Estrogen In My Body - Chapter 20

OTHER CHAPTERS | ALL STORY LIST

I hardly got in the house and my wife sat me down and wanted to hear all about my date with Steve. She said that my "good night" kiss was so much more passionate than last Saturday's good night kiss. "Terri a wonderful 'connection' is happening with you two", Cathy said.

I couldn't talk, I was so excited! Cathy saw my excitement and slowed me down.

I told her first about my bonding with Paula, Steve's cross-dressing son, and even met Pam, Paula's friend from next door. But I could hardly hold back telling my wife about our passionate time in the pool house.

I started crying with excitement. Cathy hugged me saying, "It is OK, tell me what happened." I opened up and told her everything. She was so excited I "serviced" my man and he exploded with his love juices. She said, "Terri, this is so exciting, you have now experienced what every woman experiences. Having the love of a man is the ultimate in your cure to beat your Feminizer disease."

I told Cathy how much I loved the experience and then I said it, "Cathy, I think I have strong feelings for him. I think I love him."

Cathy did not look shocked or mad, in fact, she smiled and hugged me saying, "Terri, I am so proud of you, you are developing into a sweet passionate woman. Let your feelings for Steve grow. Love for a man can be a beautiful emotion and you need to have that for your growth."

My head was spinning, what was she saying? I am her man, her husband, yet I think she wants me to love Steve. But I felt good about loving Steve. I wanted to love him. Wow, where is all this going?

Cathy said she knows this is all new to me and confusing but I am doing such a good job learning. She said "You have an appointment at the Institute with a therapist Monday night as I requested. They will be able to help you with all your new emotions."

I was happy with that. I asked for a therapist appointment. Maybe that need or desire is in my CD therapy from the Institute that I listen to each night. These CD's are helping me re-wire my male brain to a woman's brain, I thought.

Cathy knew I was excited and she seemed just as excited for me. I'm not sure this is right. I am her husband.

We both went upstairs hand in hand to get ready for bed. Cathy saw my all-in-one girdle and wanted to know how I liked the new foundation. She commented on how controlling it looked, she hoped that I liked it.

As I peeled it off, I told her the girdle was very nice. I liked it and wanted to buy more. Cathy looked so pleased saying we will have to stop by Mary's this week and get a couple more for me. I felt all warm and fuzzy about that. I really did love the all-in-one corset.

As I peeled off my girdle, I had another small panty girdle on to control my penis, but my panties were gone and Cathy saw this. She knows everything. I got nervous if she would ask me where my panties were.

She did, saying, "Terri, where are your pretty panties I packed for you?" I looked down with a shy emotion and said, "I gave them to Steve. I wanted him to have dry panties."

My wife hugged me saying how sweet I was and "I bet he loved them since they were yours."

I told Cathy he loved the panties. They make him feel so soft and loving. He even put his bra on too in the pool house. Cathy said, "He is very sweet and lingerie helps him be that sweet, trusting man. I know you are OK with him wearing lingerie so you should encourage him to wear his bra and panties more often."

I admitted that Steve wanted me to take him bra shopping at Mary's to buy him a bullet bra like mine. He even wanted to buy matching bras and panties for him and me. "Isn't he just a sweetie?", I said.

Cathy smiled and said, "Terri, Steve is a keeper, he is just what you need to beat your disease. Plus you two would look so cute in matching bras and panties, don't you think, Terri? Please make him a happy man."

My brain was going into overtime now. My wife is telling me to keep "my man" happy, and I think she means sexually. I don't remember her keeping me that happy when I was her husband. Wow, did I think that "was her husband"?

I really need to see that therapist. I don't know which way is up or down. I do know I like my new emotions with Steve. I guess with all my medicine and my teachers, I am behaving right and my wife is pushing me to "service my man" so it must be OK and right.

In bed Cathy cuddled over to me and hugged me cupping my breasts asking me if Steve had done this. I told her he did and I loved it. She asked me if he sucked my breasts, and showed me. My wife was sucking my breasts. I think she was loving it and so was I. I could not believe how turned on I was getting. She kept it up. She knew I was aroused and showing my real feminine emotions.

I have learned that my breasts are wonderful and very sensitive. When Steve was feeling me I was in heaven, I just loved it. Now my wife is giving me such a turn on, she had me right where she wanted me. I was so excited again tonight.

She whispered in my ear, "Terri, sweetie, I want you to continue to see Steve. I want you to love that man like you want to marry him. He is the love of your life. You need to make him a happy man. Do you understand?"

I was under her spell. she knew how to control me. It's almost like I have been hypnotized to do whatever she says. Those CD's from the Institute must be controlling my mind. But I love it, I feel so good and told her I would do anything she told me to do.

I asked my wife to suck my breasts more. She knew right then she had me. My wife was sucking my DD breasts and I loved it, so much so I had an orgasm and got my panties all wet. All I could think of was Steve when he got his panties wet with me tonight.

Cathy said, "Oh Sweetie, that is so cute, my Terri had an orgasm with his wife and now he has wet panties. Let me give you another girly lesson dear. Unhook my bra Terri and suck my breasts, dear. Oh, I see you like that dear. Easily don't bite me, just suck gently. Now put your hand down my pretty panties and see how wet I am getting. I just love what you are doing to me. I love you, Terri".

I got so excited, here I was "servicing" my wife and we were both coming to another orgasm. "We never had this emotional sex when I was a man," I thought.

As we both clasped after this passionate lovemaking, I said to my wife, "Cathy, our love is so much better and emotional than we have ever had before. I love you so much more."

She gave me such a passionate kiss and said, "Terri, you are the best. I love our time as two women. You are so much more passionate and loving, I hope you never change."

Did I hear what I thought she said, "never change"? For some reason, I was OK with that, just as long as she was OK with me being a woman. But I was so emotionally drained. I could not ask her what she was really thinking. We both fell asleep in each other arms. It was so sweet, I was in heaven.

The next day, Sunday, we just crashed but we both seemed more cuddly with each other. It was very nice.

We were both cuddling watching the TV shopping channel and the phone rang. It was Steve calling from Florida. He was just calling to see how I was doing and he was hoping I liked the diamond earrings he gave me last night. He was so sweet telling me how much fun he had yesterday and would love to have me "stay overnight" in the pool house sometime. Wow, I thought I was going to explode. Here he was asking me to sleep with him. Wow, this is moving so fast! He said he would be home Thursday and would love to go shopping with me for matching bras and panties.

I told him I would like to take him shopping. I asked if he had his pretty bra and panties on now in his hotel room. He was so sweet, saying yes, he did. He even had my panties from last night on him now to remind him of me. I thought I was going to melt. I wanted to jump right through the phone and kiss him!

My wife saw how giggly I was getting with him on the phone. She had a big smile telling me to keep talking with him, I sounded so sweet to him.

After I hung up, I looked at my wife and said, "Cathy I think you love this man." She hugged me telling me, "It's OK, those emotions are developing in you and it is very natural. Let those emotions guide you to Steve. He is a very nice, loving man. He will help you beat your disease or maybe help you decide if you want to be a princess forever."

Right now I loved those words, "a princess forever". I was so light-headed, I just got off the phone with my man. He called me to flirt. We had a talk like I was a teenage girl on the phone with her boyfriend. I love this!

I am thinking I really need to talk with a therapist and thankful I am seeing the Institute's staff tomorrow night.

Cathy looked at me and said, "Terri what did Steve say about your earrings"? I looked at her saying, "Oh I forgot to show you," as I grabbed my ears. "Steve bought me these beautiful earrings."

"OK, Terri, I thought they were a gift from Steve. They are so big, so gorgeous. You know Terri, you have a keeper with Steve. He is a real gentleman and he loves to give you presents. What girl doesn't like that Sweetie?"

Cathy gave me a peck on the cheek as she got up saying, "Terri, hang on to this man, he is your man and a real keeper."

The phone rang. It was Karla asking us over to Sunday dinner. He had a big announcement to share with us. Karla has the same disease I have but has had the Feminizer disease longer than me and he is not getting better. We attend many classes at the Institute together. He is a fun guy, or should I say, girl?

Cathy and I arrived at Karla and Lisa's house for dinner. He looked different, much more made up, with a figure that was shapely. He had a glow about him. Karla looked on top of the world.

We hugged and had a wine drink as Karla said he had an announcement. Karla looked at Lisa for help, she said told him to just say it. Lisa held Karla's hand and smiled pushing him to tell us.

Karla said, "My doctors have told me that my disease cannot be cured and that I will have to live my life now as a woman." She got all giggly and excited saying, "Terri, I am so happy, I want to stay a woman. My wife is also very happy with me staying a woman. My doctors have changed my medicine and will help me adjust my body to being a girl for the rest of my life. I am so excited!"

I did not know what to do or think. Karla jumped at me giving me a big hug. She seemed so happy and looked so feminine now. She had such a glow about her that just said "I am all women and I love it!" I guess I was happy for her.

Lisa had a toast, "Here is to my new best girlfriend Karla. I love her so much, she will be my soul mate forever."

I looked at my wife. She had such a big smile, I did not know what she was thinking. She told Karla how nice that was for her and how beautiful she looked.

I thought to myself, "Will this happen to me? Will the Feminizer disease make me a total woman like Karla? I sure feel like it. I love being a woman and my life shows it."

Karla was all giggly. She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the kitchen to help her cook. Karla looked so good. I noticed her figure and her hip swing so gracefully. She was a very pretty girl.

In the kitchen, she gave me a huge hug asking what I thought of her decision. What could I say, she was beaming with excitement, seemed so happy with her new life.

I told her I thought it was the best, that she is the vision of loveliness and will be a wonderful woman.

As we were cooking, Karla had such a glow about her. I knew she was happy with her new life. I was thinking, "Would I be as happy if I stayed as a woman too?" I could not get those ideas out of my head. Seeing Karla so happy made me jealous.

Karla switched the talk to Steve. She wanted to know if I was still seeing him. Karla saw my face light up and knew I was still seeing him. Karla said, "Terri, tell me all about him, he is such a dreamboat."

I showed Karla the necklace and earrings. She knew right away, seeing my smile, that he gave me these. I got so excited telling Karla about the gifts I found myself jumping up and down with excitement!

"Hey girl, easy", Karla said. I told her about our two dates, well not everything, but enough. This was so much fun talking girl talk in the kitchen while cooking. I loved this girly time.

Karla told me she met Steve's son at the Institute and asked me how much of a crossdresser he is. "Paula is very much into crossdressing. He has the help of a girl next door to his house and she has really helped him develop into a beautiful teenage girl. Plus the Institute has helped him so much, like us."

Karla got serious, looking at me with a straight face asking me if I loved Steve.

I told Karla that I think I am in love with him. I love being with him, he makes me feel so feminine and loved.

Karla hugged me saying, "Terri, he is a sweetheart and a keeper. You should love him every minute."

I told her I loved him and felt really good about our dating. Karla wanted to know if my wife was OK with me dating him. I told her that she pushes me into his arms. She even told me to sleep overnight and to "service" my man.

"Wow, that is so sweet," Karla said. "We are so lucky to have such understanding wives."

As we cooked, I felt so good. Seeing Karla giggly, talking with me in her pretty dress just made me feel more love for this feminine lifestyle.

We served dinner in the dining room and my wife asked, "What have you girls been talking about for so long out there?" I said, "You know, just girl talk." Everyone just giggled and had more wine drinks.

The night was a big one. As we were leaving Karla asked me to go shopping tomorrow night and wanted to hear more about Steve.

Cathy popped in saying Terri had an appointment with the Institute's therapist Monday night, but he could go Tuesday night.

Karla said, "Well let's do Tuesday night." Karla also shared that she saw the Institute therapist, too and that it was a big help in coming to terms with her new life. "She can help you too, Terri," Karla said.

While driving home, Cathy asked me how I felt about Karla staying as a woman. I got a little nervous but said, "She seemed so relaxed now and loving her new world. I think it is great for her." Cathy grabbed my hand saying, "Terri, if you want to talk about it more, please talk with me. You too may not be able to beat your disease and would have to live as a woman for the rest of your life, too."

I had tears running down my face, not knowing how to answer her. I knew I was so happy being a woman, loving Steve, and loving my wife. I had so much going on in my head. I hope the therapist can help me.

Just then Cathy said, "The therapist will be able to help you sort through your feelings, Dear. I think she will be a big help to you."

Monday night came quickly. My wife Cathy seemed pushy to be on time at the Institute for my therapist appointment. We rushed through dinner. She had me redo my makeup and change into a different dress more feminine than the one I wore to work.

I was confused about why she was making such a big deal out of this appointment. But as normal, I did what she said, without question.

Off we went to the Institute. We met the therapist. Debbie was a very attractive stylish woman. Like all the women at the Institute, she was very well put together. Debbie ushered me into her private office and my wife went downstairs for coffee to wait for me.

Debbie did some general talk, asking me how I was doing, how I felt about my Feminizer disease. Has the Institute helped me deal with my disease and do I think I am being cured?

She was looking at my doctor's charts saying that I was on high levels of medicine and that the cure might be longer than expected.

She asked me if I was working out in the gym here, that my figure was very nice and looks like I have been working out. I told her I was and enjoyed the workouts.

Then Debbie dropped the bomb, "Terri, I see you are seeing a man, Steve. Tell me about that relationship."

I got nervous. Do I tell her the truth? Something compelled me to lay it all out. I told her I was dating him. He gave me this necklace and earrings. I told her how nice he is to me and I love being with him. I have bonded with his son who attends the Institute for his crossdressing.

Debbie came right out and asked if I slept with him. Oh, boy I was nervous! She knew it as said, "Terri, relax, everything you tell me stays in this room. It is very important you tell me everything so I can help you".

I spilled my story, telling her all about the night in the pool house, his orgasm, my excitement, even my orgasms. Debbie grabbed my hand and said, "Dear, calm down, it's OK. You are just acting normal. You did well. You are very normal as the pretty woman you are."

Debbie made me feel relaxed. She explained the disease more to me, including the intensity of the disease in my case and the likely outcome of it.

She did say she met with my wife last week and she is very supportive of me and would support me whatever I decide to do. I could either take other measures to beat this disease or stay a woman.

I heard those words "stay a woman" and I was OK with the thought. OK with the idea? Debbie seemed to see that in my face and ask me the big question.

"Terri, would you like to stay a woman, have an operation, and complete the lifestyle change?"

I thought for a minute, looked into Debbie's eyes, and said, "I totally enjoy being a woman. I love being taken care of, taking care of others, love the clothes, makeup, daily routine of being a woman. I think if there was no cure for me, I could handle being a woman for the rest of my life."

Wow, I said it and it took a ton of weight off my shoulders! Even Debbie said I looked relieved and at peace with myself. I think I was at peace with myself now that I said it.

Debbie told me that she thinks I could handle all of the emotions of being a total woman. I have adjusted very well to my new lifestyle and she sees no reason why I could not live in a peaceful state being a beautiful woman.

Right then a new sense of desire came over me. I admitted that I wanted to be a woman, I loved being a woman, and I could be a happy loving woman. I felt really good.

Debbie told me, "In 2-3 weeks there is a test the doctors can do to see if your disease is curable. If for some reason, you cannot be cured, I would recommend you stay a woman. You will be able to handle it based on what I see here."

I asked Debbie how the doctors could make me a woman forever. She smiled and said, "Slow down Terri, look at you now. Your doctors and wife have done a great job transforming you. They know how to help you to become a total woman, but that is for your next visit. We have covered a lot tonight."

Debbie said our visit was over and she would like to see me next week to continue our conversation. Just then Cathy showed up. I saw in the corner of my eye Debbie giving Cathy a thumbs up with a big smile. I wonder what that meant.

Cathy and I went home. She quizzed me about the session. She hoped that Debbie could help me, saying "She is very good. She helped Karla come to terms with her decision."

I started crying, thinking that this was all planned. The Institute gave me the CD's to listen to at night. The Institute classes I had were all directing me into womanhood. I think my wife knew what I was thinking and she said, "Terri, remember whatever you decide, I will support you 100%, I am here for you."

Things were happening way too fast again! Did I just sign my life away by saying to Debbie I would be a woman the rest of my life? How could I do that?

Up in our bedroom, Cathy gave me a new CD to listen to. She said the Institute gave her a new set of four topics they think will help me. I resisted, but like normal Cathy said I had to listen to them, the Institute says so, and they will help me. Like normal, I always listen to her. I think I am programmed to listen to her.

The next morning we were off to work. My wife dropped me off. I still don't have my own driver's license. I think my wife likes controlling my travels.

About 3 PM the phone rang with news of my world blowing up. The Memorial Hospital called me to say my wife was admitted with serious car accident injures and I should get right over to the hospital.

I turned white and Linda next to me saw my fear. She offered to drive me to the hospital, so off we went. What would I do if my wife died? Here I am stuck as a woman and totally dependent on her to manage my life. I was so nervous.

My worst fears were staring me in the face. She was in intensive care in a very serious state, going in and out of consciousness. She was unconscious and the doctors were running all over trying to help her. I was ushered out to a waiting room. They were taking Cathy to an operating room for surgery.

Linda stayed with me as I broke down bawling in the waiting room. Several of my other office girlfriends plus Karla and Lisa showed up to support me. It felt so comforting to have them all there. Hours went by with no word from the doctors.

Then the nurse appeared saying my wife was out of surgery and I could see her in about an hour. I was now with just Karla and Lisa. The others had to get home to their families.

Just then, the door opened, and in ran Steve. I jumped up and we ran and embraced each other. He felt so good holding me whispering in my ear that everything will be OK, He spoke to the head doctor on his way in. Cathy is doing well. What words of comfort came from him! He was my "rock".

He insisted on taking me downstairs for some dinner, telling me "You look pale and need some food." He invited Karla and Lisa to join us. His strong guiding arm around my little waist was a needed emotional boost I needed to walk to dinner. I felt so indebted to Steve for his loving help.

Dinner was a change of pace. Steve knew about Karla's disease but not the fact that Karla decided to stay a woman. Nothing was brought up. After dinner, Karla pulled me aside and said, "Terri, your man is a sweetheart. He is so masculine and strong, don't ever let him get away. I could eat him up."

Somehow I knew this and Karla's thoughts continued to help me see that my new life would likely be as a woman and how much I cared for Steve. I never had these emotional feelings as a man.

We returned to Cathy's room. She was in a sound sleep. The nurse said she is sedated. She is doing well, but the next 12 hours are key to her recovery. The nurse thought I should go home and get some sleep.

As the four of us walked out, Steve suggested I should go home with him and not stay alone tonight. I was so weak and out of it, I agreed. So off I went to Steve's mansion.

George the chef and son Paul was waiting for us at the front door with open arms. They are so sweet, I needed their comfort.

Steve ushered me up to the room I had been using before for changing and suggested I change into a nightgown Paul picked out for me and meet him downstairs for a nightcap.

I got undressed and jumped in the shower. "This room is so inviting, warm and feminine, I could live here," I thought. I slipped on the full-length nightgown. Lucky it had a robe too since my breasts were showing through the nightgown. I felt so "taken care" of here at Steve's home.

We went downstairs and Paul had also changed into his full-length nightgown, now all decked out as Paula. Plus I saw that Steve had relaxed, changed into his bra and lounge set. He still looked to me as my strong savior.

We all had milk and dessert then called it a night. Steve walked upstairs, back in my room. He embraced me with a huge hug, whispering in my ear as he loves to do, saying, "Terri, don't you worry. You are in good hands. I will be right with you. Cathy will get better."

I got so emotional with his words, I looked at him and gave him the biggest kiss. He returned the kiss. We embraced for many more minutes just hugging each other. He makes living so comforting, I thought.

I started crying saying, "Steve what would ever happen to me if Cathy is permanently disabled or worse yet, dies?"

With his strong voice he said, "Terri, I am here for you. You will never be alone. You are a very special person and I will take care of you."

I could not believe the comfort those words brought over my body! I was so lucky to find such a loving, gentleman.

Steve tucked me in, kissed my head, and told me to get some sleep. He will go back to the hospital with me in the morning.

As he walked out of my bedroom I thought, "Here is a very good reason why I would want to stay a loving woman. He made me feel so warm, wanted, and feminine. I just want to please him." It must be all those Institute CD's I listen to.

Morning came quickly. Paula knocked on my door, bringing me coffee and a muffin. Wow, how sweet she is! She was still in her nightgown but it looked like she had changed into a short sassy babydoll nightgown, perfect for her teenage body.

She hung out talking up a storm like she wanted to keep my mind off my wife. We were like two girls helping each other dress. She talked while I was putting on my makeup. I had a hard time getting my all-in-one corset on and "zipping" it up. She popped up helping me get into it saying how pretty this corset was and would love to wear one like it.

We walked down to the kitchen, me in my business suit and Paula in her short babydoll nightgown. George and Steve were there having their morning coffee. Paula was right at home walking around in her babydoll outfit. We had breakfast and then Steve ushered me off to the hospital.

While driving to the hospital I said to Steve how comfortable Paula seems in feminine attire and really gets into feminine emotions while dressed as a teenage girl. Steve smiled and she, yes, he is very much at ease with his feminine side. He enjoys his femininity and the people around him support him".

Once at the hospital, I was getting anxious to see my wife. Steve knew I was getting weak in the legs. I thought I was going to faint.

The doctor called us into his office and explained that my wife is not doing well. She has not responded well to the operation and will need another one later this afternoon. He said she is still on the critical list.

I grabbed Steve's hands and started to cry right in his arms. I was beside myself, so nervous! I thought I was going to throw up.

Steve took me out into the waiting room and calmed me down. He has that special way that calms me down.

Needless to say, I was at the hospital all day and so was Steve. My office girlfriends stopped over during their lunch break and Karla stopped over for 3-4 hours. They were all such good girlfriends.

The operation came. I saw my wife, gave her a peck on the head. She was not awake as they rolled her into the operating room.

The doctor encouraged me to go get some dinner. The operation will be 3- 4 hours and an hour in recovery. So, again Steve took me downstairs for dinner. As we walked, Steve held my waist, supporting me, I was so weak. He is such a comfort to me. My love for this man was growing by the minute. I had grown so dependent on him, he was holding me together and I knew it.

At dinner, Steve convinced me that I should stay another couple of nights at his house. I should not be alone. How could I disagree with him? He suggested we go to my house, grab some clothes and stuff, then return to the hospital to be there when Cathy comes out of the operation. It sounded good to me. What would I do without "my" man?

I leaned over the table and whispered in his ear. "Steve, that's a good idea. I am getting tired of wearing this all-in-one corset that I have had on for a couple of days." Steve smiled saying, "But Terri, you look so good in your dresses, you have a very pretty shape."

I looked at him saying, "Then maybe you would like to try wearing one of these for a couple of days." Steve smiled and said, "I have and I love it."

We both laughed and I caught myself leaning over the table and giving him a "thank you" kiss. Wow, what is happening here? It's like I am married to him, we connect so well.

We drove to my house to pick up some clothes. Steve was such a gentleman saying, "Terri, I will wait down here but if you need help carrying anything down, just call me. Remember, you don't need a lot, just 4-5 days. George can wash our clothes and keep us in clean clothes."

I packed two large suitcases with dresses, shoes, bras, girdles, and my own nightgowns. I also picked up my makeup and hair rollers. I did ask for help to bring down the large suitcases. I am amazed at how weak I have become these past several months. I have no strength.

Steve loaded up his car and we returned to the hospital in no time.

We met the doctor after the operation. He said Cathy did well, but will be knocked out for some time and suggested we go home and get our rest. I did not want to leave but I knew I was beaten and needed my sleep.

We got to Steve's home and George took my luggage upstairs to my room. Steve and I had milk and cookies with Paula and Pam. Paula had just come back from the Institute and looked so cute all decked out in a beautiful dress. We had such a nice conversation. They are so worried about me and my wife. These people are so caring.

I went upstairs to unpack and got ready for bed. While taking off my makeup I lost it, crying so hard all my emotions were just pouring out. I jumped under the sheets but could not control myself.

Steve must have heard me and knocked on my bedroom door to come in. He lay down on the bed holding me, trying to comfort me. He really has a way of relaxing me. I felt so good with him holding me. I wish he were under the sheets with me and really holding me closer.

After we talked, Steve started to get off the bed. I looked at him and tears started again. I asked him, "Please, please stay with me for the night. I need your comfort, your support." He was right there for me. He lay on top of the bed, covered himself with a blanket, and we both kissed and drifted off to sleep.