Becoming A High School Girl - Chapter 10

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There was a knock at the front door.

"That should be Cat!" I walked over to the door and looked out the peephole. I was right; it was Cat. I unlocked the door and let her in.

"Good morning," she greeted as she walked in. "Oh, I love your makeup, but why did you stop with the right side?"

"I ran out of makeup."

She nodded approvingly at my sweatshirt. "You plan on wearing that all day?" she asked, laughing.

"Yep!" I turned around so she could see the back.

Cat laughed even louder. "I approve 100 percent."

We saw Laura pull up in the driveway. Paul was with her.

"Bye, Mom." She gave me a long gentle hug.

The last time I'd felt this nervous was the first day of school back in August. But this was different. I had to go to school today. I wanted to prove to everyone, and especially myself that I wasn't a weak, vulnerable victim.

"You ready to do this?" asked Laura, as she put her arm around my shoulders.

"Yes, let's go!" I replied.

As I stated earlier, major crimes in Golden Hill were rare. However, the fact that one had involved a high school student was big news, and I was sure everyone had heard what had happened to me.

I was slightly overwhelmed by the stares as I walked to homeroom. I could feel every eye on me, and I could almost feel it as they pointed at me. Finally, I got to my locker, took off my coat, grabbed my books, and put them in my bag. As I walked down the hall, their eyes were drawn to my shirt. I could see their stares turn to smiles. I saw them nod at me, and some gave me the thumbs up. I could hear some laughs as they read the back.

Laura came up and read my shirt and smiled. "Leave it you to make a joke out of this. I'm so proud of you," she said as she hugged me.

The sweatshirt stated in large red letters, "I feel much better, thank you!" and on the back, it said, "I feel better than I look!"

I reached homeroom and waited outside until Cat and Paul caught up.

"How're you holding up?" asked Cat.

I could hear the concern in her voice. "Okay. My emotions are pretty loose right now. Well, let's get it over with!"

We walked in, and all heads turned to me. I sat down next to Cat. I was a little surprised by their reactions. I didn't expect them to be silent. I was about to tell them that it was okay to talk to me when Mr. Grant asked the whole class to step out into the hall. I joined the line out, and he pulled me out.

"Miss Walters, I need you to sit here for a minute," stated Mr. Grant.

He stood between the door and me. There was a knock, and he looked at me and smiled. "Okay, would you follow me, please?"

Out in the hallway, there was a mass of humanity. It looked like the entire senior class and much of the staff. They then stepped aside and revealed a large banner taped to the lockers. It was nearly five feet long, and there were flowers forming a border. It was filled with messages of encouragement and best wishes from the students and staff. I completely lost it. But at least this time, they were tears of joy and not fear, anger, or hatred.

Laura and Cat handed me tissues. I tried in vain to regain control of my emotions.

"I can't express what this means to me. This is unbelievable. Thank you all so much. I also want to thank those who spent Friday night and early Saturday morning in the Golden Hill Hospital waiting room. It really gave me a boost when I heard you were there. I was told that one of my assets that would help me through this was my friends, and I know that I can count on every one of you, just as you can always count on me. Thank you!"

They then swamped me. Luckily Cat, Paul, and Laura were there to protect me. I was still a little fragile physically, and I didn't want to get crushed.

Paul and Laura rolled up the banner for me, and I put it in my locker. I was twenty minutes late for English, but then again, so was every other senior.

By lunch, I was near total exhaustion, but I was determined to make it through the whole day. Actually, I only had one more class. I'd been excused from PE for the next few weeks. Coach Chambers had arranged for me to work for Ms. B in the front office. It would also allow me to talk to her.

Ms. B. was very understanding and saw that I was beaten. So she let me just sit and relax.

"I like your sweatshirt, was that your idea?" she asked.

"Yes." I then went into my reasons for wanting to be in school today.

"I fully understand, but remember that you're only human. So don't push yourself too hard. I'd hate to see you come crashing down."

I then told her about my decision to stay as Erika.

She smiled and told me she was happy that I'd discovered the real me. She said she'd known weeks ago. "I wouldn't worry about telling your friends; from the response today, I'd say that everyone has pretty much accepted you as Erika."

"You know, I'd like to be able to tell one person who didn't know this before me," I stated in mock anger.

"Erika, I've been observing students like you for several years. Now that you have come forward, I can let you in on a little secret, but you must not tell anyone. Do you promise?" she asked.

"Absolutely. I swear not to tell anyone," I said.

"Well, I don't run this program entirely by myself. There are other teachers and staff who assist and who provide me with reports. We're not just looking for violations, but we're also looking for girls like you. We know that there are boys entering the competition whose true nature comes out once they are involved, and some may be entering because they have a conflict with their gender. Part of my job is to help them in their transition and make it as smooth as possible, but we do not directly contact them until they come to us. We're not recruiting anyone. We watch, we observe, and we try to protect."

"Was I the first to get raped?" I asked.

"Yes, and hopefully the last. There was no way to foresee that Jason Martin was so deranged. I hope that you don't hold that against us?" she asked.

I shook my head. "The only person I blame is in jail. So, is finding and helping people like me the main reason for the contest?

"No, it's kind of a fringe benefit. I'll let you know more about the main reasons later."

I was fighting to stay awake, and I guess that she noticed as I tried to hold in a yawn.

"Erika, you look exhausted. Let me drive you home. Then, I'll get word to your friends."

I offered no argument. She was right; I was totally burned out. I really needed to sleep. I also wanted to read the banner, but sleep won out. Actually, I fell asleep in her car going home. I stumbled towards the house and waved goodbye. I was happy to see that she waited until I was in the house before driving away. I went into the family room and crashed on the couch.

Mom woke me up for dinner. We just warmed up some of the leftover lasagnas. I showed her the banner and told her how it was presented to me.

"No one will tell me who instigated it, but maybe that's for the best." I had already picked a place in my room to hang it.

A few minutes later, Mom told me that the DA had called and wanted to know if I could stop by for some more questions. Without any hesitation, I said yes.

We went in on Tuesday afternoon after school. I wore a dress, pantyhose, and high heels. I still didn't bother with makeup. Even though the swelling was down, in some ways, I looked worse. My black eyes complemented the rest of my bruises quite nicely. My other reason for not using makeup was that I wanted the DA to see what Jason had done to me.

After we arrived, a female officer took Mom and me into an interrogation room. The officer explained that it's the DA's official policy that a female officer must be present whenever a male is questioning a woman.

I felt good knowing that the DA was treating me as a woman, even though he knew that I was physically male.

The DA was very nice. He was the same one who had prosecuted the case against Jason's mother. His name was Sam Warren. He told me that he really appreciated my help. Because of my age, he was hesitant about me taking the stand at trial, and he wanted to avoid the necessity of my having to testify before the grand jury if at all possible. I told him that I wanted to ensure that Jason was put away for a long time.

Sam explained what would happen.

"Erika, this session will be videotaped and will be used in the grand jury hearing. That is when I'll present evidence concerning your case. The grand jury will then decide if there is sufficient evidence to indict Jason. It's a legal formality, and I want to reassure you that we have a very strong case," explained Sam.

"What happens next?" I asked.

"If they decide to indict Jason, he will be arraigned before a judge, and he'll be officially notified of the charges against him. He will then be allowed to enter a plea if he desires," continued Sam.

"Where will this happen?" I asked.

"In an open courtroom."

"Do I have to be there?" I asked.

"No, that's not required."

"Will the video be enough, or will she have to testify before the grand jury?" asked Mom.

"The video should be enough. We have a lot of physical evidence to support the charges," stated Sam. "Again, let me reassure you that we have a very strong case."

"Let's do it," I stated.

Sam nodded. "Ms. Walters, you may stay here, but I need you to sit behind Erika and not speak to her while I'm questioning her. We don't want the defense to think that you coached Erika."

"I understand," replied Mom. She stood up and sat down next to the policewoman.

"You ready, Erika?" asked Sam.

I nodded.

The video camera was turned on, and he swore me in. I gave my full male name, but Sam addressed me as Erika. I truly appreciated that!

He said that they were building a very strong case against Jason. Then, he asked me if I was sure about the mole on his stomach. I told him that I was and that it was to the right of his belly button. I also described the size and shape.

"Is that to the right from your point of view or to his own right?" asked Sam.

"Oh! From my point of view as I was looking at him. I was hoping it was cancerous as I stared at it," I added.

He smirked slightly at my comment, and then he showed me a photo of Jason's stomach. There was the mole, just as I'd remembered it.

He then asked me what the other main thing I remembered about him was. I replied that it was his chipped right front tooth.

He asked me to describe it in as much detail as possible. I closed my eyes and tried to picture it.

"It's chipped on the outside corner of his right front tooth. It's smooth and looks like it happened a while ago."

He took out several pictures of front teeth and asked me if I recognized any of them. I focused in on one right away. I picked it up and stared at it.

"This is it," I answered positively.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Positively. I focused on it while he was cursing me out and after each time he hit me."

He turned the photo over and stated, "The witness has identified photo B, which is the photo taken of suspect Jason Martin," he said. He turned off the camera, and then he looked at the mirror on the wall and smiled.

I looked at the mirror and asked who was behind there. He smiled and said no one anymore. Instead, he said that one of his assistants and also the lawyer for the defendant had been back there.

"I'm hoping he'll go back to his client and recommend that he plead guilty. I wanted him to see how tough you will be on the stand and that it would be a grave mistake to try to discredit you. Once we get the DNA evidence processed, it will be a grand slam."

"Good. So do you think that they'll want to go to trial?" I asked

"That is what I'd advise. They might offer a plea bargain, but I doubt it. But the defendant is a psycho. I think he'll go to trial just for the attention and the hope that his lawyer can discredit you. We'll get a better idea of their plans at the arraignment. I must warn you that rape trials are very trying on the victim. What you read in the paper is just a taste of what they will try. But I will be there for you. You won't be alone."

"I'll still do it. You can tell his lawyer that I am not backing down. Jason tried to humiliate and break me, and he failed."

"Good. We'll stay in contact. I don't expect to go to trial until spring. I'm fighting to keep him locked up until then," he added. "His attempted flight to Canada makes it fairly likely that the judge will not grant him bail."

"Thank you very much."

Mom's cell phone began to ring, and she excused herself. I stayed and talked to Sam until she returned. I figured it was someone from work calling her.

I was very quiet on the way home.

"Penny, for your thoughts, honey?" asked Mom.

"I was just thinking that I won't get peace until he's convicted. I also think that he's going to try to humiliate me, but I can't let him win."

"I just got some good news from the hospital; your lab tests all came back clean. They do want to repeat them again in a few weeks, just to be positive, but it looks good. We still have to go in Friday to get your sutures removed."

I let out a long sigh. "That's a relief. I just want to get back to school. I want my biggest worry to be the championship game and getting good grades." But deep down, I knew that it wouldn't be that simple.

I continued to try to put the assault behind me. On the outside, my bruises were fading, but inside I was still in turmoil - not enough to stop me from functioning, but it was always there.

Thankfully, the upcoming football game on Saturday served as a much-needed distraction. We were playing the Crawford Mudlarks for the championship. The game was being played at the local college. Their stadium held 20,000, and from what I'd heard, the game would be a sellout. The game was being touted as the biggest game in years. I fully planned to be there. Laura had arranged for tickets for the entire Pit.

On Thursday, I talked with Caroline during photography class. I asked her if she wanted to get together after school. I wanted to tell her about my decision to remain as Erika, and I didn't want to "out" her in class accidentally. Instead, we talked about the cartoons that she and Paul wrote together. They were always current and often hilarious. No one was sacred, but they didn't allow it to get mean-spirited. I was very happy to see her get the recognition from her peers that she deserved.

She said that she'd love to get together and that she'd stop by my house around 4:00.

She smiled at me. "I think I know what you want to talk about."

I smiled back. Just once, I'd like to be able to find someone who hadn't figured this out before me, I thought.

I caught a ride home with Paul. He was on his way to his job with the local paper. I was pleased that he waited until I was inside the house before he drove off. I was a bit skittish about my security. Mom said that it was a normal response; still, I planned to talk to my counselor, Jenny McCall, tomorrow afternoon. Before my session, I first had to go to the doctor and have the sutures near my right eyebrow removed. I hoped that the doctor was right and that the car wouldn't be too noticeable.

Caroline arrived a little after 4:00, and we went into the kitchen. I was drinking a cup of hot tea, and I offered her some.

"That's okay. Do you have something cold?" asked Caroline.

I looked in the fridge and ran through the inventory. She decided on a Diet Coke.

"So, tell me all about your decision!" she stated.

"You aren't even going to let me try to surprise you?" I responded.

"Nope!" she said, sipping her soda.

I smiled. "Well, I'd been thinking more and more about it in the past few weeks. For all practical purposes, I knew that I was Erika, and to return to my past life would be difficult. I was getting ready to tell my mom when the attack happened," I paused for a moment. I felt myself choking up a bit, and my eyes were feeling moist. Then, I felt Caroline's hand holding mine. I looked up and smiled at her. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. You need to let it out occasionally," comforted Caroline.

I grabbed a tissue and wiped my tears. "Thanks. Anyway, the attack just reaffirmed my decision. I definitely know that this is my path in life. I talked with Ms. B, and she was very helpful and supportive."

We talked for another hour and then she had to take off. I walked her to the door and waved goodbye. I watched her drive off, and then I closed and locked the front door.