Director's Notes: 196 - Silas the Thief, Part 2

[NOTE: as always, director's notes contain spoilers]

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. Who deserves it? I'm not talking about the rhetoric around "cancel culture." If you can still listen to Michael Jackson's music, or you think Joe Rogan does good interviews, or whatever, I'm not talking about that. You don't know those people, and neither do I. There's no forgiveness to be given nor accepted. 

But I'm talking about the micro, not the macro. What of our ability to forgive those closest to us.

Basically, I'm wondering if "I'm sorry" is ever enough.

For me, the apology is just the wrapping on the present. It has no intrinsic value. It is simply the visible decor that contains the gift. Perhaps that gift is something you've always wanted, or maybe something you didn't know you wanted. Or maybe it's completely useless and uninspired. They clearly just grabbed something off the discount shelf at Home Goods and said "thought of you."

So what makes a good gift and, metaphorically, a strong case for forgiveness. For me, it's something that demonstrates an understanding of you. The best gifts are ones that you didn't tell the person you wanted, but it's clear that they have listened to you, paid attention to what you love and what you do. And they got you something you never asked for, but that you absolutely enjoy. 

When it comes to making amends, an apology is useless if it doesn't contain within it some acknowledgement that you have been seen and understood. And more than that, if you are truly apologetic, then you will, too, layout what your plans for change are. ("I'm sorry I didn't come to your party, and that I didn't even call to tell you I couldn't come. I know I have been distant from you, and that's not acceptable. I will do better. I will be more communicative.")

Is that an acceptable apology? IDK. Depends on who you are and who the apologizer is. The number one thing you must accept if you are the one seeking atonement is that there is a possibility your apology is not accepted. And you must be okay with that. You're the one who fucked up. An apology doesn't mean shit if it's not unanimously supported. 

This is such a deep and complex topic, that I'm not going to be able to fully explore in these 500 words, so I hope that I at least set up some basic ideas that I've been flipping about in my mind while making these 2 episodes. 

In 196, we hear Silas wanting to be heard, yet he's not willing to hear anyone else. He's surrounded by so many who love him (including his children), yet he still claims to be alone. He's an individualist. He thinks because he has been punished by Sandrine, that he should be forgiven. 

But I'm not so sure any of that is true. He's still angry at Sandrine, still a touch sexist, still a narcissist, still lacking self-awareness. But he's learning. Isn't that enough, Silas wonders?

Maybe. But why are you learning? Are you following a path of self-improvement just to demonstrate to the world that you're worthy of it's forgiveness? Or are you following this path because you wish to be a better person for the sake of being a better person? 

[Thought exercise: Have you ever thrown some cash in a counter-top tip jar? Did you make sure the staff saw you do so? Why? Let yourself truly think about it. There is no wrong answer, unless you come away from this thinking you have the right answer.]

Silas seems like someone we've all known and probably didn't like very much. He's obnoxious (though he probably looks adorable with those little white mitten paws), and I'm still trying to figure out if he's redeemable, or if I'm happy that he'll always be a cute little cat and we'll never have to hear from him again. 

It's a tough call.

-Jeffrey Cranor
October 15 2021