The Women's Job - Part 23

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Tuesday morning was almost as hectic as Monday. Again, fortunately, no one came into the office that knew Jeffrey. My secret was still safe. Still, Jennifer did have to meet several clients, and that probably would cause confusion, if not complications, in the future.

We wrapped up the final details with Pat and Park. He was a lot different from what he had been Saturday night. I supposed he felt put out. The weekend certainly didn't turn out the way he had expected. He was pretty quiet and businesslike.

I didn't get away without a kiss from the man as they prepared to leave. I endured having him put his arms around me. Strange, I had been so terrified at his coming to visit. It hadn't turned out at all the way I expected.

I welcomed Pat's hug. She was so grateful for Connie's and my hospitality. I kissed her cheek, and she kissed mine. It seemed so natural, so nice.

"I'll repay the favor when you come out our way." She assured us. As much as I liked her and really enjoyed the short time we spent together, there wasn't much chance of that. I was actually sad at the thought.

I watched her and Park as they climbed into the limo for the airport. I waved as it pulled away.

"I really liked her," Connie said, standing behind me.

"Me too," I said in a melancholy tone.

Christy was right on time. I waited in the lobby for her to pull up. The last thing I want was for her to come in and accidentally say the wrong thing in front of anyone.

Pat had put on a dress that morning. I wore one of mine, my jade gaberdine. The hem was not too high but still flattering. My gold link necklace and bracelet looked perfect with it.

Christy's eyes sparkled when I came out the door to meet her. I walk toward her car with a self assure ladylike stride, in my heels, with my purse slung over my shoulder. I didn't even let her park her car, meeting her in the driveway.

"Wow." She said as I walked up to the car. "You look fabulous."

She didn't sound the least bit sarcastic. "Thanks," I said, walking around the car. I gratefully settled into the passenger seat.

Christy just stared at me in apparent disbelief.

OTHER PARTS

"So, where are you taking me for lunch?" I asked as if I nothing was out of the ordinary.

It took Christy a second to find her voice. "You look beautiful." She hadn't even heard my question.

"I thought you were going to feed me?" I didn't need her gawking at me.

She gathered her wits enough to ask, "Where would you like to go?"

"It doesn't matter, you pick it." I was feeling pretty confident. It seemed to have thrown her off guard.

Christy could hardly take her eyes off me long enough to drive. I got comfortable and lithely crossed my smooth stockinged legs.

She drove us to a restaurant I had passed often on the way to work. It was an Italian restaurant, and it was one of those that was always busy at lunchtime.

I retained my poise and composure as the two of us walked into the restaurant. Christy was still in shock and was amazed at how cool and confident I appeared.

I wasn't about to tell her that it was all show. I was as nervous as ever, inside. We had to wait only a short while for a table and were escorted by a handsome young waiter to our table. I did everything right, waiting as the young man pulled out my chair and seated me, then Christy. With my napkin and hands in my lap, I waited for the meal to be served.

In the busy surroundings, Christy couldn't have the conversation she probably wanted to have with me. She asked about work, I told her. She asked about the weekend, I told her what we did; the spa, dinner, dancing, the craft show, and dinner at Virginia's.

Most of the time, she just stared. I just waited for her mouth to drop open, but she disappointed me.

I didn't let up. A pair of attractive young women walked by our table. I made a comment. "Oh, isn't her dress just to die for." I really did like it.

"It's lovely," Christy said, looking at me instead of at the woman.

Our lunch was served, and I ate like the lady I had been taught to be. I caught Christy watching me, smiling, often. I was delighted with her reaction. It wasn't until she had paid the check and we left the restaurant that we could talk freely again.

"How did I do?" I asked as we walked to her car.

"Fantastic." She said, beaming. "No one would ever know."

"I should hope not!" I said matter-of-factly.

"Have you ever changed, Jeffrey?" She said as we got into the car.

"Jennifer." I corrected her.

The smile returned. "Jennifer." She agreed.

Christy wanted to make plans to go out with me again, soon. She wanted me to come to her place after work. "We could invite Brook and Debbie over for dinner. Debbie's dying to see you."

I was sure she was. As much as I liked Debbie and Brook, I didn't think it was a good idea. "I can't get tonight. I have so much work to catch up on." That was the truth.

"Tomorrow night?"

"I'm going to the spa after work." I had made plans with Trish and Judy. I didn't want to break the date.

"Thursday?" Christy pressed.

"All right, Thursday." I agreed. I didn't tell her that it wouldn't be Jennifer that would be coming, but Jeffrey. She would certainly have been disappointed.

Christy dropped me off out in front. I promised to call her that evening.

"Did you have a nice lunch?" Bobbie asked as I came toward her desk.

"Lovely," I told her. Bobbie really enjoyed it when I played the game.

"Connie's waiting for you in the studio." She informed me.

"Thanks. Any calls while I was gone?" I asked.

Bobbie thumbed through my messages before handing them to me. "Baxter, from Avon, called and Joyce Irwin wants you to call her."

"Thanks." I went to find Connie.

"There you are." She said when I found her. "How did it go? Did you have a nice lunch?"

I told her, with delight, about Christy's stunned reaction. "She couldn't get over how convincing I looked. It was fun."

"I'm glad."

There was something strange about the way Connie acted. She seemed sad somehow. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Is something wrong?"

She pretended that nothing was bothering her. "No."

It wasn't my imagination. There was something wrong, but she didn't want to talk about it. I didn't press her. "I better get to work." I didn't like seeing her down, but I left Connie there and went back to the office to get busy.

I no longer felt so nervous about parading around work dressed as a girl. Everyone seemed to have gotten used to seeing me dressed as Jennifer. They weren't totally complacent about me pretending to be a woman. The girls in the office would look up and smile as I walked by. I couldn't help but smile back. The men weren't quite as at ease with me, but I avoided them whenever possible. They had as little to do with me.

We didn't work late and were home by six. I hadn't called my mother or Tina over the weekend as I normally did. I only spoke to my mother briefly, my calling seemed to be a nuisance. Tina was glad to hear from me. We talked for half an hour. I had told her about the client visit we were expecting, and she wanted to know how it went. I told her, carefully altering the story to leave Jennifer out of it and the part about Pat staying with us. Tina certainly wouldn't have understood that.

As she did, each time we talked, Tina wanted to know when I'd be home to visit. I honestly didn't know, and that bothered her. How could I go home until the hormonal imbalance that had so changed me was cured? No, no way.

She was disappointed. "Not even for your birthday?" She asked.

My birthday was the farthest thing from my mind. September 20th was weeks away. "I don't know right now. We're awfully busy."

How could I go see her?

I went to change after saying goodbye to Tina. I stood in front of the mirror, looking at myself, at Jennifer. I looked at my carefully set hair and the way my makeup made my eyes look so attractive. I looked at the way my lipstick highlighted my full lips. My hands ran down over my shapely figure, nicely defined by my flattering dress. I had done my nails only that morning, and my hands looked so nice with my rings on my slender fingers.

I was with a sense of reluctance that I undressed. I stepped out of my heels, putting them in their place in the row of shops that lined the floor of my closet. I carefully hung up my dress, put away my slip in the dresser. I rinsed out my pantyhose and hung them to dry on the back of the bathroom door, as I had done each night. I should have felt relief that it was over, but I didn't.

I hesitated to take off the pretty bra that had come to feel so natural on me. Again I stood at the mirror. This time in just my underwear and jewelry.

I filled out the small A cups of my bra. I remembered wishing, looking at Pat's full bosom, that mine were larger, more natural-looking for my size. They were nice enough, as nicely defined as lots of women I knew, but they weren't as nice as Pat's. All I could think of was how the horrible rib belt was going to feel, binding my chest again.

I put each piece of my jewelry away carefully in the drawers of my jewelry box. I left on only my locket. I didn't have to put on the awful rib belt yet, and I wasn't about to until I had to.

I pulled my spandex leggings on over my comfortable satin panties. I found my tee shirt in the drawer. My hair was fine for now. Connie and I weren't going anywhere, so there was no need for me to undo what I had painstakingly done to make it look pretty.

There was plenty of time to do something about my nails. I could wait to remove the polish and cut them back. They had grown so long that I didn't really need the nail tips anymore to make my nails look long and pretty.

I helped Connie make dinner. She was still strangely quiet and sullen. Inside, I was sure I knew what was bothering her, but neither of us wanted to talk about it.

After we ate and cleaned up, we curled up on the couch. Watching TV meant that we didn't have to talk, and that was easier on both of us. I had gotten so used to seeing my toenails with polish on them I had almost forgotten about them. It would have to go too, but there was time enough later.

I really hated seeing Connie so quiet and depressed. I couldn't stand it any longer. "Please talk to me."

Connie looked over at me with sad eyes. "I don't want to lose Jennifer." She admitted touchingly. "I know it's not fair to you to feel that way, but I'm going to miss her terribly."

I knew it. I didn't know how to respond to her. How could I admit, even to myself, that I was growing accustomed to the role? No, I couldn't. The silence was so awkward. Connie turned her attention back to the TV, but I could still see the haze of tears that glazed over her eyes.

"I'm sort of tired. I think I'll get ready for bed." I leaned over and kissed her cheek. Who had earned the right to call her "Mom'? Was it Jeffrey or Jennifer? "Good night . . . " I just couldn't say it.

"Good night, Sweetheart." Connie didn't even turn to look at me when she spoke. She was hurting, and I was the cause of her disappointment. I felt terrible.

Jeffrey or Jennifer, I would still moisturize each day. When I was done in the bathroom, I went to the drawer that held both my pajamas and my nighties. I started to take out the pajamas but put them back. What difference did it make in what I slept in? There was no one there but Connie and me. I slipped the nightie over my head. In the same light, I left my same underwear on too.

My nail polish came off none too easily. It took me a few minutes to get it all off my fingers and toes. They looked so bare and strange without it.

I was very hesitant, sitting there on the edge of the bed with the nail clippers in my hand. It had taken so long for them to grow out to a nice length. I had taken such pains, shaping them to make them look pretty. I took a deep breath and clipped my thumbnail. I didn't cut it too short, though. Once one was gone, the others had to go too. I trimmed them just a little beyond my fingertips. I took great pains to shape them afterward. So they still looked a little like girls’ fingernails, so what. I'd seen lots of guys who wore their nails long. Well, maybe not lots of them, and maybe they weren't shaped quite like mine were.

Then it occurred to me that guys also got manicures and wore clear nail polish. I felt a little better after doing my fingers and toes with my clear topcoat. I convinced myself that they didn't look feminine.

I sat at my dressing table and, looking in the mirror at my reflection. I took stock of myself. I should get my hair cut, I told myself. No, I couldn't. That would be too much. I would just wear it in a ponytail. I couldn't bear the thought of cutting off my beautiful hair. Besides, there were still the Sundays I would spend with Virginia, like Jennifer. I didn't want to give them up. I looked forward to them now.

I knew that Virginia would be almost as hurt as Connie if I gave up Jennifer altogether. How could I hurt the two people in my life who cared so much for me? No, it went beyond caring. They loved me, and I loved them. I just couldn't hurt them so.

At home, with Connie, I would be Jennifer. On Sundays, with Virginia, I would be Jennifer. I loved them too much to deny them the joy they felt from me living that role. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t just them, I would be denied.

There was Christy to consider too. She was so thrilled with me pretending to be Jennifer that I was sure she wouldn't let me depart too far from that role. Our relationship was certainly a strange one, but I cherished it just the same. Christy accepted, no, accepted wasn't the right word. She seemed to want me all the more as I became more and more like a woman. I couldn't imagine any woman, especially one so beautiful, feeling the way she did toward me. Christy was definitely another factor to consider.

I was only kidding myself, I admitted in the safety and seclusion of my room. I was beginning to enjoy being Jennifer. Never in my life had I felt so loved and accepted by my friends. As Jeffrey, except for my relationship with Tina, I never felt so close to people.

I waited for a little while for Connie to come in and say good night, as she did every night, but she never came. That bothered me. I finally turned off the light to go to sleep, but I could only lay there in the dark, wrestling with my troubled thoughts.

Sleep did little to ease my troubled heart. Despite a restless night, I awoke early. I laid there in my bed, struggling with the dilemma that was tearing me apart.

I had two choices. I could continue to pretend to be Jennifer or go back to being Jeffrey again.

The latter was the easiest to address. I should go back to normal, but what was normal. I was no longer the Jeffrey of six months ago. I was changed, both physically and emotionally. I wasn't the same person anymore. Going back, at this point, was almost impossible.

I still had to think about my family, about Tina. I was a long way from home and my life, my work was here now. I wouldn't miss my family, and I convinced myself that my relationship with Tina was fizzling. She was nice enough, but my world had expanded, and she was of the old.

On the other side of the coin were all the reasons to continue to play the role of Jennifer.

Connie was the most important reason. She gave Jennifer all her support, and she made me feel so loved. Never in my life did I care so much for someone. With all she'd done for me, both personally and professionally, didn't I owe her?

Then there was Virginia. Her motives still escaped me, but her love for Jennifer didn't. She had done so much to make me see another side of me, a side of me that I liked. She asked nothing in return but my friendship. Just thinking of her and Connie made my heart swell with love.

I thought about the delight I had seen in Christy's face. The passion we had shared. Would I ever find another woman like her, willing to share her love with me? Hardly.

There were the people at work to consider. These were the only people who were aware of my past, and yet they had accepted, even encouraged, Jennifer. There was no reason to fear them. When I weighed the pros and cons, there was no doubt. Until my physical problems could be cured, there was only one sensible thing to do. For now, work and home, with the occasional discreet interlude with Christy, would fill my life. It was a relief to come to the conclusion logically, the same conclusion that my heart told me was the right one, for now.

The decision was made, I couldn't wait to get ready for work and surprise Connie. I felt relieved. Like a weight was off my shoulder. It was the right thing to do, both for the people I cared so much for and for me. I couldn't wait to see her face when I came out of the bedroom.

I was sorry now that I had cut my nails and stripped them of polish. It felt so strange, having them so short, but they would grow again. Quickly, I hoped. It was too late to put on fresh polish at that point.

I showered quickly and did my hair. With the decision I had made, other thoughts came to mind. Trish had commented how much nicer my hair would look if I had it highlighted. I could do that now. I had also wondered what I'd look like with bangs. Most of my friends had them, and it seemed to soften their looks. Why shouldn't I try it too?

I didn't want to overdo it. My navy slacks had always looked like girls’ slacks to me anyway. They'd do fine with my white blouse. I laid them out on the bed. Maybe the next day I would wear a skirt or one of my pretty dresses. After I saw how things went.

From my lingerie draw, I took out clean pair of my sexy underwear. I debated about pantyhose, but not for long.

It was only a bra that made me feel a little uneasy. There would be no doubt in anyone's mind that I was wearing one. Only the people at the office might question my wearing it, and I had decided already that I didn't have to worry about them. Still . . .

Once dressed, I put on my fine gold necklace and matching bracelet. I selected small jeweled stud earrings, nothing too gaudy or flashy.

My navy shoes were the ones that went with the outfit, they had only a low heel. They also had bows on the toes. I had worn them only in the store when we bought them. They were very comfortable. I liked the way they looked with my slacks.

I put on my makeup sparingly. Then decided I was silly to worry about it. It was already obvious that I chose to dress as Jennifer. It wasn't as if my wearing makeup, light or otherwise, would make a difference. I went back to my dressing table and put on my eyeliner and blush. When I finished, I was pleased with the way I looked. I put on my favorite perfume. I loved the way it smelled.

I heard Connie out in the kitchen, moving around. I peaked out around my bedroom door. Her back was to me. I came out quietly and walked toward the kitchen. I stopped in the doorway.

"Good morning, Mom," I said.

She responded as she turned around. "Good morn....."

The look on her face changed to the look I hoped to see. I had done the right thing. Her whole face lit up.

"Oh, Jennifer." Her hand went to her mouth. "Oh, Jennifer." She hurried to me and hugged me. "I was so afraid I had lost my little girl." She kissed my cheek. "You don't know how happy you've made me."

If her tears were an indicator, I knew. I didn't want her to think the entire burden for my doing it was on her shoulders. I didn't want her to feel guilty, as if she pressured me into it.

"I'm glad you're pleased. I was a little afraid you'd think me strange for wanting to keep pretending to be Jennifer." That should do it, I thought to myself. Connie had to think it was my decision, not hers.

"Oh, Sweetheart, not at all. I think it's wonderful. I'm so happy."

Hers weren't the only eyes that glazed over with tears. After hugging me again, she held me by the shoulders, at arm's length. Smiling at me, she said, "You look very pretty today."

It was gratifying to hear. "Thank you." All I wanted to do was please her, and I had succeeded.

We were running late. We only had time to pour a glass of juice and take our vitamins. We would have something to eat at work.

Since I was going to the spa later, I gathered my things into my gym bag and put them in the trunk of my car. Sooner or later, I would have to return Kim's leotard, after I bought my own.

Connie would be working late, and I would have to drive myself. I planned on meeting Judy at the spa.

The girls had already convinced me that since so few guys did aerobics, no one would recognize me. Especially since I wouldn't be using the men's locker room. We'd just go work out and leave. I trusted them and agreed.

Bobbie was a little surprised to see me still dressing as Jennifer, but she didn't seem to object. Her greeting was as cheerful as ever. Not everyone reacted the same way. I received a few questioning looks, but I just acted as if everything was normal.

It was a very busy morning, and I hardly got up from my desk except to go to the bathroom. I tactfully continued to use the ladies’ room in the studio, instead of one of the others on the first floor. There was no point in making the women uncomfortable by using theirs. Frankly, it would have made me more uncomfortable than them. It was one thing when I was out in public, around people who didn't know my secret, but around my coworkers was another thing.

I had promised to call Virginia when Pat had left. She wanted to hear every detail of her stay. I called her around ten but couldn't spend as much time on the phone with her as I would have liked. She was delighted and extremely supportive, as always, when I told her my decision to continue to dress and live as Jennifer. She was amazingly supportive of anything I wanted to do. She had played such a large part in my choice.

I almost told her about my wish to go shopping for a few things and about my thoughts about my hair but decided not to. She had done so much for me already, and if I told her about my plans, she would certainly have insisted on helping me. I wanted to do those things myself.

I was relieved that my morning went by uneventfully. It wasn't till lunchtime that I had a problem. Connie was tied up on the phone and said she'd meet me in the conference room in few minutes. A few of the girls from accounting were sitting around a table, and since I got along so well with them, I asked if it was alright if I joined them. They welcomed me, and we had a pleasant lunch together.

We were just about ready to leave when a few of the people from the layout department came in to have their lunch. Among them was Ginny. Ginny was never particularly friendly toward me. It wasn't just that she objected to the role I played, she didn't seem to care for me from the first day I arrived in Atlanta. We rarely said two words to each other, even though I’d tried more than once to make friends with her. She had grown even colder in the past week. I just didn't bother with her anymore.

Her remark, in front of everyone, surprised me.

"Well, if it isn't our own little drag queen. How's the little faggot today?"

I didn't know what to say, I was so embarrassed. I decided it was probably best to ignore her. I didn't want her to know how much her remark hurt. Just that kind of reaction toward me had been one of my greatest fears.

Carol, one of the girls at the table with me, didn't let it pass. "Why don't you leave Jennifer alone? She's not hurting you."

"She!?" Ginny blurted out, laughing. "'She's a he, or have you forgotten?".

Another of my friends spoke up. "What Jennifer chooses to do is up to her. Why don't you just mind your own business, Ginny?"

Several of the others came to my defense too. Ginny backed off and didn't say anything else. The incident left me feeling very uncomfortable. I just wanted to get out of there. I excused myself from the table. "Thanks for trying to defend me," I told the others. "I think I better get back to work."

I felt very self-conscious, walking back to my desk. I had very serious doubts about my decision to continue as Jennifer. It wasn't too far-fetched to imagine the same embarrassing thing happening, day after day. Just knowing how Ginny felt led me to wonder how many others felt the same way? I even thought about quitting. All this ran through my mind as I made my way back to the office.

I hadn't been back to my desk for a minute when Carol and four of the other girls who had been in the lunchroom came in.

"Don't let Ginny bother you, Jennifer," Pam told me.

"She's a narrow-minded little bitch who doesn't care about anyone but herself," Linda added. "How you choose to live your life is your business."

I was a little overwhelmed with their open support.

"It doesn't matter how a person chooses to dress," Gwen said. "What matters is how they act. You're a very sweet person Jennifer. Forget about Ginny and her problem."

Their words touched me, and I told them so. I never imagined I would get that kind of support.

Connie came out of her office to hear what was going on. Carol told her what Ginny had said to me.

"I'll have a talk with Ginny," Connie assured me when the others had left. "Don't give her another thought."

That was easier said than done. Her comment had left me with a sick feeling in my stomach, and I didn't feel as if I would get over it easily. Looking up at Connie, I recognized a slight hint of the fire in Connie's eyes that I had seen only one time before.

I didn't leave the office the rest of the afternoon. Connie and I worked in her office, on the Falmouth presentation that was scheduled for early the next week. I didn't become so engrossed in work that I forgot Ginny's remarks.

I was chased out of the office at five. Connie wouldn't hear of it when I told her I thought I would just go home and forget about working out. She made me promise to go.

I met Judy in the parking lot. I was especially sensitive to even the most casual glances from the people in the spa. No one in the class seemed to give me more than a second look. I’d seemed worried for nothing.

Judy's reaction to seeing me, when we stripped out of our warm-up suits in the aerobics room, was very similar to Christy's the day before. It was the first time she saw me wearing Kim's leotard, and she seemed surprised. I thought I looked pretty good in it despite the fact that I didn't fill it out the way she would.

"Jennifer, you look fantastic!"

I had to hush her up. She was a little loud.

"Thanks, Judy."

If it hadn't been for the class starting, Judy probably would have kept fussing over me.

I felt better about myself by the time I got home later. Working out had a way of relaxing me, helping me take my mind off the things that bothered me.

"How do you think I'd look if I had highlights in my hair?" I asked Judy as we stood by her car outside the spa. Her hair was the same color as mine but compared to hers, my hair was lackluster, kind of mousy.

"You'd look great."

"I was wondering how I'd look with bangs too."

"Oh, you should. Definitely."

I had told Judy about my decision to continue as Jennifer for a while. I didn't detail all the reasons for doing it. She didn't need to know about my hormonal problem. She already knew how Connie and Virginia adored Jennifer, so she wasn't surprised.

"You'd look fantastic with a new do. When are you going to do it?"

"I haven't decided yet," I admitted. I was still a little nervous about it.

"If you want someone to go with you, just give me a call." She offered.

With all the support I received from my friends, it wasn't so traumatic to plunge ahead with the transition to Jennifer full time.

Connie wasn't home yet. I showered and started dinner. With Connie's help, I had been learning to cook, and I wanted to make her a nice meal. I was well on my way when she walked in.

I’d chilled a bottle of wine, and I poured us each a glass while she put her things away.

"How sweet of you. Thanks." She said, accepting the glass from my hand.

"It's the least I can do. It's fun."

"So you don't mind cooking so much anymore?"

Back in the condo, I never cooked. I hardly ever cooked back home. "It's more worthwhile when you're not just cooking for yourself. I don't mind." Cooking for Connie gave me a lot of satisfaction. There was little else I could do for her to show my appreciation for all she'd done for me.

"I've got some great recipes I could teach you." Connie opened the oven door and sniffed the stuffed pork chops I was cooking. "It smells delicious."

"I'd like that." Funny, my mother could never get me to cook, I remembered. I hated to cook at home. The role reversal that I was playing had nothing to do with my new interest. The interest Connie showed in me had everything to do with it.

I wasn't so anxious to settle down in front of the TV that night. I had something else to do. At the kitchen table, I stripped off the clear polish from my nails and painstakingly applied my pale rose color. I was quite content to carefully thumb through Mademoiselle and Glamor while they dried. Of all the magazines Connie had lying around, I enjoyed reading the articles and ads in those the most.

I told Connie my thoughts about redoing my hair. She thought it was a wonderful idea.

"Why don't we make you an appointment with Jimmy for Saturday?"

I remembered the first time I sat in Jimmy's chair in the salon. How strange I felt with the sissified man styling my hair. I had been so uncomfortable having the gay work on me. Now I couldn't wait to get back into his chair.

I went to sleep wishing Saturday wasn't so far away. I had other plans for Saturday as well. If I could get someone to go with me, I wanted to do a little shopping. I didn't want Connie to go because I wanted what I bought to be a surprise.