The Women's Job - Part 22

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Sitting in the car, as they drove Pat and me home, I had to stop and wonder. How easy was that going to be to do?

Connie was still up when we walked in. "Did you girls have a good time?"

"I haven't done that in years. It was great." Pat told her. "Jimmy's not much of a dancer, so we don't do it often. I enjoyed it."

I was glad she had, but I wouldn't have cared to repeat it, ever. I had to lie for her sake. "We really had fun."

It was late, we all said good night. I took my time getting ready for bed, waiting for Pat to finish in the bathroom. I carefully hung up my clothes and put everything away. I cleared out one of the small drawers in my jewelry box and placed my new pearls inside. The compliments I had received from Connie and the others made them feel like a prized possession. They were beautiful.

I was finished in the bathroom when Connie came into my bedroom.

"Are you OK, Sweetheart?" She asked.

I had just finished moisturizing and was putting on my nightie. Connie sat on the bed. "I'm alright."

She could tell I had things on my mind. My major concern was how I would deal with Christy.

"You looked so pretty tonight at dinner."

I did appreciate her saying it, but I had the feeling she would have told me that even if I looked horrible. "Did I?"

"Come here, Honey." She patted the bed next to where she sat. I joined her.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just so hard sometimes, pretending," I admitted.

"You did beautifully at dinner, Honey."

"There's just so many things to remember."

"You'll get used to it." She assured me. "You're doing so much better than you were. I see a big difference."

"But it's not just knowing how to walk and sit and the hundreds of other things. I feel like such an outsider. I don't know what to say most of the time. I just don't think like a girl. I don't know how." I admitted, frustrated.

She smiled that motherly smile of hers. She stroked my hair. "You have to be a little patient. It will all come in time. There's so much that seems to be almost second nature to you already. I've watched you."

Second nature. That was almost unsettling to hear but, at the same time, reassuring.

"How did you feel tonight?"

I wasn't sure what she meant. "Nervous."

Connie smiled. "No, I meant did you feel attractive, pretty?"

I had felt so many things that night. There had been moments. "I guess so, but when I see Pat or the others, I realize how plain and odd I really am." Strange how many times that thought occurred to me.

Connie put her arm around me. "Sweetheart, you're not odd, and you’re certainly not plain."

"Compared to them, I am."

"You're just as pretty as they are, Jennifer," Connie said seriously.

I smirked. "No, they're beautiful."

"Just because you don't look as glamorous as your friends don't mean you are not as pretty. You'll see, as you become more comfortable with Jennifer, you'll gain confidence, and with that confidence, your inner beauty will come out. Just be patient. You have a lovely figure and pretty features. Most girls would kill for your beautiful big green eyes, Sweetheart. You're a lovely young woman."

That was gratifying to hear, in a way. "I don't think I could ever learn to be comfortable, being Jennifer," I told her.

"Of course you can. We'll help you. Just think of the people you've got to help and guide you. You have people who care about you. There's Virginia, she'd do anything for you. Trish, Kim, and the others adore you. Don't you think they'll do everything they can to help you?"

It was true. "I suppose so."

"And you know how I feel about you, don't you?" Connie asked, looking thoughtfully into my eyes.

There was no question there. Whenever I felt down or unsure, she was there, encouraging, reassuring me. I put my arms around her. "Yes, I do, Mom."

Hearing that word seemed to please her so. "So you see, there's nothing to be afraid of. With all of us that love you, helping you, you'll be fine."

I felt like I had to let it all out. "I wish I could share more with people. Like I had more in common with the others." I really felt out of place in their conversations. "They talk about things that I know nothing about."

"What, for example?" Connie asked.

"Guys, for one." That was the first thing to come to mind. "Pat naturally assumes I've had experiences, that I’ve had boyfriends. How can I keep lying about 'Chris,' my imaginary boyfriend?"

"You've done beautifully so far," Connie explained. "It shouldn't be too hard to keep up the pretense. You hear how your friends talk about their boyfriends. Just talk the same way about 'Chris.'"

She made it sound so easy. "I guess I can."

"Of course you can." She agreed.

"There are so many things that are different. I listen to them talk about little things like how beautiful a bouquet of flowers is or their excitement over someone's children."

"You think flowers are pretty, and you like children, don't you?"

"Sure I do." That was true enough.

"Well then, the only difference between you and your friends is the way you express yourself, your feelings." Connie made it sound so simple. "All you have to do is to learn to express yourself more freely. You don’t have to hide your feelings the way you used to, like most men do. Not anymore."

"We both know that men tend to hide their feelings. They're afraid to express themselves, afraid that to show the way they feel about things makes them weak in other men's eyes. We women don't have that fear. You'll learn in time, and you'll be surprised how much better you’ll feel when you don't have to bury those feelings."

"What about when it's time to be me again?" I almost regretted asking the question, knowing how Connie loved having Jennifer around. I wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt or disappoint her. That woman was more of a mother to me than mine had ever been. All she asked of me was to be happy. It wasn't her fault that I was in the predicament I was in. She supported me completely, and I felt I owed her something for that, even if she didn't act as if I did.

I had to consider, too, with the way my body was changing, how was I going to be able to be myself. The restraint I had worn had become increasingly uncomfortable as I had to make it tighter and tighter to restrict my swelling breasts. What was I to do about them?

She didn't react with the disappointment I had expected. "We'll worry about that when the time comes, Sweetheart." She assured me, passing off my concern casually.

I guessed that Connie could see that the subject depressed me. "Tell me about your evening? Where did you go? What did you do?"

I told her everything that happened after we left them, both the pleasant and unpleasant parts. That was the first she learned of Christy's preferences and how she felt about my playing the role of Jennifer.

"Was it so terrible when you and Christy were together?" Connie asked. She seemed both interested and concerned. "Did she tease or make fun of you?"

Connie was glad to hear Christy wasn't like that. "I would have been really upset If she was mean to you." Now she was really serious. I could only imagine how Connie would have taken out her anger on Christy. I wouldn't want to be the person that got her angry. I felt that, as loving as she was toward me, her wrath toward someone who hurt me would be awesome.

She held me again, and I enjoyed the feeling it gave me. "You make a great Mom. I wish my real mother was more like you." I opened my heart to her.

I saw her eyes glisten with tears. "And you're the daughter I always wished I had Jennifer. But don't be too hard on your mother. I'm sure she loves you very much. How could she help but love you?"

Ours was an odd relationship at best, but I still cherished her love and affection.

It was after two, and we were both tired. Connie got up to go. She reached the door and turned back to me with a question.

"I was surprised you didn't order anything to drink before dinner. I thought surely you would have something to calm your nerves."

Connie wasn't thinking. "I was afraid someone would ask me for my ID. Even you said I don't look much older than eighteen or nineteen."

"I didn't even think about that." She admitted. "We have to do something about that." She thought for a moment.

"Didn't you say you brought your birth certificate down with you?"

"Yes, just in case I might need it." It was in the dresser.

"I think I can help you. Let me borrow it for a while. I have an idea."

I didn't ask what it was. I got it and gave it to her. I figured she probably knew of someone who could get me an ID that I could use.

"Good night, Sweetheart," Connie said again.

"Good night Mom." It felt right calling her that.

I laid there in bed, waiting for sleep to overtake me.

I awoke Sunday morning with thoughts of what I should wear, how I might do my hair differently. There was no question that having Pat there with us was the reason that I cared so much about how I looked. She was so pretty, and I wanted to try to look as convincing as I could. Connie hadn't suggested, in our conversation the night before, that I was jealous, but in my heart, I knew that's what I was.

We didn't get dressed right away. I had breakfast, still in my nightie and robe. I wanted to simply ask Pat what she was wearing, but I wasn't sure if the question was proper. Connie, unknowingly, solved my dilemma for me.

"What are you girls wearing today?"

"I was listening to the weatherman, in the bedroom. He said it's supposed to be warm. I thought I'd wear shorts."

I had hoped she'd say she would wear jeans. I had no shorts. "Jeans," I told Connie, a little disappointed.

I actually had to wonder if Connie could read my thoughts, if she could tell I was disappointed. She announced. "I'm going to wear jeans too."

I didn’t know she planned on joining us and was delighted with the news. "You’re coming along?"

"I thought I might. Virginia and I talked for a while yesterday, and she asked me if I'd like to join you today."

"Wonderful," I told her. Having Connie along would make me feel so much more at ease.

I decided to wear my tight jeans. At least they looked like the ones Pat had worn the other day. Connie suggested my white blouse when she came into the bedroom as I dressed.

"My bra straps show through that blouse."

"That's nothing to worry about." She assured me. "As long as you're wearing one of your white bras."

I still felt a little funny, knowing it showed, but agreed to wear it. My locket, the one from Virginia, looked nice over the blouse. I wore my rings and my delicate gold bracelet. My small jeweled stud earrings looked nice with the outfit.

I kept my makeup light, at Connie's suggestion. It was so easy for me to overdo it, trying to make myself look as pretty as I could.

We finally got on our way to Virginia's at noon, about a half-hour late. It was my fault because I asked Connie to help me do something different with my hair. I thought my hair was too short for the white bow she put in the back, but Connie insisted it wasn't. "It looks really pretty like that." She said, admiring her work in the mirror.

I certainly was different than I was used to. Wearing a bow in my hair tickled that growing part of me that wanted to be accepted as Jennifer, wanted to look pretty. I liked it a lot.

Virginia was waiting for us, but she didn't seem annoyed that we were late. We had a great time. Unlike the first time I went to an arts and crafts show, I wasn't pretending for the sake of my friends, and I was a lot more relaxed.

I kept in mind the things Conne said to me, about letting go of my male inhibitions. I tried to look at things in a different light and admire the beauty in the things we saw. The ability to comfortably express my reaction to those things would take me time, but I tried to leave my inhibitions behind.

We spent most of the afternoon there, returning to Virginia's at dinnertime.

Dinner was light, and we dined casually. We all worked together to cook the meal ourselves. Virginia had apparently given her cook the night off. It was fun.

Pat and Connie were given the tour of the house and grounds that Virginia had given me that first Sunday I spent with her.

We settled into comfortable chairs on the veranda afterwards and talked till dark. It was pleasant to pass the time with the people I had come to call my friends.

I rarely forgot myself and slipped out of character. Connie was right about many of my actions becoming second nature. I felt comfortable with them.

I had never stayed so late at Virginia's. It was after ten when we got home. Sunday was probably the most enjoyable, the most relaxed day I ever spent as Jennifer. I was almost sad to see it end.

I had been looking forward to Monday. It was chaos. Amidst everything else the week before, Connie and I had laid out the shoot to be done Monday. I would spend half the day with Pat, Park, and Connie. The other half was my first shoot that would be my sole responsibility.

If that wasn't enough, a new client was due in late in the morning. I guess I hadn't given the meeting much thought. Connie and I, the I that was Jennifer, met with the client through lunch. I was hardly even nervous, feeling pretty confident about myself. I had dressed smartly that morning, in a skirt and blouse, and I felt good about the way I looked. Pat had also worn a skirt and blouse, and I thought I was at least dressed as nicely as her.

The new clients were both men, from a men's wear manufacturer. They had no idea they were dealing with another man, and I got a lot of satisfaction with the way they acted toward me.

The only thing I didn't like that day was that I didn't get to spend as much time with Pat as I would have liked.

Everyone in the office was getting used to Jennifer. I hardly heard any remarks from anyone, apart from the compliments they gave me on how nice I looked. No one slipped up and called me Jeffrey, thank God.

Another thing I hadn't given much thought to was having to answer all my calls as Jennifer. I knew a number of people in our accounts and had to make up a story about Jeffrey being gone and Jennifer taking over. I had no choice, considering Patty and Park could overhear. Somehow I would have to explain to those people on the phone, at another time.

Only a few of the models in the shoot knew Jeffrey, and they had been cautioned about giving me away. I had picked who to hire for the shoot, and I was very selective.

It was harried, remembering all the details, getting everyone to cooperate, but no one gave me too much trouble. There was so much that went into orchestrating a successful session, I really enjoyed it and was actually disappointed when it was wrapped up.

Although we finished up at about five-thirty, my day wasn't over. I still had all my paperwork to do before I could quit for the day. Connie was to take Pat and Park out to dinner around five, so I was surprised when Pat appeared at the office door at about six.

"I managed to get out of going to dinner." She explained. "I thought you might like some company. I bought us some dinner." She held up a bag. "Do you like Chinese?"

Having her there didn't help me get finished any faster, but it made the time pass more pleasantly.

We were just about to leave when the phone rang. It was Christy.

"Hi, Sweetie."

"Hi." I was suddenly very apprehensive.

"I really felt terrible that I missed you Saturday night. Brook said you looked fantastic."

I wasn't sure if she was kidding or being sarcastic. I wasn't sure how to respond. She sounded sincere. "I'm sorry too."

"I've really missed you. When can I see you?"

As Jeffrey or Jennifer, I asked myself. I had been putting her off for so long. "I'm not sure."

She didn't seem put off. "Why don't we go out for lunch tomorrow?" She suggested.

"Lunch? Tomorrow?" I replied in surprise. That would be terrible. Pat would still be there, and I still had to pretend. "I don't think so."

Pat couldn't help but overhear the conversation. She whispered, "Chris?"

I didn't think, I just nodded, yes.

"I can't tomorrow. The Jansen people are still here, and I can't get away."

Pat injected, still whispering. "Our flight's at noon. We'll have to be out of here by ten-thirty. Go to lunch with him." She encouraged me.

Christy knew about me already. There was no doubt that Brook described me to a tee. What was the point of pretending? She wouldn't be satisfied until she saw me as Jennifer, even if she dressed me up herself. Tomorrow was the last day I would have to carry on the charade anyway. I might as well. "Alright, where do you want to meet?"

She wanted to pick me up. "I'll be there at noon." She sounded so excited.

I suppose I didn't look too thrilled as I hung up the phone.

"He must be anxious to see you, with you being tied up with me all weekend. You two didn't have a disagreement or something, did you?"

Was that what it sounded like to Pat? "No"

"Good."

If she only knew, I thought to myself. I tried to put the thoughts of Christy out of my mind. I was very unsure what my encounter with her the next day would bring.

It was about nine-thirty when we got home, and I was beaten from the long day. Connie was already home, and the three of us talked for a while before getting ready for bed. Pat told Connie about my lunch invitation, and Connie thought it was nice that I was going out to lunch with Chris. She knew that it was really Christy I would be going out with. She didn't give the secret away.

I was going to miss Pat. She was really a sweet person, and I had learned so much from being around her. If a young girl were to seek a role model, I imagined it would be someone like her. She was certainly mine.