UNKILLABLE ANGEL c-side "emerger"

this is one that i really struggled with throughout the entire process of making UNKILLABLE ANGEL. i scrapped and redid the lyrics at least once and was going to do the same for the guitar tracks before i lost interest - i just couldn't seem to make all the different parts work together as a song the way i was envisioning and the mix always seemed to disintegrate into this grey metallic slop that i was never happy with. whenever i come back to it after some time away i always find a lot about it that i still really like though, so i'm putting it here. unsure if it'll end up as a b-side or a c-side once the b-sides comp comes out but i think it'll probably stay here as an exclusive.

lyrics:

you always taught me to be careful
even in the worst abandon
you always taught me to be careful
even beside myself, even outside myself

you always taught me to be careful
even in the worst abandon
so why does it always feel
like im seeking it out
like im staring it down

avert your eyes
oh were you such a bad teacher?
oh was i so good at putting distance
between my eyes and yours?

all the care in the world
are the carelessness in the fantasy
all the sex in the dream
couldn't shield me
from the spiral out and out
oh please

thank god for paranoia
thank god for symptoms
thank god for every flicker of grey light inside us
it's all a pattern
it's all laid out like darlings
a first draft wretched with life

i let you in
i let you in
i let you in
eyes rolling like an animal used to running

holding it in
disappearing
fading into the REM again
don't save me
running again
never again
never be motionless
exhausted muscles twitch, rip,
evaporate in the night air
steam, toxic, rising from a crumpled shape
step sideways out of light
mechanisms slipping inside
heaven in consuming white of the eye
pissing myself on the asphalt
where have you been?

all your wannabe grace
still tripped when it mattered
still tryna feign
motherfucker be real with the loose ends
you could never figure out
frayed twine cauterize
dead inside
no help
what were ur motivations?
twist in the wind of changes
what does the world that u covet contain?
it's cold in this narrow future
where to go once you've killed the past?
feign crooked life to be looked at
throw away all the time that u could have
feign crooked life to be looked at
throw away all the time that u could have

open yourself
fade out with grace, coward

you always taught me to be careful
you always taught me to be careful
and i listened
you always taught me to be careful
i swear i listened
so why do i feel like eating myself and emerging?