, and Yanfei will definitely not give her any Mora.

Zhongli became pale. "But… but… are you going to abandon your position that easily, Ganyu?"

"Well, yes. I will return to it after a century or so." Basically, after I die. I guess she just didn't want to say that. "I am sure it will be fine! There are plenty of people more competent than me across Liyue."

"..." Zhongli looked just as bad as I looked a few moments ago. I don't know why he's so invested in this, but I'm sorry! Please forgive me, my hero!

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The Geo Archon chuckled, interrupting the story of the Prophesied Hero. "I must say, I did not think I was seen in such a light. I'm quite flattered." He smiled towards the other gods of the room. "So, has this small story given you all new insight?" What he wanted was obvious.

Alas, he missed the mark thoroughly. All interrupting the story caused was allowing Raiden Shogun to show her anger. "All I have learned is that your country is a land for barbarians. My husband had to live in a box and weather storms? After hearing such a tale, I can only promise to tear Liyue down."

The Prophesied Hero sighed, it was surprising he could even talk with how embarrassed he was, but Raiden had said something pretty absurd.. "Well, I mean… Liyue is pretty nice. Meanwhile, Inazuma is a bandit filled mess because your incompetency destroyed it with a civil war for a long time. The only reason it's still standing is the Traveler."

"..." Raiden Shogun was frozen. Hydro and Cryo were scary.

The Prophesied Hero sputtered. "Sorry, truth serum. I'm not talking again unless someone addresses me." Maybe he should not have opened his mouth.

"..." The Frozen reaction had yet to end. It would probably take a long time to thaw out the Electro Archon.

Zhongli frowned. "So, does anyone else have anything to say? Anything that isn't a criticism of Liyue?"

Neuvillette raised an arm. "I do! I must make an important observation! If the Prophesied Hero enjoys women with smaller breasts, then the correct choice for him is quite obvious!" Who he was talking about was quite obvious.

Furina screeched. "That's a bit too much! Way too much!"

Nahida hummed. "I think I'm the one who wins in that category though? Even if it is a pretty close race." That was way too sad.

Mavuika laughed. "Hahaha! From what I understand, Hubby seems to like everything! I approve, a guy has to have an appetite!" She looked at the Geo Archon. "Anyways, I get that you stopped here to talk about sharing and all that, but look, like I said before, I'm okay with that. It's just that I'm only willing to share him with people I trust."

She frowned. "Please don't take this in the wrong way, but all this story has told me is that those two hurt my Hubby. I can't accept that."

"..." Zhongli was pretty sure everyone in this room had hurt the Prophesied Hero. He chose to not talk about that right now though.

Venti interjected. "Okay, so that aside… Can we talk about how funny this guy acts?" He pointed at the embarrassed tied up hero. "I know this is a serious situation and all, but we just have to address it, right!?"

The Tsaritsa sent him an icy glare, immediately shutting the bard up. "If you wish to mock my warmth, the price you pay will be becoming Dottore's new test subject. Useless drunk."

Venti hid behind Zhongli, letting out an awkward chuckle. "Hahaha, is this a good time to bring up how the Prophesied Hero is probably terrified of the people you hang out with, Tsaritsa?" Honestly, he was probably terrified of the Tsaritsa too.

Zhongli pinched his nose. "Let us put an end to this before it escalates. Instead of arguing, let us resume with the story."

And so, the Prophesied Hero once again began telling of his journey.