The Women's Job - Part 28

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Friday was busy at work but not uneventful. A little after lunch, Cindy from payroll came around with the checks. "Here you go, Jennifer." She said, handing me Connie's and my checks with a smile. She also had a sheaf of papers for me.

"Thanks, Cindy," I remember thinking her smile was a little odd as I took the envelopes and papers from her hand. "You need to get those filled out and return them to me as soon as you can. Ok?"

I agreed to do it before I knew what I decided to.

I didn't realize why she looked that way until a little later when I opened my envelope and saw the name printed on the check, 'Jennifer Sackett.' The papers she gave me were all the forms for a new hire.

"What's going on?" I asked Connie, showing her my check and the papers Cindy had given me.

"She looked at the name and then at me, smiling. "It's great, isn't it?"

"But doesn't this mean that Jeffrey's been replaced with Jennifer?"

"Of course." Connie still didn't seem to understand my anxiousness. "I guess I should have told you. They figured that it would be easier when your name was changed to let Jeffrey show Jennifer Sackett as hired to take his place. It was simpler that way, and I knew it would be easier on you."

I didn't get it. "Who?"

"The lawyers in the legal department, Honey."

I was shocked. "You mean that birth certificate you got me is real? It's not a fake?"

"Of course, it's real." She didn't seem to comprehend why I was excited.

"My name's been legally changed to Jennifer Sackett?" I was having trouble accepting it.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Connie looked surprised.

I wanted an ID that would allow me to function normally, sure. I just never imagined that Connie would go this far to get it. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She must have gone to a lot of trouble to do this thing for me. She was waiting for me to say something. "Yes, of course, I'm thrilled." I wasn't sure what I felt. "I'm just a little surprised."

Connie's edgy look changed to a smile. "I'm so glad. I thought you were angry for a second."

"No, not at all. It's wonderful."

"Good. It's better this way. There's no trail back to Jeffrey that could cause you any embarrassment." She thought for a moment. "How about we take off a few minutes early and swing by Motor Vehicle on our way home. We really should get your old license replaced with a Georgia license for Jennifer."

I was extremely nervous about doing that. For the first time, I would have to admit to someone that I was a guy dressed up as a girl. I could just imagine the looks I'd get.

"I'm scared," I admitted to Connie.

"Don't be. I'll be right there with you."

"That will help, but it wouldn't stop them from looking at me like I'm some kinda freak."

"We'll be in and out of there in ten minutes. I'll be with you. You'll be fine."

It wasn't all that simple. We were there for half an hour, and I felt I was the center of attention as I stood up at the counter as the woman did the paperwork that resulted in my new license. I was very nervous as they took my photo for the ID.

Connie stayed right at my side, as promised. I just couldn't relax while they took my picture for the license. When I looked at the permit outside, I thought the picture looked terrible.

It was the most embarrassing half-hour I ever spent, and I was so relieved to get out of there. As Connie drove us home, I tucked the new license in the window of my wallet. It made everything seem so final. I had a new name. It was all very legal. I was a completely new person in every way.

I finally called Christy on Saturday. I told myself I had to stop being childish. I didn't even know for sure she was seeing someone else.

We went out for dinner, just the two of us.

"I've really missed you," Christy said as she drove us to the restaurant.

"I've missed you too," I admitted.

"Were you angry with me?" She asked.

It was only a matter of time before the conversation would finally come around to what had been bothering me. I wasn't sure how to tell her. "I was hurt."

"What did I say?"

She really didn't know? I doubted myself even more. "It was nothing." I wished I hadn't said anything.

"No, something's bothering you. Tell me." Christy was adamant that I tell her.

She wasn't going to let it go. I might as well just say it and has it done with. "Remember two weeks ago, when we went shopping?"

"Sure I do. I had a blast."

"Well, when we got home, I just assumed we would spend the evening together."

"And I had another commitment." She said with understanding.

"All I could imagine was you going out with someone else. I was hurt."

"Jennifer, you should have said something."

"You didn't have another date?" I asked.

Christy hesitated to answer for a few seconds. "I did." She admitted. She looked embarrassed.

My heart sunk in my chest. I felt betrayed. "Who was he?"

"No one you might know, just a friend."

"Just a friend?"

"Jennifer, I don't know what kind of relationship we have." Christy started to sound defensive. "We hardly ever get to see each other. You rarely call me, and when I call you, you seem always to have other plans. You have time for Trish and your other friends. This girl that came to visit, Pat, was more important to you than me. You were hurt!? I feel like you only see me when no one else is around." Christy took a breath. "I didn't have a date that night. I only told you that to try to make you jealous. I've been angry with myself ever since."

I was dumbstruck. I hadn't dreamed she felt that way toward me. What she said was essentially true. I couldn't remember how many times I said no to a date with her.

"You talk about commitment. I need more than you seem to want to give." She told me.

"I've just been so mixed up lately."

"You don't ask me for help? You know I care deeply for you."

"There's just so much that frightens me."

"What? Tell me?"

Wasn't it obvious? "I've been trying so hard to be something I'm not. I've done all that I can to please everyone."

"What about you, Jennifer. What do you want?"

That wasn't so easy to sort out either. "I don't know." I had Connie, a loving, doting mother that I adored. I had to wonder if Connie would still be there for me when I was cured.

Virginia stood behind everything I did and was ever encouraging. I had to wonder the same thing about her. She seemed to love me as much as Connie, but would she feel the same about Jeffrey? I didn't think so.

I had been more successful in my career as Jennifer than I could have hoped for. Jeffrey's was going nowhere. Would I have to give it all up as Jeffrey?

Then there was Christy, beautiful, sweet Christy. Who did she love? It was pretty obvious to me that it wasn't Jeffrey.

"I just want some normalcy in my life. I want the emotional roller coaster to slow down."

As we sat in the restaurant parking lot, Christy reached over and put her arms around me. "Let me help Jennifer. I don't want to see other people. You're all I want. Let's be more honest and open with each other from now on."

That was all I ever wanted. When we both composed ourselves, we went in and had dinner.

We went back to Christy's apartment after dinner, and we made passionate love. We asked each other no more questions that night.

Sunday was hardly uneventful. I came home from Virginia's with my back seat covered with new outfits. Virginia's idea of casual clothes was a little different from what I imagined. Each article carried a brand name label and was the type of attire designed to thrill the rich, preppy style, young woman. They were nothing like the things I had bought myself in the discount stores. My closet at home was stuffed, and the one at Virginia's was filling up fast.

Virginia had also seen fit to accessorize me to match the new outfits. She had bought me a dozen new pieces of jewelry, all beautiful and expensive. I had new scarves, belts and shoes to go with everything.

It seemed that Virginia was more aware of the changes in me than I was. Everything fit perfectly despite the weight I had lost. Even the jeans. Some of the new clothes included what she referred to as 'some of my fall wardrobe.' I couldn't imagine what was to come next.

The following week was a blur. I was swamped at work, and my relationship with Christy blossomed. All in all, I was happier than I'd been in a very long time.

Dr. Winter called on Tuesday with the test results. She wasn't very optimistic. "There are several new medications on the market that I want to try."

The results showed that the male hormone supplements were having absolutely no effect. She was convinced that continued use of them would gain me nothing. "We'll find a way to help you." She insisted. "Remember, this thing could reverse itself just as suddenly as it started." She said, trying to encourage me.

Deep down, I already knew that's what she'd say. I knew what she was doing, just trying to keep my hopes up. "Isn't there something else I could do?"

"I think you should call Dr. Yates now." That was all she suggested. "And I want to start seeing you twice a week, starting tomorrow."

Twice a week!?

Somewhere deep down inside me, I was thrilled. At the conscious level, it was terrible news. This Doctor was as much as telling me I was condemned to live the rest of my life as a freak, that I suspended between man and woman. Not complete in either role. It was the first time I gave serious thought to my options.

Work was my saving grace. The days raced by. Work gave me little time to dwell on the changes in my life. I grew more and more accustomed to living and working as Jennifer. Less and less frequently did Connie, Virginia, Christy, and others have to remind me how to act and behave like a young lady. Most of the things they had taught me came naturally to me now.

Still, if it hadn't been for Virginia's insisting and that Connie and Christy would be there with me, I would probably never have agreed to attend the Heart Association's annual garden party with Virginia.

It was held at the home of one of the local doctors. I was told he was some kind of famous specialist. That was apparent when I saw his huge, beautiful home. It was much larger than even Virginia's, with more property too. The inside, what little we saw, was lavish. The backyard was equally beautiful. The yard was enormous, with beautifully manicured lawns and gardens. There wasn't a weed in sight or a branch of a tree or bush that didn't look as though it had been sculpted by an artist.

Connie and Virginia were busy mixing with the guests. Christy and I stood apart from most of the men and women who ate, drank, and made idle conversation.

I felt good about the way I looked in my new print dress. The nice part was that I picked it out for the occasion. I no longer felt that I had to rely on someone else's opinion on how to dress. It was rayon and felt so light and delicate. It flowed with each step I took. It was short-sleeved with a scoop front adorned with a wide band of lace. The skirt wafted in the breeze, brushing my legs. The dress's waist was fitted to my slender figure. It fit beautifully. My figure wasn't perfect, like Christy's, but I was happy with it. I wished I could just lose a few more pounds, but at 112, I was almost at the perfect weight for my size. The only thing that bothered me about the dress was the way the neckline was cut so low. It let the tops of my breasts show, and that made me feel just a little uncomfortable. I'd had to go out and buy myself all new bras. I could no longer squeeze myself into a cup. I had become more full-figured and, in an odd sort of way, that pleased me. My clothes certainly looked and fit better.

Christy helped me with my hair. I had never worn it up, and it looked really nice when she was done fixing it for me. I picked out my earrings. My favorite blue ones looked perfect with the dress.

"They're watching us," Christy said softly, turning toward me.

"Who?" I asked, curiously, looking around.

Christy turned completely around to face me. I assumed so that no one could see her excitement. "Those two guys!"

I glanced over her shoulder, looking. "Where?"

"Don't be so obvious." She scolded me in play. "The two who just came out the door, over my left shoulder, but don't stare."

I swept the back of the massive house with a casual glance. When I spotted the pair by the door, I was surprised. "That's Jack!" I looked away quickly. "Oh God, it's the guy I told you about." I was flustered. I turned away, putting my back to the pair. I didn't recognize the man with Jack. It wasn't his friend, Greg.

"What guy?" Christy asked.

"From the golf course! Remember, I told you, the one that asked me to go to a concert with him. I hope he doesn't recognize me."

"So what if he does," Christy said, now curious. She turned to get a better look at the men. "Which one is he?" She asked.

She was making me nervous. "The one on the left. Don't stare." I pleaded.

"I'm not staring." She said with a smile. "He's cute."

"I suppose." He was a good-looking guy, but I didn't think of him as 'cute.'

"He's got a great tush." Christy gave him the once over. "The other one's not bad either."

I wasn't sure if she was toying with me or not. I tried to appear casual as I glanced back their way. What I was afraid would happen did. He happened to be looking my way as I turned to look. The smile that appeared on his face said it all. He recognized me. He waved. There was little I could do but wave back. My wave, unlike his, lacked enthusiasm. Jack and his friend headed straight for us.

"Oh, Shit!" I said softly.

"Just relax," Christy told me. "This could be fun. Just go along with me."

I didn't see how it could be 'fun.'

"Hi, Jennifer. How've you been?" He said with a smile.

I returned his smile. "Fine, thanks, and you?"

"Great. You missed a wonderful concert."

I may have. "This is my friend Christy." I hoped to divert his attention.

"Hi, Christy. It's nice to meet you." Jack responded, taking her hand.

It's not like I didn't know that Christy was a terrible flirt, but I didn't think she'd do it when I was standing right beside her.

Jack introduced his friend, Tom. "Would you ladies care for something cold to drink?" Jack asked politely.

I just wanted to get away from the pair, but Christy obviously wasn't ready to. "That would be so nice. We'll go with you."

She slipped her arm into Tom's and glanced at me. She obviously expected me to do the same to Jack. What could I do? If I didn't, they would think there was something wrong, and I didn't want that.

I didn't enjoy walking in the grass in heels but, picking my steps carefully, my arm in Jack's, we all went to get drinks.

The next hour passed awkwardly for me. Christy seemed to have fun. If there had been a way for me to leave the party, I would have, but Virginia had picked us up and brought us.

Jack was very attentive, and I was forced to make conversation. Christy passed the afternoon laughing and having a good time with Tom. I was pretty much left to fend for myself.

I finally couldn't think of anything else to say to the man. "Would you please excuse us?" I asked Jack. "Christy?"

She turned to me. "Did you notice where the powder room was when we came in?" I asked. I knew perfectly well where it was, but I just had to talk to her alone.

She understood. "Sure, come with me." To Tom and Jack, she said, "Now don't you go anywhere. We'll be right back."

"Why did you tell them that? I want to get away from them." I asked when we were out of hearing range.

"Wh, aren't you having a good time? He's really cut,e and from what I hear,r he thinks you're something special too." Christy smiled when she said it.

I couldn't help but grin back at her. "That's me."

"Tom asked me out." Christy confided in me when we were alone in the bathroom.

"He what?" I said, surprised.

"Yeah, he wanted to know if I wanted to have dinner with him tonight. He's asking Jack, right now, if he and you want to join us."

"I don't want to go out with them," I said flatly.

"Why not? It would be fun." She insisted. "They buy us dinner. Maybe we go out dancing. It'd be fun."

I was shocked. "Maybe you forget something?"

"What can it hurt? Worst that could happen is we have an expensive dinner on them." She got serious. "You've got to learn to relax. This is what girls do, Jennifer. We don't go to bed with every guy that buys us a nice dinner. If they want to treat us nice, let them."

That didn't sound so bad. She was right. "Ok, but just dinner. I'm not such a great dancer. I'd be too scared."

"That's not what I've heard."

Jack did ask as soon as we went back and joined them. It wasn't easy, trying to appear enthused about going out with them, but I put on the appearance. It was something I'd learned to do quite well. I'd had a lot of practice.

We stayed for about another hour, talking. I wished I could be a funny and easygoing as Christy. I tried, but it didn't come across the way I thought it should. I wasn't sure if Jack noticed how uneasy I was. If he did, he didn't say anything.

We went and found Connie and Virginia to explain that we were leaving and where we were going. Connie managed not to show her surprise when we introduced Jack and Tom and told them we were going to go out with them. Christy knew Connie's and my situation and wasn't at all surprised when I introduced Connie as my mother. I didn't think twice about it.

Virginia seemed delighted about our having dates, but I knew she would. I never did have that conversation with her about how I felt about men.

Connie gave me a kiss on the cheek and whispered, "You have a good time and be careful, Sweetheart."

I told her I would.

Jack and Tom escorted us to Jack's car. He drove a Mercedes. Christy and I were both impressed.

It wasn't the first time a man held a car door for me, but this was slightly different. I suppose I never gave much thought to men's manners, but Jack certainly appeared to be a gentleman. I was thankful for that. I hoped it would make the evening easier on me.

Christy and Tom sat in the back seat, and I was in front with Jack. It felt funny, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. As I sat there and waited for him to come around and get in, I thought to myself that being taken out to dinner by this good-looking guy was kind of exciting.

The guys were in sport coats, and Christy's and my dress was certainly appropriate for any restaurant they might take us to. As it turned out, the restaurant they picked was rather elegant. When I looked at the menu and saw the prices, I was a little shocked. Well, like Christy said, they were paying.

I actually had a nice time. I had told Christy how uncomfortable I'd been, trying to carry on a conversation with Jack the first time we met. Still, that evening, I found him less intimidating. I was beginning to feel more at ease around men. Of course, the conversation was easier when it was the four of us.

Christy was watching me throughout dinner in case I needed help, but I had been well-schooled on how to behave like a lady and didn't need any coaching.

I liked Tom. He had a great sense of humor, and there was more than one time I found myself laughing out loud at his jokes. He seemed really nice, but I did like Jack better. I came to the conclusion that Jack made a better date.

It felt so strange to just sit back and not lift a finger or even suggest helping with the check, but I knew that would have been inappropriate.

"How are you doing?" Christy asked when we were alone in the ladies' room, fixing our makeup and touching up our lipstick.

It had gone quite well, actually. "Not bad. I'm surprised."

"I told you if you'd just relax, you'd enjoy yourself."

"I'm actually having a nice time." All I had to do was make pleasant conversation, and Jack and I seemed to have a lot in common. He was a sports nut, and I'd played so many different sports that we had a lot to talk about. He was impressed that I knew so much about sports.

"He really likes you," Christy commented as she pursed her lips and put on her lipstick.

"No." I insisted as I touched up mine.

"Really! He's done nothing but stares at you all evening. You have him captivated. Feels nice, doesn't it?"

I didn't want to admit it, but I had noticed, and I was flattered. "We just have a lot in common. That's all." I insisted.

"You're wrong." Christy came back. "You just don't see it."

"Why would he be interested in me?" We were alone in the bathroom.

"You're a beautiful girl Jennifer."

"No, I'm not." I admonished her. Modesty wouldn't allow me to accept what she was telling me.

"We've all tried to tell you. When are you going to start believing us?" Christy didn't even smile.

They told me all the time, but I always used to feel they were just trying to boost my spirits. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Was it possible that Jack really thought I was pretty? I hoped so.

As I tucked my things away in my purse, I asked, "Ok, what now?"

"Let's leave it up to them. See what they come up with." She looked at her watch. "It's almost nine."

Impossible! I looked at mine. Christy was right. "How did it get so late already?"

Christy laughed. "Time flies . . ."

I squeezed her arm playfully. ". . . when you're having fun?"

"I told you. Now, we better not keep our dates waiting too much longer."

'Our dates' sounded so strange.

Jack suggested a movie. Tom likes the idea of going to a club and dancing.

When they asked us our opinions, Christy answered before I could think what to say. "Whatever you decide will be fine with us." She said sweetly.

All I could do was nod my agreement. The movies would have been my preference. At least in a movie, I would be free to just enjoy the movie and not have to talk. Dancing still scared me a little.

I was out of luck.

"Let's go see what's going on at The Lounge." Tom decided for the four of us.

"I've heard they have a really great band," Christy said.

"You like to dance?" Tom asked her.

"We both do." She said.

Speak for yourself, I thought to myself. Last time I danced I had to be a little bit. Could I do it sober? I supposed, if I had to.

With the check taken care of, we got up from the table. Jack held my chair for me, of course. That I liked. Tom and Christy started out ahead of us, and Tom put out his hand, and Christy took it. The two of them seemed to get along quite well.

The next thing I knew, Jack's hand was touching mine. He expected me to take it. If I didn't, he would think something was wrong. It was all right for Christy to hold Tom's, so what was I supposed to do. His big hand closed around my slender fingers, and we walked out of the restaurant. He looked over and smiled adoringly at me. Had I been what he thought I was, I suppose I would have been flattered. He was a very handsome man, with a great personality. He was nothing like the kind of guys I always hung around with, back when I used to hang around with guys. He was smooth and sophisticated. Any girl would have been flattered to get his attention. I was not one of those girls, but it was fun to pretend, for a little while at least.

The Lounge was everything I heard it was. The decor was refined and plush. Not like the other clubs I'd been in.

A hostess escorted us to a table, and our waiter was there instantly to take our orders. I really wanted a drink to calm my nerves. I would need a few to get out on the dance floor. I ordered a glass of Zinfandel.

Either the band was on break, or they hadn't started playing yet. We talked for a while, about two quick glasses of wine worth of conversation.

I didn't know if I had enough when they started to play, but the guys wanted to dance to the first song. Christy was no help. She was up like a shot. She loved to dance. Funny, I thought to myself, would I ever get a chance to dance with her in public? Sadly, it didn't look like I would.

The harder I tried, the more awkward I felt. I just couldn't relax. The next time we got up to dance was to a song I'd danced to before. It was a little easier. Also, the wine seemed to be kicking in.

By the third dance, I was doing all right and was starting to have some fun. Christy stayed close by, never getting more than a few feet from me. It helped to have her close. Most of the time, I pretended I was dancing with her.

The song ended, and we were going to go back and sit out the next, but they started playing slow music. Jack didn't say anything. He took my hand and, with a smile, turned me around and took me back to the dance floor. Tom and Christy followed us.

Jack put his arm around my waist and gently pulled me toward him until our bodies barely touched. He took my hand in his and started to dance.

It wasn't my first time, thank God. I followed his lead and let him hold me and guide me around the floor. We were close, very close, and I could smell his cologne. I had smelled it before but couldn't remember the brand. I was almost sure it was a cologne that I used to wear. It smelled perfect on him.

It was so strange. As I was trying to place the name of the cologne, I looked up into his handsome face, and he said, "I really like the perfume you're wearing."

I don't know if I smiled because of the irony or because I was glad he liked how I smelled. "I'm glad." It was the only response I could think of.

"I'm thrilled you agreed to have dinner with me," Jack said in a shy sort of way. "I didn't think I was ever going to see you again after that day on the golf course. I don't think I made an excellent first impression."

I had mistreated him. Now that I'd gotten to know Jack a little, I felt terrible that I treated him the way I did. "It wasn't you. It was me. I was having a bad day. I'm sorry I was so nasty to you."

Grinning, he replied, "Maybe you'd like to make it up to me and let me take you out again?"

I didn't know what to say. I was flustered, and I could feel my cheeks getting warm. I knew I was blushing. Finally, I said, "That'd be nice." I had to be crazy.

We continued to dance. "I've never met anyone quite like you. Perhaps it's your shyness. I certainly enjoy talking with you. We seem to have a lot in common, not like most women I've known. You're so refreshing."

I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. He was trying to be flattering. I knew that, but why? Was Christy right? Did this man really like me, like Jennifer? What should I do, I asked myself?

I had to say something. "I like you too, Jack," I told him. "I usually have a hard time talking with men but not you." That was true, sort of.

He beamed. With gentle pressure, he pulled me closer to him. No longer did our bodies just brush against each other occasionally. My breasts were pressed against his masculine chest. We moved as one. My head rested on his chest; we were so close. At least I didn't have to stare into his face any longer.

Nothing was said as we walked back to the table, but once we all sat down, conversation resumed as if nothing had happened. I suppose, as far as anyone else was concerned, nothing had. It took a moment and a few more sips of wine before I joined in. I was no longer concerned about drinking too much; I needed the alcohol to relax me.

"Christy, I have to go to the ladies' room; come with me?" I had to talk.

"Sure." She had seen my flushed cheeks when we came back from the dance floor.

I noticed the exchange of glances between Tom and Jack as they held our chairs as we got up to go. I knew exactly what they were thinking, 'One has to go to the bathroom, and they all go.' How many times had I thought the same thing? Ironic.

"But that's good," Christy replied when I told her what he said and how he held me while we danced.

"Good?" I was both excited and confused, but I had to keep my voice down. The ladies' room was too busy. We talked in the hall outside the door.

"Sure. You want, you need to be accepted as Jennifer. This man sees you as a young, beautiful, interesting woman." Christy sighed. "Jennifer, stop fighting it and go with it. You're so afraid all the time, and you have no reason to be. Trust me!"

That was easy for her to say. "What if he tries something? What if he tries to get more personal? What if he tries to kiss me?"

Christy thought for a minute. "If I thought for a moment that you might enjoy it, I'd be jealous. But seriously, if he does, just turn your head a little and give him a peck on the cheek. He'll get the message. Men understand signals we give them, and Jack is too much of a gentleman to press you."

The thought of voluntarily kissing a guy didn't thrill me, but a part of me was curious. I hadn't forgotten my experience with Mike Park and didn't want a repeat of that ordeal. Jack wasn't Mike Park, though.

I changed the subject. "Tom seems really nice. He's hilarious."

"He's all right, I guess, but he has wandering eyes. It really annoys me when I'm with a guy, and he looks at other girls."

"I noticed that." He took notice of every pretty girl that walked by.

"He's not my type," Christy said with a grin. She innocently touched my arm.

I understood. "You seem to be having an awfully good time with him. I was getting a little worried."

"Jennifer's jealous? I like that."

"You behave yourself." It was my turn to laugh.

Fortunately for me, the band played very few slow dances. I convinced Jack to sit out the next couple, saying I was tired from dancing so many fast ones. He accepted my excuses and didn't press.

It was a bit awkward being alone with him when Tom and Christy left us to dance on those occasions because the conversation got personal when we were alone. He asked me all sorts of things about myself, where I grew up, my family, the things I liked, and the things I didn't like. I made a lot of it up, substituting Connie as my mother and growing up without a father.

When he asked about my career, I started working for Connie and left the rest out. Fortunately, he didn't ask about it before that.

Ironically, I liked Jack and, like Jeff, would have liked him for a friend. Unfortunately, there was no hope for a relationship between Jack and Jennifer. I knew it was doomed to go nowhere.

I forget what the four of us were talking about when Jack turned to me and said, "Why don't we play some golf Saturday?"

I thought fast. "I can't. I have plans for Saturday." I did, actually. "Christy and I are going shopping." I knew I told him I'd like to see him again, but I didn't think he'd really ask.

"The four of us could play." Christy shocked me with her statement. "We can go shopping any time." She said, smiling at me.

I couldn't believe she was setting me up. She was really making it hard for me to say no to Jack.

"Great," Tom said, enthused.

"I guess we could?" I said hesitantly. I was giving in against my better judgment. Christy wasn't helping.

"Oh, come on. We'll have fun." She insisted.

"Christy's right. You girls can go shopping anytime. We'll play some golf, have a nice dinner. I'll bet I can even get some tickets to the Lauper concert."

"I love Cindy Lauper," Christy exclaimed, excited.

Jack grinned. "Now you have to say yes, Jennifer."

Christy didn't give me a chance. "We're going, Jennifer!"

I was intrigued by the idea of getting to know Jack better. He wasn't so threatening. "Ok," I said with a smile for Jack. I couldn't wait to have a tough talk with Christy.

"I'll give you a call." He answered. "What's your number?" He started to take a pen out of his jacket p

I hesitated. "I'll call you," I said with a smile. He feigned disappointment, sliding his pen back into his pocket. "You still have my number?"

"At home," I said. I didn't think about it at the time, but he must have felt pleased that I had kept it these past weeks. It didn't occur that he assumed I was taken with him, having saved his number.

"We're going," Christy whispered, nodding to Jack and smiling at me. The issue was settled, and the conversation took a different direction.

It was twelve-thirty in the morning when I next looked at my watch. I didn't know how it got so late. I realized it was going to take a cue from Christy or me to bring the evening to an end. I wasn't sure how to do that, and Christy didn't seem tired.

I waited till Christy looked my way and the guys' attention was elsewhere. I cocked my head and closed my eyes for a second, telling her I was tired and wanted to go. She nodded that she understood.

Jack insisted that we had to have one more slow dance before leaving, and I didn't know how to tell him no. I waited anxiously for the music to slow down. It wasn't till three songs later that the band played another.

He held my hand as he did now whenever we got up to dance. I would have preferred to dance apart, but Jack didn't give me that option. His arm pulled me to him. It was a repeat of what he had so gently done before. My head rested on his chest.

I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was dancing with Christy, but the smell of his cologne wouldn't allow me that escape.

I knew I should have been repulsed, and, on the surface, I was. Inside, I felt something else that I didn't want to admit, even to myself. With him holding me the way he did, I felt confused. The sensation was so odd. Dancing that way with Jack gave me a feeling of contentment, of safety. It was something like I thought when Connie and I were alone together, secure and at peace.

I was relieved when the song finally ended, and we picked up our things and left. Should I tell Christy what I had just experienced? Could I? No! Now, I didn't even want to admit to myself that I enjoyed being close to Jack. No! No way!

In the ladies' room, we had decided that Christy would spend the night at my place. While the drive home was uneventful, just pleasant conversation, I was highly unsettled over the feelings I was experiencing.

I felt I was sure what would happen as the guys left us at our door, and I would handle it just the way Christy suggested, but I was still very nervous.

They escorted us right to our door. I wished our evening had ended out in front of the building.

"I had a good time tonight, Jennifer," Jack said to me as the four of us stood out my door. Tom and Christy stood apart from us, a few feet down the hall.

"I did too," I replied appropriately. My palms sweated.

"So we'll pick you and Christy up here about noon Saturday?" He asked.

The man didn't give up easily. It was my own fault for not just saying no.

Christy and Tom were close enough to hear his question. "We'll be ready." She answered for me.

Jack wanted to hear it from me. "Ok?"

I gave in. I gave him my best smile. "Ok, ok. We'll go."

He beamed. "Wonderful! I promise we'll have a good time."

He seemed so confident. Not in an annoying way. He was just self-assured. Jack reached out and stroked my bare arms softly with his gentle hands.

This was the moment I dreaded. He leaned forward to kiss me. I tilted my head to kiss him on the cheek. His breath was sweet. There was no trace of alcohol there on his breath at all. He must have used a breath mint, but I never saw him put one in his mouth.

I wasn't sure what happened. I did it just the way Christy told me to, but the next thing I knew, his lips were pressed against mine. I closed my eyes to hide, to deny I was standing there kissing another man. I must have seemed like a cold fish, not kissing him back. Then it was over.

He pulled back, looking at me quizzically, "Do I frighten you?"

I felt embarrassed. "No..." What do I tell him, I remember thinking? "I'm just not used to this on a first date." That was all I could come up with.

He smiled, "I'm a pretty nice guy when you get to know me."

I felt foolish, and I guess it showed. I knew I was blushing again.

He leaned forward and gave me a peck on the cheek. "You're adorable, Jennifer."

He thought my being shy was endearing.

"Goodnight. I'll talk to you soon." Jack said as he turned to walk away.

"Good night," I said, watching him walk down the hall to the elevator. Christy was watching us. She was apparently done saying goodnight to Tom. Jack stood at the elevator, waiting for Jack.

Christy waved goodbye as they stepped into the elevator. I waved to mimic her.

She turned to me in surprise. "Wow! What got into you?"

I knew what she meant. "I don't know what happened. I did what you said, but he seemed to be expecting that. Suddenly he was kissing me."

"He sure was. You should have seen yourself, eyes closed, head back. It looked like you were enjoying it." Christy seemed a little ticked.

"God no. I only closed my eyes, so I didn't have to look at him. I didn't kiss him back." I said in my own defense.

That seemed to appease her somewhat.

"You better not have." She said, smiling now. "You and I need to have a little talk about how to handle men."

I loaned Christy one of my nighties. It was two-thirty in the morning when we finally climbed into bed. Christy's education about men was not to take place that night. She had other things on her mind, and I was more than willing. We made love till I was exhausted. It was as though I had to prove something to myself.