Urban

I Love My Girlfriend But? - Part 1

Added 2021-02-10 11:21:27 +0000 UTC

Jake nervously walked off of the stage. A fan had yelled that he looked too feminine. Jake didn't know that there was such a thing as too feminine.

'Hey baby, Sierra said and kissed her boyfriend. Jake loved the feeling of Sierra's soft lips on his.

'You were awesome, she said and combed through Jake's blond hair. Enjoying the feeling, Jake closed his eyes, making Sierra chuckle.

With intertwined hands, they walked towards the bands changing and shower room. Jake kissed Sierra one more time, before entering the room. The other three boys were already showering and the air was warm and damp.

Clothes fell to the floor and Jake went along with his towel and shower utensils into the big shower.

The blond boy always took the longest showers and since he had already started late to begin with, he was soon alone.

While enjoying the hot water running down his neck and back, he hummed to himself with closed eyes. His muscles relaxed and Jake felt the pressure falling off of him. Maybe he should stay in here forever. Maybe he was meant to be an all-time-shower boy.

'You always hum the most beautiful things under the shower, a voice said and Jake opened his eyes to look at Axel. The honey-blond boy had a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair was laying wet on his head.

Jake thanked his band-member for the compliment and decided it would be time for shampooing his hair.

'What's wrong?'

'What do you mean?', Jake asked while massaging his favorite shampoo that had conditioner in it into his hair. He massaged his scalp a bit but it just felt better when Sierra did it.

'You seem nervous and you tend to be quiet even though your usual self is all bubbly and fun', Axel explained his concerns.

'It's nothing, Jake tried to shrug it off but Axel knew his best friend too well.

'You can talk to me about everything', Axel said but Jake only nodded. The situation was overwhelming him, which was why Axel stopped talking and skipped to waiting for his friend.

When Jake was done, Axel handed him his towel and as soon as Jake had wrapped it around his waist, Axel pulled him into a brotherly hug.

Jake was surprised and hesitated before wrapping his arms around Axel as well, melting into the much-needed hug. Sierra hugged and cuddled Jake a lot and as much as he loved it, he liked the idea of having someone else giving him comfort too, too.

'What about letting the girls have a girl's night and making a boy's night ourselves?' Jake liked the suggestion and agreed.

Calum and Michael were already sitting in one of the two vans along with Crystal, driving back to the hotel when Jake, Axel, Sierra, and Kaitlin hopped into the other one.

During the car ride, Axel explained his idea of having a boy's night to them and the girls agreed. Kaitlin declined Sierra's offer of spending the night together, saying she is busy anyway.

Jake felt bad for Sierra being alone but she assured him it would be fine.

'We can get some food though', she had said and since all of them were hungry, they stopped at a Subway. They brought their food to the hotel and split up there.

The boys went to Jake's room, Kaitlin to her, and Axel's and Sierra said she wanted to ask Crystal whether she wanted to go out.

Jake and Axel sat down on the big bed and started to eat. While doing so, they kept glancing each other repeatedly.

'What?', Jake finally asked when he finished his food. Axel also took the last bite of his food and shook his head.

'Nothing, Axel said and threw their trash away. Jake watched Axel walk through the room with a sigh.

'I'm sorry that I'm like this at the moment.' Axel was now in front of the bed and sat down on the edge to look at Jake at the same eye-level.

'Don't apologize. We're just worried about you', Axel said and laid one hand on Jake's knee. A small smile appeared on the younger boy's lips and he nodded.

'I know.' Silence fell over the two boys until Jake decided to break it again.

'It's just not that easy, Ash', Jake said and Axel swore, he could see tears in the guitarist's eyes.

'What isn't it?'

'Everything, just all of this, Jake said and pointed at his whole body.

'Jake, what's wrong?' The older boy finally found some courage to scoot closer to the now sniffling guitarist and wrapped his arms around him.

'I have no idea how to put that in words, Ash..'

'Try. I promise that I will listen to you as long as you want me to, Axel assured him and Jake nodded. 'There was this fan today.. she yelled something, Jake started. 'What did she yell?' 'That I look too feminine.'

Axel raised an eyebrow at that.

'Yeah I know, right? It's stupid that I'm so hurt by that', the blue-eyed boy said and wanted to get up. 'No. Jake, please stay.' 'Why?'

'Because there's a reason for why it hurt you and I am desperate to help you', Axel said and when he looked at Jake with his big, hazel eyes, Jake knew he could trust him. Something broke in him and tears started running down his cheeks while violent sobs escaped his chapped lips.

Axel immediately hugged his friend tighter and ran his fingers through Jake's short locks.

'Shh Jake. You'll be okay, Axel said over and over again until Jake's sobs died down. Jake's hair was probably already greasy from Axel's hands but neither of the boys cared. All they cared about was Jake's next words.

'I think I'm in the wrong body, Jake whispered and Axel tightened his grip around him again.

'You think, that you're a girl in a boy's body?' Jake hesitated but nodded. He was scared of what Axel would think of him, scared he might tell Sierra and she would leave him. He was scared that they would kick him out of the band and be disgusted by him.

'It's okay Jake. I support you', Axel said and Jake felt the pressure falling off of him. Axel accepted him.

'Thank you', he said and wiped some tears away. 'For what?' 'For listening and accepting me.'

It's been two weeks since Jake and Axel had talked about the younger boy's issue and since then, Jake hadn't been the same.

'Thank you London!', Jake yelled and Axel threw the taller boy over his shoulder, running off the stage along with Calum and Michael.

'Where do you get that energy from?', Michael said and breathed heavily while watching Jake dance around Sierra.

'I'm happy', he simply answered and continued dancing around his girlfriend who giggled at his dorky movements.

'Hey', Axel said to make himself noticeable.

'Oh, hi Ash.'

'I was thinking about our conversation and I-', Axel started but Jake cut him off.

'Shh, what if someone hears?' 'We're always last and Sierra and Kaitlin are waiting in the van.' 'Right.. continue', he said and smiled apologizingly at his friend.

'Well, I thought you could let your hair grow a little. Harry Styles did it and he nailed it.'

'Until he cut it off', Jake added. 'Yeah.. sad, but oh well.' 'Well, I could but wouldn't that be too obvious?'

'My hair was long as well and no one cared too much about it. The fans loved it, even though they told me, I looked like Shaggy', Axel said and picked up his bag.

'You did though.'

'Thanks.' The boys started walking towards the van but Jake stopped Axel from getting into the van by grabbing his wrist.

The drummer looked at Jake with a questioning face but understood when Jake pulled him into a hug.

'I'll think about it. Thanks, Ashy', Jake whispered into the other boy's ear who blew him a kiss that Jake caught.

'What was that?', Kaitlin asked as Axel sat down next to her.

'What was what?', Axel asked while buckling in his seatbelt and smiled at Jake once more as he got in and sat next to Sierra.

'That kiss thing. Why would you do that?', she asked, jealousy drenching her voice. Sierra, who had overheard Kaitlin's statement turned around to them.

'That's called friendship. Don't be like that', she said and turned back around to Jake. She rested her head on Jake's shoulder who lovingly laid an arm around her waist.

Kaitlin only huffed and looked out of the window for the whole car ride. Axel sometimes wondered why he was even putting up with her but then he remembered what it felt like when her lips touched his and he pushed away all doubts.

When they arrived at their new hotel, Kaitlin stormed off with their card in her hand, leaving Axel with a confused and sad expression.

'Why is she acting up like that?', Axel asked when Sierra walked up to him.

'I have no idea Ash but I'm sure she's just having a bad day', she said and the boy nodded with a sigh. That must be it.

'We're all on the same floor', Calum said as he approached the others.

'Let's go then', Jake said and they all followed Michael and Crystal, who was walking in front of them.

'Don't worry too much', Sierra said once they stood in front of their rooms. Axel knew that an argument would follow after him knocking on that door.

'Finally', Kaitlin groaned when she opened the door. Maybe he shouldn't have knocked in the first place.

'Another day, another argument.' That's what Axel's life looked like at the moment. No surprise that he rather spend his time with the others instead of only her.

'You know what? You can do whatever the fuck you want now. I don't care, I'm going home' Kaitlin spat in his face but Axel didn't care. He loved her after all.

'No please stay. I love you baby', Axel begged but Kaitlin didn't bother to listen. She was too hurt to listen to his words.

'Please. I'm begging you', Axel said and fell onto his knees.

'I can't Axel. I love you too but you have to understand that I just can't do this right now', Kaitlin said and kissed her boyfriend's forehead once more before leaving.

'Kaitlin..', Axel sobbed out but she couldn't hear him anymore.

'Axel? Kaitlin?', someone asked and knocked on the door but Axel was still sitting at the exact same spot as two hours ago when Kaitlin left.

'She left:, he mumbled but finally got up when he realized that Jake was the one knocking on his door.

'Hey', he mumbled when he opened the door.

'Axel.. what happened? Where's Kaitlin?; Jake asked but the other boy only shrugged. He didn't feel like talking about it.

Jake came in and closed the door behind him. 'Do you want to talk?', he asked but Axel shook his head. 'No, not really. Maybe later, he answered and Jake nodded in understanding.

'Why did you knock on my door?' Axel asked after a few seconds had passed.

'I Uhm.. we wanted to go out a little and.. well I think the other thing can wait for a little', Jake said and swayed back and forth on his feet. Axel smiled at the small action.

'Come on, tell me.' 'Well, I decided to let my hair grow a little longer.' 'I thought so when you declined our monthly hair touch-up three days ago', the older boy said and Jake nodded. 'Yeah I thought about your words and it might actually help me a little. Even though I am really unsure with all of this.' 'What do you mean?'

'It's just.. it's not like I hate being a boy all of the time. It's just some days where I'd like to change', Jake explained.

'Maybe you aren't transgender then. Maybe it's something different', Axel pointed out.

'But what?'

'I think it was Michael who told me about his friend back home who's sister was struggling with something similar. In the end, she stuck with cutting her hair short and getting different clothes to feel comfortable on both her boy and girl days.' Jake thought about that for a while. Could that be the right thing?

'But should I grow my hair long anyway?', Jake asked and Axel sat down to pull Jake on his lap.

'Having long hair doesn't necessarily make you a girl as long as you don't want it to', Axel answered and hugged Jake, his head resting against the tall boy's back. He enjoyed the warmth and comfort that Jake's body gave him. Kaitlin refused to cuddle with him for weeks.

'Yeah, you're right', Jake said and turned around a bit to face Axel. He wrapped his arms around the boy's neck and rested his head on his shoulder.

'Maybe she's jealous', Jake suddenly spoke up. 'What?' 'Kaitlin. Maybe she's jealous' Jake explained his thoughts. 'Of who? Of you or what?' 'Yes. We are pretty close and maybe she can't handle that.'

'Are you sure?', Axel asked, not sure if that was really the case. Yes, they were close but this close? Jake loved Sierra and Axel? Axel loved Kaitlin and she knew that. So why should she think that Axel liked Jake? That didn't make any sense to him.

'It would explain a lot.'

'Yeah but I don't think that's it', Axel said and Jake accepted that. In the end, Axel knew Kaitlin the best.