LGBTQuestion!
Added 2021-03-19 17:40:56 +0000 UTCHi everyone! This is a personal matter so please weigh in if you’re comfortable, and if you’re not don’t worry!
I’m going into a meeting today to discuss how the university I teach at can be a more welcoming and accepting place for the LGBTQ community today. I’m very excited to share my own thoughts and ideas since the school is very open and I feel very comfortable doing so! But I wanted to know if you have ever had a particularly validating experience or planned activity when you were in school or just part of a community. An idea that I might be able to bring to my colleagues to help lgbtq students feel safer and more welcome!
Thank you so much for your thoughts on this matter! I truly just want my students to feel happy and valid! 💜💙💚💛🧡❤️
And I would never bring up your name or anything like that! This is strictly private!
Comments
This is a smaller thing these days but what made the most difference to me was finding LGBQT books available in the library. I was far too shy to find a community in those days or even understand that I might want one. Books were my entrance point. Not technical stuff, but love stories (Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden was the first, game-changing one). That was in high school, but I still think one of the best things to do is keep fiction love stories in the library. Granted I ended up a librarian so I'm clearly biased. ;)
Ashfae
2021-03-22 09:32:53 +0000 UTCPlease recommend inclusive trainings on identifying intimate partner violence in relationships of all genders. I know it sucks to think about but the reality is college students may not be in the healthiest relationships. I was abused by my ex gf in college and counseling services literally laughed me off. The male counselor called it a cat fight and said it’s just “what sorority girls do.” I feel like college relationships are young adults learning what being a real grown up means and having support services that are educated and competent in serving all relationships is important for mental health. Also as a non-binary person yes to non gendered bathrooms!!
Jess Bauzá de García
2021-03-20 14:53:01 +0000 UTCYeah anything involving acknowledging one's pronouns, flying the PRIDE flags, and anything indicating that they are open to the community. My wife is transgender and we need to scope out places prior to visiting.
The Creativity Goddess
2021-03-20 00:41:53 +0000 UTCHonestly what I most remember about this was my uni's LGBTQ group, the first meeting everyone shared their pronouns, how they identified, etc. and I remember feeling consumed with warmth and understanding and acceptance when so many people were nonbinary, so many people didn't use words to define their sexuality or gender, so many people were questioning, so many people just *were*, and gosh, after being one of the only queer students at my highschool and feeling forced to conform to identities that, at their core, were just more oppressive boxes that helped people label me, it was absolutely liberating to realize I didn't have to any more. I can just be me, and just me will always be good enough.
Phantasmal Owl
2021-03-20 00:15:54 +0000 UTCI teach pharmacy students at my old university and start off my first lesson with a new group asking about their past experiences with internships and I also always slide in a quick question asking them to let me know if they have a preferred name or pronouns. I introduce myself with mine each time to start it off and do my best to normalize it for them. I want each of them to feel comfortable in my class and always write down a preferred name and pronouns when a student specifies. It's not much, but I think it helps. My university also has gender neutral bathroom options and many other faculty are also open about their orientations/pronouns/etc.
Felicia Snyder
2021-03-19 21:55:33 +0000 UTCAfter reading all these wonderful comments, I'm out of ideas! Everyone here is so awesome! And your awesome too for asking!
rippingoffmyface
2021-03-19 21:49:01 +0000 UTCI’ve found that some people, when discussing others, bring up the fact that they’re gay as if in a desperate attempt to seem open minded. Like, “My daughter’s friend helped fix the chair. He’s gay.” Pointing out a member of the LGBTQ community isn’t normalization but objectification when not in a context of respect or educating about the community. Having gone to school at BYU Idaho I would also recommend not kicking out LGBTQ students and supporting that our relationships are just as valid despite not being heteronormative.
Ana
2021-03-19 21:39:14 +0000 UTCGender neutral bathrooms are incredibly important. Like others said about pronouns and preferred names, I echo all of that. Having an LGBTQ+ club that is run by a staff member would be very helpful. (The club at my school was student-run and we didn't do anything but talk, and everyone else already knew each other and didn't talk to me. So I didn't feel welcomed and didn't come back.) Training teachers and staff to be more inclusive when using examples in class or making "broad" statements, and not letting other students get away with hate speech as "opinions".
Annie
2021-03-19 19:55:59 +0000 UTCI'm a queer 20 year university professor in a VERY conservative area with a strongly welcoming classroom. I'd love to chat via email if you'd like!
Holly
2021-03-19 19:55:24 +0000 UTCthis answer is so lovely and thought out. and, hilariously, i read "crime tutor" and immediately thought, wow, you got to major in criminal mastermind? jealous! lol lol lol
edensgardener
2021-03-19 19:42:42 +0000 UTCAs a Bi female, I found knowing that there is someone to talk to a huge help through uni. My main mentor and crime tutors were really approachable and I think its important to communicate with students that there are safe places/people/ communities. Also, it should be explained to staff that questions are okay if they are appropriate and sensitively done
Cj
2021-03-19 19:34:18 +0000 UTCAs a therapist who's trans-identifying and works with the trans community, I cannot stress the importance of language enough. Use the words that they use; pronouns, labels, adjectives, etc. Queering language is a way in which we've taken back our identities, communities, and spaces to make them our own.
Luca Valentine
2021-03-19 19:30:44 +0000 UTCI have very much enjoyed the Safe Zone trainings that my university LGBTQ office offers. Also the Reading Queer book club, which reads a different LGBTQ book by an LGBTQ author each month. Also, we do virtual game nights which are a lot of fun. Online Pictionary, stuff like that. Oh! We did an LGBTQ movie trivia game online that was a ton of fun. I had not even heard of half the movies and added them to my list! ♡♡♡
Sintina Soeburn
2021-03-19 19:26:13 +0000 UTCOur university would hold discussion panels from time to time and offer ally training.
White Wood Asmr
2021-03-19 19:19:32 +0000 UTCWhen I was in high school ages ago, the only out trans girl was only allowed to use the bathroom in the nurses office. No matter where she was in the school, if she used any other bathroom (no matter which side) she got in trouble. I know bathrooms have been a topic for lots of states in the last few years, but I still remember that even thirteen or so years later. A few years ago, though, I visited a college to see my friend make a speech, and the college had all gender neutral bathrooms. Even being cis that was a big one for me, after years of making trans and enby friends who struggled with feeling safe. And most of all I remembered the girl from high school who was punished for being herself.
Morgan Woody
2021-03-19 19:19:14 +0000 UTCAlso increasing access to gender neutral bathrooms would help alot!
Taylor Barnes
2021-03-19 19:09:25 +0000 UTCMay I reccomend a lgbt/straight alliance club/committee be formed? They can welcome the new students each semester and explain the resources available!
Taylor Barnes
2021-03-19 19:08:53 +0000 UTCNormalizing everyone giving pronouns in correspondence and other places, cis or not
Lemaris Designs
2021-03-19 18:55:24 +0000 UTCGonna come out as an ally. I'm cis female, but my besties are Ace and Bi. I didn't know if I would discover something about myself as we came together to live in a house in San Francisco in early 2000's. I didn't learn anything new about myself but I learned a lot about being an ally to my bestie and learning about the challenges and descrimination facing my friends. The biggest resource and the kindest people I've ever met were in the Kink community. Please, Please pass on as advice for lgbt+ that the Kink community is an invaluable resource. There is a risk in how young people approach the kink communities online or in clubs, but if there's a community space to hold meetings and munchies, then there's likely to be a healthy SSC kink community and through them, connections and community to healthy and safe queer spaces. I've left SF for finance reasons and been to other firms of community, but I've never felt as safe or valued in those communities (farming, rebuild burt homes). Drama and back biting and vindictive behavior was shocking and disheartening to me to find this behavior from supposedly normal and wholesome social communities. Once I stopped talking to certain people in those communities I heard from no one else when I needed help. I keep looking back on being a part of the Kink community and how regardless of how much or how little I participated, when I needed some help or someone to talk to, I can always find someone, whether I know them or not. Kink communities and queer communities are intertwined. These are support networks. I want young people to find these support networks, even if you're totally vanilla.
DarlingRose
2021-03-19 18:48:05 +0000 UTCNormalising pronouns, including teachers introducing their own, and asking others if they'd like to share. Gender neutral examples of things. Non cishet only examples. Including ace / aro in examples.
DC
2021-03-19 18:38:26 +0000 UTCI went to an incredibly Conservative Christian college, and so we literally weren't even allowed to have a GSA when I went there. But there were professors who had rainbow stickers that proclaimed their office was a safe space, and those visible signs meant a great deal to me as a baby queer.
Hannah Barnes
2021-03-19 18:38:23 +0000 UTCPronouns!! Having everyone say their pronouns takes so much pressure off for me
Ace Enby
2021-03-19 18:35:51 +0000 UTCMy university had a lot of professors at the beginning of a class ask for preferred name and pronouns. But the biggest was the campus QSA held an event each year for high school students to come and hear from a panel of queer students about what it’s like to be queer and in college, out or not. They then had a whole slew of programs for them to attend from basic reproduction to history of drag. The last year I was there they hosted a full on drag show with student queens and 4 local queens. I ended up going with my mom and our neighbor 😂
Yuval Dohn
2021-03-19 18:34:27 +0000 UTCAt work I was given a name tag and was able put whatever name or nickname I wanted to, it wasn't automatically my legal name. I find that I feel more comfortable telling people my name/pronouns through paper than actually verbally saying it, so maybe try giving out name tags (that include a pronoun section) and have people fill them out themselves?
wrensbrainrot
2021-03-19 18:30:18 +0000 UTCI saw "help wanted" adverts on posters in my university and I saw that they were searching for a "new employee (m/f/d)" - d stands for "diverse" - and that was the first time I saw my gender included and I cried. It was literally just that. The acknowledgement of my existence (which says alot in my country).
Tomanto
2021-03-19 18:27:41 +0000 UTCHaving a Queers and Allies mixer within our department was very helpful, even more so when queer faculty members made a point to attend and share their experiences. Undergrads and grads benefited from hearing that there are queer folks who have made it in academia (and other fields!). Role models are important!
Rachel Maxwell
2021-03-19 18:27:03 +0000 UTCElevating LGBTQIA+ voices, asking and listening to opinions (hello!), supporting their endeavors. Agree w/making name/pronoun change No Big Deal. A very high level person at my current job put together a Pride educational presentation with his trans son about their family and then did sort of an AMA and it was one of the most helpful, normalizing, useful experiances in my identity journey.
Goat Matron
2021-03-19 18:18:05 +0000 UTCYes! I was going to say my kid goes to a school where one of the questions under what name they prefer is “is this name OK to us in communication with people in your home?” and it’s such an important question. I was so happy to see it.
pyracantha
2021-03-19 18:16:52 +0000 UTCWe had a professor hand out those standard “get to know me” forms but it also included our preferred name and pronoun questions and asked if he could call us that in front of others! I think it’s always a good idea! Our school also flew a bunch of different pride flags at the LGBT club room!!!
ineffablepuns
2021-03-19 18:14:30 +0000 UTCI would say make sure that you know that everyone is welcome and show everyone that they can be comfortable with not only what they already know but also with things that they may discover while at university.
Kiylie Denesen
2021-03-19 18:13:45 +0000 UTCThe university I went to had tons of gender neutral restrooms. Most classes also started of by people introducing themselves with names and pronouns. This was a very eye opening experience for me. I’m pansexual, but cis gender, so pronouns were not something I personally had to think about that much. I was surprised to find that I had been In accidentally misgendering a few of my classmates and the practice of introducing ourselves with our pronouns helped me make that mistake less in future.
Nichole Hayden
2021-03-19 18:13:38 +0000 UTCI'd say having a form that students can fill out with what name and pronouns they prefer in class and what they prefer at home (although I don't know how much contact you would have with their parents). Safe Space stickers are always a good bet (and I have hung up other flags besides the rainbow to show support for multiple specific identities). It would also be great to ask students what title/prefix they use (Mr., Ms., Mx., or any other) and allow faculty to use Mx. or any nonbinary prefix if they choose. It would also be great if queer people could be studied as part of the curriculum--like queer authors or historical figures. 😊
Al Cassada
2021-03-19 18:11:27 +0000 UTCAny time a place asks me for my preferred name along with my legal name, and asks my pronouns it feels great. My school let's us have a preferred name as out display to classmates and teachers, while keeping our legal name on record for finances and liscencing and such.
Ande
2021-03-19 18:08:48 +0000 UTCI ran my campus’ LGBT student group for 4 years and we fought bloody hard for some things that I think made a huge difference. Here are a few: pronoun selection for admissions, non-gendered intramural sports teams, non-gendered restrooms, a LGBT LLC (living learning center) in a residents hall, non-gendered housing, and a pride week supported and funded by the university. Fight proudly 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️💪🏼
Nix
2021-03-19 18:08:47 +0000 UTCIt's not campus related but pro-nouns after names on zoom calls/TCs, because it normalises them
Ali
2021-03-19 18:03:44 +0000 UTCThe school I attend has pronouns listed in the email signature of every faculty and staff member and encourage us to add ours to our own profiles and emails. It is a small and simple thing that makes the whole campus feel more welcoming. They also ask for preferred name on everything so that professors are provided with more information than just a standard class roster.
Amy Evenson
2021-03-19 18:03:07 +0000 UTCSome colleges have floors or dorms if theyre big enough that are for lgbtq+ people and allies so they know they're safe and won't be roomed with a bigoted person.
Zavier Burst
2021-03-19 17:58:54 +0000 UTCThings that could help a whole class though could be having some sort of LGBTQ+ friendly sign on your office door etc, so people know you're good with that, avoid over-gendered things in class- gender stereotypes in examples, calling on a male/female student for something typically 'that gender'. You could even have people introduce themselves with their pronouns
Arctic Rose
2021-03-19 17:57:48 +0000 UTCI've had quite a few good university LGBTQ+ experiences, as it was while I was at uni that I discovered my sexuality (or in my case, lack of). One of my best university related moments though was when I was with a professor in his office. I was pretty close to him, within the teacher-student relationship. I would go to his office and we would chat about linguistics and cats and all sorts of things both relating to the course and not. At one point, he asked how my relationship was going, and I was confused, as I was single. When I questioned it, he asked about my friend who I say next to in pretty much all our lectures, calling her my girlfriend. I said I'm not with her like that, I'm not gay, we're friends etc. Then he said "so if you're not gay, what are you? You're somewhere on the rainbow". This was said with a smile and no judgement, total curiosity and it just made me feel so good. We were close enough that it wasn't awkward, and we ended up having a pretty good conversation where I explained asexuality. The funniest part was where he bemoaned my not being with my friend, because "you guys were my favourite couple!"
Arctic Rose
2021-03-19 17:54:05 +0000 UTCPride month is in June but the area I went to school in has a big LGBTQ+ community and would actually do a parade in early May before the 5 universities in the area let out for summer break. Gender neutral bathrooms is a big one. And teachers having forms with more than 2 genders and a place for preferred name and pronouns
sparksearcher
2021-03-19 17:53:48 +0000 UTCOne of the most validating experiences I've had was when I started going by a different name other than my legal one, my teachers made a point of 1) speaking a lot about how saying the correct name/pronouncing it correctly is a sign of respect, and 2) ensuring that when I started integrating the name, that they updated their paperwork/didn't demand I use my legal name when submitting assignments and such. It really fostered the atmosphere that this wasn't a big deal, and a change they were more than willing to accommodate, which took so much stress off of me.
SightKeeper
2021-03-19 17:52:43 +0000 UTCOur band instructor declared she was trans two years ago and the support from administration was something that made it very welcoming, not only for employees but also for our students who have felt safer now with her on staff. They feel like they belong. Teachers accepting student’s chosen pronouns and gender has also made it easier for their kids as well as just casual conversations about their girlfriends/boyfriends as one would have with cishet students. It’s a little different with us since we’re a middle school and they’re still bound to their parents, but knowing that they won’t be outed by their teachers has been something that has comforted our kids too.
Melina Barbuto
2021-03-19 17:51:44 +0000 UTCThere were a few safe spaces on our university campus where Lgbt+ and minorities could go if they needed support or just somewhere to chill for a little. We also had a small group chat for anyone that needed help or was questioning theirselves. They would meet for coffee and talk, it was pretty nice and the first time I really felt accepted. They would also do drag show fundraisers which would help support the groups! When asked to fill out forms and seeing other orientations and genders always made me feel included. And I remember how excited I was when my first professor asked me what pronouns I would prefer to be called, I think I almost cried out of relief. It feels validating to know that your professors care for you like a human instead of a seat. Sorry for the ramble! Hope some of it helps!
Lynn
2021-03-19 17:51:42 +0000 UTC(i prefer not to do the introductions in class bc it can force ppl to publicly choose to out themself or put themself back in the closet, i understand why ppl do them, so its totally a personal choice for me there)
cassieoh
2021-03-19 17:51:37 +0000 UTCIn the Beforetimes, some professors would send out surveys to all their new students at the beginning of the term asking preferred name and pronouns as well as other useful info. Asking everyone up front normalizes not assuming someone's pronouns. Universities should consider collecting that info and putting it on class lists automatically.
Kimberley Hoff
2021-03-19 17:51:36 +0000 UTCI experienced unisex bathrooms as real helpful for trans/nb folks. 💖🙌🏻
Gavin Krzywania
2021-03-19 17:49:51 +0000 UTCI think this is really important, especially regarding older people who might feel defensive regarding their beliefs and language. Everyone should make it clear that being inclusive is not about attacking any individual- rather, educating people who might very well have the best of intentions on how to treat people in a better way.
mikripetra
2021-03-19 17:49:48 +0000 UTCI went to visit my mother while she was teaching at a university up north a while back and just about fell over when I saw their gender-neutral bathrooms. I’d never HAD a bathroom where I felt completely safe before. Pretty sure they just rebranded the single-stall “family” bathrooms, but it still meant a lot. One of the worst parts of my university experience was my student email address. They used my full legal name and I didn’t have a say in it, so to this day I have to invalidate my identity every time a service requires me to use an email address issued by an educational institution. Just asking people on enrollment what name they’d like to use for their publicly visible credentials would go a long way.
Beck
2021-03-19 17:49:08 +0000 UTCI've taught a number of university classes (and am teaching one now lol) and one of the big things that was validating for me as a student and that I've tried to continue is to use a mix of couples in examples and default to they for folks in videos and pictures unless it's otherwise stated. I also invite my students to email me or come to my office hours to let me know if their name/pronouns doesn't match what's on the roll so I can update my own list and not misgender/deadname them.
cassieoh
2021-03-19 17:48:21 +0000 UTCI pretty much never comment, but as a trans, gay man, I appreciate you asking and doing your research. I can only speak from my own experience, but I've found that when teachers and professors ask for pronouns and make sure to memorize them it's very validating. It's also helpful for staff to ask students if they're out at home or not, because they may be unintentionally outing students without knowing. Gender neutral restrooms, locker rooms, welcoming language, there's a lot to consider. The best you can do is continue to listen to queer feedback.
carpet_snark
2021-03-19 17:47:22 +0000 UTCI majored in linguistics in college. It was a massive validation to my lesbian identity when one of my professors outed herself as a member of the same community. Then she had us read some texts about queer relationships and compare the language used to descriptions of heterosexual relationships. She also talked about how those texts helped her build her identity within the community as a young woman.
Kimberley Hoff
2021-03-19 17:47:08 +0000 UTCBiggest thing my community college PRIDE club ever did was advocate for all-gender bathrooms in each building. I would also suggest normalize using they or them pronouns instead of saying "he or she" in campus literature, newsletters, etc.
Avalon
2021-03-19 17:46:27 +0000 UTCI was the GSA advisor at my high school (until I went on leave for health reasons) and we had a fantastic club! It was a safe space for students, and we did a ton of outreach as well—we organized field trips to our local Pride (it’s in September here because June is so hot it can literally kill people), we walked in charity walks for the AIDS foundation, and we had guest speakers from various LGBTQ groups around town come in. I think something similar, if not already in existence, would be excellent for university students. ☺️
Nikki Adams
2021-03-19 17:46:22 +0000 UTCAnother tip could just be not to use any gendered generalizations when referring to students. For example, avoid addressing all the girls of the class broadly in a joking remark concerning a man they might find attractive. I think most of the gaffes done by older professors are mostly well-intentioned, but end up creating an uncomfortable environment at best. I think a professor should try to address each student as if their gender and sexuality is unknown, and to ask all students for their perspective on issues regardless of their seemingly visible gender or sexuality.
mikripetra
2021-03-19 17:46:17 +0000 UTCI don't know if this would help but during pride month my local college does a drag race, you get some influential people in your community to agree to participate by willing to be voted in as an honorary drag queen/king for a day and raise money for lgbt charities by having people vote for them (they would have voting stations and every dollar was a vote for that name) and also hire drag queens to help put on a show and educate people in campus about lgbt plus if you work with a local library they might be willing to work with a drag queen story time, basically the entire event just turns into a fun pride thing and it was always fun for everyone
strawhat4life
2021-03-19 17:45:46 +0000 UTCHaving non-binary listed as an option on forms that require gender (not other, which is... literally othering). Having a space for legal name and preferred name, and being sure that teachers only use the latter publicly. I’m trying to think of other things but those are two pretty simple ones to implement
Caspian
2021-03-19 17:44:57 +0000 UTCI remember I once made a comment about gay panic on A03 that turned out to be insensitive. I’ve had no previous experience with gay panic and was completely unaware of how my comment might have been interpreted. Instead of attacking me, the A03 community educated me. I felt embraced by that instead of excluded. It’s like the community gave enough of a damn about me to help me avoid insensitive mistakes instead of canceling me.
SH
2021-03-19 17:44:38 +0000 UTCI have a bunch of older professors who have been wonderful about this. I think the thing that’s most important is to respect and use students’ chosen pronouns and chosen names without any fanfare or complaint. That can make a really big difference- and since you can write your chosen name and pronouns right under your face on Zoom, this has actually been one benefit of online learning!
mikripetra
2021-03-19 17:43:06 +0000 UTC
