The Women's Job - Part 33

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Friday night, after going out to the movies and having drinks, I laid in Christy's bed beside her. The whole time I made love to her, I put myself in her place, wondering what it could be like for me if I went ahead and had the surgery? Would it be the same? I hoped it would.

Jack needed to buy some new clothes. We went shopping Saturday afternoon. It was a lot of fun, helping him pick out shirts and slacks. Late in the afternoon, he took me home so I could change clothes. We ate out then went dancing.

He and Connie had a long conversation while I was preoccupied with getting dressed. She asked him all about himself, I learned later. He said she asked him some pretty probing questions about his past love life. She made him nervous. I couldn't imagine Jack being nervous talking to anyone.

We ended up back at Jack's house later that evening, and I wasn't quite as nervous as the first time. I knew better how to please him, and, as weird as it felt to do, it made Jack happy. Knowing that made it easier for me. He didn't disappoint me either.

When I was with Jack, the way, he treated me, the way he made me feel, my doubts seemed so petty. I wanted nothing more than to be the woman he thought I was.

He went to church with Virginia and my Sunday morning, and I was so thrilled to be seen with him. More than a few of my friends told us what a cute couple we made. Virginia loved him. Off to the side, she told me how happy she was for me, glad that I found such a nice young man.

I was nervous all day, anticipating our trip on Monday. "I've just had a lot on my mind," I told Jack when he asked me what was wrong.

We spent the afternoon out of the city. He thought the mountains might take my mind off my worries. Being with him helped only a little.

He understood when I wanted to get home early so that Connie and I could get ready for our' trip'. I just felt like I needed to be with Connie. Jack had me home by dinner time.

I couldn't eat dinner. She knew I was nervous. "It's alright, Sweetheart. It's only natural to be frightened." Connie gave me one of her sedatives around seven, and I was out for the night.

Our plane left at eight. It was a relatively short flight. Flying never bothered me before, but I had butterflies the whole way.

It wasn't at all what I expected. The hospital was as clean, as modern as anything back home. I had a little trouble seeing a doctor I didn't know, but, as usual, Connie was there for me, answering questions for the Doctor while I nodded yes or no. I was petrified when it came to having the examination, but the Doctor and the nurses were very nice, very understanding. They ran almost as many tests as Dr. Winter had run the whole time I was seeing her. I was impressed at how thorough they were.

In his broken English, the Doctor explained everything that would happen, given that the test results all came back positive. They wouldn't be back for several days. After that, assuming we, I, still wanted to go ahead with the procedure, the surgery could be scheduled for any time after that. It all seemed so simple.

It was almost four in the afternoon before they finished with me, and we caught the next flight home. I called Virginia when we got in around nine. She wanted to hear everything, and Connie got on with her and filled in everything I left out.

I was just glad to be home. I'd been a nervous wreck all day.

While I had been gone only a day, my work was terribly backed up. With the Jansen layout getting close, I was busier than ever. That was probably best because it kept my mind off things. We worked late Tuesday night and Wednesday. I probably wouldn't have gone out after work, following my usual routine, anyway. I was too preoccupied.

I had lunch with Jack on Thursday. I skipped my tennis game with Lin and the girls to just go home and relax. I needed to be alone. I needed to think.

The call came on Friday. They called Connie and gave her the test results. Everything came back positive. "Isn't that wonderful?" Connie told me, all excited. "Now, all we have to do is decide when."

I was getting cold feet, but I couldn't tell Mom that. "That's great."

"We'll need to schedule it soon, with the Jansen shoots starting in a few weeks. You'll need time to recuperate before we leave."

I didn't follow, "Leave? Leave for where?"

"California silly."

"I'm going?" I had no idea she expected me to go with her.

"Of course, Jen. You didn't think I was going to go without you?"

It would be great to see Pat again, but I couldn't go. "What about my accounts?"

"Carol or Paul can cover for you while we're gone." She explained.

But they were my accounts. And what about Jack? I didn't want to go and leave Jack so soon. Especially right after what I was considering going through.

"Jack will still be here when we get back, Honey. Don't worry." She told me after I explained my apprehensions about leaving him.

Being gone for a month or two, would he still be there when I got back, or would he have found someone new. I couldn't stand the thought of that. He was the primary reason I even considered having the surgery. Where would I find another man like him? He was so special.

Connie wouldn't hear of her going without me. Her mind was made up, and that was that. "I think we should get it over with as soon as possible, give you plenty of time to recover." She checked her calendar without even consulting me. "A week from today is perfect."

A week? Only a week? "So soon?"

"There's no reason to put it off, Sweetheart. With the week, he said you'd need to recoup, and for them to make sure you're all right, you can come back the following Thursday. That'll give you another two weeks to take it easy until we have to take off for LA."

She had it all worked out. "You are coming with me?"

"No, Sweetheart. I can't and get things wrapped up here. No, Virginia's going to go with you. She insisted."

I should have thought of that. My stomach was doing little flips at the thought of going back there and having the surgery. Going without Connie, even though Virginia was going, scared the hell out of me. All I could think of for the next seven days was, am I doing the right thing? Was it really what I wanted?

When I finally expressed my doubts to Connie on Thursday, the day before we were to leave, she took it very hard, and I felt terrible for causing her such anguish. She reminded me of all the reasons why I should go through with it. Her loving support of Jennifer not being the least of it. There was also my job, Jennifer's job, and her career. She didn't hesitate to remind me of Jack and that if I ever wanted an everyday life again, I should go through with it.

I did so much want a normal life again. I'd been so happy as Jennifer. Happier than I could ever remember being. Connie was right; I finally accepted that.

It didn't leave me any less nervous as she said goodbye to Virginia and me at the airport that morning.

As far as anyone knew, Virginia and I were taking a little vacation. We were going to be gone for two weeks.

Jack took me to dinner Wednesday night. "I'm really going to miss you. I don't know what I'm going to do without you for two weeks."

I thought to myself, just you wait till I get back. I'd be ready to discover all that I'd been missing for so long. It encouraged me to think about that.

Christy offered to go with us, pay her own way, but I had to tell her no. I explained that I needed to get away for a while, and I'd promised Virginia that it would be just her and I. I wondered what her reaction would be when she discovered what I'd done. Would she be happy for me or furious? There was no way to tell.

Virginia was good company. Obviously, I was nervous, and she worked very hard at keeping my mind off where we were going. It helped for a while, but as the wheels touched down in Mexico City, I finally lost it and threw up what little I had in my stomach into the neat little bag they provided passengers.

They were expecting us. The Doctor had a few encouraging words for me then left. I didn't even have a chance to tell him I wasn't so sure about what he was about to do to me. Virginia was right by my side as the nurses prepared me for surgery. I almost threw up for a second time.

Virginia warned them I was very nervous. They were prepared for that, too, injecting me with a strong sedative before I knew what was happening. I thought they were just going to take some more blood. It took effect almost immediately.

I lay there so passively while the nurse shaved me. I was embarrassed, of course, but I didn't have the will to even object.

Virginia stood at my side as I lay waiting to go, stretched out on the gurney. I felt as though I was floating in clouds. My apprehension was still there, but I didn't have the presence of mind to express my fear, my uncertainty. My head was full of the soft floating clouds as they wheeled me from the room and down the hall.

I remember lying there, my legs wrapped in the warm material and my feet resting in the stirrups.

"You may feel a little prick." The woman in white told me as she prepared to give me another injection. I saw the needle go into my arm. I didn't feel anything.

Virginia was standing over me smiling when I was finally able to open my eyes. She was stroking my forehead, looking down at me with that loving expression on her face. I was disoriented at first, confused about where I was. It took me a moment to recall.

I didn't feel any different. I didn't feel anything. Had something gone wrong? Had they decided at the last second not to go ahead with the procedure? I felt the same as ever. But then I realized I didn't actually feel anything. I was numb in the area of my crotch. Even my legs felt numb, too heavy to lift.

"Virginia?" I looked up at her, questioning.

"Just relax, Sweetheart. You're fine. It's all over now." She told me reassuringly.

Did she mean what I thought she meant, I wondered, scared to find out? I closed my eyes, unable to deal with what I was sure they'd done to me.

"That's my girl. Just rest, Jennifer. It's the best thing for you right now."

I felt her hand stroking me reassuringly as I sank back into a medicated sleep.

The sun showed brightly in my window when I awoke. I was glad to discover I was in a private room. It was like any hospital room you'd find in the states. The sheets smelled clean.

What time it was or even what day, I had no idea as I lay there. When I first awoke, whenever that was, I couldn't tell if they'd done anything to me. I couldn't feel anything. Now I could feel mild discomfort. There was no doubt they had done something. I was heavily bandaged; I could feel the dressing between my legs. It wasn't till I looked under the covers that I saw the padded straps around my ankles. The restraint across my hips kept me from shifting in the bed.

At that point, I had no more doubts.

I only laid there a short while before the door opened, and Virginia came in.

"You're awake!" She said, surprised. She came over next to the bed.

"I can hardly move," I said.

"It's all right, Dear. They don't want you moving around too much for a few days. You might tear your stitches."

A few days?. "How long has it been since , "I couldn't bring myself to say 'since the surgery.'

Virginia seemed to understand. "It's Monday, Sweetheart. They've kept you sedated, so you'll heal more easily."

I'd been out for three days? I had to ask, "Did they . . . ?"

"You're fine," Virginia said with delight. "The Doctor's been in to see you several times, and he's quite pleased. He said the surgery went beautifully."

I wished I felt as thrilled as she did. "How soon can we go home?" I didn't want to be there anymore. I wanted to be home.

"You need to be a little patient now, Jennifer. The Doctor said it's best if you get bed rest for another week. He said it went so well that he did a little more constructive surgery than he normally would, and he wants to be sure that nothing happens to disturb the grafts."

What did she mean he did more than usual? "What did he do?" I was scared.

"There's nothing to worry about, really. I was here when he examined you, and you look perfect. He did a marvelous job."

I tried to sit up a little. I lifted the covers. "Can I see?" I was disfigured, I was certain, and I wanted to see how badly.

Virginia coaxed me back down. "No, not yet. You're still very swollen, and the dressings need to stay on. You'll see soon enough." She also told me, "The Doctor wants me to make sure you don't disturb the dressings, so you have to just lay back and relax. He especially wants you to keep your hands away. You could cause infection or even tear your stitches."

It was bad enough that I was disfigured, but I couldn't even see how badly.

I had another concern. "What did he do to my arm?" The underside of my left arm felt tender. I couldn't imagine what they'd do to me there or why they'd need to do anything?

"He said you'd be a little sore." She replied. "That's just your hormones. It's the little time-release capsule they put in your arm."

"Why do I need hormones?" Virginia already knew what Dr. Winter had told me about my hormone imbalance. I didn't understand why I needed more of them.

"He explained that it was just to maintain balance. If your system decided to produce fewer hormones at any point. The capsule will release what your body needs to keep you even." It seemed so simple to her.

Hormones were the least of my worries. I had grown accustomed to them and the effects they'd had on me.

Virginia stayed right by my side. She never left me for a minute.

When they brought my dinner, they brought her a tray too. The food was all right, typical hospital food. I half expected tacos or something.

We were just finishing when Connie called. I learned she'd been checking on me four or five times a day. It was nice talking to her, but I couldn't answer her question. "So how does it feel to finally be a whole woman, Honey?"

I told her that, lying flat on my back, unable to move, unable to see or feel anything, it was hard to tell. Like Virginia, she told me to be patient. "You'll be home soon."

The call concluded with her telling me how much she loved me and that she missed me terribly. "I miss you too," I told her. I did. "I love you, Mom. Bye."

They came in after dinner and changed my dressing. I wanted to see, but the nurse said the Doctor didn't want me to until the swelling went down more. She told me that I should be back to normal in a few days.

Normal? What was that, I asked myself?

The days dragged by. Virginia came each morning with newspapers and magazines from the states. I tried reading a book but just couldn't concentrate long enough to get through more than a few pages.

Each time they came in to change my dressing, I asked the same question, "When can I see?" Each time they put me off. The Doctor just said, "You're healing nicely. Be patient, be patient."

Finally, on Thursday, I saw. They misunderstood my tears. I wasn't me anymore. I was someone else. I was truly, happily, Jennifer. The reflection in the mirror could have been Christy's or Tina's or any of the girls I'd seen in the porno magazines I use to relish ogling at. I certainly wasn't Jeffrey anymore.

When we first thought of my having the surgery, I was more excited than scared. Now that it was done, as I lay there in the bed, it was the other way around.

They removed the restraints on Friday, and they let me sit up in bed. My heavy dressing had been replaced with a lighter, less bulky one. It wasn't terribly uncomfortable, just sitting on the edge of the bed.

Saturday, they had me get out of bed and walk around a little. That was a little painful. With the dressings and the mild pain, I couldn't walk very well.

Sunday was a little better. I waited impatiently for Monday, anxious to go home. When they said they wanted me to wait for Tuesday, I was very disappointed. "Just be a patient young lady. You have your whole exciting new life ahead of you."

I wondered what it would be like? Would it be so different from the life I'd been living for the past months? Would it be better? I couldn't imagine it being less fulfilling, less wonderful.

I couldn't wear pantyhose for another week, they told me, and they gave me those awful, huge, baggy cotton panties to wear home. I was still bandaged, of course. They said the stitches should begin to fall out soon. I was to start taking warm baths in a few days to help them dissolve.

No aerobics for a month and no tennis. Monday, I could go back to work, but I had to take it easy for the next two weeks. Virginia had a long list of dos and don'ts.

I was relieved to be on the plane on my way home. Connie picked us up at the airport. She was so happy to see me. She didn't want to leave me, but she had to get back to work after dropping us off. She vowed to get off early and join us.

It was wonderful to lie in a normal bed, even if it wasn't my own. It made more sense for me to stay with Virginia. She could afford to stay at home with me while Connie had to be at the office each day.

I couldn't call anyone. I couldn't let anyone know I was home. I was supposed to be on vacation. I found out Connie called three times that afternoon as I slept. I was exhausted from the trip, and walking so much left me a little sore and exhausted.

I didn't know that Connie planned on spending her nights with me. When Virginia wasn't watching over me, Connie was. We all had our dinner in my room, not leaving me alone for a minute.

I was interested in everything that had been going on at work, and Connie filled me in. I was gratified to know that they missed me.

It was after dinner that night when I went to the bathroom for the first time, alone. I'd been using a bedpan all that time, and someone was always there. I never got a chance to discover how different I was.

I took my little hand mirror from the vanity and probed the soft pink flesh where there had once been my penis and testicles. There was no trace, nothing. I looked just like a girl. I gingerly touched myself and was surprised to learn how sensitive I was. There was no pain anymore.

I was already losing some of the stitches. I'd been told that the baths I would begin taking by Wednesday would speed along the dissolving of the rest.

I pulled gently, looking. I probed gingerly with my finger and found my newly formed vagina. The Doctor explained that he would simply invert my penis inside me to create it on our first visit. It was really much more complicated than that, but I wasn't listening at the time. I tuned him out. It looked so real now, though. It was amazing.

I decided not to take too long in the bathroom. Virginia and Connie scolded me when I was too curious. They were afraid I might damage the Doctor's good work.

I was mothered to death for days, but I was a little more at ease in familiar surroundings.

Christy was the one I really worried about. I had no idea how she'd react when she discovered the change in me. Would she hate me for what I did, or would she be thrilled? What I'd lost was certainly not something she'd miss. During our relationship, she'd only seen it a few times. It was useless for making love. No, I told myself, she'd be happy with the change in me.

If she wasn't, too bad. Sex with her wasn't what it used to be since I'd met Jack. I spent no small amount of time wondering what it would be like, making love to him. I started to feel that excitement again. The excitement that I'd discovered after meeting and getting to know the wonderful man.

Virginia insisted that I start getting up and around more by Thursday. The Autumn breezes felt wonderful as I layout in the backyard. I took out my book finally and started to pass the time reading the novel Connie brought me, a romance novel of all things. I did enjoy it once I got into it. I imagined myself as the heroine, loving and making love to the hero. Soon, I had trouble putting it down.

They could see the difference in me as the weekend approached. I was happier, more at ease. I looked forward to working on Monday.

I was walking better. I was still tender, but it was wearing the tampex that bothered me now when I walked. I wondered how women could stand them. At least I was spared ever having a period. I was lucky in that respect.

"You can't go back to work without a tan," Connie warned me. "What self-respecting girl goes to Mexico on vacation and doesn't come back with a tan?"

She was right, and I didn't object to putting on the bathing suit Connie had brought me from home, along with my other things.

Virginia made sure I didn't get too much sun. "There's nothing worse for a young girl's skin than to get too much." She made me put on plenty of sunscreens. I did get a tan, regardless. My tan lines looked so odd when I saw myself in the bathroom mirror. I made sure to switch between styles of bikini tops, so the lines weren't too pronounced.

Connie and I moved back to our place on Sunday night. I felt sad leaving Virginia home by herself. She had devoted herself to me completely, and I felt like I was deserting her. I couldn't thank her enough for all she did for me. I knew she was sad that I was going. I filled a need for her. I promised I'd spend more time with her from then on.

I was glad to be home at last, in familiar, comfortable surroundings. I wanted to make a call, Connie said don't. "Let him call you." She said. "Men don't like girls that chase them. They get bored eventually."

That wasn't the first time I'd heard that piece of advice, and as much as it killed me, I didn't call.

I was up early, anxious to go to work. The two weeks I missed seemed like an eternity. I missed my friends as much, if not more than my work.

Most everyone was happy to see me back. I thought to myself, what would the ones that thought I was some kind of freak think now if they knew? It bugged me that I couldn't just tell everyone that I was a woman now. Would I be construed as more of a woman now? More than I'd been for the past months? No, telling everyone about the surgery wouldn't change anyone's thinking. They'd accepted Jeffrey as Jennifer; I should just leave it at that.

It wasn't easy to take it slow, but Connie kept an eye on me, and when I started taking on more than I should, she pulled in the reigns on me.

I wondered when he'd call. Christy called me around nine. She was glad I was back and wanted to see me that night. I got out of it by explaining we got in late, and I needed that night to get things cleaned up from the trip. I lied, of course. If Jack called and wanted to see me, I wanted to be available.

I was a little hurt that he waited till it was almost noon to call. He sounded the same. He wanted to take me to lunch Tuesday, and I said yes, happily.

I felt less and less as though what had been done to me was a bad thing. I liked my life as Jennifer, and it was a life I wanted to keep. I just had a little more adjusting to do, according to Connie.

We had a wonderful lunch. I was busting to tell that man that I wanted him, but no. Even if I did, it was too soon. "At least a month, better a month and a half." The Doctor told me.

I was a little disappointed that he didn't ask me to go out with him that night. I broke the rules and asked him to come to my place to just relax and enjoy each other's company. He had to work. On my first night back, he to work.

I said I understood. He was overwhelmed with a rush case that had to be dealt with. He hoped he could wrap it up by the weekend, but all that he could promise was that he'd call and keep me posted on his progress.

I called Christy back later that afternoon. I asked her if she still wanted to get together later, after dinner. She came over around eight. In front of Connie, Christy and I were just good friends, so I was safe from discovery. I was still very anxious to tell her what I'd done. It would have to wait. I knew that before the week was over, she'd know.

I made up stories about my vacation, and we passed the evening with idle chatter. She wanted to know if I'd heard from Jack. I didn't tell her about lunch. It was obvious she was jealous, and I didn't want an argument, especially in front of Connie.

Tuesday night Connie and I spent together, alone. We talked a lot about what the future held for us, for me. She also had some new wisdom to impart, now that I was truly a woman. Things like not getting into an elevator with strangers, not getting caught in dark places alone. It was hard for me to accept that women felt themselves so vulnerable to violence. As a man, none of the situations she described sounded so scary. "You have a lot to learn, Jennifer." My mother told me.

I'd experienced very little of the fears, the prejudices, that women were so accustomed to. It was difficult to accept that those things existed. My experiences so far had all been positive. I'd experienced none of the downsides of being a woman.

"There will come a time, and you'll need to know what to do, how to protect yourself." She warned me.

Why didn't we have discussions like the one we had that night before I had the surgery? Had Connie held back intentionally, I wondered?

No. That was silly. She still showed me that same love and support she had always given me. More, now that I was really her daughter. Our relationship had never been stronger.

I had to make excuses for not going to aerobics with the girls Wednesday night and Thursday. The night I usually spent with Christy, I stayed home. I told her I didn't feel well.

Jack and I talked several times late in the week, but not once was there any mention of our getting together to go out. Lunch was nice, but I was getting impatient, waiting for him to ask me out.

Thursday night, after soaking in the tub, the last of my stitches were gone. It had been three weeks since the surgery, and I was feeling pretty good about the way I looked. The bruises that had lingered had all but disappeared.

Friday was the day. I knew it would be my moment of truth. I was concerned that I still hadn't heard from Jack, so when Christy called around four and suggested that we should go out if I was feeling better, I agreed. I was tired of just sitting around and said I'd meet her at my place after work.

I wanted to change clothes. I wanted to wear something different than I'd worn to work. I'd felt like such a frump in my loose-fitting clothes all week, and I was still wearing the awful cotton underwear I'd been wearing since getting home. Besides, I wanted to put on something pretty, something sexy. I told myself, I didn't go through all this to act like an old maid.

I was surprised to find Christy waiting for us when we got home from work. I didn't expect her to be that early.

Connie knew she didn't know about me yet. I told her I wasn't sure when I would tell her. She didn't understand why I hadn't told my best friend, but she respected my right to be the one to tell her.

I didn't know how much time I'd have alone while Christy and Connie talked in the living room. I raced to change. I had just slipped into my dress and was in the bathroom, fixing my hair, when Christy walked in.

"I like that on you." She said when she saw me in my new outfit.

Virginia couldn't resist buying me a few welcome home outfits. She was getting better about the style of clothes she bought to be. Especially after seeing my delight at what my friends gave me for my birthday. Make no mistake, she still thought I looked sweet in the traditional, preppy outfits she bought too.

"Do you?" I said, happy that she liked it. It was a typical 'little black dress, sleeveless, with thin spaghetti straps. I hugged my figure, and it made me feel pretty, feel sexy.

"Very nice." We talked while I finished my hair and touched up my makeup.

Christy had suggested earlier that we get together with Brook and Debbie. I said, "Let's just go out, the two of us." I enjoyed their company, but I didn't want to just hang out with the girls. "Let's have a little fun."

She looked at me funny. "Fun?"

"Sure. Let's go see if we can get picked up." I suggested.

"Jennifer? Is that really you?" Christy was mildly shocked at my suggestion. "What's gotten into you?"

I was a woman now. I didn't have to just pretend. I didn't have to be afraid all the time, afraid of being discovered. Besides, Jack hadn't called, and I was annoyed at him.

Even Connie had urged me to make new friends. "Don't just sit around waiting for him to call. Go out, have fun. There are lots of young men out there." She did warn me. "Just don't feel that you need to go to bed with all of them to prove anything. Don't make the same mistakes I made."

I knew what she meant, and she had nothing to worry about. Sure, I was curious, but I had no intention of going that far. Jack was the only one I would ever consider going to bed with. I hadn't changed that much. The surgery hadn't scrambled my brain. I just wanted attention. I wanted to feel like a woman, desirable. I wanted men to seek my attention.

At dinner, I wore the short jacket that was part of the outfit. The dress was a little too much for just dinner. It would be perfect later, at a nightclub.

"What's gotten into you?" Christy asked as we waited for our table in the restaurant lounge.

"What do you mean?" I knew.

"The way you're eyeing every man in the place." She sounded almost jealous.

I insisted I wasn't doing anything of the sort. I was, though.

"This isn't like you, Jen."

I told her, "I'm tired of being the shy, timid wallflower. I want to have some fun."

Christy was surprised at my newfound courage. "What kind of fun?"

"I want to get picked up. I want a man to make a fuss over me. I want to go out dancing, have a few drinks."

She couldn't seem to figure me out. "You do?"

"Sure." I did need her help. "Will you teach me how to flirt the way you do?" Christy and some of the others had tried in the past, but I wasn't really receptive, and I was too afraid to act the way they told me I should. It was different now.

"Ok." She replied with a slight hesitation in her voice.

They gave us a secluded booth where we could eat and talk without being disturbed. Christy told me about body language, how to react under different circumstances. She taught me what girls knew men liked to hear. Some of it sounded silly, and when I told her that, she insisted, "Jen, you have to forget the way you used to think. Trust me. What you think are silly works."

It was a little hard to accept that acting dumb, laughing at jokes that weren't funny, and acting impressed by the most minor things would really impress a man.

"Girls' have been doing it since the beginning of time. Nothing's changed."

It was hard to argue with.

We went Dutch. Connie had given me fifty dollars to go out on, and dinner cost me twenty-five. I hoped I'd have enough.

"Don't worry. We're going to buy ourselves one drink, that's it. You'll see."

I wished I was that confident. Christy picked the club. "This is the place to go if you are looking to get picked up."

I left my jacket in the car. There was no need to look modest anymore. I wondered if I had overdone it with the dress when we got inside. It was a mixed crowd. There were younger people, kids, that hardly looked old enough to drink. For the most part, the crowd was older, our age, and up. It was the way most people dressed that bothered me. Very few of the women were decked out the way Christy and I were.

"That's good." She said happily. "They'll notice us."

Christy was wrong about the drinks. We had no more than taken a stool at the bar and set our purses down than the bartender, a man, came over to inform us that, "The gentlemen across the bar would like to buy you, ladies, a drink." He pointed to three men; no, I decided they were more like boys, who looked across the bar smiling.

I remembered what Christy had said about coming on to guys. "Take their drinks, but if you don't want to spend the rest of the evening with the first guy that smiles at you or buys you a drink, don't respond. Don't say thank you, don't smile, don't nod. Just ignore him."

The three guys were young. They were wearing jeans and casual shirts. I didn't break a smile as I looked them over. I turned to Christy. "I don't think so."

"I agree." She gave them the cold shoulder too. We did take the drinks they already bought us.

We passed the next few minutes looking over the rest of the men in the bar.

"There's a couple of cute ones." Christy spotted them at the other bar across the dance floor from us.

"They're not bad." I agreed. They looked young, about our age; they were dressed a lot better and were better groomed than the guys who tried to pick us up. Neither one was a good-looking as Jack, but I wasn't looking for anything more than a little fun.

"Ok, Jen. Just do it the way we talked about."

I felt ready. We both watched them as their eyes wandered around the bar. When they caught us looking at them, I fidgeted, pulling the hem of my dress down. I looked back to Christy with a little grin on my face and pretended to be shy, demure. "I think they're interested." I glanced back in their direction briefly, still smiling, and played with my hair. I watched as they exchanged words.

"They're going to get up and come over." Christy turned and whispered.

"You think so?" I asked anxiously. I did the things she said to do to get their attention. Was it really that easy?

"Just watch."

They did. They put money down on the bar, picked up their drinks, and got up from their stools. They didn't come directly to us. They took a detour around the dance floor, walked all the way around the bar where we sat, and finally came around to us. We didn't make it obvious that we were watching. That wasn't how you played the game.

"Hi." The taller one said to me.

"Hi," I said back, the silly grin still on my face.

The other one asked, "Are you girls waiting for someone?"

"No." That was all Christy said?

They exchanged glances. They were so obvious. "My name's Jeff." The taller, blue-eyed one said to me. "This is Mike."

"I'm Jennifer. This is my friend Christy."

"You have great eyes," Jeff said to me.

It was a come-on, an ice breaker, and while I knew that, I still appreciate the compliment. "Thank you." I twirled a strand of hair around my finger, grinning.

Jeff, nice name, I thought to myself, was obviously talkative of the two. Mike stood there nervously. He wasn't very sure of himself. He did ask Christy, "May we buy you and Jennifer a drink."

We had hardly touched our first drinks, but Christy said, "Sure."

The small talk was nerve-wracking. They asked us about our jobs, we asked them what they did. I could never figure out how to get past hello when I was a guy. I sympathized with them.

I asked Jeff, "Do you dance?" The music was playing, and there were a lot of couples dancing. I figured dancing was better than the awkwardness we were putting them through.

"Sure." He said readily.

Christy wasn't about to be left there alone with Mike. "Let's." She and I slipped off our stools. She didn't ask Mike if he wanted to; she didn't give him a choice.

Mike was actually the better dancer. Not as good as Jack, but he did all right. Dancing broke the ice. We continued to make small talk. We went back and danced a few more times.

Jeff obviously felt he knew me well enough, after about an hour to put his arm around me. When the rare occasion arose that they played a slow song, he asked me to dance. He had no hesitation when he drew me up against him as we settled into step on the dance floor. It had taken Jack longer than that to get so familiar.

They suggested a table. I said fine. As we got up to find one, we were intruded upon.

"Jeff!" The blond in the white dress called out angrily from a few feet away.

He looked unnerved when he turned and saw her. His arm immediately dropped from around my waist. Girlfriend, I wondered?

Apparently, she was just that. He didn't excuse himself from us. He went over to the blonde and steered her away from us, toward the door. She was angry; there was no mistaking that. He went outside with her.

Mike tried to cover for his friend. "They just broke up last week. He'll be back in a minute. Let's go get that table."

I was a little disappointed. I had a fun evening in mind, without complications. I wanted simply to be made a fuss over. Have some guy flirt with me. It wasn't just that I needed the reassurance. I had never felt more confident. I wanted to be made to feel like the woman I'd become.

We found a table in the back, where it was a little more private.

"Jennifer, I have to go to the ladies' room," Christy said as Mike took a seat.

"We'll be right back," I told Mike.

"Ok, so what now?" Christy asked as we waited in line to get into the busy bathroom.

"What do you mean?"

"How far do you want to take this with them?" Christy wasn't having as much fun as I was.

"I don't know. Can't we just see what happens?"

"Jen, nothing's going to happen. These two are not our type."

I knew what she meant. She figured nothing could happen. She also wasn't interested in going to bed with a guy that night. She just wanted to go to bed with me. I couldn't tell her right there in the bar. "Let's just have a little fun with them. An hour, just another hour, and we'll dump them and go somewhere else."

Christy agreed reluctantly.

Jeff was at the table when we returned.

"Everything alright?" I asked, sitting next to him.

"Yeah. Everything's fine." He said, smiling. "We broke up last week, and Carol's just having a hard time letting go." He didn't look particularly heartbroken. "You girls want to go somewhere else?"

He just wanted to get away from the girl. That was obvious. "Ok." I agreed. Christy gave me a funny look.

I saw the girl again, by the bar, as we walked out of place. Jeff didn't see her; his arm was around my waist as we walked out. There was more to the story than he told. Why else did he let loose of me so quickly when he saw her. I didn't think much about it until later, but it was a unique situation for me to come between a guy and his old girlfriend. She was jealous of me.

Now we had a problem. We had come in Christy's car, and we couldn't very well leave it there and go with Jeff and Mike in theirs. No way would Christy do that. We had to take two cars, and that meant splitting up.

We stood by Christy's car, deciding what to do. Actually, it was Jeff and Mike who were doing the deciding. It didn't seem to occur to them to ask us what we wanted.

"Christy and I will follow you two," Mike told Jeff.

Christy looked at me, expecting me to object, but I didn't. IT would be fun, I thought, to be alone with him for even the few minutes it would take to get wherever we were going.

When I didn't say anything, Christy opened up. "Why don't Jen and I just follow you two?"

The two guys just looked at each other for a second. That didn't sound like such a great idea to them.

Mike looked like he was about to say something when I spoke up. "It's all right, Christy. I'll go with Jeff." I knew that would annoy her. She wanted to get away from them. I couldn't help it. It was my night to have some fun, to experience things new to me. It had taken a lot of nerve on my part to get this far, and I didn't want to give up so soon.

"Alright, alright. Whatever." She said, obviously pissed. She opened her door and got into her car. She looked up at Mike and side, rudely, "Get in."

Mike looked at Jeff and shrugged. They didn't know what was going on. Mike didn't look too thrilled. He probably figured out he wasn't going to get anywhere with Christy as long as she was annoyed with me. He got in the car just the same.

The guys had already decided where we were going. Christy wasted no time pulling out of her parking spot. She spun her wheels as she pulled out onto the highway, leaving rubber. I knew that I would have some explaining to do later, but that was later.

Jeff had parked his car in the back of the lot, and we had a little walk to get to it. His arm was around me again when we reached it. "Jennifer, do you know how hot you are?"

I was 'hot'? It felt good to hear it. "No, Jeff? How hot am I?" We were facing each other. My back was against his car door. I reached up and rubbed my hand on his chest. I wanted him to kiss me then and there. If I didn't encourage him, then I knew nothing would happen when we rejoined Christy and Mike. This was my only chance.

He put his hands on my bare shoulders. I looked up at him and smiled, waiting.

"You're very hot." He leaned over and kissed me.

I put some passion into my kiss. Not as much as when I kissed Jack, but enough to turn on Jeff. As we kissed, he stroked the soft skin of my arms, up and down. I waited, feeling myself getting caught up in my own excitement. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me, kissing him even harder.

He got the message. His arms were behind me, stroking my back through the soft material of my dress. His hands wandered lower and lower. I responded in kind; my hand was under his arms now, wrapped up around his broad shoulders.

I didn't begin to worry until he started rubbing his whole body against me as he pinned me against his car. A dog in the heat was the first thought that came to mind. I pictured a dog humping my leg.

His hands were stroking my waist and hips at that point, and my dress was riding up with the motion. Like a dog, he was humping me, and I scared me. I tore my lips from his. "Stop it, Jeffrey!"

Breathing hard, he was a dog in heat. He looked down at me, confused.

"I'm sorry. I didn't. . . "He said, appearing embarrassed.

"It's all right. I just don't like being groped like that." Funny how I felt so in control of the situation now, when just a few seconds ago, I wasn't at all. He apologized for coming on so strong. I knew it was my doing. I had turned him on. I felt good that I could do that to him.

"We better catch up with the others," I suggested. I had accomplished what I set out to. Now Christy and I could leave these two and go our own way. I was anxious now for what would happen when we were alone, back at her place. I told myself she would accept me. I said to myself that she would be thrilled with what I'd done. I looked forward to experiencing the feelings she had told me about so often. I was anxious to have her do the things to me that I so often did for her. I wanted to feel her sensitive touch.

Jeff opened my door and put me in. He didn't say too much as he drove.

Neither of us was particularly thrilled with their choice of places to take us. It was a little neighborhood bar. Christy put her foot down before we even set foot in the place. She waited for us outside the place.

"Jen, we're leaving." She said matter of factly.

It didn't take much to figure out that Mike must have tried something with her. She was not happy.

I was ready to go too.

Jeff didn't know what to say. Mike had already gotten the message from the dejected look on his face.

"I'm sorry, Jeff," I said. I wasn't, of course.

"Can I call you?" He asked.

I said, "Sure." and gave him a number I made up off the top of my head.

We got in Christy's car, and she wasted no time getting out of there. Christy didn't say anything right away. Finally, she asked, "What the hell got into you?"

"I was just curious." I stayed calm.

"Curious!?" She replied, annoyed.

"I just wanted to see if I could turn him on," I said innocently.

"Do you know what could have happened!?" She asked.

"Nothing happened."

"I don't understand you, Jen." She was silent the rest of the way to her apartment. Once inside, I apologized. "I just wanted to know how it felt to get a guy excited."

Christy was cooling off. "You can't do things like that, especially with a complete stranger. You don't know what he's like. He could have tried to rape you, and then what would you have done?"

I wanted to save my little surprise till we were in bed. I acted remorsefully.

"I'm sorry, Christy. It was a dumb thing to do." I hugged her.

She let it go at that. I was glad. "It's been so long since we made love. Can we just go to bed now?"

That brought a smile to her face. "Sure. Come on."

Christy liked me to undress her slowly. I did all the things that I knew that turned her on. I wanted her in the heat of passion before I surprised her. I wasn't worried about her discovering my secret before we were in bed because I always got in bed with my panties on. She still had a thing about seeing my privates.

As always, we slowly, tenderly, built up to the point where I'd make her orgasm. First, I stroked her sweet breasts, then I'd kiss and suck on her nipples. I knew right where to touch her, how to rub her clit to make her orgasm. I was going crazy. I couldn't wait for her to do the same things to me.

I had helped her orgasm several times, using both my fingers and the toy, when I asked, "Do me now?"

So far, it was the same as always. She caressed my breasts expertly, and I nearly went insane with sensation. "Can I have the toy too?"

"I thought you didn't like that anymore?" She said, reaching for it.

"I want it tonight," I told her.

She pulled back the covers to pull down my underwear. I was glad the room was dark. When she started to spread my cheeks to put it inside me, I said softly, "Not there."

I couldn't see her face very well in the dark, but I could make out her funny look.

"Where?"

I guided her hand, "Here."

Christy jumped back. "What the"

"Just do it, now." I was ready. I'd never been more prepared. I knew the Doctor had said wait, but I was impatient. I wanted to feel it inside me.

Christy wasn't ready. "What have you done?"

I couldn't tell by her reaction if she was pleased or angry. I didn't care at that exact moment. "Do me, Christy, do me now," I whispered anxiously.