Becoming A High School Girl - Chapter 8

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I was showing my spirit that day. I was wearing a long gray skirt, a red turtleneck sweater, and my black leather boots. However, for the game, I fully planned to be in jeans. The game-time temperature was supposed to be 40. I'll admit it; I'm a California wimp when it comes to weather.

In the Pit, the feeling was electric. I noticed that there were a lot more rent-a-cops at the game, along with many real police. I saw Officer Bell, but he was too far away to see me. I pointed him out to Cat and Laura.

As usual, Willi led the team out. As expected, it was a rather tight game. Both teams played with caution. Next week's victory was more important. The game went into halftime, tied at 7-7. I stayed in the Pit instead of walking around. I was a bit worried that Jason might be at the game. Paul told me that the word was out and that if he showed up, he would be immediately reported to the cops. Still, I was a bit nervous.

The second half was a bit more exciting. Mike Jackson started it off by returning the kickoff for a touchdown. I had my camera out, but I got too caught up in the excitement of his run and forgot to take any photos! We scored two more times, and the final score was 28-14. What was more important was that we were healthy. There was the usual party out at Alex's barn, but it ended earlier than normal, as the coach wanted them focused on the playoffs.

Paul drove me home and waited until I was inside. I appreciated his looking after me. As usual, Mom was waiting up for me. I told her about the game over a cup of tea.

"So, how is it going between you and Paul?" she asked.

"We're fine; why?"

"I am a little concerned, that's all. You two are getting closer all the time. Have you thought about the consequences?" she asked.

"A little."

"How does Paul see you?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I took a sip of my tea.

"Look, I'm not judging you or Paul. But is he attracted to you because he sees you as a girl or as a boy dressed as one?"

I sat there in silence for a moment. "I'm pretty sure he sees me as a girl."

"And the farthest you've gone is kissing?" she asked.

I would have been offended if anyone else was asking me these questions, but my Mom and I had always had a very honest and open relationship, "Yes, that is as far as it has gone, and, yes, we sometimes French kiss."

She smiled. "I just want you to be prepared if and when it gets a bit more serious."

"Oh." I knew what she was talking about. To be honest, it had been on my mind lately. Sexually, as a male, I was still a virgin; I had tried to lose it but had been very unsuccessful. But, oh, I'd had some sexual experience. I'd dated a girl who gave me a few hand jobs and even oral ones. So now it occurred to me that I might soon be in her position.

"Look, honey, it's normal to want to explore your sexual curiosity. I just want you to be safe."

"I appreciate your concern."

"I think that you and Paul do make a nice couple, by the way," she added.

"None of this bothers you, even slightly?" I asked. I figured that, since we were having a heart-to-heart talk, anything was fair game.

"Concerned, yes; bothered, no. I think you are on a path of self-discovery. I'm here to help you, but you must find it on your own. Besides, you seem to be doing what is natural and right for you. To be upset with you for that would be like being upset with you for having nicer hair than me," she answered with a smile.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded. With that, we embraced and had a long hug.

"So, how long have you been jealous of my hair?" I asked with a laugh.

I was held out of school Monday because of the trial. I was nervous but also excited. It was egotistical, but it would be fun to be the center of attention. Mom told me I watched too much TV.

Mom ensured that I dressed up and looked professional. I was in a skirt and matching jacket. I was wearing a white blouse underneath. She checked my makeup and was pleased. She told me that the cross-examination might get nasty and personal.

"I hadn't thought of that," I replied.

"Hmm, maybe you haven't been watching too much TV! They always badger the victim in those shows."

"Thanks for making me feel better. Gee, now I remember all those horrible bedtime stories you told me that traumatized me when I was younger!" I replied sarcastically.

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!" she added with a smile.

We arrived in the court and were briefed by the DA. He told me that he would present his list of potential witnesses in the opening brief. He told us he'd be shocked if she didn't try to cop a plea.

I looked around the court and saw many people I knew. Mrs. Lee was there too. I think a lot of them were there to see Mrs. Martin get knocked down a notch. She had bullied and threatened the community for years, and now her enemies were there to see her fall. I almost felt sorry for her. I was more pissed with Jason. He was sitting behind her table with the rest of his family. He looked over my way once and glared at me. I returned it with my best stare. Childish, yes, but I wasn't going to cower in front of him again.

The judge entered, and we all stood up. I was keeping notes. I wasn't kidding when I told Mom that I could get credit for being here. She asked if I'd get credit if I were the defendant.

As promised, the DA went through the list of potential witnesses and said that he planned to show four different videos of the assault. Mrs. Martin looked back and saw the packed courtroom. I watched as she whispered to her lawyer. He stood up and requested a conference with the judge and the DA. The court was placed in the recess. The DA looked over at us and winked. I'd leave that out of my report.

Thirty minutes later, they returned. Mrs. Martin stood up and changed her plea to guilty. She was sentenced to sixty days in jail, two years probation, and 300 hours of community service. The sixty days in jail would be suspended if she attended anger management classes.

I heard some in the crowd complain that she got off lightly. I was okay with the sentence. I felt Jason staring at me as we walked out. I decided to ignore him and kept my back turned toward him.

"Well, since this finished so early, I imagine you'll be coming back to class," stated Mrs. Lee. "I'll be happy to give Erika a lift to school, Ms. Walters."

"Great! Couldn't I get a suspended sentence too?" I quipped as I walked out with my principal.

Actually, we had a pretty good conversation on the way back to school. She told me how proud she was of the way I had fit into the class. I had to admit that knowing that she was following my activities made me feel good. We both hoped that this incident was over.

I arrived just in time for lunch. I received a lot of compliments for my outfit.

"So, the trial ended before you could testify?" asked Laura.

"Yes. I think she accepted defeat when she saw the crowd there to get their pound of flesh. She could have faced a stiffer sentence if she was found guilty by a jury."

"Speaking of a 'pound of flesh,' I think that's what they're serving today in the lunch line!" quipped Cat.

There was an immediate chorus of groans.

"That joke was below even Erika's standards," stated Laura.

"I thought it was funny," I told Cat, "although the portions seem closer to an ounce here."

"See," replied Cat, "a pound's more than an ounce, so my joke is above Erika's!"

We all groaned again.

The rest of the week was relatively uneventful. The buildup to the game was making concentrating on classwork hard. Luckily, the team seemed focused and didn't appear to be caught up in the hype.

The night of the game, we drove over to Pine Valley. Laura was at the wheel, even though Paul had volunteered. For some reason, no one wanted to sit in the back of his Bug. The drive to Pine Valley took an hour. When we arrived, they directed us to our lot. To avoid problems, the teams and their fans were kept separate. The stands were packed, and the Pit was formed around the 40-yard line.

By having the better record, we were considered the "home team." Red Hill came out first with their mascot leading the way. They had a student in a hawk costume. He looked so lame compared to Willi as he ran out before the team.

We took the lead halfway through the first quarter on a thirty-yard pass by Alex. The Hawks fought back and soon had first and goal from the two-yard line. This time, it was Alex waving my old shirt above his head. I don't know if it was the reason or not, but the defense stiffened. After two rushing attempts, Red Hill lost three yards. On third down, they attempted a screen pass to their running back. Mike sprinted in and intercepted the ball and returned it 94 yards for a touchdown. We were screaming and jumping up and down during his whole touchdown run.

The score seemed to break Red Hill's back, as they never came close to scoring again. We added two more scores and won 28-0. We were now going to the championship game vs. Crawford High. The game would be played at the local college next Saturday.

The road trip to Alex's barn was a joy. I felt so relieved; not only had we won, but there'd been no sign of Jason. Paul told me that there were guys stationed all around us at the game, just hoping that he would show up and try to cause some trouble.

"Did you arrange it?" I asked him.

"No, it was set up by Alex and Mike, your guardian angels. Not that they were needed because I was there to protect you!"

"I believe you would," I remarked as I leaned over and kissed him.

"You guys are sick," joked Laura.

"Yes, I agree with her. But, why can't you be normal like us!" added Cat, who then leaned over and kissed Laura on the cheek.

"Hey, keep your eyes on the road. I can read tomorrow's headlines 'Four Students Killed in Car Accident: Police believe lesbian lust was the cause,'" joked Paul.

"Maybe, but I'm sure the story would focus on you two lovebirds," quipped Cat.

The party was fun but subdued. The team knew that they had to be ready for next week's game vs. the Mudlarks.

"Just what the hell is a Mudlark?" asked Mike.

"It's the local name for a songbird," answered Cat.

"Oooooh! Lookout! Here come the vicious songbirds!" laughed Mike.

"We'll just sic Willi on them," added one of the linemen.

"The only bird Willi would attack is a chicken sandwich," added Alex. "Let's keep focused. They are also undefeated, and they're the defending champions. So, they're pretty tough birds. But, we didn't come this far to lose now!"

The room got silent as the team nodded in approval. I could see why Alex was the team leader.

On the way home, I asked Cat when she was going to try out for some game show.

"Maybe I should. I do have a wealth of useless knowledge in my head."

I knew that she had more than useless knowledge. She had a 4.0 GPA and was in the running for class valedictorian. She'd applied to several Ivy League schools and was in line for several scholarships.

Laura dropped Cat and me off at her house. She wanted to show me something. I kissed Paul goodbye and gave Laura a hug. We went into Cat's house, and she showed me a letter from Cornell University inviting her to apply.

"Wow! That's fantastic!" I said as I gave her a long hug. Then, we went into her room and accessed their website. She said she had time to make up her mind and that she was expecting a few more letters. Cat then asked me if I'd gotten anything back from schools I applied to.

"I won't be going to school unless I get this scholarship; we can't afford it. If I don't, then it looks like community college until I get some student loans," I explained.

"I know you will; besides, at worst, you'll tie with Caroline. She told me last week about her decision. I think it's wonderful."

"So do I. I have to get home. See you tomorrow."

"You okay?" she asked.

I smiled back. "Yes, no problems."

I cut across the yard towards my house; it had been a great evening.

When I agreed to write my story down, I knew this would be one of the most difficult parts to write. However, my friends and family all agreed that I needed to include it in this account of my life in high school. I agreed with their advice, as it really happened, and it had a huge impact on my life.

As I crossed the yard, I was suddenly knocked to the ground. I never heard him coming, and I was caught completely by surprise. I didn't have time to scream out as someone was sitting on top of me, and he was holding something sharp to my throat.

"If you want to live, bitch, don't make a sound," he whispered. There was a vicious tone to his voice. I felt the blade press closer to my throat. I offered no resistance.

He was wearing a black ski mask, and I could smell alcohol on his breath. He then took out a roll of duct tape and taped my mouth shut. Then he rolled me over on my stomach, pulled my hands behind my back, and taped my hands together. Looking back, I don't know why I didn't fight back against him. He then pulled me to my feet and led me through the backyard and through the yard of the house behind us. Finally, he led me to a beat-up white van and pushed me in. He then taped my ankles together.

We drove away. I was praying that someone had seen us. Hopefully, he would be pulled over by the police. I knew it had to be Jason, and I had never felt so terrified in my whole life.

After driving around for a while, he pulled off the road. From what I could tell from my position, we were behind the strip mall, maybe five miles from my home.

He pulled me up to my knees and stared at me. I couldn't see his face, but I was still trying to memorize anything possible so I could identify him later; that is if I lived.

He moved closer to me, and I could see him smiling. Then, I noticed that his right front tooth was chipped. I searched my memory to try and remember if Jason had a chipped tooth.

"So, bitch, you want to be a chick; well then, let's see how you can please a real man," he sneered.

To my horror, he unzipped and dropped his pants. He turned around the passenger side seat and sat down. He pulled me closer, and then he began to stroke his cock.

I shook my head vigorously, but that only seemed to excite him more.

"Now, slut, get any crazy ideas out of your head; I'll kill you in a second if you try and bite me. I also don't want a peep out of you, except any moans of pleasure!"

There was no way out; I had to do whatever I could in order to survive, and so I could get my revenge. Yes, you bastard, you are going to pay, I thought.

He moved my head closer to his cock, and then he pulled the tape off my mouth. He pushed me closer. "Open your mouth, bitch," he demanded.

I tried to focus on anything else as he used me. I felt tears dripping down my face as he worked my head back and forth. I noticed that he had a large mole just to the right of his navel, and I concentrated on it. I also prayed for help. He climaxed in my mouth and then pulled out and finished shooting his cum all over my face.

He reapplied the tape and pushed me back. He wasn't just content to use me, but he wanted to humiliate me too. I forced myself to remember every single detail. If I survived, I wanted to put him away.

As he sat there, I saw him take a drink from a bottle of something in a brown bag. The last thing I needed was for him to get drunk! He stood up and reached down, and pulled me up. He then punched me in the face. He repeated this several times. Taking a drink in between punches.

He tired of this game after a few blows. By now, I couldn't see out of my right eye, and I could feel blood dripping out of my nose. In fact, my whole face hurt. I felt a growing fear that he would kill me.

He then rolled me over on my back. I felt him cut the tape from my ankles, and he pulled my legs apart. I tried to pull away, but he was too strong. Next, I felt him pull down my jeans and then my panties and gaff.

"Don't struggle, bitch, I know you want this," he exclaimed, slurring his words.

I kept telling myself that this wasn't happening, and at the same time, hoping it would be over soon.

I felt him wipe something cold and slick between my legs. I felt him press against me and violate me. There was no pleasure, only pain, fear, anger, rage, and hatred. Yes, I truly hated him and wished him dead. My hatred kept me going through it all. I felt him in me. I felt my tears pouring down my face. I tasted blood in my mouth. He then finished and pulled out of me. He pulled up his pants and took another drink as I lay there.

"Maybe I should just cut off your useless little cock; sluts like you don't need one of their own. You can always get some guy to fuck you!" he growled. He then pressed the knife against my male organs.

I held my breath and waited. Would this be how my life ended?

Thankfully, he pulled the knife back, and then he then reached down and pulled up my jeans. "Now I'm going to be nice and let you go. Be a good little slut and go home and don't tell anyone," he ordered.

Unwillingly, I nodded - anything to appease him. He grabbed me and pulled me out the back door. I was dragged across the ground. He then lifted me up and tossed me onto the edge of a dumpster. I caught a glance at his van and made out the color and make. It was a white Ford van. I even saw the last three numbers of the plate. He then pushed me in. I found myself on my back surrounded by trash.

"This is what happens to trash, you slut!" he laughed as he pulled away.

I waited until I heard the van drive away. I fought to get on my feet and, after twenty minutes, I worked my way out of the dumpster. Thankfully, he hadn't taped my ankles again. I knew I had to get away, just in case he changed his mind and came back. He had already raped me; he might decide to come back and kill me.

I was cold and in pain, but my mind was clear. Hate does keep the mind clear; it also kept me from passing out. I stumbled to the road and looked for help. It was difficult, as I could only see out of my left eye. I was able to pull the tape away from my mouth. I tried to get the tape off my wrists. Unfortunately, he had taped them too well. I looked around and tried not to panic. It was late, and there were no cars in sight. I saw an apartment building in the distance, and I stumbled towards it.

I started shivering uncontrollably. I guess it was a combination of the cold and being so scared. I was terrified by the possibility of Jason returning.

Then I saw the headlights of an 18-wheeler approaching. I jumped up and down to get his attention. The sound of his air brakes was the most beautiful sound I could have heard. My legs immediately went weak, and I fell to the ground. I also started crying uncontrollably, almost hysterically. I guess it was from relief.

The trucker ran over to me. His eyes told me that I must have looked like hell.

He carried me over to his truck and carefully set me down. First, he called for help on his radio, and then he gently loosened the tape around my wrists.

"Help is coming, Missy. Hang in there," he comforted as he cradled me in his huge arms.

Within minutes, I was in an ambulance and heading to the ER. I tried to tell the policeman everything. I wanted him to get the bastard. He radioed my description of my attacker and the van. He also called for a rape investigator to meet us at the hospital. As the EMT worked on me, I relaxed a little, and then the pain of what had happened swept through me. I was now a rape victim!

The EMT was very calm and soothing and did his best to help me. The policeman was also very sensitive to what had happened to me. He apologized as they took samples from my face. I nodded and tried to say that it was okay. But, I wanted them to have evidence so they could get him.

I was taken into the ER and examined. The doctor was very nice. He told me that my nose might be broken, and I had post-traumatic shock. There was a cut above my right eye, which needed stitches. He told me not to worry, as the scar should blend nicely into my eyebrow. He promised that I would look fine. The eye wasn't injured, and he put a cold pack on it to bring down the swelling. I also had a few bruised ribs. I wasn't sure how I'd hurt them. It had to have happened either during the initial attack or when I was thrown into the dumpster.

He had to do a total exam due to the nature of the attack. He worked with a policewoman trained to gather rape evidence. She had to take swabs from my mouth and my rear. The doctor told me that I might have some bleeding for the next few days. Additionally, he ordered the nurse to give me some medication for the pain.

They were both very cool and understanding. A detective came in and continued the questioning. The female police officer also took photos of my face and all the damage. I lost all track of time and have no idea how long they questioned me.

After they'd gotten the evidence they needed, they let Mom in to see me. Of course, she cried as she tried to comfort me. The doctor said that they were going to keep me overnight for observation.

By the time they moved me up to a room, the drugs had pretty much taken their effect. The physical pain was deadened, but the emotional pain was still strong. I gave in and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When I woke up, I was disoriented. There was an IV in my arm. I looked around the room and saw Mom asleep in a chair pulled up next to my bed. I also noticed Cat, Laura, and Terri asleep in other chairs.

I tried to sit up. I felt so stiff and sore. My nose and eye hurt, and I reached up to touch them. I didn't want to wake anyone, so I pressed the button for the nurse.

The nurse came in and smiled. "Well, I'm happy to see you're awake. How can I help you, dear?"

I tried to smile, but it hurt too much. "Can I have something to drink, please?"

"Sure, I'll be right back. I'll also tell the doctor you're awake," she announced.

I noticed that everyone was now waking up. "Good morning," I greeted them softly.

I still felt like hell, but having my friends and family there made me feel better. Nobody wanted to break the silence.

"I know I must look bad, but please, someone say something," I pleaded softly. I needed to hear their voices.

That broke the ice. They immediately expressed their concern for me.

"When did you guys get here?" I asked as I slowly sat up.

"We drove your mom here. Laura arrived shortly afterward with everyone else," explained Cat.

"Everyone else?" I looked around the room.

The nurse came in and brought me a sports bottle filled with water. Thankfully, it had a straw built-in. As I took a sip, I winced from the pain in my lips and jaw. The nurse then showed me how to adjust the bed.

"That reminds me, I'll go let them know you're okay," stated Laura. She got up and walked out of the room.

I looked over at Cat. "Who else is here?"

"The waiting room is packed with your friends," announced Mom, "including Paul."

"The word got out pretty fast, and they just started arriving," added Terri.

The doctor came in and checked my injuries. He said that the nurse would remove the IV, and she would also give me my medication. He wanted to get an x-ray of my face before he discharged me. He was concerned about my eye socket and also my nose. Fortunately, my teeth were all fine. He said he'd review the x-rays and I should be discharged in the afternoon, but that he wanted me to be back at the end of the week.

He reviewed the chart. "I'll need to remove your sutures and check your other injuries. I should also have your test results back."

"Test results?" asked Mom.

"Yes, we had to test for HIV and any other STDs. It's standard in all rape cases," he explained. "There'll be a counselor here later to talk with you. I'll see you later, Erika."

As he left, I took a deep breath. "The good news just keeps coming, doesn't it?" Then, the reality of the situation hit me hard, and I started to cry.

Mom reached over and hugged me. I finally let it all out and started sobbing. I couldn't stop. I was angry, hurt, humiliated, frightened, and numerous other emotions. They all came pouring out in a stream of tears. Terri and Cat came over and put their hands on me. I don't know how long I cried; it seemed like hours.

"That felt good," I announced as I slowly regained my composure. I tried to smile, but it still hurt. I also knew those wouldn't be the last tears I'd shed over this.

The nurse came in and removed the IV. She gave me my pain pills and explained their dosage. She said that she'd be back in an hour to take me to the x-ray room.

After she left, I told them all what had happened. Cat then told me that the police were looking for me when the trucker radioed in for help. She said that, after I left her house, she'd noticed that I'd left my purse in her room, and she called over and found that I had never gotten home. When they went outside, they saw the area on the ground where I had been tackled and found some duct tape. They immediately ran in and called the police.

"Do you think it was Jason?" Mom asked.

"I never saw his face, but he was the right size and shape. He obviously knew me and wanted to hurt me and humiliate me."

"Well, the police are looking for him and his van," Cat informed me.

"Not to change the subject, but can you help me up? I need to see how bad I look," I replied.

"Are you sure, honey?" Mom asked in a concerned tone. The look on her face told me that I looked pretty bad.

"Yes, knowing is better than imagining, and right now, my imagination is running in overdrive."

They helped me up, and I walked stiffly over to the mirror. I really looked dreadful. My right eye was still swollen shut and was all multicolored. I saw the sutures near my right eyebrow. My nose was swollen and slightly bent. My lips were split and swollen.

"I suppose that it could be worse. This could have happened the week of homecoming," I quipped. On the outside, I was trying to be brave. Inside, I felt like screaming.

I excused myself and used the bathroom. The doctor was right; there was a little bleeding. I went back to my bed and sat down on the end of the bed. Mom sat next to me, and I rested my head on her shoulder. Thankfully, she sat on my left side.

Laura came back in. "I told everyone that you were awake and that you appreciate them coming here but that you wouldn't be taking visitors right now. As your self-appointed press secretary, I told them that I'd keep them updated on your status by e-mail."

"Thanks. By the way, please tell them not to waste their money on buying flowers or anything like that. I'm not dead yet."

"Sure thing, Erika. Paul is still out there. Do you want to see him?" asked Laura.

I sat there a moment. "Sure, just give me a second to get something on."

Cat grabbed my robe and helped me into it. I sat back down on the side of the bed.

Laura came back in with Paul. He looked like he hadn't slept a wink all night.

"Hi," I said, putting my hand up and waving slightly. "You look like you could use some sleep."

"I don't know what to say," he said. Paul's face said it all. He was running a range of emotions too.

"There's a first," I stated, trying to smile.

"Give her a hug, you idiot," exclaimed Cat.

Laura pushed him towards me. He came over and gently wrapped his arms around me.

"I promised that I would protect you. I'm so sorry I failed you. I'm sorry," he exclaimed.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," I replied. I felt more tears forming.

The nurse came back and ran everyone out except Mom. A detective from the police force and a state trooper came in.

"Hello, Erika, I'm Detective Bill Parker, and this is Sgt. John Webb. We need to ask you a few more questions about last night."