Becoming A High School Girl - Chapter 9

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The few questions became much more than that. For the next two hours, I told them what had happened and tried to include every detail possible. I searched my mind for everything that might be useful.

Detective Parker closed his notebook and stood up. "I think we've got everything we need for now. We'll keep you informed of our progress. I just want to thank you for being so observant. We'll get him, I promise you that. I also want you to know that your being in the contest has absolutely no bearing on our investigation. We are treating this with the same priority as we would any other sexual assault."

The nurse was waiting for them to leave. First, they apologized for running a bit late. Then, she pushed in a wheelchair.

"I can walk there myself, thanks," I announced, looking at the chair.

The nurse shook her head and pointed at the chair. "I'm sure you'd try, but you don't have a say in this. Please get in the chair. I've seen people in better shape than you pass out, and you've already been through enough."

I tried to smile and then moved into the chair. She wheeled me down to the X-ray room. The technician was very thoughtful and tried to minimize the pain as he moved me around. He was done in twenty minutes, and I was on my way back to my room.

When I returned, a woman was talking to Mom. She was in her thirties and had her light brown hair pinned up. She was wearing a Penn State sweatshirt, jeans, and hiking boots. When she turned around, I could see she was also wearing glasses.

"Erika, this is Dr. Jennifer McCall, and she needs to talk to you,"

"Please, call me Jenny," she stated as she held out her hand.

I was still in the wheelchair. I started to get up to greet her.

"Please, stay seated. As you've probably guessed, I'm the counselor you were told about."

As we started to talk, Mom got up and left. "It's okay, Erika; I asked her to leave. I prefer to conduct the first sessions without other people in the room."

We talked for over an hour. I immediately felt I could trust her. She explained that I would have good days and bad days and not to expect to get over this quickly. She recommended that I see her weekly at first, and then if I felt comfortable, she would get me into group counseling. I asked her how they would feel about me being in the group. She said that they would be okay.

We talked about the range of emotions running through me, and she said that it was very common in someone experiencing a traumatic event. I asked her if these feelings and emotions would fade. She smiled and said that they do, but it takes time.

"How long?" I asked, trying to smile.

"It varies from person to person. You may never get over all of it, but you'll learn to live with it. You seem strong, adaptable, and you obviously have a lot of people who care about you. Don't try to get over this by yourself. It isn't a sign of weakness to seek help, but a sign of strength."

"I never thought this would happen to me."

"No one ever does, Erika. Here's my card, call me anytime; I mean it."

"Thank you very much. You've already helped me." I looked at the card. It was another physical reminder of how my life had changed.

She gave me a hug. "I know you think that your case is different because of your true gender, but I've helped other girls like you who have been attacked."

After she left, Mom walked back with the doctor. "Well, to start with, your eye socket is fine. Then, we'll see how your nose looks after the swelling goes down. I can recommend an excellent plastic surgeon who can make any needed corrections. After that, you're free to go home anytime. Now, if you have any problems, don't hesitate to come back in. See you Friday at 3:00. Take care, Erika." He then turned around and walked out.

"I hope you got all that," I said to Mom.

"Yes, I did. The important thing is that you can go home. We brought you some clean clothes. Besides, all your old things were taken as evidence," explained Mom.

"Okay, that makes sense. Any word from the police?" I asked as I got dressed. I saw that she'd brought my favorite sweatshirt. I slipped on my panties and then my bra. I was happy that she'd brought my other set of breast pads.

"No, nothing yet."

"So, did they need my boobs for evidence too?" I asked as I slipped on my jeans.

"Let me check; they gave me a list of what they kept. That's odd; they only list one. That means the other one may have come out during the attack."

She phoned the police and told the detective of this latest bit of information.

I slipped on my socks and loafers. I then looked in the mirror. Mom handed me a brush. I tried to brush my hair, but even that hurt. Still, I made myself look a little better. The rest of my face looked like I'd just been in a boxing match.

Mom stood behind me and put her hand on my shoulder. "The bruises will fade, honey."

"I know; I'm not worried about them," I answered softly.

"Sure, I understand," comforted Mom, as she leaned over and kissed me softly on the forehead.

The nurse came back in. "So, you look ready to go home, have a seat," she ordered, pointing to the chair. "Hospital rules, dear."

Cat, Laura, Paul, and Terri were waiting for us downstairs. I was wheeled outside, and we waited for Terri to go get the car. It was cloudy and cold. The sky was a hard gray, and there was a strong wind blowing that normally I'd have found unpleasant. But, that day, the cold air felt so clean and refreshing. I stood up and turned in the direction of the wind. I closed my eyes and stood there with the wind blowing past me. I wanted it to wash through me and blow away my pain and troubles.

"Honey, the car is here," announced Mom, snapping me out of my trance.

I nodded and got inside.

Laura and Paul followed in his Bug. It felt good to be going home.

We arrived home, and as I walked slowly towards the house, I looked at the place where I'd been attacked. There was still a wrapping of yellow police tape surrounding the area.

"How long will that be there?" I asked.

Mom took my hand and led me into the house. "I'll call the police about it when we get in."

I started feeling really tired, and once we were inside, I told everyone that I wanted to take a nap. At the same time, I didn't want to be alone, so I crashed on the couch.

When I woke up, it was dark outside. I felt really dopey from the pain pills, and it took me a few seconds to clear my head. There was some momentary panic, and I thought I was alone. Then I heard voices from the kitchen, and it reassured me. Jenny was right; my friends and family were an asset.

"Hi, guys. What time is it?" I asked as I shuffled into the kitchen. My mind was foggy, and I wondered if it was still Saturday.

"It's only 6:30 in the evening. How do you feel?" asked Mom.

I looked around and saw Cat, Terri, Laura, and Paul sitting there looking at me. "Better."

"Are you hungry? We were about to send out for some pizza," said Mom.

"Sounds good. I actually feel hungry; I guess that's a good sign," I said as I took a seat next to Cat. I realized that I hadn't eaten all day.

"Yes, it is," agreed Terri.

Cat went and called out for the pizza. A minute later, the phone rang.

"I'll bet they are checking to see if we really just ordered three pizzas," quipped Paul.

Cat answered it. "Walters residence, may I help you? Yes, just a moment. It's the police," said Cat, handing the phone to Mom.

"This is Ms. Walters," said Mom. She listened for what seemed like hours. "Well, thank you very much, I'll tell her immediately. Thank you very much."

"Well?" I asked nervously.

"They got him," she announced softly as she put her hand on my shoulder.

There was total silence. All I could do was let out a long sigh of relief.

"Thank God," exclaimed Terri.

"Was it Jason?" I asked.

"Yes. He was arrested up in New York. They think he was heading to Buffalo and then Canada. They found evidence in his van that ties him to the crime. In addition, the three numbers you saw matched up with his plate."

"Good," I sighed. One less worry to deal with. I'd been so afraid that he would come back.

"They said that there will be a news conference on TV around 7:00PM. They wanted us to know so we weren't caught by surprise," explained Mom.

"Well, put the TV on. I have no problem watching it," I remarked. I suddenly felt really hungry.

The pizzas arrived shortly before the news conference started.

My jaw still hurt, but I was willing to put up with the discomfort, as I was famished, and the pizza was excellent.

"There's a police car sitting out front," Paul informed us.

I looked over at Mom. I wondered what was wrong.

"It's okay. He's there in case the media break their rules and try to bug us," explained Mom. The press said they had an agreement that they wouldn't try to interview or videotape any rape victim, especially one who was only 17. But with the potential scandal aspect of this case, there was a chance that they might violate their own rules.

"Should I take him some pizza?" asked Paul.

"I'll take it to him; I want to thank every policeman I see," I announced.

Paul walked down with me. The cold air felt very good for a change. He joked that if I fell, he could be Lassie and run for help. As we approached, the officer rolled down his window.

"We thought you might be hungry, and I want to thank all of you," I stated as I handed him some pizza and a coke.

"You're welcome. We're glad we got him. So, you hanging in there?" he asked.

"Doing better, thanks. Take care."

When we got inside, the press conference still hadn't started. Laura was just hanging up the phone. "Your mom said it was okay to start putting the word out."

"Hey, you're just doing your job; you're my press secretary. I really appreciate everyone's concern, and I'll lean on you guys when I need some help."

"It's starting," announced Cat.

Major crimes in our town were rare, and my rape had quickly become big news. The police chief read a prepared statement concerning the arrest of Jason Martin, age 19. Charges were being prepared, and they planned to charge him with rape, kidnapping, and felonious assault. Additionally, they'd found drugs in his van. He was being transported back to Golden Hill and was expected to be held without bail.

"He'll be locked up for a long time," stated Terri to no one in particular.

He then opened it up for questions. Thankfully, they didn't mention my name. My status in the contest was brought up, and whether it would make a difference in the charges. The police chief said absolutely not. He went on to say that this was a violent crime that deserved to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, regardless of the circumstances of the victim. He also stressed that the press should respect my privacy.

"It's really strange listening to someone describing you in such vague terms," said Cat.

"I know," I replied.

I was starting to feel a bit sleepy again. The pain pills not only killed the pain but also really made me sleepy.

I woke up the next morning on the couch. I felt a bit more refreshed and not as sore. I got up and saw Mom asleep in a chair. I put a blanket over her. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 5:00 AM. I went upstairs and took a shower. I did my best to keep my stitches dry. It made shampooing my hair very difficult. The swelling was down a little around my eye, and I could see slightly out of it. The colors around my eye were even more varied. My nose was still very sore. I was also developing two impressive black eyes.

I still had a little bit of bleeding - well, how do I put this politely? - from my butt. The doctor had said that there might be a little bit of bleeding on and off for a few days. I laughed a little, thinking that I now had a reason to wear pads. I looked at myself in the mirror and stared. I decided right then that I would get through this. I would not give the bastard the pleasure of knowing he'd hurt me.

I stepped into my room and got dressed. I put on a bra and panties. I slipped in my boobs. I put on a gray Wolfhound t-shirt and then my team sweats. I wanted comfortable clothes right now. I logged onto my computer and checked my e-mail. There were over 200 new messages. It was a little overwhelming, and I had to hold back the tears.

I went downstairs and put the kettle on the stove, and turned on the burner. I checked on Mom, and she was still asleep. I put in a teabag, English breakfast, and some sugar in my mug and poured the hot water. I wrote a note telling Mom I was upstairs. I added some milk to my tea, and then I picked it up and walked to the stairs. I did a quick check on the front door lock. It was still locked. I noticed that it was the third time that morning that I'd checked the lock.

I went into my room and started to read my mail. I was amazed by the concern. I had mail from students, staff, and friends in town, and even some who I had no idea of who they were. I went through each one and at least replied with a thank-you, even if I didn't know them that well.

I gave more detailed responses to close friends. I wrote a long response to Caroline. I also told her that I wanted to ask her some questions sometime about her decision. I saw a message from Coach Chambers, and I told her I was sitting in my sweats right now and how safe and secure I felt in them. There was also a message from Ms. B. I wrote a very lengthy response to her. I even told her about Jenny.

After an hour, I was through about a third of the mail. Then, I was interrupted by knocking at my door.

"Honey, is everything okay?" asked Mom.

"Yes, come on in." I went back to typing.

"Honey, you need to unlock the door," she explained.

I got up and opened the door. "Sorry, I didn't realize I'd locked it,"

"That's okay. That's a common reaction. How're you feeling this morning?"

"Better, thanks. I'm going through my mail. I'm kind of blown away by the response. I don't even know some of them. By the way, did you get an address for the truck driver who found me? I want to send him a thank-you note."

"I'll get it for you. I think that's a wonderful idea. I'd love to thank him myself."

"Thanks."

She pulled up a chair and sat next to me. "I talked to Mrs. Lee yesterday; she says that you can stay home as long as you need to. They'll bring your assignments."

"Well, if it's okay with you, I'd like to get right back to school. I need to stay busy. I know that the first day back will be a little overwhelming, but I have to do it."

"I see. Let's play it by ear then. We'll see how you feel later today. So, do you feel like eating?"

"Sure, pancakes would really hit the spot," I replied with a smile.

"Okay, I'm going to grab a shower and get dressed first. I'll call you when they're ready. Do you want me to lock your door on the way out?"

"Not necessary, but thanks for asking."

I worked on responding to my mail. I then wrote one to Paul. I asked him for a favor. Around thirty minutes later, I got his response. He wrote that it was a great idea and it would be ready later in the afternoon. He said he'd bring it by around 5:00 PM. He also told me that his family wished me the best.

I went downstairs and found Mom preparing breakfast. I looked out the front door and saw that the paper was on the front step. I didn't see the police, but then I didn't see any news vans. I opened up the front door and picked up the paper. I was pleased to see that the little yellow fence was gone. I closed and locked the door.

In the local section, Jason's arrest was the top story. I read the article even though it brought back a lot of bad memories. But, I was sticking to my plan of not running away from this.

"Get this, the article says that Jason's lawyer claims that it was consensual and that Jason didn't know my true gender until after the act. The assault was just a normal response from a shocked young man. He also claims that Jason was the true victim. You don't think that anyone will believe this bull?"

"His lawyer will have to try something, but you have the truth on your side. Plus, the very fact that he attacked you once before kind of makes his whole argument moot," remarked Mom.

"If he's hoping that I'll be intimidated, then he's highly mistaken!" I could feel my rage growing.

"That's exactly what I was hoping you'd say."

Breakfast was excellent, and it really hit the spot. It also calmed me down. I felt almost normal. I helped Mom to clean up.

"I have something to tell you. I want you to know that the events of this weekend just helped me accept that it's the right decision. I want to stay as Erika. I want to be a girl." There, I'd said it. I looked at Mom and tried to gauge her reaction.

"I've been waiting for this for several weeks. I've suspected that you've been struggling with this for a while. I fully support your decision, and I'll be here for you." Mom leaned over and gave me a long gentle hug.

"I'll just go through the rest of the year like Caroline. I don't see any reason to make this public yet. Besides, everyone treats me like a girl anyway."

"Are you going to tell anyone else?" asked Mom.

"I'll tell Cat and Terri, but I don't think they'll be surprised. I'll also tell Paul, Laura, and Caroline. But again, I think they may have known before I did."

"What about Ms. Bell?" asked Mom.

"Yes, I owe her that," I said.

I spent the rest of the day grabbing naps and answering mail. The physical pain was decreasing. I told Mom about the favor I'd asked of Paul. She thought it was funny, appropriate, and consistent with my personality.

Terri and Cat made lasagna for dinner and brought it over. There was enough for a small army. Luckily, Laura and Paul showed up. Paul slipped me a bag, and I took it upstairs and inspected it. It was just what I wanted.

"So, what's the big secret?" asked Laura.

"I want to save it for tomorrow," I said.

"You're not serious about going back to school tomorrow, are you?" asked Terri.

"I'm planning on it. I need to be around people. If I stay home, I'll have too much time to think. So I want to stay busy."

"Yes, but can you make it through the day?" asked a concerned Laura.

"I don't know, but I want to try," I answered firmly.

Laura looked at me as if I was crazy. "I don't agree with your logic, but I'll be there for you."

"So will I," added Cat.

"Me, too!" stated Paul.

The dinner was great. Jenny was right; my friends and family were a great source of strength.

After dinner, I told them all that I was going to stay with Erika. The responses were interesting. They all supported my decision and didn't seem that surprised. Cat and Terri were like, "what's a big deal?" Laura was giddy and so happy for me. Paul looked very content and pleased with my decision.

We made plans for tomorrow. Laura and Paul would meet us here, and we'd all ride in together.

I walked Paul to the door. "So, I take it you approve of my decision to stay as Erika?"

He glanced back at the kitchen, then he gently kissed me on my swollen lips. "I was so afraid I had lost you. Yes, I'm very happy," he said. "Well, get some sleep; it'll be a long day."

We kissed one last time.

"So, I guess you'll be going to school without any makeup tomorrow," added Laura.

I smiled a little. It was still a bit painful. "I doubt if even those makeup artists from homecoming could cover all this up." The bruises were spreading out, and the whole right side of my face was multicolored and still a bit swollen. I was also bruised beneath my left eye.

"You do have a rather unique look," added Cat.

"There's also a part of me that wants everyone to see this. Especially after the crap that bastard's lawyer is putting out. I want everyone in the school to see me and to tell their parents and friends," I said angrily. I felt tears forming in my eyes.

"I see that we still have a little anger issue," stated Cat with a smile. She handed me the box of tissues.

"You'd better have a few of those with you tomorrow," suggested Laura.

"You mean tissues? I plan to," I replied.

"Actually, I was thinking that you should have several boxes with you!" joked Laura.

They left a few minutes later. I felt so lucky to have them as friends.

Mom suggested that I take a long hot bath before going to bed. I followed her advice, and she was right; it really relaxed me. As I lay there, I reflected on the weekend and the highs and lows. Finally, I decided that overall the good outweighed the bad.

I had a little trouble getting out of bed and even more trouble waking up. Maybe I was pushing this too soon. But, no, I knew I had to do this. My multicolored face in the mirror greeted me in the mirror. The swelling was down, and I could see out of both eyes completely for the first time since my attack. I also saw my raccoon eyes. I had two very black eyes. The doctor had said that some of the bruises might come in delayed. After showering, I got dressed. I put on one of my long denim skirts and my long black boots. I put on my bra and slipped in my boobs. I thought about starting hormones in a few months, and it gave me a smile. I slipped on a top, then I put on the sweatshirt that Paul had made me. I liked it.

"You up for this, dear? I can take the day off if necessary," asked Mom.

"I'd rather you save your days off for something fun. Thanks, but I feel good enough to get through this." I appreciated her concern, but I just had to go to school. I wanted to show everyone that Jason hadn't crushed me.

"Alright, honey, but you have my number; call me if you change your mind." Mom then leaned over and kissed me.