I Love My Girlfriend But? - Part 3

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A few weeks passed and the first half of the tour was coming to an end, which meant that they were just leaving their last concert city, flying back to Los Angeles.

'I really like your new hairstyle', Sierra said and Jake smiled at Axel who sat only two seats away from him. Jake had followed his plan and wore his hair longer now. It would take a few more months before it would be as long as Jake wanted it but the blond boy enjoyed the way his hair was curling into his face.

Kaitlin huffed at the smile that Axel returned to Jake, making him sigh. With every day that passed, the urge to break up with Kaitlin was getting bigger. Not just because Axel had come to terms with him liking Jake a lot. It was because of her attitude. Every second night, Kaitlin kicked Axel out of their room or left for hours, sometimes not even showing up to her boyfriend's concerts.

He hoped Kaitlin would calm down a little during their two-week break, and maybe Axel could catch some feelings again. Although when he looked at her the way she was sitting in her seat, arms folded and frowning, he very much doubted it.

'Hey, Ash. Before we go home, how are you?', Crystal asked after making sure that no one was listening.

'I am fine. It's hard but what isn't?', he answered and earned a sigh from Crystal.

'Just please think this Kaitlin thing over, okay?'

'I will', Axel promised and said his goodbye's to everyone before grabbing Kaitlin's hand and leaving. No one noticed the hurt look on Jake's face when Axel didn't hug him like usual and only Crystal noticed Axel's last glance at Jake.

As usual, Kaitlin didn't talk to Axel during the whole car ride back to Axels flat. She was rather testing her friends and soon opened up to Axel about her plans.

'I'll leave for two weeks and go back to my parent's place', she said and Axel only nodded. Normally it would hurt him to know that she was leaving but if he was being honest, right now he was more than glad that she did.

Axel was surprised though when Kaitlin didn't even get out of the car once they arrived.

'Will you leave immediately?'

'Yes', she answered without looking at her boyfriend once.

'Alright. Have a great time', Axel said but again, Kaitlin didn't answer. He watched as the car drove away after he got his things out and went into his flat. Shutting the door with his foot, he dropped his things on the floor and went to his bedroom. The whole flat was dark and cold but Axel didn't mind.

Falling face-first on his bed, he stopped hiding his feelings. Loud sobs escaped his lips and the team started staining his baby blue sheets. He could feel his chest tighten and he swore that he had never felt so much pain at once.

It might have been the fad that he held back his tears for so long but after hours of screaming and crying out his pain, he finally fell asleep, still shivering from the low temperatures.

'Effing hell', Axel groaned as he woke up the next morning. The normally peaceful boy was drenched in sweat and dried tears covered his cheeks. The whole night he had been turning and when he wasn't awake, nightmares haunted him. Nightmares in which he saw Jake being almost his but every time he was only seconds away from kissing the gorgeous boy, Sierra showed up and made him realize that she had what he wanted.

Jake would never tell Axel that he loves him.

Axel would never get to see Jake's face every morning when he woke up, sharing sweet kisses.

He would never.

Exhaustion took over him and he drifted off to sleep again. Maybe, after all, sleeping was easier.

The second week of their break started and Jake almost forgot about Axel's weird behavior. Well, just almost.

'I might have hurt him?'

'Jake, please. Axel is a grown-up man and will tell you if something is wrong.'

'You don't know that for sure. He might need a friend', Jake said and images of his best friend crying came into his mind.

'You're right, I don't. But wanna know what I do know?', Sierra asked and looked at Jake.

'What?'

'You haven't touched your breakfast yet and we have to leave now if we want to be on time', Sierra said.

'Oh, I forgot', Jake mumbled and got up, taking one of his toasts with him. In a matter of minutes, Jake was dressed, ate a total of three toasts, and brushed his teeth.

'Can we leave?', Sierra asked, leaning against the doorframe of their bathroom.

'My hair', he whined and pulled at a few strands, hoping that they would magically start to look good.

Sierra sighed and walked towards Jake, taking his hands into hers.

'Baby, calm down. You look good, okay? You not look good. It doesn't matter if one strand isn't perfectly neat next to the other, Sierra said and kissed Jake's lips that started to form a smile.

'You're the best.' With that, both of them left the house and got into the van. Jake's management insisted that the boys used the vans and bodyguards during break and if Jake was being honest, it was indeed useful.

'And off we go, Jake said and kissed his girlfriend again. His thoughts kept wandering towards a certain curly-headed boy and the whole day, Jake wished for the break to end, so he could see him again.

Maybe it was a stupid idea to go and say that they'd all go separate ways during the break. Maybe it was a stupid idea of Jake to go out tonight and drink alcohol. Maybe it was fate that Sierra met some of her friends and Jake was once again left alone in the men's bathroom.

When Jake also found himself putting lip gloss on and thinking about what Axel had said about it, he made a decision. Maybe the decision was stupid but it didn't feel like it, when he called an Uber and told the driver Axel's address. Jake did not feel guilty when he realized that he had sneaked past the bodyguards and had left Sierra alone without telling her, where he was going.

Jake paid the driver and got out of the car, stumbling towards Axel's house. His intoxicated mind didn't see anything weird or wrong in turning up drunk at his house which was why he carelessly rang the bell, waiting for his best friend to open the door.

Axel on the other hand was sitting on his couch, reading a book, hoping that diving into a fictional world would solve his problems. The boy had felt a little bit better after taking a shower two hours ago. He had slipped into a grey shirt, boxers, and blue pajama pants and had put on his glasses that he needed to read. Since then, he hadn't stopped reading.

To say that he was surprised when someone rang on his door was probably the best way to describe it. After all, Kaitlin was at home and the boys wouldn't visit during the break, would they?

'Hey Ashy', Jake slurred as Axel opened the door and fell into the boy's arms.

'Are you drunk? Why are you here and where's Sierra?' Axel closed the door carefully so he wouldn't drop the tallboy that was currently clinging to him.

'Yes, you, club', Jake answered the questions.

'What about the bodyguards?'

'I was sneaky, like a little ninja', Jake said with a serious face which made Axel laugh. He couldn't help but adore the boy and even though he knew that Jake had Sierra and Axel had Kaitlin, he didn't care.

'Sure you were', Axel said and helped Jake to sit down on the couch. 'Ashy?' 'Hm?' 'Why are you sad?' Axel was slightly caught off guard by his best friend's question.

'I'm not. Why would you think that?', Axel asked and sat down next to Jake, pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging them.

'Because you look so sad.' Jake was too intoxicated to answer Axel's question with common sense but the other boy hadn't expected too much of an answer anyway.

'Oh', Axel only answered. 'I have lip gloss on again', Jake mumbled after a while. 'You do?' 'Yeah, look', Jake said and leaned forward, pursing his lips. 'Oh, it looks pretty. It's a different one, right?' 'Yes', Jake said, his eyes lightening up due to Axel noticing.

'I bought this one yesterday and it's banana', Jake added. Axel had to smile at the passion that Jake could put into lip gloss. Axel loved how Jake closed his eyes when he smiled widely like he did right now. Axel loved Jake.

'Why don't we go to bed, huh?', Axel asked after a few minutes passed and Jake nodded eagerly.

Jake followed his friend into the bathroom and sat down on the closed toilet seat.

'You still have a toothbrush here', Axel said and took a pale pink one out, along with his own.

'There you go', Axel said and gave Jake his toothbrush.

'Thanks', Jake said and watched Axel brushing his teeth. The drummer always walked around the house while doing so which was why Jake was now alone in the bathroom. He could see Axel opening the dishwasher through the opened door and couldn't help but stare. He smiled when the smaller boy had to stretch to reach the top shelves. Every time he did so, the skin was revealed and Jake was close to drooling.

'Hey!' Jake's head snapped up and he was met with Axel standing in front of him.

'Uh hey', Jake said back. Axel mumbled something incomprehensible which made Jake cock his head.

'What?', Jake asked confused Axel bend over the sink to spit out the toothpaste and cleaned his mouth before turning back around. Jake still had his toothbrush in his hand and didn't look like he was going to use it soon.

'Did you just stare at me the whole time?', Axel repeated his sentence. 'No, I just made sure that you were okay?' 'Sure', Axel said and playfully rolled his eyes before taking the toothbrush from Jake's hand. 'Let me help you', Axel said and Jake opened his mouth almost immediately.

Jake looked into Axel's hazel eyes while the boy carefully brushed Jake's teeth. Axel hoped that Jake didn't notice the blush that covered his cheeks.

'Sit on my lap', Jake tried to say with his mouth full of toothpaste and toothbrush but Axel couldn't understand him.

'What?' 'Sit on my lap.' 'Jake, I can't understand you at all', Axel said and squealed in surprise when Jake just pulled him on his lap.

'I hmm Jake, sorry', Axel mumbled and wanted to stand up but Jake's hands on his hips held the boy in place. 'Stay', Jake said and waited for his friend to continue brushing his teeth. The drummer needed a few seconds to catch himself but continued then.

'We're done', Axel mumbled after another two minutes, and Jake nodded.

The older boy got up and Jake went to the sink. When he was done, Axel already sat on his bed, dressed in boxers and the grey shirt. Jake stumbled towards the bed but tripped and fell face-first on the bed.

'Oh god, are you alright?', Axel asked, bursting out laughing.

'Sure, Jake also laughed and turned around on his back.

'You should probably take off your pants and maybe your shirt because you smell like smoke, Axel said after their laughter had died down.

'Do it for me?' 'Come on. I already brushed your teeth', Axel complained. 'Yes you did. Now you have to finish the job', Jake just said and grinned at his best friend. 'You're a pain in the bum, Hemmings, Axel groans but starts to help him out of his hoodie anyway. 'Says the one who says bum instead of-', Jake started but as soon as his hoodie was off, Axel's lips were on his.

Jake immediately pulled Axel closed so the boy sat on his lap again. His arms were tightly wrapped around Axel's torso, while the drummer's arms were around his neck.

'Jake, Axel moaned as Jake gripped his butt, which made the drummer roll his hips.

'Fuck it', Jake moaned out and ripped Axel's shirt off before doing the same thing to his own.

'Get them off Ash', Jake whined as he tried to unbutton his pants.

'I told you to not get these pants', Axel shot back while fiddling with the buttons himself.

'But I look great in them.'

'Facts.' The pants soon no longer bothered them and their conversation had stopped. Hot kisses were shared and only minutes later, both boys were covered in lovebites.

Jake's hands wandered under Axel's boxers, taking in every inch of skin.

'More, Jake begged. Axel always gave his boy what he wanted but he knew that they had to stop. He became painfully aware of the situation they were in and he knew that this was wrong. Even though Jake wanted him now, he would think differently once he sobered up.

'We have to stop Jakey, Axel said and wanted to stand up but Jake wouldn't let him.

'I need you', he whined and pressed his lips on his friend's.

'I need you to baby but we can't.'

'Why not?' Jake tried to get any friction by grinding against Axel, who had a hard time controlling himself.

'You're drunk. Jake, you have a girlfriend', Axel explained but it felt like Jake didn't listen.

'She'll be fine with it', Jake answered and that's when it hit Axel. Jake couldn't understand what they were actually doing right now. He had no idea that he just cheated on his girlfriend. Axel cheated on his own girlfriend but unlike Jake, he didn't love her.

'We should sleep, Axel mumbled and grabbed his shirt, before helping Jake into his hoodie.

'I'm hot', Jake said and turned to Axel who smiled as he ran his fingers through Jake's longer getting locks.

'You are.

The next morning was eventful, to say the least. When Jake had woken up, he first didn't notice that something was off. He only was surprised to find Axel cuddled to his side, his head rested on his chest.

When Axel himself woke up, Jake saw the boy's in lovebite's covered neck.

'What?', he mumbled and looked around the room. His clothes were on the bedroom floor and his head was pounding.

'Did something happen?', Jake asked but it was enough for Axel to start tearing up.

'Axel?', he asked confused and got up to go to the bathroom. Did his neck look like this too?

Tuck', Jake mumbled when he looked at his neck. Dark bruises covered his usually pale skin. Within seconds, Jake ran back to Axel, sitting down on the bed again. 'I am so sorry, Axel cried out but Jake only scooted closer and hugged the boy. 'Aren't you mad?' 'I should be but I can't', Jake answered honestly, while rubbing Axel's back in order to comfort him.

'I am so fucking sorry Jake. I am a horrible friend', Axel sobbed and crawled onto Jake's lap, facing the boy. He looked into the other boy's eyes, barely being able to make out the boy's familiar features through his tears.

'I shouldn't have done this and I'm the one to blame.'

'It's okay Axel. Just because I was drunk, doesn't mean that it's just your fault.'

'It Axel mumbled, thinking back to when Jake kissed him in the hallway.

'What do you mean?' Jake looked at his best friend in concern.

'What happened?'

'It's nothing..', Axel whispered and wanted to kick himself for being so obvious.

'Axel, please tell me. Has something like this happened before?', Jake asked and the worry in his voice was driving Axel insane.

'Somehow.. it was the night when you all were out and I stayed at the hotel', Axel said, nervously biting on his lip.

'What did we do?'

'You just kissed me.. it was just a quick peck on the lips because you wanted me to show what your lip gloss tasted like.' Jake stayed silent, trying to get the information in. He had kissed Axel and he obviously did a little bit more this time around.

'Did we..?', Jake asked, leaving the rest of the sentence unspoken.

'Almost but no. You're good', Axel mumbled and got up, leaving Jake alone just like always.

What am I supposed to do now?', Jake mumbled to himself as he stood in front of the mirror once again. He hadn't left Axel's house just yet for two reasons. One being Axel and the other one being the obvious lovebites on his neck.

'I could call Sierra and tell her that Axel needs me?', he once again said out loud before nodding and getting out his phone.

'Hey babe, Sierra said as she answered the phone.

'Why did you leave yesterday without telling any of us?' Jake sighed and touched one of the bruises.

'Axel called me. He doesn't feel too good and needed me to come over, Jake lied while trying to push the feeling of guilt aside.

'Oh, I hope he feels better now?' 'Well he kind of asked me to stay over for a few days..', he explained. 'Oh', Sierra said again.

'Well, that's fine with me, she then said and soon, the phone call was over. Now there was only one thing left to do. He had to find Axel and talk to him.

Hours had passed and when Axel had finally decided to come back home, he was surprised to be met with his best friend on his couch.

'You're still here?' Axel sat down on the armchair, next to the couch and looked at Jake.

'Can't really leave like this', he said and pointed at the lovebites. 'Right.' 'Also, I want to talk to you', Jake said and moved to the side of the couch that was closer to the armchair.

'About what?' 'Please Axel. You know exactly about what and I'm worried.' 'Well, you have no reason to be. You can stay until our mistake faded', Axel said and got up.

'Don't call it a mistake', Jake spoke up and Axel immediately stopped but he didn't turn around.

'What should I call it than Jake, huh?'

'I have no fucking idea but it was no mistake', the guitarist said and turned Axel around.

'Why? Why not? You regret it, don't you? Isn't the guilt already eating you alive?' Jake didn't answer which made Axel huff.

'See? Let's just forget about it.'

'Yeah, let's just forget about it', Jake repeated Axel's words but he knew that he wouldn't.

The two days were horrible. Axel barely talked to Jake and Jake had settled with sleeping on the couch. Every time Jake tried to talk to Axel, Axel refused to even look at his friend and left Jake wondering if this might break them and the band apart.

What Jake didn't know though was that Axel was, in fact, trying his very best but love just wasn't easy. His chest felt heavy, every time Jake laid down on the couch because he wanted nothing more than to cuddle with the boy in his bed.

'Jake?', Axel asked as he slowly entered the bathroom that Jake was in.

'Yes?' Jake tried to hide the smile that was forming on his lips.

'I'm sorry Jakey', Axel said and walked towards Jake who was currently getting ready for bed.

'It's okay Ash.' 'Please sleep in my bed tonight, yeah? Just like we always did..' 'Sure Ash. I'd be glad to.'

Jake finished getting ready and soon, the friends went to bed. Both boys got under the sheets, not daring to touch or look at each other.

'What is wrong?', Jake dared to speak up after the silence felt goo heavy on him.

'Nothing, nothing', Axel mumbled, looking at his hands. The curly-headed boy jumped when a smaller hand was put onto his own.

'I'm here for you, you know that.' Axel nodded and took his love's hand into his.

'Just like I am Jakey', Axel said and gave Jake a sincere smile. The guitarist smiled back and crawled closer to Axel, curling into the drummer's side and resting his head on his chest.

'So.. your hair got pretty long.'

'It did, yeah. I'm glad you told me to do it', Jake answered and closed his eyes when Axel ran his fingers through his blond locks.

'I thought I could.. maybe.. you know, paint my nails maybe. Would that look stupid? Probably.. I shouldn't do that', Jake started rambling but Axel silenced him by covering the boy's mouth.

'Of course, you can.'

'But what if people laugh at me? I already have long hair. Gel nails or nail polish would be too much', Jake pointed out but Axel only shook his head.

'Gel nails or nail polish make male hands look pretty too', Axel replied and continued drawing small patterns with his thumb on Jake's hand.

'Are you sure?'

'100 percent. Tomorrow, we will go out and get your nails done, alright?', Axel said and when he saw Jake's face light up in excitement, he knew that he had already fallen way too hard for the gorgeous blonde.