Becoming A High School Girl - Chapter 12

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I arrived at Mrs. Lincoln's store at 5:40 PM. I had no intention of being late for my first day of work. I was wearing a dark blue skirt, a matching jacket, and a white silk blouse. I was even wearing pantyhose! I checked my face in my compact mirror before entering. The bruises on my face were slowly fading; they were still visible, even though I had spent a lot of time trying to cover them with makeup.

I was looking forward to starting my new job, as I needed something to throw myself into. I didn't want free time to think about the assault or breaking up with Paul. I knew that breaking up with Paul was the right decision, but it still hurt. Now, I just needed to get into being a normal teenager - well, make that a semi-normal teenager, as I knew that I'd never been really normal! Besides, being normal was overrated.

Mrs. Lincoln seemed pleased to see that I was on time. She introduced me to one of the women standing by the front counter, "Erika, I would like you to meet Cindy Ziegler; she is my store manager, and she will be your supervisor."

"Pleased to meet you, Ms. Ziegler," I greeted her.

"Thank, you Erika," Ms. Ziegler turned to Mrs. Lincoln and said, "Polite. That is very refreshing to see in a young woman."

Cindy Zeigler looked like she was in her late thirties. She wore her black hair pinned up, and it made her look very distinguished. However, she was very down to earth. Like all the other employees, she was wearing a beautiful dress.

I was pleased that she referred to me as a young woman.

"Erika, you can call me Cindy," she replied with a big smile. "We are a family here."

I nodded. "Thank you, Cindy."

"Well, I will leave you in Cindy's very capable hands. Welcome to the family, dear," stated Mrs. Lincoln. Without another word, she turned around and walked back to her office.

Cindy took me by the arm and led me through the shop. "Let me show you around first, and then we'll get you properly dressed for work."

Cindy explained that, unlike Mrs. Lincoln's other businesses, this store did not deal in rentals. I looked at the quality and prices of the outfits. Everything was top of the line, and the prices reflected this.

"I know what you're thinking; how can she stay in business in this little town? She's been in business in this town for thirty years. She knows fashion and has unbelievable connections in the industry. We have regular customers who live over 200 miles away. And what she doesn't have, she will get," Cindy explained. "She's also using the Internet. We started a website three years ago."

Another woman walked over and interrupted us for a second. She asked Cindy about the location of a dress that had been specially ordered. The other woman was in her twenties, short, thin, and had short blonde hair.

"Mel, this is Erika," introduced Cindy. "She's our newest employee."

Mel extended her hand. "Hi Erika, I'm Mel; it's short for Melissa."

"Pleased to meet you, Mel," I said. I instantly liked her.

"We'll talk later; Nice to meet you." Mel then left to get the special order.

"Mel was also hired by Mrs. Lincoln out of high school. She is now doing her postgraduate work over at the college," explained Cindy. "Now, let's get you into something nice!"

In the back room, there were several racks of clothing; each outfit had a label on it with an employee's name on it. I saw one with mine on it.

Cindy started looking through the rack as if she was looking for something specific. "Mrs. Lincoln selected these with you in mind. She also selects all our outfits. Here, why don't you try this one?"

She handed me a navy-colored cocktail dress and a matching pair of shoes. Everything fit perfectly. Cindy was impressed and gave me some hints for accessories. She told me to keep my earring selection simple for now.

Cindy also helped me with my makeup. She gave me a few hints on how to cover up my bruises. I was amazed at the difference.

"Wow, I can't believe it," I exclaimed as I looked in the mirror. A huge smile broke out on my face. The bruises were barely noticeable.

"Mrs. Lincoln sent me to a course on makeup several years ago. She wanted me to help the employees," she explained.

I couldn't stop looking at my reflection in the mirror. "Thank you, this is the best I've looked in a while."

Cindy stood there smiling. "Yes, dear, I know. So, are you ready to learn some more?"

"Absolutely," I replied as I took one last look at myself. It felt great to look "normal" again!

I was kept very busy the rest of the evening. I was amazed by everything that I had to learn. I would be a trainee for the next few weeks. The goal was to have me ready for the Christmas/New Year rush. I thought the hardest thing about the job would be wearing heels. By the end of the night, my feet were killing me!

Thankfully, even though the group had just gone through a massive dating break-up, we were all still friends. Paul still kidded me in homeroom, and Laura, Cat, and I still ate lunch together. In some ways, it made us all a lot closer. I told them about my new job on the ride to school.

As Cat and I walked to homeroom, I told her that I had to go in to see the DA that afternoon.

"They want to tell me something about the case. I was wondering if you would like to join me? That is, if you are still interested in that sort of thing," I asked with a smile.

"That would be great! What time?" she asked.

"Right after school," I replied.

Cat hugged me. "Count me in."

When I reached homeroom, I was given a pass by Mr. Grant. I opened it and started reading it.

"What's up?" asked Cat.

"Ms. B wants to see me. I think it's about that weekly meeting she was thinking about starting," I explained.

I grabbed my books and left. I couldn't help but notice Paul smiling at me. I let out a small sigh as I stepped out into the hall.

As I thought, the reason for the pass was to tell me that there would be a mandatory meeting of all contestants this Thursday afternoon. The meeting would be held during lunch and would be in room 131. Ms. B told me that notices were going out to everyone today.

"You seem a bit down; what's up?" she asked.

"I broke up with Paul. We're still friends - well, I think we are. I just don't feel comfortable being close with a boy right now. Does any of this make any sense, or am I rambling?" I asked.

"Yes, it does. Looking at your circumstances, it makes sense. Work on your recovery, and then, if it was meant to be, you'll get back with him. If not, it isn't the end of the world."

"Thanks," I replied with a smile. "I'll see you Thursday."

"Bring your lunch, and don't be late!"

That afternoon on the way to see the DA, I told Cat of my internal struggles on breaking up with Paul.

"I mean, he did nothing wrong. In fact, he was unbelievably understanding, and I pushed him aside," I sighed. "That must make me look like a total jerk."

"No, it makes you look human," answered Cat. "I have no idea of how bad it was for you during the attack, and I hope I never do. But if it was as bad as I think it was, you'll need time to get yourself right. To be honest, I doubt that you'll really find peace until after the trial. Paul is a great guy, and he understands. Don't forget, I've known him a lot longer than you have."

"Has he talked to you about me lately?" I asked.

"Yes. We talked Monday evening on the phone. He's trying to understand what's going on. I told him to be content with being friends and to wait it out."

"Thanks," I answered. Finally, I felt a little better.

We went into the DA's office and sat down in the waiting area. Mom joined us a few minutes later. After a few minutes, Sam Warren came out and greeted us.

"This is my best friend, Cat; she is very interested in law enforcement," I said as I introduced Cat.

He looked at her as if he was trying to place her name. "Oh, yes! Caitlin Hawkins, you're the one who first noticed that Erika was missing. I was reading your statement last week. It's a pleasure to meet you."

He led us back to his office and told me that he just wanted to let me know that the initial DNA tests had come back and matched to Jason.

"We've matched Jason's DNA to samples taken from you at the hospital and from your clothing. Your bloodstains were found in Jason's van and on his jeans and sweatshirt. Additionally, we have Jason's fingerprints on the duct tape that was used to tie you up," reported Sam. "The lab techs are still waiting for confirmation on several other samples."

"So, that should be it, right?" I asked.

"I wish it was that simple. We are still waiting for the private lab report. Of course, the defense is still claiming that it was consensual," explained Sam.

"And how're they explaining the fact that she was found taped up?" asked Mom.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "Good question. I doubt they have a good excuse. The statement from the truck driver is also very strong. I have more than enough evidence to submit to the grand jury," replied Sam.

"So, are they going to take this thing to trial?" I asked. My disappointment was evident in the tone of my voice. I was hoping there wouldn't be a trial, as I really didn't want to be in the spotlight.

"Well, they did offer to plead guilty to a minor charge in exchange for dropping the rest of the charges. But it's a joke. They would only plead guilty to simple assault. Don't worry, we never even considered accepting it," he stated. "I plan on filing a multitude of charges against Jason. Starting off with kidnapping, assault and battery, forcible sexual assault, aggravated felonious assault, forcible rape, and several other charges."

"So, when will this trial start?" asked Mom.

"We thought they'd want to wait and draw it out, but they have pushed for a trial as soon as possible. We haven't got a firm date, but I expect it to start in early February. He has the right to push for a prompt trial."

"Why so soon?" asked Mom.

"I think they hope to create a sensation. They will claim that his rights were violated and hope to get a sympathetic jury."

"What about my rights?" I asked in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Actually, your being here is part of your rights. I'm required by law to inform you of any plea bargains, even ones as ridiculous as the one they just offered. As we get closer to the trial, I'll brief you on what they can ask and what they can't. I want this conviction badly, Erika, and we will ensure that he won't get off on a technicality," explained Sam.

"I believe you. I guess sooner is better than later," I stated. There was something about Sam that made me trust him.

"Do you think they'll try to negotiate a plea bargain?" asked Mom.

"I would if I was defending him. However, his lawyer seems convinced that he can win. If there is a plea bargain, I won't settle for less than twenty years in prison," answered Sam.

"If the evidence against Jason is so strong, why would you consider accepting a plea bargain?" asked Mom.

"I'd do it to protect Erika," stated Sam. "I fully expect that Jason's lawyer will go after her hard."

"Thank you, but I want to testify," I stated firmly.

Sam nodded. "I kind of expected that to be your answer."

"Will she have to testify at the grand jury?" asked Mom.

"Right now, I'd say no. I have no plan on calling her, although it's possible that the grand jury might want to question her. I suspect that the video will be sufficient, as they've been satisfied with videos in the past. You'll be contacted either way," answered Sam.

After the official part of the meeting, he asked Cat if she would like a tour of their lab.

"It's small, and we spend most of our major evidence to the State Police, but it should give you a better idea of what we use," explained Sam.

"I'd love to see it!" exclaimed Cat. She turned to me and asked, "You don't mind, do you, Erika?"

"No, not at all; take your time; I'll catch a ride back home with Mom. Call me when you get home," I asked.

On the drive home, Mom asked me if I really was comfortable with the prospect of an early trial.

"I just want to get it over," I sighed. "The longer they wait, the more time I'll have to worry about it."

I was finishing up some homework when Cat called. She sounded very excited. She said that she'd be right over and that she had something great to tell me.

"You won't believe this, but they're offering me an internship down at the police lab! I'll spend three afternoons a week down there, and they'll even take me to the main lab some weekend!" she exclaimed.

"They just offered it to you?" I asked. I had heard of the opening and had talked to the DA about Cat.

"Well, they had a person earlier this year, but they quit. When I told them about my academic background, they offered it to me. Of course, they have to check with Mom and the school, but I don't expect any problems," explained Cat.

"That is way cool! Well, now we have spies in both the press and the police. Soon we take over!" I answered with my best mad scientist laugh.

"I want to thank you so much for recommending me. Yes, they told me that you had asked about the program for me," thanked Cat.

"I just wanted to try to pay you back for everything you've done for me," I replied.

There was a long pause. We both sat there looking at each other.

"Do you still have a crush on me?" she asked softly.

I looked at her and nodded, as I knew it would be pointless to lie. "Yes. I love you just as much as before, but I also want to keep you as my best friend in the world."

Cat nodded. "I want you to know that I feel the same way. I can't imagine you not being in my life. You are very dear to me."

"Too bad our friendship is so strong; otherwise, we could start dating," I quipped with a smile.

"I knew you'd understand," smiled Cat.

I had another great night at work, and I told Cat and Laura all about it Thursday morning on the drive to school. Paul wasn't with us because he had to go to the newspaper immediately after school.

"So, today is the first group meeting of the survivors of the great scholarship contest?" asked Laura.

"Yes. It should be interesting," I replied with a smile. It may have just been my imagination, but I began to notice that Laura was becoming interested in me and not in a regular friendship sort of way. I kept remembering her comment about liking "boys like me." Laura was really sweet, and to be honest, I had always thought a girl like her would be out of reach for me.

"Interesting is a bit of an understatement," quipped Cat.

We were allowed to bring our lunches into the meeting. I sat next to Caroline. We looked around the room and counted sixteen others. The number of contestants had stayed at eighteen for the past week. I noticed that of the group in my PE class, there were only three left. I still wondered how many of them were in on the note that Jason wrote.

Ms. B walked in and welcomed us all to the meeting. She said that this would be held every Thursday that school was in session.

"Its purpose is to allow you to get to know each other better. I want to make a few ground rules. First, whatever is said in here stays here; I want you to feel free to talk. Second, this meeting is for contestants only. Any questions?" she explained.

We all looked around the room and didn't see any hands.

"OK, I have a few more announcements to make. Starting next week, you may now wear pants three days a week. This rule will stay in effect until spring," she announced.

There was a huge sigh of relief followed by a spontaneous round of applause.

Ms. B smiled at our reaction. "Apparently, that was a popular decision! Next, the week after the Christmas holiday break, there will be a special meeting. As you know, the contest in past years has been just about over by now, but I know from talking to too many of you that it might last well into spring this time. So, there will be some special new challenges that you will have to accomplish. We've had this plan for years but have never had the opportunity to use it. I want to make this very clear; the activities are designed not to humiliate you but to give you more insight into the gender you have been living since the start of the school year."

She paused to give us time to absorb what she had said.

"Now, I am not able to tell you what all these challenges will be, but many of you will not find them that difficult. Hopefully, you'll have some fun doing them. I will tell you that one of them is that for the second semester, each of you will be required to take child development."

A round of groans met this announcement. There was a hand raised.

"Yes, Ann?" asked Ms. B.

Ann was tall and thin. I had talked to her a few times in English. She had entered as a way of paying off the money she owed to her sisters. She told me that her goal was to make it at least into February, as that would pay off the debt.

"Does that mean we'll have to do everything in the class?"

"Yes, it does," answered Ms. B, with a smile.

More groans. That meant that we'd each be stuck with "the baby" for a weekend. It was a doll with electronic sensors in it. The sensors recorded any abuse or failure to provide correct care. The baby was set to start crying randomly, and it needed a special key inserted into the back to make it stop. The sensors would record how well we met the needs. I'd heard many girls say that it was the worst weekend of their lives and that it convinced them to avoid getting pregnant until they were ready.

Oh, then there was the other big part of the course. There was also the "pregnant for a day" requirement. All students got to wear a pregnancy empathy belly for one school day.

"Any other questions? None? OK, now I'd like to go around the room and have you introduce yourselves and tell us why you really entered the competition. Again, everything stays in here," she reiterated.

"Hi! I'm Ann, and I entered to pay off a debt to my sisters," she stated.

Her answer brought out a lot of laughs. The rest of the group each stood up and gave their name and reasons. There were a few that stood out. Lisa was a pretty Korean. She had entered because her girlfriend dared her. Claire, a short quiet redhead, said she'd entered because she lost a bet with her Mom. Actually, I was surprised to see Claire in the room, as I'd always thought she was a real girl. She was short and very petite. I wondered if she was like Caroline and me.

The scariest answer was by Denise, which made sense, as she was the scariest-looking person in the room. She was tall, muscular, and was wearing a heavy base of makeup. She had taken to dressing slightly Goth. But it seemed to fit her. Her hair was dyed jet black, with slight streaks of purple, and she even wore black nail polish. Her dress was long and black, and she was wearing Doc Martens. Actually, her outfit was practical, as the many tattoos on her arms didn't seem so noticeable. Her answer was that her choices had been this or military school. The reason for those choices was never given.

Ms. B thought that the meeting was a success and told us that she looked forward to our next meeting in two weeks.

As we walked to photography class, Caroline told me more about Denise. She told me that I shouldn't take Denise too seriously, as she loved spoofing people.

"Last year 'Dennis' was in a heavy metal garbage-band with my cousin," Caroline explained.

"The correct term is garage band," I corrected, laughing at her mistake.

She smiled back at me. "You never heard them play; garbage is a better description. Actually, Denise isn't as tough as she looks. I'll introduce you to her sometime. I have the feeling that you'd like her."

Friday was a busy day, and it had nothing to do with school. I had to go to my therapy session after school, and then I had work. My schedule looked a bit overwhelming. I decided to ask Jenny McCall if we could move the sessions to Tuesday or Thursday. I didn't want to be distracted at work, and I wanted to be able to absorb what had happened with Jenny in private.

She had no problem with changing my session to Tuesdays. With that crisis over, she asked me how my week was going. Of course, my break-up with Paul was the biggest thing on my mind, followed closely by the trial. We talked about what was going through my mind and my fears of going out alone.

Jenny looked at me. "I assume that you also check to see that the doors are locked when you are home alone a lot."

"Three or four times aren't really a lot of times, is it?" I answered with a smile.

"I wouldn't get obsessed about it. Do you still lock your bedroom door?" she asked.

"No. I stopped doing that a while ago," I lied. Well, I only did it occasionally, so that shouldn't count!

"What about nightmares?" asked Jenny.

"I have them occasionally. Not every night, but a couple times a week," I answered. "Will they go away?"

"They should. However, be aware that you may go through cycles of these nightmares. Let me know if they start affecting your sleep," stated Jenny.

The rest of the session went by really fast. The last thing she asked me was about starting group therapy.

"There's a group over at the college that I checked out, and I'd like you to consider joining it. It is mostly women aged 18-26, and it's the closest that I can find to your age, which I guess is a good thing. I know the woman who runs it, and I have told her about your situation. She has no problem with you joining the group," explained Jenny.

"What about the members of the group?" I asked. "I know that some people are hostile to my status. I can understand their hostility to men, and some of them might just see me as mocking them."

"The group I have in mind should be OK. The woman who runs it is a close friend, and she is anxious to have you join. Well, I'd like you to at least think about it. I'd like you to call her this weekend," she said as she handed me a business card.

I read the name on the card, Dr. Karen Buford, "What time should I call?" I asked.

"She is usually available between 10-12:00," explained Jenny. "I'll see you Tuesday at 4:00."

I got up and hugged her. It suddenly struck home how much I needed her.

Mom was waiting for me and drove me to the mall. She listened to my post-therapy ramblings without complaining. She said that the group might be good for me.

"So you were actually listening to me? Thanks. I was afraid that I wasn't making any sense," I replied.

"I never said you were making sense!" quipped Mom. "By the way, I'd like to meet your boss this evening."

"OK, I think you'll like her," I answered.

Mom found a parking spot right up near the entrance, so we only had a short walk in the cold. We walked into the store, and I introduced Mom to Cindy and Mel.

"Is Mrs. Lincoln in, Cindy?" I asked.

"Yes, she is. Erika, why don't you go get changed, and I'll take your Mom back to meet Mrs. Lincoln. I have your outfit hanging in the back dressing room. By the way, your makeup looks very good this evening," commented Cindy.

My dress that evening was a black cocktail dress. The dress was nice, but I dreaded seeing the heels. The shoes were three-inch heels, and I immediately knew my feet would be killing me by the end of the evening. I checked myself in the mirror and walked out. I looked at the clock. It was 5:45 PM exactly.

I found Mom talking to Mrs. Lincoln and Cindy. They seemed to hit it off quite well. They all turned and watched me as I approached. I could tell from their expressions that they were pleased with my appearance.

"Oh, Erika, you look lovely!" exclaimed Mom as she looked me over.

"Thanks, Mom," I replied, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"I am very pleased with your daughter so far, Jill," stated Mrs. Lincoln to Mom.

"Erika, what time do you want me to pick you up?" asked Mom, who had a huge smile on her face.

"Don't bother, Jill, I can give her a ride home. You don't live that far away, and I really don't mind," interrupted Cindy.

Mom looked at Cindy, "That's very kind; I appreciate it. Well, it was nice meeting all of you."

I said goodbye and got to work. That night I worked mainly with Mel, and she showed me how to work the cash register. She also taught me how to make entries into our computer database.

"Mrs. Lincoln has us keep this up to date as much as possible. That way, she can spot trends. Don't ever underestimate her. She sees everything. She can be very critical, but she's also very generous and caring. She really doesn't need this store, but she loves running it and helping her friends, customers, and employees," explained Mel.

"I am beginning to see that," I answered. I could sense a lot of loyalty in Mrs. Lincoln's employees.

As long as I was busy, I was OK, but I started thinking about my session with Jenny when it got slow.

"Earth to Erika! Hello. You there?" asked Cindy.

I was refolding some sweaters and kind of zoned, thinking about what Jenny had told me about the group session.

"You seemed to be somewhere else for a minute. Everything OK?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry, I had a counseling session this afternoon before work. I was thinking about something she told me. Don't worry, it won't happen again. I moved my sessions to Tuesdays." I went back to folding the sweaters.

"Don't worry about it. If you don't mind telling me, who are you seeing?" asked Cindy with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Dr. Jennifer McCall over at the County Health Office by the hospital," I answered as I folded another sweater.

Cindy smiled and nodded knowingly. "I know where Jenny works. She's very good, isn't she?"

I stopped and looked up at her. I didn't know what to say. I started to open my mouth, and Cindy shook her head and put a finger to her lips.

"No need to say anything, dear. I first saw her six years ago, when she was first starting out. She helped me a lot, and I know she'll help you."

"Do you still see her?" I asked.

"Sometimes," she answered with a smile. "Now, you need to finish that up. I have some other tasks for you this evening."

"Yes, Cindy, I'm almost finished," I answered.

I wanted to ask Cindy some more questions on the ride home but felt that I'd be prying into her privacy. I knew that I was not the first to experience an assault, but there was a sense of relief in knowing someone else who had been through it and had survived.

She pulled into our driveway. I thanked her for the ride and told her I'd see her Sunday at 11:45. I was relieved that she waited until I was inside.

I made it through another day and a good day at that. Life was looking up.

Saturday morning, I helped Mom around the house. That was one aspect of my so-called female life that I was already familiar with. Since it had always been just the two of us, I'd long ago taken on many household chores. I did the laundry, dusting, and vacuuming long before I started wearing skirts. The only big change from before was that now I was more involved in the kitchen.

Neither of us was really into cooking. It was a necessary evil. We ate well, and sometimes Mom would try something adventurous, but it wasn't something we truly enjoyed. Thanks to my Home Economics teacher, Mrs. Roberts, I'd become pretty good. Still, I'd rather have someone else cook.

Around 10:30, I called up Dr. Buford. I was almost hoping that she wasn't at work. I could leave a message and hang up. Unfortunately, she was in.

"Good morning, Dr. Buford. This is Erika Walters. I believe that Dr. McCall talked to you about me," I explained. Gee that didn't sound too formal and dorky, I thought.

"Yes, good morning. Erika, I was hoping you'd call me this morning. By the way, please call me Karen," she offered.

We talked for a few minutes and then she invited me to come by next Saturday morning.

"I have a group that meets at 8:00 AM. They would be a good fit for you. There are eight women in it presently," Karen explained.

"I'm a little worried about how they will receive me, Karen," I replied.

"Don't be. I hinted that you might be joining us. They seemed willing to give you a chance," she answered. "I'll be on your side. I don't see your assault as being any less traumatic just because you're physically male."

"OK, I'll be there," I said.

She gave me directions and asked me to bring something to share for breakfast. It was a tradition that the new person brought bagels or muffins to the meeting. I thanked her and hung up the phone.

I got back to the laundry when the phone rang again. I heard Mom get it.

"Honey, it's Cat," she yelled.

"Thanks," I answered, and I picked up the phone. "Good morning, Cat."

"Hi, Erika. Laura and I are going to the movies this afternoon, can you join us?" asked Cat.

That sounded great, I thought. I checked quickly with Mom, and she said no problem. I told Cat that I'd love to go with them, and she said that they would pick me up at noon.

The three of us headed to the mall. First, to get something to eat and then catch the 1:30 show.

Nothing exciting happened, no one dropped any bombshells, and no one had any earth-shattering news. Just a fun afternoon hanging out with friends. I mean, I had had plenty of afternoons like this one before. I'd never thought they were important enough to include in my saga. But the reason I included this one was that my life was craving something like this. It also made me realize how important every moment in life can be. When I got home, Mom asked me how my afternoon went. I told her it was just fine.