May recap

Whoooooweeeee what a MONTH it’s been!

Has anyone else felt like their heart has been on a never ending rollercoaster this month?

I’m never sure how many of you look at my IG or Twitter so I never know who knows what so I’m sorry if this is all redundant.

The beginning of my month I was in Portland shooting with Corwin and as soon as I got home I thought I was going to prepare a digital burlesque act for a show I was booked in that Saturday but pretty much immediately my whole week got upturned by a friend needing their cats looked after as they’d just decided to go to detox and I had promised if they ever did go to detox/rehab I’d care for their cats. And I’m so happy because they are still sober today! Whohooo! Well anyway I did go get their cats but I already had a foster cat on top of my dog in my apartment so I had to completely re-arrange and cat proof my back room which took several days and ended up meaning I didn’t create the digital act sooooo then I threw together a very verryyyyyy last minute in person burlesque act - last minute as in - I literally never rehearsed the act and my first time running it was on stage in front of the audience 😂🙈

I got a lot of compliments for it after from other performers and audience members so I guess it went semi-ok lol

But not what I had in mind for my comeback act. I hadn’t been on a physical stage since before the pandemic.

I challenged myself to creating an act that used only costume pieces I already had at my apartment & paired it with a very mellow song because I often lean on dramatic songs/props/costumes. I just wanted to float around the stage for a little bit & that’s exactly what I did.

Here is some backstage footage & a couple stage snippets:

*sorry I’m mostly just a glowing white ball on stage thanks to the stage lights lol*

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/gegma0yxh3li2m5/AAAk6qC2OiuSKS2uJVS8Mg9ba?dl=0

Earlier that day I attended a group photo shoot for a new queer photographer group and here are some selfies/video from that:

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/x08dvt0mw6e205c/AAADws-3ZwQ5G4mwSs8XnHeua?dl=0

After that I don’t really remember much everything kind of fades away and all I can remember is that Badus’ tumor started splitting open - at least that’s what we thought and that I needed to get her surgery asap for her giant tumor (she had a fatty tumor in the same place two years ago and I had it removed successfully then).

I thought I could wait until late July to get the surgery but once this rip appeared I knew it had to happen ASAP & my roomie was going to New Orleans & told me I could borrow her car to drive Badu to her vet in Denver that did the surgery last time.

Well… my license expired in 2018 and I kind of need that to drive across the country with a car that’s not mine & my dog in the back.

I’ll skip the two week ordeal that it was to get my license and get glasses for the first time (I thought I needed them to pass the eye exam turns out I did not lol).

But I ended up getting my license the day I started driving to Denver!

Massive traffic coming out of Chicago, tire issues and a 4 hour long storm and 20 hours on the road I finally made it to Denver with Badu.

I thought I’d get get shoot some outdoor videos/photo sets but then it started snowing?! Like the day we got to Denver it was 90 degrees and the next day it started snowing?! And not just a sprinkle, no it was 5 inches and broken trees everywhere and just a MESS. So no outdoor content smh.

Then Badu went in for surgery and unlike last time this tumor is not just fat it’s a aggressive sarcoma and instead of removing the intended 95% of the tumor the vet was only able to take off about 30% and so instead of buying Badu another two or so years of life we were only able to give her another couple months.

If you’ve been around for any amount of time you know that’s my BABY.

She’s 11 1/2 and she’s been by my side since she was 3 months old.

I don’t want to know a life without her.

I’m currently on “stitch watch” which means I have to have my eye on her 24/7 to make sure she doesn’t chew her stitches open (I thought my roomie could help watch her but she’s got Covid so we gotta isolate from her sadly).

So I’m physically exhausted and mentally drained trying to ignore the fact that she’s scheduled to be sent over the rainbow bridge late July.

The plan is to bring her back to Denver so she can frolic in my dad s’ backyard one last time and then we will bring her to the meadow by her vets’ office and say goodbye under the trees in the grass.

I don’t know how to even begin to process any of it. I’ve lost so many people and I don’t deal well with death but losing my everyday companion seems like an even harder loss to take. She’s my reason to get up. My reason to keep a roof over our heads. I’m going to miss her so deeply and I’m really scared of what my life will be without her.

I’m sorry for this sad update I’m never sure how much I can share here/the internet but I know many of you have come to love Badu over the years and she’s made many appearances over the years so I felt I needed to tell you all what’s going on.

I was only able to drive to Denver to get her this surgery because of my Patreon income.

I lost my OF last month and this is now my only steady income so as always - I deeply deeply appreciate you all for being here.

Your presence and support are what keeps us going ❤️

So THANK YOU a million times!

Yours truly,

Carina & Badu