I Love My Girlfriend But? - Part 10

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Thank you for this wonderful date, Lucas said and kissed Alex once more before getting out of the car and waving as he walked inside the building he lived in.

Happy about the outcome of the meeting, Alex checked his phone since he hadn't done that in the last hours.

'What the hell?', he mumbled as he saw texts from Jake, saying that he misses Alex and that he's jealous. The boy was clearly drunk since his spelling was horrible, but Alex knew where to look for the boy when he read Jake's texts closely. He pulled out of his parking stop, driving towards the supermarket that was the closest to where Jake used to live.

Ten minutes later, Alex walked towards the back of the supermarket and through the hole in the fence.

'Jake?', he asked, quickening his pace as he saw a silhouette leaning against the wall.

'Jake.'

'Alex', Jake sobbed as he saw the drummer, slowly but surely stumbling in his arms.

'Oh, what happened?'

'I missed you', the blonde just sobbed, clinging onto Alex even harder than before. He had been at the back of the supermarket for the last hour, drinking some cheap alcohol, trying to drown his confusion. Sadly, that didn't work since his clouded mind was even worse at understanding his feelings and the first solution that came to his mind was to call Alex. The drummer's date was pretty much forgotten and all Alex could think about was how to bring Jake home safely.

'Come on Lu, my car is in the front', Alex said, supporting Jake in his walking the best he could. Since Jake was significantly taller than him, he had trouble not falling over along with the guitarist, but sadly, it felt like they'd been in this situation way too often by now.

As they made it to the car, opening it and getting Jake in was a little more difficult than what he expected since the boy didn't want to let go of Alex.

'I'm right next to you in the car, I promise', he mumbled but Jake wouldn't let him. In the end, he had to climb over Jake on the passenger seat, to get on the driver's seat.

'Let me just close your door and buckle you in, yeah?' With that, he leaned over the still sobbing boy, pulling the door shut and grabbing the seatbelt to pull across the blonde's body. Jake liked having Alex so close and his sobs immediately died down, while Alex was pressed against his body, fumbling with the seatbelt.

'Alright, here we go.' With a warm smile at Jake, Alex buckled in the seatbelt but didn't start the engine of the car yet. He was too satisfied with the way Jake looked at him- vulnerable, desperate, and what was the best, with love.

'Jake? Why did you really come here?', Alex asked after a while, brushing a strand of Jake's long locks from his forehead.

'Can I lie?'

'No, lying is bad. Tell me the truth.'

'I don't wanna', he protested with a whine, tears welling up in his eyes again. Before they could spill too much, Alex wiped them away, kissing Jake's cheek.

'You can do it, darling, please tell me the truth', he tried again, his hand still resting on the back of Jake's head.

'You'd be mad. Too confusing.. no, no, no Jake mumbled, biting his lip and resisting the urge to kiss his friend.

'What do you mean?' A hurt look crossed Alex's face, as Jake completely pulled away, not saying another word.

With a sigh, the older boy started the engine, pulling out of the parking lot to drive them home.

'I wouldn't be mad', he mumbled, stopping at a red light. Jake didn't say anything though. He kept staring out of the window, wishing to disappear.

'Is Sierra home?'

'Yeah.'

'Does she know what you did?' This time, the blonde didn't answer, but Alex knew what that meant. Without another word, he decided that Jake would stay at his, until he was sober enough to face Sierra. The poor girl was probably sick of worry and a look on Jake's phone when they were finally home told him, he was right.

'Fuck', a yell, followed by a loud bang echoed through the house, causing Alex to jump on his feet and rush the stairs up.

'Jake? Jake!', Alex exclaimed, falling onto his knees and pulling Jake's shaking body in his arms.

'Shh, it's okay. You're not alone, I'm here', he said, trying to comfort his friend.

'No, nothing's fine. Life is so fucking confusing and I hate it so so much.' The more Jake talked, the more violently his sobs became, which soon made him hyperventilate.

'Jake, stop! You are breathing way too fast.' Alex started to worry even more and he kneeled down in front of the boy, taking his arms and holding them up.

'Deep breaths. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.'

'No, no, no, no, no Jake cried, shaking his head.

'Please Jake, just listen to me.' Tears started to fall down the drummer's cheeks as well and when Jake still didn't listen, he did, what he had seen in enough movies to have a chance that it could work. He pressed his lips on Jake's, shocking the boy with the action. His breath hitched and his sobs died down as he started moving his lips against Alex's. Their tears made the kiss salty as they mixed but neither of them cared. All that mattered was right there with them at this moment.

As they broke apart, they were out of breath but Jake wasn't hyperventilating anymore and in the end, this was to the purpose of the kiss, nothing more.

'Why did you do that?' 'Did what?' 'Kiss me..', Jake mumbled, touching his still tingling lips.

'I. I'm sorry, I panicked and it seemed like a good idea..' Before he would start rambling, he shut his mouth. The situation was bad enough already.

'I.. maybe we should go to sleep', Jake whispered, still not daring to look at Alex. He was way too confused to stay in this situation any longer. The younger boy left the room, hoping that Alex would maybe follow him but he didn't. Alex was frozen on the floor, not moving an inch.

The whole night was spend in different rooms. Alex had to sort his thoughts out and as much as he wanted it, he couldn't do that next to Jake.

'Ash?', a timid voice that belonged to the blonde guitarist asked.

Alex replied with a sigh. He knew that they would eventually have to face the truth and talk about everything. They weren't teenagers anymore and for the sake of the band and their friendship, they couldn't act like that anymore either.

'We have to talk, I guess', Alex said and Jake nodded. The drummer patted the space next to him on the couch for Jake to sit down, which the boy did.

'I Uhm, I don't know what to say really.. but I figured that me liking you has affected like.. everything. Just the way we act around each other, even the way we act on stage.. this isn't good for any of us.'

'Yeah, I agree. I'm sorry for just. I guess giving mixed signals? The thing is just my signals are mixed because I'm horribly confused about like everything.'

'I totally get that', Alex said, smiling slightly at Jake, 'I am too, but if we really think about it, you're with Sierra and I really like Lucas.'

'He seems like a nice guy, Jake said, biting his lip. He didn't like this conversation, but just like Alex said, it was for the sake of the band and themselves.

'He is, he is. It's just taking a toll on me that we just can't seem to figure out what this thing between us is.'

'It is driving me kind of crazy as well to be completely honest', Jake replied with a sigh. He felt like everything he'd say now would be wrong, so he left the talking part at Alex, who on the other hand was talking way too much and partly just nonsense.

'See, I like you, Jake, I still am crushing pretty hard on you, but I did a few things that were just not okay. I feel like I took advantage of you and that I'm the cause of your confusion.' For the first time, Jake actually looked at Alex. He looked him right in the eyes which held so many emotions and Jake knew, there was only one right thing to do. He had to let go of his confusion.

'I think, I get what you're saying and you might be the reason why I am confused and did things that I normally wouldn't do. I remember a few things, by far not everything but what I remember, I just can't get that out of my head. It's stuck there, Jake said, finally ready to pour his heart out. He took Alex's hand in his, drawing patterns with his thumb on the back of his friend's hand, his eyes never leaving Alex's. Jake hadn't felt this vulnerable in a long time and he didn't know if this was a good or bad sign. With Alex, the tall blonde always felt like he could just be himself. There was no need to hide.

'What I am trying to say is. I think I might've fallen for you.'

That was the moment. In the past weeks, even months, this was what Alex had longed for to happen and now that it was there, he wasn't so sure anymore.

Jake Hemmings, the most gorgeous, tall, blonde, and talented boy he had ever laid his eyes on, confessed his feelings for him. And what did Alex do?

'I'm sorry Jake. I just.. this thing between us, I just know it won't work out.' That's what he said and Jake only nodded. The boy had been ready to ditch his beautiful girlfriend right there and then for him, but he turned the offer down.

'Don't be sad, he had said.

'We can still be friends', he had said. And Jake had nodded because what else was he supposed to do?

'I should probably go home now', Jake had said, but Alex knew he couldn't let the boy leave like this. And this is how they ended up, where they were now, sprawled across the floor in Alex's room, facing each other.

'This is so, weird.' 'Weird?' 'Yeah, weird. You liked me but I liked my girlfriend. Now that I like you, you like Lucas.' 'And you still like your girlfriend.' 'I still like my girlfriend', Jake confirmed what Alex had said. 'And you changed your style entirely', Alex added, but Jake shook his head.

'Nah, not entirely. Still wearing the same clothes', he pointed out, slightly pouting.

'Then change them too.' 'I don't think I can.' 'Why? What's stopping you?' 'Alex, I already look like a woman. I have long hair, I wear make-up and my nails are done.'

'Your hair is longer, not long and you know what? Doing all of this is called self-expression and you know what you need for that?', Alex asked.

'A make-up artist?' 'No, self-esteem.' 'Okay, so?' 'You look great in it, we love it, the fans love it and most importantly, you love it.'

'But with different clothing, I would look like a woman. This might not be too much yet but changing my choice of clothing would definitely be too much.'

'You can wear what you want. Everything makes you look stunning', Alex said, making Jake go silent and blush. The honey blonde hoped, that finally, Jake would see what others already saw in him- the strong, independent role model that he truly was.

'Do you really think that?'

'Yes, I really think that. Everyone thinks that Jake. Expressing yourself is beautiful and we all loved how much you've blossomed in the past few weeks, even if I messed some of it up.'

'And you think I should try something new? Something a little riskier?'

'Yes. Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable. Show the world who Jake Hemmings truly is. The fans will accept and love you no matter what.'

'You can do it', Alex said, giving Jake a reassuring smile as the boy slowly approached the front door of Sierra and his home.

Alex decided it would be best to give them privacy and wait in the car. Jake had confessed about the guilt he felt towards Sierra and both decided it would be the right thing to open up about it.

'No Ash, I can't do it. She will be so disappointed in me and I really can't

handle that', Jake said, as he quickly walked back to the drummer's car.

'Lying to her isn't an option either.'

'I'm not lying, I just leave out some details, Jake corrected him, but Alex shook his head.

'Also known as lying. Jake, we really can't do that. I'm going in with you if that helps you in any way', he offered. Jake hesitated, was that what he wanted?

'Okay', he agreed after a few seconds of considering running away. Alex had a car, after all, he'd be faster.

With a last pleading look at Alex who only shook his head, they walked back to the front door and pressed the bell. Only seconds later, the door flew open, revealing Sierra. She immediately pulled Jake in her arms, holding onto him tightly as she closed her eyes.

'Oh god, Jake! You have to stop disappearing all the time without telling me anything. Do you have an idea of how I felt?'

Jake swallowed thickly and locked eyes with Alex who just sighed.

'Oh, sorry. Hey Alex', she said, smiling at the drummer and inviting him in.

'What's wrong?', she asked as they followed her into the living room. Neither of them answered her, causing her to furrow her eyebrows as a bad feeling formed in the pit of her stomach.

'Please sit down' she said and sat down herself, bringing her knees up to her chest and folding her hands on top.

'You're scaring me, she mumbled and watched as Alex nudged Jake's side, trying to encourage him.

made a mistake.'

'What do you mean, you made a mistake?' 'I love you Sierra and I prom-'

'Just please tell me what you have done' she interrupted him with a shaky voice.

'I cheated on you'

'You did what?', she asked, her bottom lip starting to tremble and her eyes becoming glassy.

Alex silently watched the scene, feeling guiltier than ever for encouraging Jake to tell Sierra the truth. He also was the reason why Jake had to confess something like that in the first place.

'Who.. who was it?'

you don't know her, Jake lied, once again not telling Sierra something she had a right to know about. He wanted to tell her that it was Alex, but he just couldn't do it.

'I don't even recognize you anymore. You have changed so much. Where's the Jake I fell in love with?', she whispered.

'I'm here, Sierra I'm here. I love you and I regret it so much, please believe me. I love you', Jake cried, standing up. Sierra did the same, wrapping her arms around herself.

'Thank you for your honesty.. you should leave now. I need to think this over', she said and both boys nodded. Alex now stood up as well and left the room with Jake. As they stepped out of the house, the door fell shut behind them, signaling the start of Jake's breakdown.

'No, no, no', Jake cried, falling on his knees and burying his face in his hands. Violent sobs shook him, as he repeated the word over and over again. Minutes passed in which Jake cried his little heart out, hardly being able to breathe until Alex moved from his state of shock.

'I'm so sorry', Alex mumbled, tears visible in his eyes as well as he kneeled down next to his friend, wrapping his arms around him.

'I messed up so bad' Jake said between a few sobs. Alex shook his head as he stroked the boy's head.

'We both did.'

Jake fell exhausted against Alex's chest, safely being caught by the boy.

'We should go', Alex mumbled against Jake's head, placing a kiss on top of his hair and pulling him up.

'Can I sleep at yours?'